A Burg Girl
by WannaBeBabe
Summary: Ever wonder how Stephanie Plum became the woman we know? This is the story that follows Stephanie Plum's raging hormones, friendships, and the loves that changed her life before the books...and after. **Warnings for smut, language, and adult situations, note this is for adults only, not a teen romance**
1. Chapter 1--7th Grade

**Author notes: I had a crazy idea about my own teen years and the boys that I thought I loved and how they changed my life. So I decided to recreate Stephanie's teen years. It's a little crazy, but I think she's probably always had her jelly donut hormones, don't you?**

August 21… Jersey Shore

I was free of my family for an entire week, vacationing with Mary Lou's family is the best. This was our fourth night in Point Pleasant, my favorite place in the entire world. My mother would probably just crap if she knew that Mr. Molnar wanted to take his wife out so badly he'd left us on our own for the night.

At least someone's parents trust us to behave ourselves, we're twelve, almost thirteen. We are going to be starting seventh grade in just a few weeks. We are women now. Could my mom see that? No! But that doesn't matter anymore, because tonight I was going to go out and be the woman my mom wouldn't allow me to be at home.

Mary Lou and I got dressed for our evening out. I'm talking denim minis, crop tops, and matching jelly shoes. Mary Lou wore the red shirt that she got for school photos and I wore the lilac and white striped one Grandma Mazer bought me at the mall last week. (At least she thought it was appropriate for me to show off my navel, "You got it, flaunt it," she'd said. Mom would have died of embarrassment and then probably grounded me again if she'd seen it.)

I pulled out my special bag of contraband, lip gloss, eye shadow, and mascara while Mary Lou hauled out her Aqua Net hairspray. We were looking like proper Jersey girls in under a half hour. We walked the mile from the rental house to the boardwalk, granted I'd rethought my idea of wearing the stupid plastic, blister causing shoes by this point, but they were still hot.

We gorged ourselves on funnel cakes, popcorn, and ice cream before hitting the arcade. We wandered up and down the rows of games checking everyone out before we settled in at the skee ball machines. It was busy enough that Mary Lou and I shared one lane, taking turns. She went first so I took the time to watch a group of boys out the corner of my eye.

The group of five boys looked like trouble walking. Three of them were occupied with games, while the other two moved around the machines. I could see one of them had a metal tool in his hand. He slipped it into the machine and instantly the game was raining quarters, the fifth guy was the catch man, stashing the quarters into his pockets.

I couldn't look away. I was completely entranced with the speed at which they emptied the games without notice. He was like magic. The catch guy nodded toward me with a wink causing the tool guy to look over at me. As soon as his dark eyes settled on me I felt the breath leave my body.

I felt like I was drowning the depths of those dark eyes, then he smiled. That smile lit up his entire handsome face. Holy crap, I felt like my panties got damp, what was that about? When he started to move toward the next machine I noticed he was about the same height as me and thin, but his arms showed the wiry muscles of someone that worked his arms. Mm, yum. I never knew boys could look that delicious, unless you count Jon Bon Jovi, but he's a god.

Mary Lou tapped on my arm for my turn at the machine. I tried to concentrate on the balls I was rolling, but I still felt like I had eyes on my back. Mary Lou leaned into me, whispering in my ear, "Steph? Those colored boys are watching us. They're kind of scary."

I rolled my eyes at her. "They're not scary. They're our age. Just because they're not from The Burg, doesn't mean they're scary."

"The fact that they're robbing this place does though," she complained.

"Here finish this game and we'll move onto something else." I handed her one of the three balls I had left to be tossed. While she worked on that I went back to sneaking peeks at the guy with the tool. I caught him peeking back at me too. I know my cheeks turned pink as I looked away. Dang, he was too cute.

Mary Lou made us walk in the opposite direction of the boys until we circled around and were in the next row of games. I straddled a motorcycle and waited for the racing game to start. I moved my body side to side taking the turns on the screen like a pro. As I was playing I noticed the guy move to my side, put his tool into the machine and jimmy something so the quarter hold was open. He filled his pocket and closed it back up.

I had completely lost track of my game as I watched him. I heard the music of the game come on. I had crashed, game over. I looked back at him angrily, but he just grinned. "You made me crash," I told him with a fake death glare.

He pulled out a quarter and slipped it into the machine. "This one's on me then," he answered in a slightly accented voice.

"That's probably the quarter I just put in there, so, it's really on me, again." I don't know where I got the courage to bait him in a conversation, but I was enjoying the way he looked at me.

"Well then, don't waste this one," he answered nodding at the screen. "Try this." Then he was behind me, pressed against my back as he put his hands around my hips, tilting me and the machine quicker than I had been able to do on my own. I know we got a really good game time, but honestly I could care less. The moment he pressed himself against my back and I felt his breath on my neck I got the weirdest tingle run up and down my spine, like electrical currents.

When the game was over he climbed down and held out his hand for me. I looked at his hand, taking a moment to decide if I should really do this, but even then I knew I couldn't stop myself. I was strangely drawn to him like part of me had always known him. So I didn't take my eyes off his hand as I slipped my much smaller hand into his. The boy's fingers tightened around mine, making our fingers look like a chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream cone, yum.

He chuckled like he knew what I was thinking, making me blush as I hoped I hadn't said that out loud. He just tightened his hand around mine and helped me from the machine. He didn't let go after I was back on the floor either, he just held it and pulled me along with him.

"Your friend looks a little crazy," he joked as he looked over at Mary Lou. She was completely pale and looked nervous enough to barf as one of his friends slipped an arm around her and dragged her after us.

He led me out of the arcade. "Where are we going?"

"What do you want to do? Fun house? Beach?" he asked.

I shrugged back at him unsure what we should do. Should I even be following him like this? Mary Lou was right, I didn't even know him. They did seem a little wild and exciting though. It made me feel exhilarated to go along with them. "Why don't we do the fire?" his buddy asked.

He nodded back. "You cool with that?" I could only nod yes. We headed down the beach, toward our beach house. Mary Lou looked at our place longingly as we past it, but didn't say anything. I guess she was along for the ride, of course, she'd never abandon me.

There was a spot with large rocks separating the properties from the beach. He pulled me closer to the shore where I saw a large pile of wood and blankets and a cooler waiting. "We're in a rental up there," he nodded toward the houses. "My aunt and uncle aren't home though." I nodded back to him, seemed like I was at a loss for words.

Once the boys started the fire and got some Cokes and marshmallows out of the cooler Mary Lou seemed to relax. "So how did you learn that trick with the quarters?" I asked.

He just grinned back at me. "Trick of the trade."

"Yeah, RC's real good with his tool," his buddy laughed making the other guys laugh too, weirdos.

"Is that your name? RC?" I asked realizing I _really_ knew nothing about him.

"Nah, it's just what the guys call me. I don't like my name."

His buddy snorted at that. "So what's your name, beautiful?"

"Stephanie Plum, but I like Steph and that's Mary Lou." She hoped the other guys would take the hint and divulge their names.

"That's B.B., Milo, Jose, and the mouth there is Les," RC told us.

"So where are you guys from?"

"Where are you from?" Jose asked back.

"Trenton," Mary Lou said as she shifted away from him a little.

"Are all you broads uptight there in Trenton?" Milo laughed.

"I'm not uptight."

RC raised an eyebrow at me. "Wild and crazy, huh?"

I shrugged at him. "She jumped off a roof once," Mary Lou supplied.

"Dare devil then? You want to play a game?" Jose laughed.

"Sure." The gauntlet was thrown down and I wasn't going to back down from these guys.

"Alright, Dare Devil you're first. Truth or dare?" he asked. I felt myself cringe, ah, crap.

"Truth."

"What are you doing out here with a bunch of thugs?"

I looked over at RC and smiled a little. "I didn't know I was. You don't seem like thugs."

They all chuckled at that. It was my turn to ask this time. "Where are you from?"

RC's lips tipped up in a fraction of a smile. "Newark." That wasn't so far away, maybe we'd see one another again. "I bet my neighborhood is a thousand miles away from yours." I blushed again as I realized he knew what I was thinking and the way he answered I knew he didn't mean distance.

This time it was RC's turn. He looked around the circle and tossed a marshmallow at Les. "Truth or dare, asshole?"

"Dare, bitch," Les laughed.

"Get naked and in the water for five minutes."

Les groaned and tossed the marshmallow back, "Fuck. Ladies, you know about shrinkage, right? Cause that water there is cold." As he stood and started to take his time the guys began to shout at him, not very nice words.

Finally he pulled off his clothes, with his little bare ass facing us he took off for the water. We all laughed at the sounds of his shrieks and complaints of cold water. B.B. took Les' underpants and tossed them onto the fire. The poor guy wasn't going to have underwear now. "Told him real men skip the skivvies," Milo said making the rest of them grin.

"You don't wear underwear?" Mary Lou asked him.

"When it's your turn to ask a question I dare you to find out the answer," he grinned as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Holy crap," she answered as she licked her lips nervously. He grinned back at her making her do a little panic giggle.

"Don't tease the girls, they're clearly the innocent type," B.B. said with a wink at Mary Lou. She was really starting to lose it now.

"We're not that innocent," she stammered. "Right, Steph?" When I just shrugged in reply the guys laughed again.

"I made out with Lenny after the Fourth of July party last month," she continued. "He touched, things."

"That's true," I agreed making her smirk and lift her chin in the air like she'd won a prize.

"What about you Sweet Steph?" Milo grinned like he already knew the answer.

"What about me?"

"That's what I thought." This time he smirked like he won. "Maybe I should help you out with that."

RC growled at him. "Back off."

"Easy baby bro, wouldn't dream of moving in on you. Though with those wild curls I bet she'd be just as wild in the sack."

"Like you'd know the difference. You're about as innocent as the sweet thing there," Jose laughed as he slapped Milo in the back of the head.

Les came back out of the water shivering and bitching about the assholes taking his boxers, in effect saving me from the current discussion. He pulled on his pants and tee shirt and plunked down at the fire with chattering teeth. I now knew what shrinkage was, it wasn't pretty. "Steph, truth or dare?" he asked, still chattering.

"That'll be a truth," Milo laughed. "You don't have the balls for a dare."

"Screw you," I growled waving my finger at him. "Dare."

RC smirked at me like he knew I wouldn't back down. "Cool. Ten minutes behind those rocks with my boy there and I want proof that he got to at least third base."

"Proof? You fucker's aren't watching," RC growled at Les.

"Underpants," B.B. laughed. "Hers." Seriously? Had they watched Sixteen Candles?

"Steph?" Mary Lou gasped as I stood and held my hand out to RC. This was going down, because they weren't going to laugh me off back home. Sweet, innocent Steph my ass.

He smiled as he slipped his hand into mine. We walked the forty feet to the last grouping of rocks. It was a dark spot only lit by the moon overhead. "We don't have to do this. They're just being jerks," RC said as he sat down on one of the rocks. I crawled up next to him so our sides were touching.

"You don't want to?" I asked both surprised and a little hurt. He laughed, that wasn't an answer. "Am I too hideous?"

"No, I think you're very pretty," he answered as his fingers touched my cheek. "I love your curls." He wrapped a curl around his finger, pulling a little before he tucked it behind my ear.

"They were right. I've never even kissed anyone before," I whispered to him kind of terrified that he wouldn't do it.

"We can't have that." The next thing I knew he had me pressed back against the rock as his lips touched mine lightly at first, then a little harder until I finally moved mine back against his. His hand moved into my hair, holding my head in position as he pushed my lips open with his tongue. His tongue moved against mine, coaxing me to meet his movements, so I did. It was one of the most foreign things I'd ever experienced, but it felt so good. I clung to him as our kiss deepened again.

My body was alive, tingling and begging to be touched. I opened my legs, letting his hips slip between them until he was fully laying on top of me. His hands moved over the front of my shirt, touching my breasts lightly as he continued to kiss me. He moved his hips against mine, pressing himself into me. I was aching so badly I moved myself against him, trying to end my agony. He lifted his head and looked down into my face as he continued to grind his pelvis into mine.

"This alright Steph?" he asked. I nodded my head and whimpered out a yes. He smiled at me as he twisted his hips, pushing the straining zipper of his jeans into my body. I could feel how hard he was beneath the fabric. I wanted to see it, to feel it, but I wasn't brave enough to make that move. He just kept torturing me by moving himself against my completely ruined panties.

He seemed to be pressing in just the right spot, over and over. I could feel something happening inside my body. Heat was swirling though me until I just burst. My body was shaking with pleasure. I moaned in delight at whatever had just happened, then he looked like he had the same thing happen to him. He collapsed on top of me, kissing me again. He said something to me in Spanish as he kissed my ear and my neck.

"What was that?"

He chuckled then. "You've never had an orgasm before?"

"Well, not like that," I whispered back. Especially with someone else watching me, touching me. He smiled as he pulled me up so we sat cuddled together on the rock. "Thank you."

"No, Babe, thank you. That was amazing," he answered as he kissed my neck again.

"Do the guys really need my panties?" I finally asked. "Because they feel really wet."

He just grinned and nodded his head. I grimaced as I stood and pulled the pink cotton panties down my legs and handed them to him. He looked at them before putting them in his pocket. "You've just made me a legend."

I laughed then. "The way you did that to me I assumed you already were. You were like, magic."

We sat there a while longer. "We're going home tomorrow," he said. I nodded to him. I knew it was over then, the magic was broken. He cuddled me against him, pressing kisses to my hair as we spoke about our families and school and our friends.

Finally he stood and took my hand. He kissed me again before we walked back to the fire. He pulled me down onto his lap, covering my legs with a blanket. The other's stared at us for a minute before Jose finally started laughing and put his hand up for a high five. "Way to go Cuz. Look at her, she's glowing."

"He was amazing," I answered. I was never going to see any of them again, why not help build the legend a little more?

He squeezed me and kissed my ear whispering, "Babe," before hitting the high fives from the other guys.

At the end of the night RC and Les walked us back to our beach house. RC kissed me again. I may have clung to him a little longer than I should have. He finally whispered in my ear, "I'll never forget you." I smiled at him. I wondered if I'd always hold a spot in his memory, maybe I'd be the girl at the beach? I doubted that memory would last longer than the next few summers for a guy like him. For me this had been a night of pure bliss. I'd never felt so loved before.


	2. Chapter 2--8th Grade

April 13… The Cotillion Ball

Like mothers all over The Burg, my mom decided it was absolutely essential to my upbringing as a good Italian, Burg girl to be put into Cotillion classes this year. It was supposed to teach me decorum, grace, and manners. The twenty week course ran every Tuesday and Thursday night and was capped off with a huge ball we were graded on.

Girls were dressed in the most god awful white, fluffy dresses ever designed. I looked in the mirror and frowned. I looked like I fell off the top of a wedding cake. The dress had a tight bodice that enhanced the fact that my breasts were only an A cup, huge puffed sleeves that fell off my shoulders, and a full skirt that attached to the bodice with a sash that tied in a giant bow on the top of my ass. It was hideous.

My mom was flitting around, fussing with my hair and grumbling about how unruly my curls were. I'd always hated my curls, probably because she complained about them so much, but over the last twenty months every time I saw my crazy curls in the mirror I thought about the night on the beach when my first love fingered them and told me he loved my curls. It always made me feel all warm inside when I thought about him. Granted most of the time I spent thinking about him was in the dark, in my bed, with my hand between my thighs, but ladies don't give details on things like that, right? Maybe they should have addressed that in Cotillion classes.

So now I was just waiting for my 'date'. Most of the girls were being escorted by members of their families or close family friends that were also taking the class or had completed it in the last few years. Mom was going to make me go with my cousin Vinnie, gross. I won't even get into why spending a night having to touch Vincent Plum was only slightly better than being burned with flesh eating acid. Yes, Vinnie cooties were that bad. Finally my mom relented when I was asked by one of the boys from school. I still don't think she liked that I was going on a date or the fact that his dad was picking me up in their new Impala, but I was ready to get away from the Plum madness for a few hours.

When the doorbell rang my mom actually squealed and bounced toward the door, gushing about a first date. Yikes. I walked into the foyer, smiling as Eddie Gazzara grinned back at me. He was wearing a white tux jacket and black pants with a black tie. It made me realize that maybe my dress wasn't so bad. "Hey Steph, you look real pretty," he said nervously.

"You look good too, Eddie." I meant it, Eddie had his dark hair slicked back off his forehead so you could see more of his handsome face. He had friendly brown eyes and a nice smile. He was never the kind of guy that could melt my socks with a grin or ruin my panties with a smoldering look, but he was cute.

"Thanks. I got you a wrist flower thing. My mom said pins could ruin the fabric of your dress or something," he said waving around a white box from the floral shop.

"Oh, how sweet, Eddie," Mom gushed as she watched him open it. He awkwardly slipped the flowers onto my wrist. It was an arrangement of light pink and white roses with some tiny greens and white lace ribbon.

"Wow, that is pretty," I smiled at him. "Thank you."

He shrugged. "Paper route money well spent. They look good on you." That made me blush a little. Mom got out her camera and took pictures of the two of us and the flowers before we finally escaped.

"She's going to show those to everyone. They'll have us engaged by ten tonight," I warned him.

"Would that be so bad, Steph?" he laughed back at me. I slapped his arm as he opened the back door of his dad's car for me.

"I hope we get put into a group with Mary Lou. It would suck to have to dance with a bunch of gross bitches," I told him.

He laughed back with a nod. "Which means you still owe me for not having to go with Vinnie."

"Ugh, you want me to help with your paper route?" I would have done about anything to not have to go with Vinnie.

"Nah. I was kidding. You don't owe me anything. There's no price for friendship, right?"

"Right." He took my hand and held it. I smiled at him. It wasn't the kind of touch that sent sparks or tingles through my body, but it was comforting and sweet. He had large, warm hands that made me feel dainty, it was kind of nice. At my height there weren't a lot of guys my age that could make me feel like a woman. Eddie was one of the few who had a growth spurt over the school year. He was now an inch taller and a good thirty pounds heavier than me. He also seemed to have grown into his hands and feet a little more too, filling out nicely.

His dad dropped us off at the door to the banquet hall. Eddie got out first, opened the door for me and offered his arm as he escorted me into the ball. Perfect Cotillion manners were on.

The hall was decorated in lots of white flowers and spray painted white branches with white twinkle lights on them. The ceiling was draped in white lights and a canopy of sparkly material. It had a magical glow about it. "I wonder if there is cake," I whispered in his ear making him laugh.

"If not, we'll go to my house. My mom made a chocolate cake today," he grinned back at me. I kissed his cheek happily. We looked up our names on the chart and found our table. The three other couples we were seated with would also be in the group we danced with tonight. Grace Gooley and her brother Sam were seated to our right and Cynthia Hawser and her cousin Gary were seated to our left. The seats directly across from us were left empty until just before dinner was served.

We'd all been having a good time, talking and joking about the way Dougie Kruper had farted on the teacher during the last class just as she was talking about remembering our manners. Then the air shifted and I looked up as Joe Morelli pulled out the chair for his sister Cathy. He met my eyes as he sat down in his chair.

Joe was a sophomore in high school, drove a Camaro he'd just bought last month after he'd gotten his license, and dated a slutty mob princess. He also lived around the corner from me and had been torturing me since I was in diapers. It had started with him taking away my Curious George stuffed animal, repeatedly. Then he'd moved onto hair pulling or spit balls that ended up stuck in my curls. Then when I was about to go into second grade I went to his house to play choo choo. Little did I know that meant he was going to put his train, aka finger, into my tunnel, aka vagina. I'd been too stupid and curious to tell him no.

When I noticed he'd been staring at me as I thought about that my cheeks turned bright red. He smiled that stupid heart stopping smile that could definitely melt the socks off any girl in a fifty foot radius. "What you blushing about, Cupcake?" he teased.

"Nothing." Asshole, I added in my head.

"Joey, mom said you had to be on your best behavior tonight," Cathy whined at him.

"I didn't even do anything. Besides, I'm going to have some fun one way or another even if I have to spend the night hanging out with you dorks." Clearly someone as cool as Morelli was above hanging out with middle school kids on his Saturday night.

"Awe, and poor Terri probably had to find some other jerk to keep her _busy_ tonight," I said with my best Burg death glare. Maybe it was a low shot, hinting his girlfriend was out whoring, but I didn't care.

"Yeah? You volunteering to keep me _busy_ tonight, Cupcake?" he shot back.

"Morelli, don't speak to _my_ date like that," Eddie told him in a firm voice.

He laughed, a full deep laugh. "Gazzara, are you getting some from Plum here?"

"Steph's a lady," Eddie said with a frown. I reached over and took his hand in mine. He was sweet for defending me.

"A lady?" he laughed again. "I heard she likes trains."

"Asshole," I shrieked at him while giving him the finger.

"Miss Plum, do we have a problem?" Mrs. Zobo asked. I looked up at the chaperon and shook my head no. "Good, I don't want any problems at this table tonight," she said looking directly at Joe and then me before she walked away.

Morelli snorted. "You going to flunk Cotillion class, Plum? That'd be just like you. Never were a proper Burg girl were you? Jumping off garages and running around with the neighborhood boys," he shook his head. "Your poor mother must pray for you."

I felt my temper boiling, about to burst really. "Don't pay attention to him, Steph. We're going to have a good time tonight. Remember, desert at my house, alright?" Eddie whispered in my ear. I smiled and nodded at him before kissing his cheek. Morelli laughed again and shook his head, but he didn't say anything. I still maintain that he's an asshole.

We used our proper manners and the right silverware for the meal we were served. I may have let little moans escape my lips as I licked my fingers, the sauce was delicious. When I looked up Joe was staring straight at me, his eyes were like molten chocolate and damn if that wasn't a smoldering smile that made my panties a bit damp. I looked back down at my plate, silently cursing him for having that effect on me.

After dinner we all found our spots in line outside the ballroom. The staff cleared away some of the tables and added more chairs for our parents to sit. I was sure my mom and Grandma Mazer would be here, they'd gone to Val's dance. Hopefully I didn't embarrass her tonight or I'd never hear the end of it.

Eddie was a perfect gentleman, holding my hand as we joined the group. Luckily Mary Lou and her cousin Jimmy were in our group, lined up four couples ahead of us. We hugged and laughed at one another's dresses, lost in best friend gossip about some of the other couples. I didn't notice Morelli slip up behind me. He pulled on my curl and whispered in my ear. "Don't trip on your heels, Plum."

Mary Lou used her best Burg death glare on him as he filed into line with Cathy a few couples behind Eddie. "That guy his such a dick," she grumbled. "Too bad he's so hot." I nodded back to her, my thoughts exactly. "Best ass ever." I laughed then, who could argue? He's still an asshole, nice ass or not.

Thirty minutes later our group of twelve was called to the doorway. Each couple entered while the director introduced us. "Mr. Edward Gazzara escorting Miss Stephanie Plum."

I tucked my hand around Eddie's arm and smiled at him. "Show time, Steph," he grinned. He led me in a circle around the dance floor so all the mothers could get a good look at us. I stood tall and straight and pulled off poise pretty well. We found our spot in the group and struck our starting position.

"Mr. Joseph Morelli escorting Miss Catherine Morelli," the director called. I couldn't stop myself from watching him lead her around the room, totally full of himself. Asshole. They stopped and struck their starting pose a few spots down from us.

The music started and Eddie led me into the waltz we'd been practicing as our opening number. It was comfortable and easy spinning in his arms, his hands held me steady and I was happy to be there, but I knew that was about to change. He spun me into position, until we were all in a large circle. It was time to leave Eddie's embrace. The girls moved around the outside of the circle, each guy spinning her to the next partner. The fourth man was Joe Morelli. I glared at him when I realized that he would be my partner for the next two minutes. He just smiled at me like he'd been given extra dessert, oh boy.

I was dancing with Joe Morelli, unbelievable. He moved with ease, like the steps were second nature to him. He towered over me, standing around six feet tall, making me feel small and girlish in his arms. I felt the muscles in his upper arm bunch as I held onto him, wow. I was caught in his force field and had nowhere to flee. Crap.

I looked up into his face, studying him. He had started to shed the boyish looks I was so used to seeing on him. His jaw was a little stronger now, there was evidence of facial hair that had been recently shaved, and his adam's apple was prominent only inches from my nose. Oh, god, this man was touching me and I couldn't get away. The worst part was I didn't know if I wanted to get away.

His warm hand felt like it would burn through the satin of my bodice causing me to flush a little. "Relax, Cupcake," he told me as he stroked little circles on my wrist with his thumb while his fingers tightened over mine. I nodded slightly. He pulled me against his body, not leaving the six inches between us that we were taught were proper. In this position his lips were at my forehead and mine at his collar. I felt like I wanted to just lean into him a little, nibble on his neck, just to see what it tasted like. Instead I leaned into him, inhaling his scent, yum. He spun me once more and dipped me as he bent over my body, looking into my face. He grinned at me and said, "You want me bad, Cupcake."

He'd pissed me off, reading my mind like that. As he lifted me to my feet and moved to allow me to spin back to Eddie I took a quick second to kick him in the shin. He missed a few steps and spun Robin Russell slightly off course, making Becky Sklar miss her step, and poor Cathy crash into Dorothy Rostowski. The entire side of the circle collapsed, but I kept going, moving into Eddie's arms as he swept me back into the dance.

When I caught my mother's glare I knew she'd seen what had happened, but I'd deal with that later. The rest of the dancers had recovered enough that the dance was finished without another huge disaster. We all moved off the floor to applause as the next group was introduced. "What did you do to Morelli?" Eddie finally whispered in my ear.

"He pissed me off so I kicked him in the leg."

He laughed and shook his head at me. "I'll never understand what happens when the two of you are near one another. It seems to have the potential to either be world war three or a live porno."

"Gross," I assured him. He kissed my nose and smiled.

After the introductions we were left on our own to waltz in groups or chat at the tables with punch and cookies. I tried to keep Eddie busy on the dance floor until my mom left. It took over an hour before she must have taken the hint. I figured I'd still get it when I got home, but at least she didn't bother me in front of everyone.

When the coast was clear, Eddie and I snagged a pocket full of cookies and a couple drinks. We snuck off into the garden and found a bench to sit on. Mary Lou followed without her date, but Lenny Stankovic was close on her heels. I laughed, she'd been unsuccessfully trying to lose him for two years. She never should have kissed him after that picnic.

"I cannot believe you kicked Joe Morelli. He'll get you back, Steph," she babbled as she grabbed my cookie. Being my best friend she was the only person I wouldn't kill for taking my cookie, but I still frowned at her.

"He deserved it. He got all touchy on me and told me I wanted him. As if," I said rolling my eyes.

"Girls don't say no to Joe Morelli," she answered. It was true by all accounts of the Burg grapevine.

Eddie laughed and slipped an arm around me. "Well, Steph's foot did." I smiled back at him. He could appreciate my kind of justice.

After a few minutes Mary Lou and her puppy, Lenny, headed back leaving me alone with Eddie again. "I like your guts, Steph," he told me. "And you look real pretty under the moonlight."

He started to lean into me like he was going to kiss me. I'd never felt that way about Eddie, but I'd only ever kissed one boy before, a boy I longed for and knew I'd never see again. Part of me knew I'd never be kissed like that again. There could really only be one perfect first kiss, but I needed to move on. So I looked at Eddie, past the little lump in my heart, and decided to go with it.

I slipped my hands behind his head as I moved toward him. He pressed his lips to mine shyly, not at all like the other boy I'd kissed. I guessed he'd never done this before so I took the lead. Remembering how I was led in my first kiss. I moved my lips over his gently, deepening the kiss until he responded. I moved my tongue against his bottom lip until he opened for me. That was all it took, Eddie's arms came around me as his tongue slipped against mine, and we kissed.

When we broke apart he was grinning like an idiot. "Holy crap, Steph, where did you learn that?"

I laughed as I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Would you believe I met a wizard at the beach once?"

"With you I'd believe anything." I smiled to myself. It wasn't a bad kiss. I just didn't get the butterflies and tingles that I had with the wizard. There was no chance of losing myself in the sensations like I had with that first kiss either. I guess I just didn't feel that way about Eddie after all, which was really too bad. He was a really good guy.

We joined the others inside, dancing and having fun. At the end of the night Joe Morelli took my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. "Is this payback for the kick?" I grinned at him.

"Nah, I just thought I'd try to figure out what's gotten that stupid look on Gazzara's face tonight. You pop his cherry outside?" he smiled back at me.

"Gross."

"I saw you kiss him. I'm intrigued." He pulled me closer until his thigh was between my legs.

"By what?" I said trying to pull back.

He stepped back and took my hand, leading me out a door at the back of the hall. He pushed me down a blind hallway and leaned against me. "I'm intrigued by you, Cupcake."

Then his hands were on my hips, pulling me against his body as his lips met mine. I struggled to push him away for about ten seconds, but even before I gave up my tongue was in his mouth. He was all hands, before I knew it my dress was pushed up and he was cupping my ass, lifting me up the wall. I hung onto him, wrapping my legs around his hips. His lips left my mouth, kissing a trail down my neck while we moved our hips against one another. I was in a serious state by this point. To say I was not aware of anything around me was an understatement, so when he dropped me to the ground suddenly, spinning me away from him so my skirt fell back down and I was tucked into a doorway, I was stunned. "Mr. Morelli, what are you doing down here?"

"Just trying to get a break from the crowd, Mrs. Zabo," he answered.

My breath caught for just a second hoping I wouldn't be caught. "Well, let's join the others. The last dance in next." I heard their footfalls and waited until I figured the coast was clear.

"Come on, Plum," I heard him call down the hall. I hurried along the hall and popped back out to an empty corridor.

"Thanks." I meant it, he could have ruined me in that second, but he'd tucked me away. Maybe he wasn't such an asshole.

"No problem, after that let down with Gazzara I figured you needed a real man between your legs."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I've had better Morelli," I grinned at him, teach him for that almost-charming shit he always pulled on me.

"I could tell someone broke you in, but I could have shown you a few things if we'd had another five minutes."

"Five minutes? Doesn't seem all that impressive, Morelli."

He took my elbow, leading me back to the ballroom. "Another sixty seconds I would have had you moaning my name, Plum." Then he was gone.

Eddie gave me a look, then looked over at Joe who was collecting his sister from her chair. "Problem?"

"He's an asshole," I explained.

Eddie smiled. "He is a Morelli."

We took the floor for the last dance and waited for Eddie's dad to pick us up outside. Morelli pulled up to pick up his sister and lifted a hand at me. "See ya around, Cupcake." I flipped him the one finger salute in response. Asshole.

That night I shed my gown and slipped into pink satin boxer shorts and a matching tank top. I washed the make-up from my face and let my curls spring down around me. Why was I attracted to such a butt head? Why did he like to play with me? All my life he'd been playing with me, driving me crazy with his attention, then he'd turn it around and laugh at me for it. When would I ever learn someone like Joe Morelli didn't fall for a girl like me?

Why couldn't he look at me the way RC had? Why couldn't RC be available? Then maybe I wouldn't feel so completely helpless. What kind of girl had such physical reactions to two different men? True Joe didn't make my entire being tingle like RC had, but he did make a certain important part tingle if you know what I mean. At the time that felt like enough. I sighed to myself, it was probably time to forget about RC and the way I felt with him. It was probably a once in a lifetime thing. How would I ever date anyone if I compared them all to him? Not that I was thinking about dating Joe Morelli, yikes.

I heard the ping of stones hit my window. I looked down and saw Eddie waving up at me. I snuck down my usual path out the bathroom window. "You didn't get your cake," he said holding up a Tupperware container. I could help smiling at him.

We settled ourselves against the side of the garage and ate the cake with our fingers. When we finished he leaned in and kissed me again. He must have noticed I didn't kiss him back like earlier. "This isn't going to happen is it?" he asked. I shook my head no. "I'm not a wizard?"

I couldn't help, but laugh. "I've already met mine, but I've no doubt you'll be someone's wizard."

He put an arm around me and held my hand. "Thanks for tonight, Steph."

"Thank you, Eddie. You know I love you right?"

"Yeah, love you too, Steph. Friends for life."

"Friends for life." We hooked our fingers in a pinky swear.

"Stay away from Morelli. He's no wizard either, he just likes to play games with people." I nodded back and smiled at Eddie. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me against his side a little tighter.


	3. Chapter 3--9th Grade

Author note: Warning that this chapter had a bit higher smut note toward the end.

August 28-Rosolli Pool Party

Mary Lou and I put the finishing touches on our hair and make-up. Seems like a silly thing to do when you're on your way to a pool party, but this is Jersey and our official first high school party. So with our toes and fingernails painted colors to match our new bikinis and our hair fluffed to maximum height we were ready to hit it.

I was going to start the party in my tiny denim cut offs and a blue tank top while Mary Lou wore a yellow sundress over her swim suit. My mother looked us up and down, but couldn't find anything to complain about. So we shoved our feet into our sandals and went to wait outside by my dad's Buick.

The party was at Tina Rosolli's house, she missed out on an eighth grade graduation party so her parents decided to let her have a back to school party instead. Their house was big, secured behind a fence, and had a private in ground swimming pool. Her family was really Family (old school mob) so my parents weren't too worried we'd get into trouble. The house was monitored and there were always some sort of guards on the property.

The thing that had me nervous though was that Tina's older sister was rumored to have invited some of the older high school kids, who in turn invited some others, and so on. Why was that a problem? Easy, freshman hazing was a real threat to a girl like me, the wrong thing tossed into my hair would ruin my curls for the rest of the school year. A hair disaster like that would put me in social Siberia for the next four years. No friends, parties, dates, social orgasms, you see what I'm saying.

Dad dropped us off with our bags that held sunblock, sunglasses, a towel, mascara, and a change of clothes for later. Mary Lou smiled as she saw the boys out on the deck. Looked like we'd picked the perfect time to make an entrance, fashionably late.

We swung our asses out onto the deck. Eddie lifted his hand smiling as he noticed me. I smiled back as I walked over to join the group. Eddie was sitting at a deck table complete with an orange umbrella. I smiled at the other guys in the group, not the coolest guys ever, but they were all nice boys. Carl Costanza, Dougie Kruper, Bernie Kuntz, Joe Metz, and Pete O'brien all greeted me back.

"Why are you all sitting around? It's a pool party," I asked with a smile.

"We're waiting on you girls to get in your swimsuits," Carl answered with an eyebrow waggle.

"We're already in our swimsuits." I rolled my eyes at him, duh. Did he really think we were going to change here? "You wanna come in with me?"

"Shit, I'll come in with you," Carl agreed as he looked me up and down. I rolled my eyes again. Boys.

"Eddie?"

"I'm in," he agreed. I looked at the others that nodded their heads like the sheep they were. They'd do whatever Eddie and Carl did.

I waved Mary Lou, my cousin Shirley, and my friends Grace, Marcy, and Maria over. "You ready to go in? I talked the guys into a game of pool volleyball."

"You didn't say that," Eddie grumbled.

I pulled off my tank top and slapped it onto the table in front of him. He looked up at me and swallowed hard. "You're not coming in?" I unbuttoned and shimmied out of my denim shorts, turning so my ass was pointed at the boys.

"Nah, we're coming," he groaned. I looked up at the other girls, they'd definitely taken their cue from me and were doing their own little tease until we were all down to our bikinis.

We all ran and jumped into the pool. The cool water instantly puckered my nipples until they strained against the spandex of my black and turquois string bikini top. Carl moved next to me. "How was your summer, Steph?" he asked my boobs. "You look like you had a good summer."

I couldn't help laugh at that. "You're talking to my tits."

"Shit, sorry, Steph. I like your swimsuit."

"Thanks." You bet your ass he liked this swimsuit. I had my Grandma Mazer order it for me from the Victoria's Secret catalog. It was a miracle top that added a size and cleavage and matched the Rio cut black bottoms that sat low on my hips and tied on the sides. Mom would have crapped if she'd actually seen the swimsuit I'd worn to the party. I figured if this got back to her I'd be grounded again, but totally worth it if the party was crashed by the older guys. I had an image to build here.

A few more people jumped in as we started the game. We ended up playing four games, first team to reach ten points won, before I decided to get out of the water. I grabbed my towel and sunglasses from my bag and plopped down on one of the lounge chairs. The sun was starting to get low in the sky so I didn't think I needed the sunblock anymore, but the air was still warm enough I didn't mind just lying there until my suit dried enough to slip my shorts back on.

I looked over at Carl who sat down on the edge of my chair. "What's up?"

"Chairs are all full. The game broke up," he answered. I scooted over to make enough room for him to lay next to me. He laid back, but looked awkward with his arms smooshed in front of him. I rolled my eyes as I sat up and grabbed the arm closest to me. I pulled it behind my head and laid back again, using him for a pillow. He nervously looked at me. "You got a boyfriend, Steph?"

"Nope."

"Cool," he answered, relaxing a little bit. "I thought that Eddie and you were an item after the dance last spring, but he said you were just friends."

"No boyfriend, Carl."

"Cool," he said again. "So it looks like Tina's uncle is grilling up some burgers and hotdogs and they got a fire going in the pit over there."

"Cool," I told him, what else did I say? It was a touch awkward.

"You want to hang out by the fire later?"

The idea of snuggling with Carl out by the fire didn't appeal to me the way it should have. It wasn't like Carl wasn't a good looking guy, he really was. He just didn't get me in a state the way _some_ guys do, okay mostly one guy, but maybe I was better off without those guys anyway. I was sure Carl would end up successfully playing football in school and having some manly job after high school, full of testosterone this guy was. He was the type of guy that was made to protect others, which oddly enough _was_ appealing to me. So I smiled back at him and nodded. "Sure, that sounds fun."

"Cool." Now if I could get him to say anything other than cool we'd be good.

"So, what do you think of the Giants this year?" He smiled and was off, an hour later we were still discussing the defensive line's weaknesses.

"Hey, love birds, the food is ready," Mary Lou smirked at me.

"Cool," Carl grinned. He stood and held out his hand, helping me to my feet. "The fire, remember?"

"Yep, you got it."

Mary Lou turned her head and lifted both eyebrows. "The fire?"

"He asked me to sit with him at the fire tonight." I shrugged at her so she'd know it was no big deal.

We walked over to the food, grabbing a plate before we piled all the goodies on. Once we found a spot on the grass, with our towels to sit on, she looked at me and frowned. "What?"

"Remember the last time we had a fire with some boys?" I leveled my eyes at her. "I don't want something stupid to happen again."

"What are you my mom?" I grumbled. "That was different. This is Carl. I'm not going to do something stupid."

"You never said what happened that night," she said still frowning.

"We made out a little. Nothing as scandalous as you seem to think." Her eyes met mine like she was trying to read something in them. "What?"

"I've made out with Lenny and Pauly and never had the look on my face you did that night."

I shrugged. "It was just kissing."

"What about Joe Morelli? Was that just kissing?"

"What?"

"The cotillion. I saw you two disappear and when you came back you looked all crazy and freshly kissed and he was strutting like a cock in a hen house," she answered. I rolled my eyes at her. "Steph, this is shit you owe me as your best friend."

"Fine. Things got a little crazy with Joe. His lips were on me and his hands were faster than a blackjack dealer's. I think he kissed me senseless. I couldn't even think about how stupid making out with Morelli was. God, I hate that guy."

She made a weird face at me and took a bite of her hotdog. "Shit, Steph, you have to stay away from him."

"I have since that night."

"He's here, with Terri," she told me as she nodded her head over toward the fire.

I looked over at Terri, with her long, straight blond hair and her perfect, perky little cheerleader body and rolled my eyes. There beside her was Joe Morelli, grinning at something one of his cronies said. He turned his head and looked at me, then he winked and looked back at the group. "Shit."

"Yeah," Mary Lou sighed. "He's so hot."

"And the king of the assholes," I grumbled back.

We tossed our plates and found our bags. I pulled on my shorts and tank top, covering the swimsuit back up. I wasn't sure if I was done swimming or not. Eddie and Pete were smiling over something when I walked up on them. "What?"

"Tina's sister Connie invited a bunch of her friends over, senior girls in bikinis," Pete nearly groaned.

"Guys," I sighed at them. "You have no shot."

"We got no shot with you either, but it don't stop us from looking," Eddie smirked.

"Perverts." They both laughed.

"Who's a pervert?" Carl asked. I nodded to Eddie and Pete. "In that case, agreed." They both laughed. "You ready?"

"Yep," I said taking Carl's hand.

"What's this? You taking off with Steph?" Pete bitched.

"I asked her sit with me at the fire."

"And she agreed?" Eddie asked looking at me.

"He asked nicely," I smiled at them, pulling Carl along as I finger waved at the other boys.

Carl had changed into jeans and a tee shirt with a dark gray zip hoodie tied around his waist. He looked kind of adorable as he sat down on the grass and held his hand out to me. I sat down next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest to avoid the itchy grass on my bare legs.

Carl was a nice guy, we'd known one another since we were in Kindergarten, even made our first holy communion together, but that night I felt like I got to know him a little better. We talked a lot about football, the car he and his dad were rebuilding, the race he'd gone to at the Pocono race track, and that he thought he wanted to be a police officer someday.

The more we spoke the more comfortable I was. So it wasn't weird when he put his arm around me and pulled me against him. I relaxed there, letting him hold me. I watched the fire and listened to the gossip and stories around us. It was fun, he was fun. So it wasn't weird when he leaned in a pressed a little peck of a kiss to my lips. I really felt like maybe I could see kissing him again. I smiled as I turned back to the fire, but the first thing I saw was Joe Morelli on the other side of the flames. He was staring at me with an angry glint in his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him and glared back.

Carl's hand on my back returned me to happier thoughts. He leaned against me again, whispering in my ear, "You want to take a walk?" I smiled at him. I knew it was an excuse to get away from the crowd and like I said, I kind of wanted to try kissing Carl. I wondered if we'd have that spark between us I longed for. Besides that, I was really ready to be away from Morelli. So I just nodded yes at him.

Carl took my hand and led me back around the pool deck where they had a gazebo set up near a flower garden. "You look real pretty in the moonlight, Steph," he said shyly. I smiled back at him as I wondered if it was really true or just something boys said to you when they were trying to get into your pants.

"Thanks."

He nodded stepping closer to me. I knew this was it so I stepped into him, lifting my head and closing my eyes, but his lips never came down on mine. The next thing I heard was skin hitting skin. I opened my eyes to see we'd been surrounded by a group of five junior and senior boys. I looked at Carl who was holding his jaw, clearly he'd been hit. Shit.

"What are you doing?" I screeched at them.

"Awe, what's wrong, Plum? You pissed that we stopped this freshman asshole from putting his lips all over you?" one of them asked. I turned away from him, searching out a face I knew. I recognized Dave Brewer and Phil Anders, but not enough to know if they were actually going to hurt us. I finally focused on Joe Morelli standing in the shadows. I stared at him, silently pleading him to step in. He just stood there watching as one of the two I didn't know kicked Carl's legs out from under him before kicking him in the stomach when he was down.

"Stop it," I yelled at them.

"Steph, go back to the party," Carl told me.

"No, this isn't right. You can't just beat him up because we're underclassman, you're a bunch of idiots." It probably wasn't the best thing to bait them, but they were idiots. Big football player idiots, crap.

I saw Dave moving in to take a shot at Carl so I stepped in the way. "Get out of the way, Stephanie. We have no problem with you."

"No, you'll have to go through me to get to him."

Phil laughed then. "We don't hit girls so figure out what you're willing to offer us."

Oh God, gross. "What will it take for you to leave Carl alone, permanently?" I think I surprised them, but then they didn't really know me. I don't back down for anyone. Assholes.

"Suck us off," one of the goons laughed.

"Eww," I said looking him up and down. "Gross."

"Take off your clothes, show us what you got," Phil demanded.

"Then what?" I asked, holding myself steady.

"Then your boyfriend gets to walk out of here free and clear."

"And me?"

"You give us a little dance, touch yourself while we watch," Phil said smiling now as he looked me up and down.

"No touching me?"

"Not unless you ask us to," Brewer agreed.

God, oh god, oh god, this was so not good. I looked back at Morelli, whose stupid face was like a stone creation, apparently he still wasn't going to help here. Great. "Fine." I pulled my tank top off and dropped it on the ground followed by the bikini top. I tried to block them out, but the shit they were saying was still penetrating my brain. I closed my eyes as I moved my hand to the button of my shorts and shimmied them down my hips. God, was I really going to do this? Could I just let them beat up poor Carl? No. Shit. My fingers slipped into the sides of bikini bottoms and I started to pull them down, but a hand stopped me.

I looked up at Morelli and he just shook his head no. He held out his hand for Carl, pulling him to his feet. They stared at each other for a minute before they turned on the other guys. I moved back, crouching down, hiding in the shadows, watching as Joe beat the shit out of them, leaving them in a pile. He pointed at the gate and Carl nodded and took off running.

Joe descended on me, pulling me back to my feet. "Come on, Cupcake," he sighed looking down at me. He pulled off his tee shirt and yanked it over my head covering my naked body. Then he tossed me over his shoulder and took off through the same gate as Carl. Joe's car was parked at the end of the block. He put me in the passenger side before he went around to get in the front.

We drove for a while, until we were parked outside the seven eleven. He pulled a sweatshirt out of the back seat and pulled it on covering his naked chest. He looked at me and frowned, but still didn't speak. He went into the store and came out a few minutes later with two sodas, fritos, and butterscotch krimpets. He handed me the goodies and started the car back up. He drove us to a park down by the Delaware, we weren't in The Burg anymore.

"What are we doing here?"

"Hiding," he answered. "Those assholes need to cool off for a while. I'd rather not run into them tonight."

"Oh," I muttered. "Thanks for that." He'd saved me.

He sighed. "No. It was my fault." I looked over at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"I was wondering why you weren't helping at first."

He nodded again. "I told the guys that we should get Carl, initiate him good while he was alone."

What the hell? "Why?"

He hit his steering wheel like he was angry. "Because I didn't like him touching you."

I didn't know what to say to that, Joe had been doing a lot more than touching on Terri all night. "What?"

"I don't know. I saw him touching you and then he kissed you and you walked off with him and I lost my head. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

I was stunned, I think I was gape mouth staring at him. "You can't just decide you don't want guys to kiss me. I'm allowed to date. I don't belong to you, Joe."

"I know that," he grumbled. "You just make me crazy."

"You are nuts."

"I know that." He closed his eyes as he leaned back in his seat, his hands going to his hair like he did when he was upset. "Christ, I had no idea they were going to say that shit to you. I thought you were bluffing when you took off your shirt, but you don't bluff, you're Stephanie Plum. You walk right into trouble like a fucking wrecking ball to anything in your path."

"If you hadn't decided to beat up Carl for kissing me I wouldn't have had to defend him," I yelled at him. He was making absolutely no sense, it sure sounded like he was blaming me. "And you could have just gotten us out of there. Did you have to beat the shit out of them?"

"Yes," he yelled back at me. We sat in silence until he sighed and turned to look at me. "I couldn't control my temper. The thought of them looking at you, touching you, hurting you, it drove me over the edge."

I met his stare. "Why?"

He swallowed hard like he was going to say something, but the next thing I knew he had me out of my seat and draped across his lap while his lips bruised mine. "I'm so sorry, Steph," he whispered in between kisses. There was something about the raw emotion in him, the animalistic way he needed to protect me one minute and dominate me in the next that sparked something inside of me. I wrapped myself around him, kissing him back until I was breathless and dizzy. His hands were under the tee shirt I wore, cupping my breasts one moment the next the tee shirt was ripped from my body while his mouth sucked my hardened nipple into his mouth.

I was completely undone, moaning and clawing at him as I pushed his jacket off his arms revealing his nude chest. I kissed his neck, sucking the skin in before biting down lightly. He moaned softly as he returned the bite to my nipple.

God, the next thing I knew he pulled my bikini bottoms to the side and his fingers were between my legs, swiftly circling the right spot. My head dropped back as the waves of pleasure poured over me, "Oh, God, Joe," I cried out as his fingers pushed into me, filling me as he thrust his hand in and out. I saw stars as I finally fell over the edge, cumming against his fingers. "Joe," I moaned as I leaned in to kiss him again.

He quickly moved me back to my seat and handed me the tee shirt again. "What are you doing?" I demanded.

"I don't know. Christ, I know better than this," he groaned. "I'm not sane around you."

"What?" He'd banged half the girls in school. Girls he didn't care about at all. Yes, he acted like he cared about me, wanted me, and the next I was tossed aside not even good enough to try to fuck?

"You're too young and good and don't deserve someone like me fucking up your life," he said staring out the windshield of his car.

I stared at him, what was he talking about? "What if I want you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about. I'm nothing, I'm a Morelli."

"You can make something of yourself, Joe. You don't have to end up, like the others," I said nervously.

"An abusive drunk?" he growled. "All I do is fight and fuck around, use women. It's all I'm good at."

I took his hand in mine. "I think there is good in you, Joe. I saw it tonight. Sure you have an ass backward approach to things, but you meant well."

He started laughing. "That's one way to look at this mess."

"Joe, can we be friends?"

He smiled at me, "Yeah, Cupcake, we can be friends."

"Good. So no more harassing me, torturing me, teasing me, or beating up my dates, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll behave myself."

I held out my pinky to him, he had to shake to make it official. He stuck his finger out and wrapped it around mine, shaking it. "You still want me bad," he said with a smirk.

"Not as much as you want me," I smirked back.

"Clearly," he answered as he reached down to adjust himself. Oh boy. "So how are we going to sneak you in the house without your mother trying to make us get married?" I rolled my eyes, he wasn't kidding. She would demand it if she ever knew he'd touched me.

"My Grandma Mazer," I told him. He made a face, but started the car and headed back into The Burg. She'd have some sweat pants I could wear and wouldn't say anything to my mom. Though I'd probably have to dish on why I was with Morelli practically naked. Crap.


	4. Chapter 4--10th Grade

November 24… Thanksgiving break

I was really irritated with my parents, well my mother really since my dad will just go along with anything she says. I'd had my driver's license for about six weeks now and wanted to use the car to go out with Mary Lou, but when I asked they told me the roads were going to get too icy and I wasn't prepared to drive on them yet. Dah, how was I going to learn to drive on ice if they wouldn't let me drive on it? Sometime parents are idiots.

So here we are, Mary Lou and me, huddled into the backseat of my dad's Buick getting dropped off like infants. When we pulled up in front of the bowling alley dad finally spoke, "You want me to pick you up, Pumpkin?"

"We should be able to get a ride home, but I'll call you if we need you. Alright?" I asked, he gave me a nod before we piled out and headed inside.

First stop was the ladies room right off the entrance. We pulled our Jersey girl camouflage out of our purses and went to work. Besides the swipe of mascara I wasn't allowed to wear make-up yet, as if. My mother didn't want her daughter looking like trash, big eye roll there. By the time we were done our eyes were shadowed and lined and our lips were painted. Mary Lou added blush and concealer. I didn't feel the need, my natural coloring flushed up my cheeks enough on its own.

"You look good, Steph," Mary Lou commented looking me over. I'd gone with a pair of well-worn jeans that hugged my hips and a tight purple tee shirt that clung to my breasts and ended just shy of my waistband, exposing a touch of belly button.

"Thanks. You too hot stuff. You better hope Lenny isn't here," I told her, she rolled her eyes making me laugh.

"He won't give up," she complained.

"You're going to end up married with four kids," I teased.

"God, kill me now," she whined as we left the bathroom and headed out to find the group.

On the way we passed a group of senior boys, including one Joe Morelli. "Hey, Cupcake, how's it going?" he asked with a smile.

"Good," I answered before looking at his friends who were sneaking drinks from a bottle of something wrapped in a brown bag. I gave him a look that told him I disapproved. He winked at me with a shrug. "Behave yourself," I warned before walking away.

"Hard to do with you wearing those jeans," he called after us. I waved my middle finger back over my shoulder, not giving him the satisfaction of looking back. I heard the male laughter at my back.

"God, he is so hot, Steph," Mary Lou gushed as she rushed her much shorter legs to keep up with me. "Why can't I have Joe Morelli following me around? I wouldn't mind if he had a thing for me."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her. "You have no idea what you're saying. That guy has been a thorn in my side for the last twelve years."

"Yeah, well, you seem to be getting along a lot better now." I ignored her, so she turned to the guy at the shoe counter and ordered our shoe sizes. We grabbed our shoes and headed back toward the alleys our friends occupied. As we passed Morelli again he just smiled and winked. God, he was hot, but such an annoying asshole. "See what I'm saying. He doesn't wink at just anyone."

"Are you kidding me? Joe Morelli has porked half the girls in Jersey. The only reason I'm interesting to him is that I haven't spread my legs for him yet," I grumbled. I was about seventy-five percent sure I was right. I assumed Joe was all about the hunt, once he caught his pray he moved onto the next challenge. Not that most women were a challenge to him, even me I guess. We had kissed and made out a few times, hell last year I was ready and willing to spread my legs for him, but he was the one to shut things down between us. So maybe I wasn't as sure as I thought I was. When did things get so complicated?

"What about the night of Tina Rosolli's party?"

I gave her a mild version of my death glare. "What about it?"

"Come on, Steph, you have to spill sooner or later. No one runs away from a party with Joe Morelli, leaving behind half their clothing, without something happening."

I rolled my eyes at her. "I'm sure whatever you've made up in your mind is a lot more exciting than the real story. It was a rescue mission and we decided to call a truce, be friends, that's it. I've told you that before."

"I know. I just don't believe you. He at least kissed you."

"Yep, now leave me alone and let's have fun." She laughed gleefully. I was just glad she was happy with that. Geez.

Grace, Lorraine, and Maggie were waiting for us on a lane next to the guys. Squeals were heard around The Burg when Maggie told us that Carl Costanza asked her to go steady with him. I looked over at the boys on the next lane and smiled at Carl.

Ever since the fiasco at Tina's party last year Carl and I had grown to have a pretty good friendship, but neither of us ever tried to make it more than that. I guess that happens when people do what we did for one another. I mean there were only a couple guys that I know that would have broken their own hand on a defensive lineman's nose, but it earned Carl his new nickname, Crazy Carl, which he seemed to enjoy. I'd like to think he was one of a handful of people I'd humiliate myself for.

I wasn't sure how the entire night was kept under wraps for the most part, but The Burg grapevine never did get ahold of the story. The four guys Carl and Joe beat the shit out of never spoke about it, hell, they never even looked at me again much less hinted they'd seen me naked. Joe had whisked me out of the party before anyone saw me, Grandma Mazer gave me some pants to wear home, and Mary Lou rescued my bag and lost clothing so no one was the wiser, including my mother. I did get grounded for two weeks because I wouldn't tell her why I left the party early with Joe Morelli, but she didn't have proof of wrong doing, even though my sister tried her best to find out the truth.

After that Carl and Joe had become friendly, not in a hanging out sort of way, but more that one of them were always there with an eye on me like there was a silent agreement between them. It was a weird alliance, but it probably wouldn't be the weirdest thing Joe would do for me.

After we did our rounds of hellos and shit talking with the guys we got into our game. Of course the guys kicked our asses through both games. I personally bowled an eighty-nine and a seventy-three, I sucked. After we paid off our rounds at the desk we decided to get some sodas and a pizza and hang out in the lounge area overlooking the lanes.

"Steph, I like your hair cut," Grace said tapping me on the shoulder as she sat next to me. I smiled at her, I found a new hairdresser in the mall, Mr. Alexander. He'd just finished beauty school, but he was amazing at making my curls look good. Then again, anything was better than my mom cutting it. Plus, I was hoping it would land me an actual date, since my love life had been returned to me null and void since the night Tina's party. Sure guys looked, but none ever tried to touch. It was annoying. I had hormones and urges and things. I just didn't know why they weren't interested.

"What?" Mary Lou asked, obviously reading the annoyance in my face.

"Nothing, I was just wondering about my social leprosy. Everyone's dating someone and guys won't even stand within three feet of me, besides Eddie and Carl," I complained.

"I'm not dating anyone," Mary Lou laughed.

"That's because you keep telling them no. No one's even asked me," I whined.

"Well, maybe if Joe Morelli wouldn't have threatened to physically separate any guy who bothered you from their balls a lot of guys would ask you out," Lorraine chirped at me.

"What?" Mary Lou and I both said at the same time.

"What? You didn't know that?" she asked again. I just knew, she knew, I didn't know that. Damn it, she was smirking at me. This was going to be all over school Monday morning. "Yeah, apparently it pissed Terri off so much they broke up for a couple months last fall. Remember that?" I glared at her, daring her to continue. "Everyone thought something must have happened between you and Joe, but the only person who ever asked got his front tooth knocked out."

"Mooch?" Mary Lou asked with a look of pure shock on her face as she turned to me. "Holy crap, Steph."

"That's clearly not Joe Morelli behavior, he loves to announce his conquests so now everyone is waiting to see what's really happening between the two of you," Lorraine continued smugly.

"There is nothing happening between us," I growled out at her. She just shrugged like she didn't believe it. I felt the steam about to shoot from my ears, shit. I turned on the boys, marching over to Carl. I grabbed him by the collar of the shirt, leaning over their table until I was in his face. "Carl Costanza, did Joe Morelli forbid anyone to date me?"

He swallowed hard. "Steph, it wasn't like that. He just put the word out that you were under his protection and if anyone messed with you he'd, well, maim them."

"God damn it," I cursed while I stomped my feet. "He promised me he'd stay out of my love life after what he did to us." All eyes were on us now, Eddie's eyebrow raised at that. "What? Don't look at me like that Eddie Gazzara. You've gotten further with me than Carl has."

"I saw your tits," Carl grinned.

I was already pissed at that point so I punched him in the mouth and flipped Eddie off. I charged off toward Joe Morelli, but he and his friends were heading out the front door. "Son of a bitch," I grumbled heading off after him. "Morelli!"

He turned around, swaying on his feet. "Cupcake," he said smiling. I stomped over to him, clearly radiating anger. "Uh, oh, you look mad." I glared at him. "You're so fuckin' sexy when you're mad." He grabbed me then, pulling me against his chest and kissed me, hard. I beat him about the arms and chest, trying my best not to kiss him back.

"Damn it, Joe," I yelled at him. "You promised to stay out of my love life."

"I promised to not bother your dates. I didn't promise to stop you from dating," he grinned, stepping away in a staggering stride.

"You asshole," I yelled at him. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I don't know. I try my damnedest," he said scratching his head like he was really thinking. He turned and opened the door on his car.

"You can't drive. You're drunk," I yelled at him, following him around the car.

"Don't worry about me, Cupcake. I'm only drunk when I'm standing. I have to sit to drive." He leaned over and kissed me again before he hoped into the car. His cousin Mooch climbed into the passenger seat while his buddies Ray Daily and Sonny Mancini climbed into the back. Idiots.

I stood there watching as his tires squealed and he sped away down the street. Shit. Mary Lou, Eddie, Carl, and a few others stood behind me watching the entire scene. "Eddie, can you give us a ride?" I groaned at them. I really wished I wouldn't have had an audience for that show. The entire Burg was going to know about Eddie, Carl, and Joe. I was going to be a slut by morning, crap.

"Sure, Steph," he nodded pointing to his car. Mary Lou loaded in the front with him while I climbed into the back with Kenny Zale, who must have ridden over with Eddie. I was silent, sulking over the entire night while they talked about something stupid our history teacher had done on Wednesday. Way I figured it, served the teacher right for actually trying to teach us on the day before Thanksgiving break. Idiot.

"Holy shit, is that Morelli's car?" Eddie asked.

I shot out of my seat, leaning between the buckets in the front to look through the window. I think my heart stopped as I looked at his car wrapped around the utility pole. "Pull over, Eddie," I screamed and leapt out of the car before it was even stopped all the way.

I ran to the driver's door and pulled it open as I looked in at Joe. His head was in the steering wheel, there was blood all over his face. "Fuck, Joe, wake up. Joe!" I yelled in his face, grabbing his shoulder.

He moaned and slowly sat up. "Holy crap, Joe, your nose is broken," I said touching him. I looked back at the other guys, Mooch was dazed, but seemed alright. The guys in the back had ended up on the floor and were probably going to be bruised up, but were alright too. "Damn it. Mooch, get in the backseat," I yelled at him. I knew what I had to do and it wasn't going to be pretty. "Eddie, take the others and go call the police."

"No, Steph, I'm fine," Joe said breathlessly.

"No, you're not. Get out of the car," I told him, pulling his arms until he could stand. I pulled him around the back of the car and pushed him into the passenger seat before running around and jumping into the driver's seat. I adjusted the seat and mirror to my height and looked over at Joe. Shit.

I looked around the car, finally spotting a baseball bat I picked it up and used the end to hit the wind shield repeatedly. It took eight hits before the glass cracked. I turned it on myself, using it to hit myself in the side of the face, just under the eye. "Steph, what the fuck are you doing?" Joe yelled at me, taking the bat away.

"Saving your ass, now shut the fuck up." I put my fingers in his blood and smeared it over the broken glass on the windshield. "I was driving and hit some ice, got it?" I yelled at them all. They all agreed, not arguing with me. If caught not only was Joe facing DUI, but the idiots were all facing underage drinking.

"Everyone knows I was driving when we left the bowling alley."

I glared at him. "No one knows that I wasn't driving after we caught up to you and demanded to get in your car. Do they?" He glared back at me. "Eddie and Mary Lou won't say shit."

We stared one another down, both refusing to let the other win. "You're fucking crazy."

"I told you not to drive."

"Why would you do this?"

"Because one more fuck up and you're in jail, Joe."

"It's where I belong." He grabbed my chin forcing me to look into his bloody face. "This is what I am, Steph."

"No, I know you're better than this."

He laughed then, the blood still seeping down his face. "You see good where there is none."

I grabbed him by the shirt and pressed my lips to his, kissing him through the blood. "No, Joe, I see what you're trying to hide behind your idiot behavior."

I saw the lights of the police car pulling up behind us. I stiffened and closed my eyes, hoping to hell this worked. Joe reached over and held my hand. I looked up at him. "Thanks, Steph. I love you." I blinked at him and nodded, what else could I say.

The police opened the doors, looking in at us. I went through a Breathalyzer test, which I passed then was sent to wait for the paramedics who were checking the guys over first. By the time I was washed up and they gave me an ice pack for my bruise my parents were there to pick me up. They didn't say anything as they loaded both Joe and I into the back of my dad's Buick, but as soon as he was dropped off my mother went off.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, you were told not to drive tonight and you get behind the wheel of that boy's car? What were you doing in a car full of boys? What will the neighbors say when they hear what you were doing?"

"I didn't know it was so slippery. We were just having fun," I told her.

"The kind of fun Joe Morelli has will only leave you in trouble. You're grounded until January first and you will stay away from that boy for good. Do you understand me?"

"Understood," I answered. I didn't care. I'd gladly give up five weeks of freedom to keep Joe out of trouble. He loved me.


	5. Chapter 5--11th Grade

**Author note: This story contains some smut as this is the infamous Joe at the bakery story, from my imagination of course. Hope you've enjoyed this so far.**

August 13…The Tasty Pastry

It was hotter than hell today so I was happy to have the evening shift at the bakery, at least no one was baking at the moment. It was just me and three cases full of sugary delights and it had been just me and the pastries for the last hour and a half, to say it was slow was an exaggeration. Everyone was probably off having adventures unlike me.

It was two weeks until my junior year of high school started and I had no car, no boyfriend (anymore), and no best friend since she'd gone to the shore with her family for the week. I couldn't go since I was grounded for sneaking out the bathroom window to go to a graduation party with my then boyfriend Mickey.

Being stuck in Trenton was the worst. After graduation I am packing my bags and getting a summer job at the shore. They were always looking for people to work the stands, plus it was my happy place and I needed some frickin' happy at the moment. I shoved a Boston crème in my mouth as I thought about the lonely night ahead.

The best offer I had was to go to my grandparent's house to play cards with some of Grandma Mazer's friends. Believe me when I say that would beat the shit staying home and watching my mother and sister Valerie pack her clothing for school, or should I say her husband hunting gear. I doubted Val was going to earn a degree. Girls like her earned an upperclassman fiancé and quit school to get married and have babies…ugh, shudder.

I hope someone shoots me before my life goes that route. I should hire someone, put it in writing, _"I Stephanie Plum of sound mind and body give permission to whomever carries this paper to grab me, load me in the trunk of their car, and toss me off the nearest bridge should I think about getting married and becoming a Burg mother." _At least I wasn't that pathetic yet.

I could get a nice little row house with flowers in the yard and a dog that shit everywhere and kids that would no doubt step in it and track it all over the house that I just scrubbed. My husband would probably ignore me until we just sat on the couch drinking beer and staring at the TV, passion and adventure be damned. Gah! I had to stop this. I was fucking Wonder Woman and as soon as I could get my ass out of this city I would. I'd grab life by the balls and never look back.

I was getting ready to close up for the night when I heard the chime on the front door. I looked up at Joe Morelli. He smiled when he saw me. "Hey Cupcake," he said walking over to the case I was leaning against.

"What are you doing here, Joe?" I asked, obviously annoyed that I'd have to stay open a few extra minutes. That and the fact that the last time I was within three feet of Joe Morelli his Grandma Bella had put the eye on me, cursed me for breaking her Joey's face in a car accident. Maybe that's why I was so pathetically bored. It was the curse.

"I felt like there were two things about Jersey I was really going to miss, a cannoli and you." I rolled my eyes, smooth.

"Ah, so the rumors are true? You joined the Navy?" I'd heard the rumors, but there are always so many rumors about Joe Morelli it was hard to tell which were true. It wasn't like I could ask him. After I saved his ass nine months ago, he left me a note thanking me and telling me he'd stay out of my personal life for real this time. It was only a couple weeks later when guys actually started to talk to me again, except Joe. He'd made himself scarce.

"Yep, I'm leaving next week," he said with a smile. I nodded to him. It was weird to be saying goodbye. I pulled out a cannoli and handed it over to him with a smile.

"You mind if I lock up? We can sit here while you eat?" He shook his head no so I locked the door and turned the lights off to the inside of the shop, leaving the kitchen light on behind us. Joe sat down with his back against the counter so I sat next to him.

"So you and Mickey broke up?" he finally asked. Mickey Zale had been the first guy to ask me out that I was really interested in. I didn't think I was in love with Mickey, but I was in pretty deep like with him. He was a good guy and cute and he treated me well.

"Yeah, he's leaving for Rutgers next week. Long distance relationships and all that."

He nodded back at me. "Terri and I are done too. Not that it was the same thing, we had a pretty open relationship. The whole don't ask, don't tell about other people we were with."

I made a face at him. "I don't think I'd be able to do that."

He shrugged. "I'm not built for anything else."

"I don't think I'm built for being the wife of a lawyer or accountant like Mickey will be either."

Morelli snorted at that. "No, with the trouble you get yourself into you need to date a fucking superhero. Ya know, someone to swoop in to rescue your ass."

"Shut up."

"Come on, Cupcake. You'd give a regular man a heart attack."

"Great. I'll keep my eyes open for a man in a cape that doesn't scare easily." He laughed at me and took a big bite of his cannoli. "You know that's not fair. You're usually the reason I get into trouble." He gave me a look. "I said usually, not always, obviously. Though it's usually not my fault, you know?"

"Sure," he said with a laugh. We sat there quietly lost in our own thoughts. "Listen, Steph, I needed to talk to you before I left." I nodded to him, he cleared his throat. "The stuff you said to me about being a good guy under all the Morelli bullshit meant a lot. I figured I needed to get out of the burg, leave this shit behind and start over."

"So the navy then?"

"Yeah the navy," he answered. "I'm going to miss seeing you, Steph."

"I'm going to miss seeing you too." He leaned in and kissed me softly then. "You could write me and see me when you're home on leave."

"Yeah. I'd like to do that," he answered before kissing me again. "Let me love you, Stephanie?" he whispered against my lips. I nodded to him.

The warmth of his lips on mine felt more right than anything I'd ever felt. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him in return, trying to convey with my body how I really felt. I didn't want Joe to leave. I didn't want to never see him again. I'd always cared for him, maybe even loved him under all the rest of the feelings he lit in me. So now with his lips moving over my body, doing things I'd only dreamt of I knew this was it. I had given myself over fully.

He pulled my clothes off and looked down at my nude form with those molten chocolate eyes. "God, Steph, you're so beautiful," he said as he lightly touched me with his fingertips. "I want you more than anything."

"I want you too, Joe," I whispered back to him. That was all it took. He was on me, kissing my lips, neck, breasts while his fingers worked me into a frenzy down below. The moment I cried out in delight he shifted, spreading my legs apart and lifting my hips to his. Then he was inside of me. The pain shot through me, burning like I was torn. His fingers moved back between my legs, gently working me until I was writhing and moaning against him. Then he moved again, reminding me that he was still inside me. It didn't hurt anymore, it was more like a deep pressure that slowly built until my body exploded, pulsing around him. I clung to him, digging my nails in as I found another orgasm just as he pushed inside of me one last time as he finished himself.

"Holy crap, wow," I whispered looking up at him in wonder. "That was amazing. God, I love you, Joe."

"Yeah," he said, dropping a kiss on my lips before he sat up. He quickly pulled his tee shirt back on and started toward the door before he even had his pants yanked back up. "I gotta go. I'll see you around, Steph."

"Uh, alright," I muttered watching his bare ass walk away from me. I laid back on the floor, naked and used. I couldn't believe I'd allowed myself to be one of the masses. He'd told me he loved me and then walked away without another look. I managed to pull my clothes on even through the tears that were leaking down my face.

I locked up the store and ran all the way home. I'd shouted to my mother that I was sick and was going to bed. I stayed there until the next day when the phone calls started. It seemed that Joe Morelli had jumped a bus out of town this morning, but before he took off he wrote all about fucking me on every wall he could manage to get a marker to.

When my mother came into my room to scream at me about it I just started crying. She held me for a long while then disappeared only to return with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. She said it was the only cure for a broken heart. Was that what this was? Did Joe Morelli break my heart? Whatever it was I knew three things: I would pay him back, I would never fully trust him again, and I was never going to admit I loved a man ever, ever again.

Mom patted my head and told me there was still time to fix things. I could still be a proper Burg girl if I tried hard and didn't allow improper boys to lead me off course again. I sighed and shook my head. All the argument had gone out of me. Maybe if I would have stayed the course and been a proper _Burg girl_ I wouldn't be sitting where I was right now.

I'd emerged from my room on a mission to fix things. Stephanie Plum, Burg Girl, vowed to never break the rules again. I'd be a clone of St. Valerie and make my parents proud.


	6. Chapter 6--12th Grade

****Author's notes...I ****originally ****was going to write this though high school, but there is more story to be told. I'm working on the college years now. Please review, let me know what you think. Will you keep reading if I keep going? Thanks everyone.****

September 27…Homecoming Week

I leaned against the brick wall of the school and took a drag off my cigarette before I leveled my best Burg glare at the man standing next to me and I blew the smoke on him. "Not happening," I told him.

"Real nice, Steph, will you take a look at yourself?" Eddie yelled at me. "For Christ's sake will you put that damn cigarette out while I'm talking to you?"

I dropped it to the ground and stomped on it. "Happy now?"

"No," he grumbled following behind me as I started to walk away. "You have to go to the dance. It's our senior year. If we don't go then we'll always regret it."

"Then go, no one is stopping you."

He caught up and grabbed my arm, spinning me to face him. "We're going together. After we blew off prom last year you promised we'd go to homecoming." I rolled my eyes at him and shrugged his hand off my arm. "So you're going to let Morelli win then?"

"What?" I squealed at him. I felt rhino mode was coming on in full force. "He has nothing to do with this!"

"No? Then what's with the attitude?" he yelled back. I glared the best I could, but I knew he was one of the few people it wouldn't work on. Eddie wasn't afraid of my attitude or of calling bullshit on me.

"What attitude?"

"Steph, look at you." I looked down at my beat up Doc Martins, baggy leg jeans, and Nirvana tee shirt under a black and brown flannel. I shrugged at him. "Your hair is greasy and you smell like patchouli incense and I'm pretty sure you people are calling you Mrs. Mooner."

I started laughing then. "People change and Mooner's a good guy." Mooner was always willing to share his bong or slip me a joint here and there.

He made an annoyed growling sound, apparently I'd pissed him off, again. "God, I just want to shake some sense into you. Where's my best friend?" I shrugged at him. "You've been ignoring Mary Lou's calls since May, she's worried about you."

"I'm fine. I just haven't had a chance to call her back." Plus, she'd been too busy with her new boyfriend. Her social calendar didn't really have room for a depressed best friend anymore.

"You're living in denial land," he yelled.

"It's a nice place to live." He shook his head like I was giving him a headache. "I was sick of all the shit people were saying about me."

"And how does this," he said pointing at my clothes, "help anything?"

"This scares them away. At least when people talk about me now it's behind my back since they're afraid of me." It was true. I'd tried to be the good little Burg girl my mom wanted me to be, but every time I stepped outside, even to go to church, I heard them all talking about me. Hell, some women had the nerve to walk up to me and say I was just another slut or that I tried to trap Joe into marriage by seducing him. The men on the other hand started calling or dropping by the bakery hoping to get a taste of the _Plum Special_. School got so out of hand with guys harassing me that Eddie got a three day suspension for fighting and Carl busted his hand on someone's nose and missed our sectionals football game, which I'm pretty sure I'm still blamed for them losing. Eddie and Mary Lou were my supporters through it all, but I couldn't bring them down with me so I finally just said fuck it and changed my look. Like this I can do anything I want and no one thinks anything of it, even if it was lonely as hell.

Eddie smiled a little. "Alright, a defense mechanism, I can deal with that." I rolled my eyes at him, but it only made him smile. "Come on, we'll need help with this."

"With what?"

"Bringing Stephanie Plum back from the land of the dead."

"It's not that bad," I complained.

"Steph, I get that you're pulling a tough act and driving people away from you, but it really is that bad." I sighed as he took my hand and dragged me toward the football field. I saw Mary Lou leaning against the fence with the rest of the football girlfriends watching their boyfriends' practice. She'd been doing that since she started dating Lenny Stankovic, the captain of the football team.

I really didn't want to go over there. The perfect little Burg bitches were lined up in their Gap best, talking about something or another, probably what their dresses looked like or who would be homecoming queen. Barf. "No way."

"Come on, for Mary Lou, she really wants to talk to us," Eddie said. "Please." I groaned, he played dirty pulling the please card on me. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I followed behind him.

"Hey, Steph," Mary Lou smiled as she looked at me.

"Hey, Skanky Stephy. How's our favorite lesbian today?" Joyce Barnhardt said looking me up and down. "Are those men's shoes?" A few of the other girls laughed.

"Funny," I muttered.

"What? I just wanted to know how you were doing. I haven't read any good poems about you lately," she smirked as she referred to the lovely wall art Joe Morelli left about me before he skipped town.

"I'm doing great. How are you doing? Or should I ask who are you doing?"

She laughed then. "I can't help it if men don't run away after I'm done with them. What's it like to have someone crawl out from between those hairy legs and jump state lines immediately? You must really suck in the sack to make a man prefer the Navy."

I glared at her. Stupid Joyce had been bullying me, picking on me, and doing everything she could think of to make me miserable since we were in kindergarten. I hate her, just plain and simple. She had bright red hair, big boobs she crammed into a wonder bra, and wore the most disgusting skin tight animal print pants ever made. Where do you even buy something like that?

"At least I don't screw my best friends' boyfriends and then stand here with them watching their guys play football," I hissed at her. Her friends Missy and Katie gave me a look before looking at Joyce. "Yeah, I'm talking about your boyfriends, idiots, she's probably given you a STD through the assholes you're dating."

Joyce glared at me and came at me with her big fake nails out like claws. I sidestepped her and swung my foot out to trip her. She fell to her knees, crying. I smiled as I looked down at her. That actually felt really good. "Now look what you did, Butch. I have a short dress for the dance, the scabs will show," she whined.

"I woulda thought your knees were already bruised considering the amount of time you spend on them," I answered with my own glare.

"At least men want to touch me. You can't even get a date," she laughed. "While I'm being crowned Homecoming Queen you'll be at home braiding your armpit hair and calling your psychic friend network to find out when some poor bastard will be willing to slip you some dick again."

"Oh, yeah, I'm going to the dance," I hissed at her.

"With who?"

"My boyfriend." I grabbed Eddie by the arm and pulled him against me. "Imagine, a man who thinks he's too good to touch you, touches me every night." Eddie leaned in and kissed my neck on cue.

"That's disgusting, aren't you two related or something?" She was clearly put out that I'd gotten one over on her. "Well, it makes sense now, Gazzara. I should have known you weren't into women when you turned me down. Plum probably has a bigger cock than you."

"He just likes classy girls, like Steph," Mary Lou said stepping up to us.

Joyce threw her head back and laughed. "She was real classy last year when she got naked on the floor of the bakery. People eat there for God's sake."

Mary Lou's eyes flashed fire and the next thing I knew she threw a punch that hit Joyce right in the lip. Her hands flew to her face as she screamed, "You little bitch."

By that time Lenny had joined the group, standing beside a still angry Mary Lou. "Joyce go home before I let her hit you again," he warned.

Joyce gave them a nasty look before she turned on me. "This is not over, Plum. This is war."

"Go to hell," I yelled back at her retreating form. She gave me the finger over her shoulder. "God, I hate her."

"You alright, Sweetheart? I have to get back to practice," Lenny asked Mary Lou before he kissed her puffy knuckles.

"I'm fine. We have to go shopping for Steph's dress," she told him with a little smile. Her anger had clearly been melted away with his touch. If it wasn't so disgusting to watch I would have thought it was sweet.

"Glad you agreed to go to the dance," Eddie said interrupting my thoughts.

"She pissed me off."

He smiled then. "Obviously. Your boyfriend? I touch you every night?"

"God, sometimes I just say things," I groaned.

"You want to give touching a try I'd be willing to give it a go," he said with a grin.

I crinkled up my nose and thought about kicking him. "You keep your hands to yourself, but you have to take me to the dance now. Oh, and pretend we've been dating. Stupid Joyce would just love to find out I had a pity date."

"Everybody thinks you guys are dating anyway. He's the only guy you hang out with," Mary Lou told me as we walked toward the parking lot.

"That's because he's the only guy that didn't take a run at me after they read the shit Morelli wrote all over town. He had them all convinced I was some huge slut."

"It's been a year, most people have already forgotten about it," Mary Lou assured me. "Plus it helps that he hasn't been back to town since then." I nodded back at her.

"I'm gonna get going. I'll see you both tomorrow," Eddie said. "Steph, get something sexy for the dance."

I groaned as I looked at Mary Lou. She winked back at me. "Let's go to the mall. We need to get you out of the dirty-flannel thing you have going on there."

"Just for the dance," I agreed. She just shook her head at me.

888888888888888888

Three hours later I was home from the mall and late for dinner. My mother began as soon as I walked in the door. "You're late. I was trying to hold dinner, but the chicken was drying out so now you'll have to warm your plate up. It probably won't taste very good, but if you were worried about that you would have been home at six."

"I was at the mall with Mary Lou. I lost track of time," I told her. She finally looked at me. Her eyes moved from the pile of bags in my hand, to the plastic wrapped dress on the hanger I was holding, to my hair, which Mr. Alexander said was a total disaster and would have been easier to put in dreadlocks than to fix, but he managed to get my curls perfect again.

"What is on the hanger?" she asked.

"A dress. I'm going to Homecoming with Eddie." She began to smile, it was creepy. "We're all going to coronation tonight and the game tomorrow too."

"Oh, that wonderful."

"And I agreed to wear my twirler outfit for the parade tomorrow."

My mother was staring at me with her mouth hanging wide open. I finally shut up Helen Plum, huh. "That's great. Let me make you dinner," she finally said and took off into the kitchen.

I ran up to my room to change clothes. I switched into a new pair of jeans that hugged my hips a little better, a white and pink striped girly tee, and a dark pink hooded sweatshirt. I swapped my shoes for a pair of black Nikes with pink swooshes and called it good. This was the most girly I'd been in a year.

I looked at the pile of new girly tees and skirts and shook my head. Mary Lou only had to take me into three stores before I completely broke and bought out half of Wet Seal. I guess you can try to take a Burg girl out of her Jersey clothes, but it'd never stick. We just aren't made that way, not that I'm giving up my Doc Martins or flannel shirts either, they're way too comfortable.

When my mother caught sight of me in my new pink clothes she smiled and put the plate on the table. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd eaten at the mall so I stuffed a second dinner in before Mary Lou and Lenny pulled up to get me.

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The coronation was held inside the school gymnasium. It was decorated with white fold out chairs for the crowd to spectate from, while the aisle down the center of the chairs was decorated with a matching white archway that was covered in ivy and flowers. The six couples of the court were called to the stage to clapping. I rolled my eyes at Eddie when Joyce was called up making him laugh.

The best part of the night was when they announced Homecoming Queen and Joyce stood up, but it wasn't her name called. Her eyes met mine when I started laughing loudly, but come on, it was funny. It didn't even take long before most of the crowd was laughing at her too. She turned her nose up in the air and ran off the stage. People around me were still laughing and talking about how awful she was. She really was pure evil.

On the way out to the parking lot Joyce stepped in front of me smiling. Her hand wrapped around another girl's arm. She pulled her in front of me. I recognized her as one of the junior girls from the basketball team, Shannon Dinton. "Here she is, Steph," Joyce said with a sickly sweet smile.

"Uh, hi, Shannon," I answered as I turned to Mary Lou, who just shrugged.

"Hi Steph. I didn't know until Joyce told me," she answered almost shyly.

Oh, no, I knew this wasn't going to be good. "Told you what?"

"I'll let you love birds get to know one another better," Joyce said walking away.

"What?" Mary Lou asked looking at Joyce's back.

"Joyce said if I came out of the closet you'd know that I was interested in you too," Shannon smiled. Oh boy, I thought. Shannon had always been a sporty girl, pretty, short, strawberry blonde, and nice to about everyone around. The idea of Joyce hurting her feelings to try to be a bitch to me was too much. "I thought maybe you'd like to go to the game and maybe get a pizza afterward?"

"Oh," I said looking at my friends, but they all looked too shocked to be any help. "Um, Shannon, I don't know how to say this, but I'm not gay."

"Oh, God," she muttered as her cheeks turned red. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm honored that you thought enough of me to ask me out," I told her gently. I took her hand and smiled warmly. "If you want to go to the game and get a pizza as friends I'd love to."

She smiled back and bobbed her head. "I'd like that too. I'll pick you up around six thirty?" I nodded back to her.

I watched her walk away before Mary Lou interrupted, "Joyce needs to be brought down a peg. She's nothing but a bully. She was trying to make you hurt that girl."

"She is a bully," Eddie agreed.

"And a whore," Lenny said as he put his arm around Mary Lou.

"No one likes her, but everyone treats her like gold around here because they're afraid of her," Mary Lou told us.

"I'm not afraid of her and I'm sick of her shit," I told them with a grin.

Eddie put an arm around me and smiled. "Uh oh, I know that smile, Steph." I just grinned wider. "It's good to have you back."

I went to bed that night feeling good to be back. It was the first time in a year that I felt like myself again. Plus, I had an idea that'd give Joyce a taste of her own medicine.

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The next day at school Joyce started again, by the end of first period I was asked by a half dozen people if it was true that I was a lesbian. I just rolled my eyes at them and asked them an equally embarrassing question based on a rumor Joyce had started about them at some point over the last few years. "Are you really gay, Steph?" was returned with, "Did you really catch chlamydia from your boyfriend because you shared him with Joyce?" or "Did your boyfriend really dump you for Joyce?" or "Joyce said you were sent to fat camp last summer, is that true?" or "Joyce said that you're really adopted, that's why your parents like your sister better, is that true?" or "Joyce said you're only passing English because you give Mr. Waters blowjobs, do you think that'd work for me?" Let's just say that Joyce was the most unpopular girl at the end of the school day and nothing I said was a lie.

That night I went on my 'date' with Shannon before I snuck out of the house with Mary Lou. We spent the better part of three hours spray painting all of Joyce's sins against other students on the wall of the football stadium. I smiled at our masterpiece before going back home to bed.

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Eddie looked good in his black dress pants and dark green silk shirt. I smiled to him as he wrapped his arms around me and swayed us to the Bon Jovi song playing from the DJ's speakers. His hands started to wander down from my waist so I grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"What? You look hot," he grinned at me. I did look hot tonight. Mary Lou and I had found a super short black velvet dress that hugged my curves perfectly. It had tiny spaghetti straps and shiny gold embroidery just around the top edge of the heart shaped neckline. I had my curls swept up and pinned into perfection.

"Thank you, but you're still not allowed to grab my ass."

He just laughed and hugged me back against him. "So that artwork was you and Mary Lou, right?"

I laughed then. "Interesting how everyone that thought it was so amusing to tease me about my business being written on that wall hates theirs being put up there."

"Someone is going to kill Joyce," he answered in a whisper against my ear.

"I'd like to say I care." It just felt way too good to feed all The Burg gossipmongers a taste of their own medicine. I laid my head on Eddie's shoulder as I enjoyed the amount of tension and anger in the air tonight. I smiled as I watched _everyone_ shun Joyce, even her little bitch friends.

She caught my eye across the room and marched toward us. "I'll get you back, Plum, when you least expect it I'll destroy your life just like you did mine," she hissed. I swear I saw the flames of hell in her eyes.

"But it won't be tonight," I smiled at her. "Tonight I'm going to enjoy myself."

We watched her stomp off. "God, I'm glad you're back to yourself Steph."

"I'm not going anywhere, Eddie. The Burg will never make me feel like shit again. Like water off a duck's back, right?"

"I'm proud of you, Steph," he grinned and kissed my forehead. I was proud of me too.


	7. Chapter 7--Summer Lover

****Author notes-This will be the first in a four part Summer Series that will follow Steph's college years. WARNING...this chapter has a lot of smut in it. I didn't go overly graphic with it, but there is a lot, so a reminder that this is for adult's only. ****

August 19-Point Pleasant

This was it, the last weekend at the shore. I was lying on my back in the middle of my double bed thinking about the last few months. I'd graduated almost three months ago and immediately escaped The Burg like I'd always planned.

I'd taken all the money I'd saved from my job at The Tasty Pastry and bought myself my very first POS car, a blue 1978 Chevette. It wasn't a beauty, but the engine ran, the radio played, and the hatchback was large enough to fit all my bags inside.

So after one last dinner of pot roast, mashed potatoes, and pine apple upside down cake I announced to my parents that I'd gotten a job at a hotdog stand on the boardwalk. My mother went into hysterics, yelling and screaming about no one else having a daughter that went off to live on the beach alone. My dad just told me to make sure I check my oil every week since I have a slow leak.

The next day I loaded the car, stopped for a box of Boston crème donuts, and took off to start my Burg free life. It felt good, freeing actually. I rented this bedroom in a large house a couple blocks from the shore. The lady that ran it was like a goddess, for an extra ten dollars a week she fed me dinner most nights, at least when I wasn't stuffed full of the hotdogs I wasn't able to sell that afternoon. The other three rooms were rented by other college students that had various jobs on the boardwalk too.

We became good friends over the evening meals. We worked out a system, walking to and from work with one another so we wouldn't be out in the dark alone. We spent days off shopping or hanging out at the beach, evenings in the yard with Molly playing her guitar while we tried to sing along off key, weekends at clubs or parties, and mornings in different states of hungover agony. The first morning Kim barged into my bedroom with a large coke and French fry from McDonald's I thought she was crazy, but it turns out she's a frickin' genius. It was THE CURE for a hangover. After that I was hardly ever sick.

What I enjoyed the most was that none of these people knew me or judged me. I was just Stephanie Plum, college student, beer pong team captain, hotdog sales girl, and beach hula hoop champion (don't ask). What had me thinking was the fact that it was all over. Next week I'd be home in Trenton until I left for school next weekend. While school was a new adventure, going home was not. It was like walking back into a building when you knew someone was waiting inside to kill you. Gah, I'd think about it when the time came. I figured a good nap was what was called for.

I woke sometime later to someone jumping on top of me. I opened my eyes to find Mary Lou smiling. When she saw my eyes open she started squealing which made me start squealing and Eddie to flop down next to me holding his ears like we'd injured him. They were here!

We'd been planning this weekend for six weeks and it was finally here. The last blow out of the three musketeers. "I can't believe you're here," I said starting to tear up.

"You can't cry. Shit, Mary Lou was crying for a half hour in the car," Eddie grumbled.

"Why?" I said sitting up to look at her.

"She didn't want to leave Lenny behind. I had to pull over to a service station so she could call him," Eddie replied pulling me back down on the bed so I was lying in the crook of his arm. "You look good, by the way. All tan and healthy."

"Thanks." I leaned up and smacked a peck to his lips. "Now, what's this with Lenny?" I asked looking at Mary Lou.

"Nothing, he'll be here tonight. I couldn't do it, Steph. I can't leave him alone for a whole weekend," Mary Lou said. I rolled my eyes. Weird for the girl that didn't want anything to do with him for five years, but now they were all _in love._ "Don't roll your eyes at me. Not everybody has a weird relationship like the two of you do. I have needs."

Eddie and I both started laughing at that. "Needs? Mary Lou Molnar, have you been getting regular dick from Lenny?" I asked laughing at her horrified look. She always swore she'd wait to give it to the man she married after the whole "Joe debacle."

"We make love," she said holding her head high. Eww, gag.

"Christ, I don't need to hear this," Eddie groaned, but I smacked him to shut up.

"Making love is all fine and well, but don't you ever just want to get good and fucked?"

"Stephanie Plum, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No," I answered making them both laugh again. "Seriously, though, don't you ever get the urge to just get slammed down on the nearest flat surface and get taken so hard it spins your head?" I had fantasies that went a lot like that. Of course, they only ended in self-combustion, but they were still hot.

"No." I rolled my eyes. I love Mary Lou, but her idea of sexy was not the same as mine. "But I don't have some weird fetish for bad boys either." And there it was.

"Are you into that whole dominance submissive thing?" Eddie asked.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Pervert."

"What? I'm a pervert? You're the one going on about getting thrown around and fucked," he yelled back. I smacked his arm again. "Quit hitting me. Maybe you're more of one of them dominatrix broads."

"What the fuck kind of porn have you been watching?" I asked making Mary Lou laugh.

"Carl lent me some stuff," he admitted.

"Gross. You realize you've both jerked off to the same porn now. Does that make you lovers?"

"God, Steph, why do you hate me?" he groaned making me laugh like an evil villain. "Now what about you? You been getting laid at the beach?"

"No, but I'm not going to lie and tell you I haven't thought about it. There are a lot of hot guys down at the clubs," I told them. "Maybe I just need to get back on the horse before I go to school. Get a good lay and skip town the next day. I hear it's the thing."

"Not a good idea, Steph," Eddie told me. "You don't have it in you to fuck like a man." Fuck like a man? Were they all that way? Did they all have the ability to use and hurt without remorse? Was my heart so damaged that I could do that to someone else? Then again, if men just didn't give a shit it wouldn't hurt them if I used them that way. "What?"

"Nothing. You're a spoil sport. Good thing you're not going to Douglass with me or I'd never get any," I teased. I didn't want him to see the direction of my thoughts.

He laughed then, "Hey, I've offered my services."

I slapped his stomach at that. "Don't remind me."

"Again with the hitting," he grumbled.

"See what I'm saying. You two will never meet anyone when you're all like, that, with each other," Mary Lou complained. "Steph, it's been two years since Morelli fucked you over. It's time to move on."

"Was the pun intended?" I grumbled at her making Eddie laugh.

"Whatever. Just promise you'll be open to meeting someone at school." I rolled my eyes at her. "Or at that club tonight."

"Are you giving me permission for a one night stand, mom?" I laughed at her.

"If it'll get you past this Morelli thing, yeah." I gave her my Burg death glare, but she only shrugged. "I'm even willing to accept you and Eddie fooling around."

"Why am I the consolation prize behind some stranger on the beach?" he grumbled.

"Because I love you and you'd never be a one night stand."

He smiled back at me and kissed my forehead. "I love you too and as sexy as you are, it'd feel like I was touching my sister."

Mary Lou rolled her eyes at that. "I just don't get it." She probably didn't. Most people didn't. Eddie and I have been inseparable for two years, everyone at school assumed we were dating, and The Burg was waiting for a big announcement, which involved renting the VFW. I think Mary Lou always thought we'd come around to seeing each other like she sees Lenny, but we knew it'd never happen. We loved each other, but like Eddie said, physical stuff would be icky.

"How about I get dressed and we go get a pizza? Where is Lenny meeting us?" I finally asked.

"Down at the club you were telling us about, around nine." I nodded back to her.

At seven we changed into our clubbing clothes, Eddie in jeans and a button down dress shirt worn open over a matching tee, Mary Lou in black dress shorts with a bright blue halter top and matching blue 3 inch FMP's, and me in a bright red, strapless dress that was fitted in the chest, but hung loosely to just below my ass allowing it to swing around me while I danced. I had black four inch FMP's that matched my handbag. We all looked good, even me since I'd gotten my curls to behave and had the exact matching shade of red for my nails.

After dinner, Mary Lou pulled a bottle of vodka from her purse and smiled. "Shots to loosen you up. We're getting you laid."

"Shots? You better have my back. I don't wanna find out I had my beer googles on when I wake up with a hunchback or something."

Eddie was snorting at that. "Only you, Steph."

"Exactly, so you'd better have my back." He held out his pinky finger so I hooked mine through it knowing he'd have my back.

Mary Lou took a pull from the bottle before handing it over to me. I took a long drink before passing it onto Eddie. "I've always loved this beach," I said as I pulled off my shoes and stepped down onto the sand. "I feel like something magical is in the air here."

Mary Lou handed me the bottle again. "Mm, this has always been your happy spot."

"We should move here. Forget about the rest of the world, just be beach bums or something."

"I'd miss Lenny."

"No can do. I'm starting the academy next week."

I sighed, "You're both party poopers. Didn't you ever just wish you could fly away and never look back?"

"Nope," Mary Lou answered. "But I don't live with your mother."

I snorted at her honesty. "You ever realize I'm the only sane one in my family?"

"I'd hardly call you sane, Steph," Eddie laughed. "Besides some of your distant family isn't so bad."

"Sure, like Vinnie," I agreed making them both burst out laughing.

"I heard he fucked a duck," Mary Lou said. "How is that possible? Do they have somewhere to put a penis?"

"They lay eggs, so I guess there's a hole," I answered making her shiver.

"Sick," Eddie agreed taking a swig of the booze before handing it over for us each to take another. "Speaking of sick. Carl told me that Joyce Barnhardt got caught having a three way with old man Sommers and his son, Jamie."

"Ewww, what is wrong with that woman?" Mary Lou asked, her voice turning to the tone used by Burg women of all generations when they were judging someone else.

"She's a freak. Why can't men say no to her? She's not even good looking," I complained. Stupid skank, I wished her tits would shrivel up and fall off.

"Well, clearly they have no standards. Any man that would put his rod near his dad's or vice versa has problems." Eddie shook his head and took another drink.

"Gross," Mary Lou agreed.

"How do you do two men?" I asked trying to figure out the logistics. "There's butt stuff involved isn't there?" Eddie choked on his drink before handing me the bottle. I took two long drinks before passing it to Mary Lou. "Well?"

"Why are you asking me?" he bitched.

"Like you haven't seen a video or something?"

"Fine, there's probably butt stuff, definitely oral though," he agreed.

I took another drink as I nodded at him approvingly. "I could do the oral, I blew Mickey a few times, but I'm not into butt stuff, ya know, I read that it can make poop leak out of your butt. So as long as they're not related and it's only oral it might be an option."

Mary Lou started snorting then. "Steph's drunk, no more to drink," she giggled, clearly she wasn't in any better shape than me.

"What?" I asked. "I'm just getting started."

"Come on, let's go find you a man," Mary Lou said excitedly.

"Or two," Eddie mumbled taking the bottle and slugging back another drink. I giggled and took off running toward the club. "Take it easy, Steph, you're going to fall on your face."

I ignored him. I was young and free and ready to move on with my life in a big way. After tonight when I thought about sex it would have nothing to do with Joe Morelli. I'd find my sex god and make him do crazy shit to me all night long. I laughed again as I threw my head back and spun in a circle under the setting sun. "I love this place," I shouted.

"Oh boy," Mary Lou laughed before she grabbed my arm and hauled me with her toward the road.

We got back into our heels and headed to the front entrance of the club. My friend Hans was working the door, we'd met months ago when he'd come home with Victor, one of my housemates, one night. He waved us through so we didn't have to stand in line. I gave him Lenny's name and description and told him he'd be along in a little while.

For only nine the club was already pumping. The music was blaring some sort of club mix of an R and B song I vaguely recognized and the dance floor was full. We found a table in a secluded corner of the building. I turned my back to the room as I snuck another big drink, for courage. When I turned back my friends were smiling at me. "What?"

Mary Lou pointed in three different directions, guys at each location were looking over at me. Shit. Was I ready to do this? A tall, black man walked up to the table first and asked if I wanted to dance. I smiled and nodded my head to him. He was a good dancer and kept his hands in respectable places so I stayed on the floor with him for four songs. I pointed back to my friends so he walked me back to the table and I thanked him for the dance.

"Well?" Mary Lou asked watching him walk away.

"Not my sex god," I answered. "No tingles." Her and Eddie exchanged looks and I know she rolled her eyes. So what if I had expectations? I didn't see getting properly fucked if my body didn't react to him. "I need another drink."

I slammed back three big gulps of the liquid and stashed it back into my purse. "Lenny's here," I said pointing toward the door. Mary Lou shot out of her seat and raced across the room to him. When they met he pulled her into a lip lock that had me tilting my head to get a better look. "I bet she gets tingles," I told Eddie.

"She's getting something," he agreed. "Let's dance, Steph." I nodded as I let him pull me to the dance floor.

The booze and the heat of the club made me light headed. The room spun around me as I laughed and danced against Eddie. We were a sweaty mess, tangled together on the floor when I heard squeals near my ear. I turned and saw my cousin Shirley and Maggie Cooper descending on us. "Steph, you didn't tell me you were going to be out this weekend," Shirley whined. "Hi, Eddie."

"Hey Shirley," he nodded to her.

"Sorry, I'm going to go grab a drink. You guys should dance," I told them, leaving the three of them on the dance floor. I hoped Eddie would forgive me for ditching Shirley the Whiner on him, but I just couldn't deal with her.

I stumbled to the bar and ordered a coke, with cherries, maybe if I had something in my stomach I wouldn't feel so wobbly. I smiled at the bartender as he set my drink down, then I turned to look back at the dance floor.

I rolled my eyes as I watched Mary Lou and Lenny wrapped around one another and Eddie and Shirley dancing closer than deemed proper. Maggie had acquired a partner from a nearby table and was now dancing near the other couples. I slipped my shoes off and tucked my feet up onto the barstool next to me. "Getting comfortable?" someone whispered in my ear.

"My feet hurt," I answered without turning around.

He stepped around me, lifting my feet to sit on the stool. He held my feet in his lap, "I have the cure for this. May I?" he asked.

He was a good looking blond, blue eyed, jock type that looked to be a few years older than me. I smiled at him as he rubbed his thumbs over the arches of my feet. "Mm, that's nice," I giggled at him. Giggled? Maybe I had more to drink than I thought I had. I didn't have tingles, but he seemed to know what to do with those fingers. I smiled again.

He moved his arm out across the bar and knocked my purse to the floor. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry," he said as I jumped down to push everything back into my bag.

I stood back up and placed my bag on the bar next to me. "No problem."

"Good, now why don't we make a toast, to tonight?" he said lifting his drink. I nodded and picked up my drink to salute him before I put it to my lips.

My drink was suddenly knocked out of my hand, spilling onto the jock. He shouted something vulgar, but the next thing I knew he was lying on the floor holding his jaw. I blinked a few times at him before looking up at the person standing next to me.

Holy tall, dark, and dreamy. His dark hair was styled like Johnny Depp's in 21 Jump Street, his eyes were a beautiful dark chocolate brown, and he looked like he just stepped out of a surf wear ad or maybe one of my wet dreams. Yum. "Holy crap," I whispered.

I heard his laugh then, it was like music to my ears, sending jolts of electricity straight from my ears to my doodah. "You alright?"

"Mm, yeah, tingles," I muttered. I wasn't sure how long we sat there staring at one another, but he finally grabbed my hand and pulled me from the barstool. "We going somewhere?"

"Yeah, that guy probably has friends," he answered. I looked back at the jock who was pulling himself to his feet. "He slipped something into your drink when you were picking up your bag."

"Shit, wait," I said quickly grabbing my heels off the floor. I caught Mary Lou's attention, she blinked at me a few times and nodded her head as she looked him up and down before giving me the thumbs up sign, not the beer goggles. Thank god.

He whispered against my neck, sending chills through me, "You ready to go?" I nodded to him and finger waved to Mary Lou. He took my hand and led me out of the club after a quick hand signal to his friends. "Which way?" he asked.

"Beach?" I asked. "I like it better than the streets."

"Yeah, I like the beach too." I liked the sound of his voice, so smooth and sexy. Yum.

We jogged down the beach about a mile before he slowed us back to a walk, looking back over his shoulder. I didn't see anyone, the jock probably found some other girl to drug.

"You come here often? Point Pleasant, I mean?"

"I have family nearby so I've been here a few times, but I live in Florida. The beaches there are beautiful," he told me with a smile. Holy crap he was beautiful.

He led me toward the shore, just so the water was moving over my bare feet. Then he stepped closer and pressed himself against my body. It was like the more of him that was touching me, the stronger the tingles were, it was almost like electricity. He moved behind me, pressing himself against my back while wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned into him as we stood there quietly looking out at the Atlantic. I felt fairly certain my panties were completely ruined by this point and he hadn't done more than hug me.

"I've never been to Florida. I didn't even get out of Trenton until this year."

"School?"

"Yeah. I'm going to Douglass in New Brunswick this fall."

"What for?"

"I don't know. Probably business, I'm not really interested in anything else."

"Uh oh, not a husband hunter are you?" he joked making me laugh.

"Hardly. I'd be a horrible wife." I turned my head to look up at him, wondering what he thought about that.

"I doubt that," he told me with a hint of a smile.

"What about you? You go to school?"

"Second year at Rutgers," he nodded.

"For?"

He smiled then. "Probably business, nothing else really interests me."

"You're not a wife hunter are you?" I joked back.

"Hardly. I'd be a terrible husband." I wasn't sure what it was in his tone, but it made me really look at him. As I looked up into his face, noticing the way the moonlight played across his short dark hair, I lifted my fingers, softly tracing the line of his jaw. "You look sad."

He looked down at me then with the hint of a smile. "Just remembering the last time I was here. It was years ago."

"What happened here?"

"Nothing happened here. It was just the last time that my whole family was together." His fingers moved across my face until they found my curls. He absently twisted them around his finger. "My cousin was killed the next year."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." He shrugged then. I pulled the bottle of booze from my purse and held it up to him. He took the bottle and a long pull off of it. He didn't offer me the bottle back, he just held it while we walked through the water, taking drinks every so often.

I saw the darkening of his eyes as he looked me up and down. "You have a place nearby?"

"Not too far. I walked," I answered.

"That's my place," he nodded toward one of the beach houses in the distance. "You want to come up with me? Or should I just walk you home and say goodnight?"

The heat swirled through me as his eyes moved over my body. His hand felt warm and solid in mine, giving me strength to take what I wanted. "Kiss me?" I asked.

God, the look he gave me was hot enough to turn the sand to glass under my feet. He turned me toward him, slowly moving me until there was no space between our bodies. He pushed some curls away from my face before he lowered his lips to mine. It was like fucking magic. As soon as we were touching I didn't just feel tingles, it was like fireworks exploding inside me.

His lips were warm and firm, they moved against mine in perfect harmony. It was silly, but I felt like I was meant to kiss this man, maybe forever. I lost myself to him and when he moved away I was left breathless and dizzy with my hands fisted into his tee shirt. "Where to?" he asked.

"Your place," I whispered back, almost afraid of my own answer. He grinned then, bright enough to light the dark beach around us. Wow.

We walked from the shore up to some stairs made of railroad ties and climbed to the house he was renting. It was a midsized home, there looked to be a living room, dining room, kitchen downstairs and some bedrooms upstairs. It was all decorated in neutral, beachy tones and textures. "This is nice," I told him.

He nodded back. "I'm here with a few friends, they're still out," he said going to the fridge. He pulled out a beer and a bottle of water, which he handed to me. I gave him a look. "You looked like you had enough earlier."

"You my dad?" I teased.

"No, I just don't take advantage of drunk girls." He smiled at me then, the kind of look that told me he fully intended to take advantage of me tonight.

I swallowed hard. "I don't believe that."

He moved into me until he was whispering against my lips. "You're a smart girl," he answered. "But tonight, I promise, we'll only do this if you're sober enough to enjoy it."

I leaned in and kissed his lips, tasting the beer he'd just sipped. "I doubt that'd ever be a problem."

He lifted me off my feet, kissed me hard, and sat me down on the counter. "Drink the water."

I sipped my water and smiled at him as he moved around the kitchen putting some popcorn in the microwave and cleaning up behind whoever left things on the counters. "So you don't seduce drunk girls, you're incredibly neat, and you rescued me from certain danger. Is there anything bad about you I should know about?" I teased.

He pulled the popcorn out of the microwave, shook it, and poured it into a bowl before he handed it to me. "Well, I do have a thing for curly haired brunettes, can't get enough of them. I'm almost obsessed. It's a sickness," he told me with a wolfish grin.

"Hmm, what else?" I whispered pulling him closer to me.

"I'm not really hungry for that popcorn," he told me. "I'd much rather taste you."

"Damn," I murmured before I was swung off the counter into a kiss as he crushed me against him. I'd never been kissed like that in my life. I felt myself turning to goo in his arms. I was certain I'd never wanted anyone this badly before.

"Later," he whispered putting me back on the floor. He took the popcorn bowl and nodded for me to follow him up the stairs. God, the man was an incredible tease. He chuckled and winked at me like he knew what I had been thinking. I rolled my eyes, but followed anyway.

His room was on the beach facing side of the house, probably the master suite by the look of it. There was a king size bed which faced an armoire that was open to reveal a TV and stereo system. The room had thick ivory carpet and the bed was covered in an ivory comforter with dark red flowers sprinkled across it. The blankets were kicked down like he hadn't made it this morning after he'd gotten up revealing dark red sheets that matched the flowers. "Nice room," I answered following him in.

He crawled onto the bed, putting the popcorn on the side table so he could grab the remote. "TV or music?" he asked. I shrugged at him before I crawled into the other side of the bed.

He started some music that made me laugh. "Sinatra?"

"Hey, when in Jersey," he grinned. "You want something else on."

"Nah, I grew up on this stuff," I answered still looking around the room. There was a duffle bag with clothes falling out of it on the dresser, some running shoes and shorts on the floor by the door, an empty pizza box, some soda cans, and a potato chip bag on the table by the patio door, and assorted bottles of pills and what looked to be a pot pipe on the table on my side of the bed. "What's with the pills?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Sometimes I need to self-medicate."

"You got something to fill this?" I asked picking up his pipe.

He grinned then, taking the pipe from me. "You want some?"

"Sometimes I need to self-medicate too."

"Top drawer," he answered. I scooted up the bed onto my knees and opened the drawer. There was a zip lock bag a quarter full of weed, an unopened box of condoms, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a dirty magazine. I tossed him the bag and lighter before I pulled the magazine out, flipping it open.

It was entitled _Love Birds_ and featured two women in all kinds of positions, opened wide for the camera while they took turns placing their tongues in certain spots, yikes. "Wow, this is kind of hardcore," I said catching his attention away from packing the bowl in the pipe.

"Not really. I've seen much worse."

"Really?" He just smiled. "So two women together gets you off?"

"In theory," he said leaning over my shoulder to look at the book. "In reality, if they were that into each other I don't think I'd be welcome to join them, besides it's wrong to own photos with another dude's cock in the shot so I'm left with this."

I laughed at that. "Have you ever been with two women at the same time?"

"Nah, bucket list," he grinned again. "You ever been with a woman?"

"I went on a date with a lesbian once, as friends, but I kissed her just to see. There was no spark though," I answered making him chuckle again as he went back to working on the pipe. "I think it would have been easier to date a woman. Too bad I wasn't born that way."

"Yeah?"

I nodded back, "Mm, she was a spunky little red head, nice boobs." I went back to flipping through the book. One of the women was on her back with her legs spread wide. The other's mouth was closing around her clit while her two middle fingers were plunged inside her partner's vagina. The one receiving had a look of pure pleasure on her face. "Like this, I wonder what that would be like. I bet a man could never make me feel that way."

"That a challenge?" he asked.

I looked over at him, settling my eyes on his lips. "Have you ever done this?"

He made a weird face at me before he spoke. "Has no one ever gone down on you?" I felt my face turn bright red as I shook my head no. "Always demand reciprocation, Babe."

"Reciprocation?" I said before my mind got what he meant. It did nothing to help the red flush in my cheeks. "Oh."

He smiled then, setting down the pipe. "You wouldn't have to reciprocate for a real man. He'd give you everything freely." He rolled toward me, grabbing my legs and yanking me down the bed next to him. It startled me how quickly he moved. He looked into my eyes, like he was seeing something no one else could then he lean down and kissed me. This time it was slow and thorough, not any less passionate, but more like I knew he was done teasing.

I pulled his tee shirt up so I could run my fingers over his skin. He was so warm and smooth under my fingers it made me moan. He pulled his tee shirt over his head and tossed it away. Then he caught the hem of my dress and pulled it up to my hips. "Zipper," I whispered to him. He rolled me onto my stomach and pulled the zipper down, dropping kisses along my spine as he went. When the dress was opened fully he turned me around and lifted me to a sitting position.

Again he just looked into my eyes as if he were searching for something. I lifted my arms, granting him permission to lift the dress from my body. He reached out tracing his fingertips over my body, following the same path his eyes traveled as he looked me over. "Tan bonita," he whispered as his lips met mine again.

As we kissed we laid back onto the bed, his lips moving from my mouth to my neck sent tingles straight through me. He trailed kisses lower, capturing my nipples in gentle, tugging bites before moving lower. As he kissed my stomach his fingers found the sides of my panties and yanked them down my legs. I kicked them off, spreading my legs so he could settle between them. His lips moved to the insides of my thighs, kissing me softly, closer and closer to the spot I wanted touched most. "Can I taste you?" he asked looking up into my eyes. I nodded my head. "Tell me."

"Please, taste me," I said in a shaky voice, my hands slipping into his silky hair to guide him down. Then he took over, using his fingers to spread me and his tongue to taste in long, slow strokes before using it to slip inside me. I moaned and cried out wanting more, but not knowing what it was I needed him to do. I looked down at him, he stared into my eyes for a moment then winked. It was like a switch was flipped in him, he began licking and sucking all the right places while his fingers slipped inside of me just like that photo. Oh. My. God.

When he finally kissed his way back to my mouth I was nothing but a quivering puddle beneath him. I didn't even know it was possible to have a continuous orgasm like the one he created in me. I couldn't move much less speak at that moment. I was just breathing hard and whimpering. He collapsed on the bed next to me, pulling me against him, kissing my hair and stroking my arm and back. "Did I break you?" he asked in an amused tone.

"Holy crap. Wow," I said breathlessly. "Thank you."

He just laughed then. "My pleasure."

We laid there until I was breathing normally again. I looked at the man next to me, completely in awe of the things he could do to me. I kissed him then, sucking his tongue into my mouth and nibbling at his lips. The taste of my pleasure on his lips made me start to tingle again. All I wanted to do was make him feel as good as he made me feel. I kissed my way down his smooth chest and thin waist. His skin was dark and creamy and tasted as good as it looked. I reached the waistband of his shorts and pulled at the button. He put his hand over mine. "You don't have to."

I sat back on my heels looking down at him and pulled the button open. "I want to taste you too," I told him. I leaned forward kissing his lips again. He kissed me back, trailing his hands over me, bringing me back to a panting, tingling mess. He kicked out of his jeans as I kissed back down his body. This time when I got to his waist I met no resistance. I took him into my mouth, savoring the taste and feel of his smooth skin under my tongue.

It didn't take long before he was thrusting up into my mouth, pushing himself further down my throat. He was so long and thick it made my jaw hurt to hold it open that far, but taking him further each time gave me some sort of weird gratification. He grabbed my shoulders tightly, "I'm going to cum," he warned. I pushed down further, sucking hard when I felt him start to go. He groaned loudly, his fingers digging into the bare skin of my shoulders until he went slack under me. "Wow," he said with a laugh. I crawled up his body, dropping myself against him as I laughed too.

He pulled my curls back off my face, tucking them behind my ear. I tightened my arms around him, snuggling my face into his chest. I wasn't ready to let go yet. I wasn't ready for him to walk away. I guess I really couldn't just fuck like a man. Even now, naked in the arms of a stranger, a man whose name I never even asked I felt myself feeling things for him. Things that could only lead to another broken heart. "Deep thoughts?" he whispered as he touched my cheek.

I closed my eyes. "Mm hmm," I answered.

"I know what will help with that." He reached over and grabbed the discarded pipe and lighter. He scooted up, leaning against the headboard before pulling me with him. He took a hit off the pipe before handing it to me. It'd been almost a year since I'd had any, but it was like riding a bike. I settled back against him, curling my arm and leg around him so he couldn't escape. We each took a few more drags before I felt myself relaxing against him even more. "Mm, self-medication, how I've miss you," I purred into his chest.

"What happened to make you need self-medication?" he asked as he pet my hair soothingly.

"I was an idiot. I let a guy use me and then let the entire population of Chambersburg make me feel like I was this horrible, whore of woman, that wasn't good enough to share air with the rest of them."

He chuckled a little. "The guy? Was he the reason you were trolling for sex at the club tonight?"

"I wasn't trolling for sex," I argued, but just ended up laughing too. "I thought if I could find some sex god to fuck me within an inch of my life I wouldn't think of the asshole every time the idea of sex came up."

He laughed then. "A sex god?" I just nodded my head giggling. "That's a tall order to live up to." We were both just giggling and smiling at one another as we thought about that. "I could make you forget all about him, but I think you need closure first."

"Closure?"

"Confront that asshole and tell him to go to hell," he answered with a nod of his head, like he agreed with himself. "Tell him found someone who showed you how a woman should be touched."

"Mm," I murmured as I leaned up and kissed him again. "Are you done showing me?"

"Not even close, Babe," he smirked before kissing me again.

I dropped my head back onto his chest, giggling again. "So what's the real story behind your self-medication?"

"Those make me numb, those wake me up in the morning, those help me sleep," he said touching each of the pill bottles on the table. "The weed calms me down, controls my rage and temper."

I ran my hands over his chest, soothingly. "What makes you so angry?"

He laughed again. "Everything."

"Was it your cousin's death?"

His fingers tightened around my arm, almost bruising me. "I watched him die," he said quietly. "I was fourteen. It was late at night. I wasn't supposed to be out of the house, but I thought I could run with the older guys, be part of the gang." He looked like he was lost in thought for a while, almost like he was reliving something. "He just put the gun to Jose's head and just pulled the trigger. His blood was so hot when it hit my face."

I tightened my own hold on him, feeling like he needed me. "Why?" It was all I could say.

He laughed then, it sounded pained and a touch crazy. "They were fighting over some girl, thought they both loved her." He shook his head. "The little bitch was playing them both." I didn't know what to say so I just hugged him tighter, waiting. "All the while she was fucking a third guy they didn't even know about." He laughed then, it was harsh and raw sounding. Then he closed his eyes. "They'll never know that little bitch used them to get off on her little power trip." I knew there was more when he swallowed hard. "I promised myself I'd never trust a woman enough fall in love. I'd certainly never give her power over me." He started shaking under my fingers before he spoke again. "I will never kill for love again."

I heard the hatred in his words, the pure contempt for something long in the past. "Again?"

"I killed the man that shot my cousin. It was ruled a suicide, but I just made it look that way." I looked up at him, his eyes were still closed, but the tension in his facial features was visible, the lines around his eyes, the clenched jaw, the way his lips were pressed together in a tight line.

I couldn't look away. Even with this darkness surrounding him he was so beautiful. Maybe there was something broken inside of me too that allowed me to except what he'd just told me, but I couldn't judge. I wasn't sure I wouldn't have done the same thing had I watched Mary Lou or Eddie die.

I climbed over him, straddling his waist, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. He didn't respond so I kissed him again and again, until his arms finally came around me, pulling me down against his body. He kissed me back as he squeezed me hard enough to make it difficult to breath. He rolled us then, trapping me underneath him in one move. He caught my wrists in one large hand, holding them over my head and pinning them to the mattress as he grabbed my thigh in the other hand, lifting my leg to his waist. The next thing I knew he was inside of me. He plunged himself hard and deep, using my body to relieve his pain.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted my hips to meet his powerfully fast thrusts. It didn't take long for my body to respond to the constant pounding against my g-spot. I was screaming and groaning from the orgasms that tore through me. He snaked an arm under my hips lifting me off the bed as he pounded harder and harder until he finally exploded in my depths.

He collapsed in my arms both breathing and trembling hard. I held him in my own trembling arms. I'd never felt more powerful than I had in that moment. It was like I found the meaning of what a woman could truly do, I'd comforted, healed, and loved this man in my arms just by giving him my strength along with my body. I wasn't the little girl crying on the bakery floor anymore, I was a woman here in his arms. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" he whispered in my ear.

"No, I feel incredible." He rolled slightly off of me, keeping his arm wrapped around me as he snuggled against my side. I sensed he didn't know what to do or say to me after his confession and what had followed, so I just threaded my fingers through his and kissed his forehead. "You've healed something inside me that had been broken for years. I hope I've helped you too."

"I'm scared," he whispered. I rolled toward him so I could wrap my arms around him, holding him to me. He snuggled his face into my chest and held me back. "I can't go back to my parent's home and look into my mother's face. I can't see the disappointment there again. There is nothing for me here. I don't fit in anymore. I don't know where I belong."

"You will," I whispered back. I kissed his hair again, rubbing circles along his back.

"When?"

I shook my head wishing I had his answer. "Someday."

"Someday," he echoed me.

"Mm, you just need to find a place where people will appreciate you, where you can be yourself. And you should stop with the pills," I added as an afterthought. "That shit will kill you." I felt him smile without seeing it.

"Spend the night with me?"

"As long as you feed me breakfast." He kissed the skin between my breasts and seemed to relax in my arms.

When I woke up at sunrise I could see the ocean tinted a pink color from the patio doors I was facing. My lover was pressed against my back, trailing kisses over my neck. "Good morning," I whispered as I turned my head to kiss him.

"Sleep well?"

"Mm, yes," I smiled. "I've never slept with a man before."

"I didn't disappoint, did I?" he asked. I felt the smile against my neck. His hands moved over my breasts, teasing them to hardened peaks.

"Not yet," I giggled back at him. "How about you?"

"I've never slept with a man before either." I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of me, but it died as he pulled me back against him. His hardened length cradled itself between my butt cheeks. "Seriously, I've never trusted anyone enough to sleep with them before." His lips returned to my neck, kissing and biting me until my body had a mind of its own. My hips moved against his, grinding him against me. "I lost control of myself last night. I forgot to grab a condom," he whispered into my ear.

"I'm on the pill," I answered. "We're alright."

"Good." He kissed my neck again. "I've never been inside anyone without a condom before. You felt so good," he whispered again. His fingers slipped between my legs, sliding inside me. "So hot and wet and tight." I moaned when his dirty words mixed with the sensations his fingers were creating. "I fucked you last night, but today I can do much better. Do you trust me enough to let me do this the right way?"

"I trust you."

He moved over me then, kissing and touching my body, everywhere, until I was screaming for more. He suddenly rolled onto his back, pulling me with him until I was straddling his body. He grabbed my hips lifting me away from his body as he looked up at me with a smile. "Do you want me to use a condom?" he asked. I shook my head and licked my lips nervously, unsure what he was planning to do to me, but knowing the intimacy of not having that barrier between us was exactly what I wanted.

I felt him pressing against my opening just as his fingers dug into my hips, then he pulled me down his length, filling me even more than last night. "Oh my God," I squealed as I lifted myself up a little and then moved back down, settling him inside fully.

His hands moved back to my hips, encouraging me to move. "Lean back a little," he commanded. "Find an angle that presses me against your front wall." As I leaned back he continued to help me lift my hips up and down his length. He slid his hands down my legs then pulled my knees further away from his body, making me drop further down him and tilt the angle of my hips at the same time. I moaned as he grazed my g-spot. "There it is. Move yourself against me."

His hands found my hips again, holding my angle while I rode him. I put my hands on his thighs, using him as leverage to move faster and harder. I felt the orgasm building, just on the surface, but somehow I just couldn't get there. He grabbed my hand, putting my fingers to my clit. "Do it. Make yourself cum for me," he practically growled.

I looked away as I started to move my fingers over myself. "No, look at me. Don't be embarrassed to take what you want." I looked back at him, he nodded. "Now ride me." He lifted my hips and pulled me down hard. I continued to move on him as I rubbed myself mercilessly. Suddenly I cried out as my body exploded into orgasm. "Good girl," he moaned as he watched me come apart above him.

He sat up, lifting me with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist still holding him inside me. We held one another as we kissed and explored one another gently with our hands. I traced his broad shoulders and the tops of his arms, feeling the firmness of the toned muscles under my hands before moving on to caress his neck and ears. He moved similarly, touching my arms and back before moving his hands over my ass. I slowly rocked my hips against his, enjoying the sensation it created when he moved inside me.

He finally just flipped us so he was towering over my prone form again. We were eye to eye, nose to nose when he finally touched his lips to mine at the same time he began to thrust. He went on to show me that with the right partner I didn't need to take what I wanted because it was freely given, repeatedly.

It was shortly after ten when I woke up again. We'd had sex a couple more times after the first round was finally finished. I stretched before cuddling back against him. "Morning again," he said in a sleepy voice.

"Did I wear you out?" I asked smiling down at him.

He grabbed my hand and put it over his erection. "I'm never worn out," he told me with a little grin. "Though you can try if you want."

"Hmm, tempting, but you promised me breakfast."

He sighed as he stretched out too. "Breakfast will wait." I think he was teasing me, but just looking at his body made me want him again. I smiled as I crawled on top of him, taking him inside in one movement. "Good God, woman," he moaned as he caught my hips in his hands. "Slow down, I won't last if you keep that up."

"No," I told him. "Fuck me." He growled then, but he gave me what I wanted. His hips moved against mine, meeting my fast pace with hard thrusts. It didn't take long before I was screaming as the orgasms were ripped from my body. He came fast and hard too, pushing into me with another growl and a final thrust, he shook inside me with his release. I collapsed on top of him in a sweaty heap. "I want to stay here forever."

I felt his body stiffen under me like something had suddenly changed. He kissed me as he rolled me to his side. Then I watched him climb from the bed and pull on a pair of running shorts from his bag. He really was a beautiful man. He tossed me my panties and a white Nike 'Just Do It' tee shirt. "Roommates may be up," he said nodding toward the door. "Let's get your breakfast."

"Okay, just a minute." I run into the bathroom with the little pile of clothes clutched to my chest. After my normal morning routine I checked myself in the mirror. Yikes. I found a washcloth to remove the left over mascara from my face then finger brushed some toothpaste over my teeth, a little better. My hair still looked like I'd been fucked six ways to Sunday and I had two giant hickeys, one would be covered by a tee shirt, but the other wouldn't. I quickly put the clothes on and moved out to my bag to find a scrunchie for my hair, at least in a ponytail it wasn't quite so crazy looking.

"Ready?" he asked smiling. He was clearly amused at my attempt to look less fucked. I nodded and followed him back downstairs. He went to the cupboards and started looking for food. "Tutty Fruities?" he asked.

"What?"

"Generic Fruit Loops?"

I just laughed as I took the box from him. He pull out two bowls and spoons while I went to the fridge for the milk. We sat at the breakfast bar crunching away on our cereal. I wasn't sure what to say. Did I just thank him and go on my way or leave my number? Christ, he didn't even know my name, how could I ask him to call me? How could I just drop my name though? Oh, hey, we had sex five times in the last twelve hours so you can call me Steph? Not likely.

God, why did I get myself into situations like this? I clearly couldn't fuck like a man. I didn't just fuck him and get out last night. No, I had to go and spend the night sharing secrets and sleeping in his arms like real lovers do. This morning I couldn't even bail like a good one night stand did. Nope, I hung around for four more rounds. That doesn't even make him a one night stand anymore, this was multiple days here. Shit. This was more of a relationship than I'd ever had with anyone and I didn't even know his name.

I was vaguely aware that two other men had entered the kitchen, grabbing drinks and fruit, but my mind was still swirling through the 'what nows'. "Do I know you?" one of them asked.

"No, we just met in the club last night. Just go in the other room and quit checking out my woman," said my, um, cripes what did I call him?

"Common Bobby, clearly we are not wanted here," the other one said slapping his buddy's arm. "Be warned, my cousin there is an asshole, sometimes." I guess I had been warned now.

I looked up at, um, my lover, guy friend and smiled. "I'm only an asshole to him, he deserves it." I smiled back at him. "Something wrong?"

I sighed then. "I don't know. I've never done this before," I said pointing back and forth between us.

"What?"

"You know, one night stands, casual sex, all that," I whispered to him kind of afraid his friends would hear me.

He spun my bar stool until we were facing one another. "It may have been only one night, but there was nothing casual about what happened between us," he told me softly. "I don't think you're the type of girl that can do casual. Your heart is too big."

"So what happens now?"

"Now we'll finish our breakfast, take a nice walk on the beach, and then I'll walk you home to your friends before I come back here to pack. I have to see my abuela before I leave for school."

"What about me?" I asked, not really meaning for it to be said aloud.

He leaned his forehead against mine. "You'll go home stronger and more confident than ever. You'll find the closure you were seeking and you'll move on with your life," he said with a little smile. "You'll get that business degree and a decent job and probably a husband that will adore you and spoil you and your babies." I felt tears stinging my eyes. "You'll remember the magic that happened between us in here," he touched my head. "But you won't let it get in the way of opening up what's in here," he touched the skin over my heart. "I'm not what you need. You're too good and I was damned long ago."

I felt the tears fall in earnest then. He pulled me into his lap. He tried to sooth me with his touch, but I felt like I was walking away from my destiny, like there was a part of me that would belong to him as long as we both lived. It wasn't right to not try to be together. "Let's get dressed and take that walk." I nodded and sniffled back at him.

He handed me a pair of black, cut off sweat pants that would double as knee length shorts on me. I pulled them on with the tee shirt I was already wearing. I rolled up my dress and stuffed it into my bag and picked up my shoes, no point trying to make four inch FMP's match the clothes I was wearing.

He added a blue Billabong tee shirt to his running shorts and shoved his feet into a pair of sporty slide sandals. He looked incredibly hot and I looked like I'd just been rode hard and put away wet, in men's clothing. He held out his hand so I reluctantly took it. I wasn't really ready to leave his bedroom yet, mostly because I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" he asked as we walked back down the steps toward the beach.

"I have to be to work at five. I'm closing at the hotdog stand tonight."

He grinned then. "So you really are a wiener expert?"

I started laughing, dork. "That may have been the lamest joke ever."

"But it made you laugh," he grinned. "And I like the sound of your laugh."

"I like yours too." He just smiled and shook his head.

Our nice walk on the beach turned into almost two hours. We strolled, held hands, splashed in the water, picked up some shells, sat on the rocks and kissed, and just talked. Well I talked, he listened. I told him all about the job at the hotdog stand, Mary Lou and Eddie, my mother's need to turn me into a proper Catholic Burg girl, my Grandma Mazer helping me cover up stuff from my mom, and finally the shit that went down with Morelli. He just laughed and asked questions as he followed along with my stories. Then we grabbed a couple burgers and shared a giant Coke for lunch on the way back to my place.

"This is me," I said nodding toward the two story yellow house.

He nodded as he followed me to the front porch. I wasn't ready to just walk away yet so I sat down on the top step, tugging his hand so he'd get the hint. He slipped an arm around my back as he settled next to me. I took a drink of the Coke then held the cup up to him. We stared into each other's eyes as his lips closed around the straw.

"Hey, Steph," Eddie said as he walked up toward the house.

I narrowed my eyes at him, last night's clothes, blood shot eyes, and facial hair well past five o'clock shadow. I grinned then. "Awe, Eddie, making your walk of shame a little late in the day," I teased.

He rolled his eyes at me as he leaned toward me. "Mm, how I love the scent of Cannabis and sex on a hot summer afternoon. You should bottle that, Steph." He just grinned when I flipped him off. Then his eyes settled on the man next to me. He looked him up and down before smiling again. "Thank God. I didn't get a look at you before she left last night. I was afraid she'd kick me in the balls if you turned out to be a hunchback. Eddie, by the way," he said offering his hand.

"Rick," he said taking Eddie's offered hand in a friendly shake. Then he turned his eyes on me. "A hunchback_, Steph_?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "We have a beer goggles pact, _Rick_," I explained. He just flashed me one of those drop dead sexy smiles of his as he laughed. I turned back to Eddie. "What about you? Were your beer goggles on?"

Eddie started to back away again so I grabbed him by the collar and inhaled the scent on his shirt. "Holy shit, no way!" He just shook his head no. "Navy perfume? No one wears that anymore, no one but my cousin Shirley."

"I'm not talking about it," he grumbled. "Nice to meet you, Rick, maybe I'll see you around someday."

"You too," Rick nodded back at him as he made his escape into the house.

"Rick?" I smiled the kind of smile I got when I was given an extra slice of pineapple upside down cake.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head slightly. "Figured it wasn't fair if I knew yours and you didn't know mine." I was fairly bouncing with my excitement. He wasn't some stranger anymore, he had a name. "I was thinking it'd be a lot cooler if we just walked away without names, sort of mysterious and romantic."

I launched myself at him, kissing him with everything I had. When I pulled back I smiled at him. "I think I'll like having a name to go with the man that'll fill my dreams."

He kissed me again. "I should get going, Steph."

I nodded back to him, but looked down at my lap. I didn't want him to see my disappointment. He leaned his forehead against mine and took my hands. "I won't forget any of this," he promised. "I don't know what it is about you, but I think this is as close to love as I'll ever feel."

"Me too."

"No, Steph, you're too full of love not share it with someone else."

"What if I don't want someone else?"

"You will."

I shook my head no. "Do you think I'll ever see you again?"

"Maybe, someday." I nodded back to him. We kissed and held one another for a few more minutes. "Thank you for today." He stood and smiled at me one last time before he walked away. I watched his back until I could no longer see him.

Mary Lou sat down next to me and took my hand. "Did you find what you were looking for?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Not yet, but I will. Someday."

** ***So what did you think of Rick? He'll have his own chapter later, so many secrets to explore, but like RC, Rick is gone, so this man will take on yet another face before I'm done. Please review, it makes me happy to know you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.*****


	8. Chapter 8--Summer Closure

****Author notes…wow, that was a tough one to write through. I knew what I wanted to do, but it took a few turns I wasn't expecting. Don't worry, everyone will get their HEA in the end, but Steph is going to have a few tough chapters ahead of her here.****

Trenton—August 10th

I was lying on my back, the warm summer grass below, the slightly clouded sky above, and my two best friends on either side of me. Cadwalader Park had been one of my favorite spots in Trenton when I was young, the balloons, the animals, and the families spending their afternoons together all appealed to me. Now the merriments of our childhood were gone, it was just a park to most, but to us it was our meeting ground, outside The Burg. A spot that we could get together and talk without having to worry that someone would overhear every word we said.

Mary Lou lifted her hand into the air, adjusting it this way and that. The light caught and sparkled on the diamond ring that was recently added to her finger. I turned my head to smile at her and her ring. "I can't believe you're going to marry Lenny," I said with a big smile on my face. Lenny was her first crush, her first kiss, and eventually her first lover. It was the ultimate Burg girl dream, to marry your first love.

"I know, right? Who would have thought that his annoying habit of following me around would turn into this?" She smiled before resting her hands across her chest. I nodded, following was a light word for it, he was one step away from being a stalker three years ago. Creepy if you asked me.

"You're really in love, aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes I am." I nodded to her and closed my eyes. I always wondered what it would be like to be in love and have that person love you back the way Lenny did with Mary Lou. I'd never been lucky enough to find someone willing to stick around to love me completely.

Twice I had given myself over to a man, heart, body and soul and twice I was handed my heart back. Okay, so the first time it wasn't so much handed back as it was drop kicked and left for dead, it was so beaten and bruised, I never thought I'd use it again. The funny thing was that in trying to heal it, I ended up having it hurt again. The second time it was treated with a tender hand that I don't believe wanted to hurt me, but I was still left alone, lost and confused, lonely even. The ache in my heart hadn't heal at all over the last year.

"You alright, Steph?" Mary Lou asked as she reached over to take my hand.

"Mm, yeah," I mumbled back. "Just thinking how lucky you are."

"You'll meet someone," she said squeezing my hand. Frankly, that's what I was afraid of. I'd met my someone and he walked away without a backward glance. I certainly wasn't about to try it again.

"Speaking of meeting someone," Eddie said jumping into the conversation. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What, you got a girlfriend, Eddie?" I teased my other best friend. Eddie hadn't dated much in high school either. It was probably because he'd sacrificed a lot of his weekends to his sad, pathetic, best friend Steph. Yeah, he sat home with me, took me to movies, and school dances, but we were never _involved_. He was really more the brother I never had than a friend at this point.

I watched his face turn a soft shade of pink. "I've been hanging out with Shirley a lot and was thinking about officially asking her out, if you're okay with that," he asked.

"My cousin Shirley?" I asked kind of stunned.

"Yeah."

"Huh, yeah, ask her out. Hell, if you can handle her whining you should marry her. She's cool," I told him with another poke to the ribs. I wasn't joking, I could see Eddie and Shirley together. They were both kind of square and dorky, but still cooler than shit, even if she did whine.

He laughed then. "I'm not going to marry Shirley. I was just thinking of taking her down to Pleasant Point tomorrow."

Mary Lou and I both started laughing then. "Are you going to tell us what happened with you and Shirley last summer?" Mary Lou asked.

"Come on, what did the two of you do that night? Just imagine Shirley and I did the same," Eddie laughed.

I shuddered a little imagining Eddie and my cousin getting it on, gross. "You're a sick man, Eddie," I told him laughing too.

"Come down to the beach with us. Well make it a party like last year," he said. "We can celebrate the engagement."

Mary Lou laughed and held her hand back up in the air. "That'd be cool. I'll ask Lenny."

I groaned. "I don't want to go to the beach. That's why I skipped the job at the hotdog stand this summer." It wasn't because I wanted to stay in Trenton, I'll tell you that much. It was because I didn't want to be reminded of my last weekend there.

"Come on, Steph. It's your happy place, remember?" Mary Lou told me.

"I can't."

"Is this still about that hottie you hooked up with last year?"

I rolled my eyes at her. Like she could understand what I had gone through. She had her Mr. Perfect and he was willing to offer her the world. "Just forget it."

"No, we're not going to forget it. We'll all go down to the shore tomorrow night," Eddie told me. "Your aunt and uncle got a beach house again, but aren't going there until Monday so we can stay the night free of charge." I rolled my eyes then. It was something they did every summer, which was probably how Shirley ended up being at the same club as us last year. That said she never gossiped about me leaving with a stranger, see, she was cool.

"Come on, Steph. What do you say? Beach fire, marshmallows, wine?" Mary Lou said excitedly.

"Stephanie, the fifth wheel," I added.

"I'll bring Carl," Eddie decided. "Even numbers."

"This had better not be a set up," I warned. They high fived over my head. Assholes. They knew they had me.

"At least you'll have a night away from your mom and Val," Mary Lou added to seal the deal. Fucker.

My mom and sister St. Valerie had been in a tizzy since she announced she was pregnant last month. She'd dropped out of school a third of the way into her freshman year of college and married her upperclassman boyfriend almost immediately. I'd be lying if I said I liked him, he seemed like a toolbag to me, but she seemed all in love with him, even if he did grab my ass every chance he got. Anyway, she came to dinner, announced that she was pregnant, and that her jerkface husband had gotten a job in California. They were moving across the country in October.

This meant that my mother had to let everyone in The Burg grapevine know that her beautiful, wonderful first daughter had done her duty, she was going to be a grandmother. She also only had two months' notice to plan and execute a baby shower and going away party for Val. Plus, she had to oversee the packing and travel plans for her pregnant darling and help her get their row house ready to put on the market. In other words, my mother was in heaven.

It almost took all the attention off of me. The pathetic daughter that came home boyfriendless at the end of her first year of school. My mother had been at her wits end, trying to thrust me upon any proper, single Burg boy she could find, but I didn't want them. I don't know what I want, it's more what I don't want, a Burg husband, but at least now with Val being the focus she put the fix ups on the backburner.

"Fine. I'm in, but you better get the real wine, not those gross wine coolers and if Lenny brings Zima again I'll be convinced he has vagina," I told her just to be bitchy.

"He doesn't have a vagina."

"Nope, we're done with this topic," Eddie interrupted me. He obviously knew we were headed for a penis size conversation. Heh, I'd have to ask Shirley how he stacked up. "Stephanie," he growled.

I started laughing then, apparently I'd thought that out loud. "You'll be my maid of honor, right Steph?"

I looked over at Mary Lou and smiled, "Of course I will."

"Good. Then you're not allowed to tell the groom he has a vagina. It's just not done," she told me. Hmm, I must have missed that part of etiquette training.

"Alright. I'll assure everyone he has a very manly penis," I grinned at her.

"Great," she groaned.

I couldn't help laughing at her. "I'm kidding. I love you, Lou."

"I love you too," she agreed.

"I love you too Mrs. Shirley," I told Eddie.

"Christ," he grumbled making both of us laugh.

"I have to get going. Lenny's taking me to Pino's for dinner."

"Wow, Pino's. How romantic. Nothing says I love you like a pizza," I teased her.

"We're saving for the wedding and a house," she explained.

A house? A husband? God, my best friend was going to be a Burg wife. I smiled back at her, pretending my happiness over the wedding and house. What if she turned into Val or God, my mother? I wouldn't even have a best friend anymore. I'd be totally alone.

"See you later," she called running back toward our cars.

Eddie reached over and took my hand. "Weird, isn't it?" he asked. "Married seems pretty final."

I nodded back. "I hope they have one of those forever marriages," I told him. "Getting dumped sucks."

"You ever going to tell me about Rick?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "It's history, Eddie."

"And if he showed up today and told you he couldn't stop thinking about you what would you do?"

I shook my head. "This is real life Eddie. Stuff like that doesn't happen to girls like me."

"I don't know. I saw the way he looked at you, seriously, I don't think I'll ever forget it. It was like magic happening between you."

I rolled my eyes. "Magic isn't real, it's all an illusion."

"Then why are you still thinking about him?" he asked.

I sat up to avoid his gaze. He was right, I was still thinking about him, a lot. I spent half the time daydreaming that he'd walk into one of my classes and say he transferred to be closer to me or I'd answer the door at my parent's house and he'd just be there, like he wanted me so much he took the time to figure out who I was and where I lived. The other half of the time I spent trying to convince myself that the memories were much sweeter than the reality could ever be. Neither thing really helped me forget that perfect night, it was always there, always.

"I should get home. Mom wants me to stop at Giovichinni's for some stuff before dinner," I told him successfully avoiding the subject.

"Fine, I know what you're doing though. Avoidance isn't going to help you any."

I grinned while I held my hand out to pull him to his feet. We took our time walking back to the parking lot. He promised he'd call me later with the details for our trip before I climbed into my dad's Buick and headed back to The Burg.

My mind was swirling as I thought about my last weekend at the beach. The words Mary Lou had asked me that morning played through my mind, did I find what I was looking for? All I had wanted was to find someone to take my mind off Joe Morelli and the fact that he ruined my reputation, my social life, and embarrassed me and broke my heart. I wanted to move on and forget Joe Morelli ever touched me.

I thought I was doing alright. Not living in The Burg cured a lot of it, no one to gossip about me every time I leave the house, no one to point out everything I do wrong, no one to remind me that I don't fit in. Then I step foot back in The Burg and all of it goes out the window, I'm still that same old Stephanie, the damaged misfit. So that part of it I hadn't fully gotten over I guess.

My heartache on the other hand no longer belonged to Joe Morelli at all. When I thought of him I was angry that he treated me so horribly and used me the way he did, especially after pretending to care about me, but he didn't make me sad anymore. The sadness now belonged to the other man no longer in my life.

I sighed to myself as I turned the corner toward the deli. Maybe I did need a weekend with my friends, I was in a funk again.

I was about a block away from Giovichinni's when I saw him. I thought I was seeing things at first, like maybe my wayward thoughts had conjured up his image, but as I drove closer I saw the same old swagger, the way he was leaning into Shelly Laski, it was all too familiar, but it was the denim clad ass that was the clincher, it was him. I felt my temper bubble to proportions I didn't know existed before that moment.

He stepped away from the other woman and smiled as he headed for the deli. That son of a bitch was back in town. The next thing I knew my foot was pushed down on the gas and my dad's Buick was aimed straight at him. The car jumped the curb and barreled into him, bouncing him off the hood onto the sidewalk where he settled in a broken heap.

I braked the car before hitting it into park and jumping out. I ran to the passenger side of the car and looked down at Joe Morelli.

"Stephanie? What the fuck?" he screamed.

"Me? What about you, you piece of shit? How dare you show your face in this town after the way you left," I screamed at him.

"You tried to fucking kill me because I didn't call you after I nailed you?" he asked holding his leg. He obviously couldn't move.

"I didn't try to kill you. I was trying to stop and my foot slipped," I told him.

He faked a laugh. "You're fucking crazy. Jesus. You broke my God damned leg."

"Good. You broke more than my leg, Morelli. I hope you think about what you did to me every time you try to walk with that limp."

"Did someone call the police?" he yelled to the group of on lookers.

"It was an accident," I yelled back at him.

"You're just jealous you weren't my first stop when I got back in town," he said with a maniacal laugh, obviously in pain.

"You wish, Morelli. You're pathetic and that five minutes you called sex was pathetic and that thing between your legs, not that impressive as it turns out," I told him.

I heard the laughter and the gossip starting in the crowd, but I didn't give a shit at that moment. The police and paramedics showed up close to the same time. Funny thing was, no one could say for sure that I was aiming for Morelli, turns out there was no proof it wasn't an accident.

By the time my father showed up and threatened Joe with statutory rape charges if he didn't stop screaming that I tried to kill him, the police were already having a laugh at the situation. Seems Joe Morelli had fucked their sisters, daughters, wives, and in one case mother, so the police were all too willing to overlook my foot slip. I didn't think Daddy would have actually tried to get him in trouble for something that happened three years ago, heck, I don't even know if that's possible, but it was the thought that counted.

Daddy walked me back to his only slightly dented Buick and kissed my forehead. "I'm proud of you, Pumpkin." He winked and headed back for my mom's car, which he'd driven to the scene.

As soon as I walked in the house my mother was on my back. "Do you know how many phone calls I've had today? Forty-three already. People just have to tell me about how you tried to kill Joseph Morelli then started shouting obscene things at him about sex." She crossed herself as she said this. "Your poor sister, this stress isn't good for the baby."

I rolled my eyes as I ignored her and ran up the stairs to my room. Christ, what a mess. How did this stuff happen to me? It was like whenever I was within a block of Joe Morelli my brain short circuited and I acted stupid and impulsively. Not that I'd go back and do it differently, I guess, I'd broken his leg, too bad it wasn't his penis.

A half hour later I heard stones hitting my bedroom window. I looked down at Eddie and smiled. "Get your bag, we're going now. Figured you'd need an escape plan." It took me less than five minutes to toss my stuff into a duffle and run out the front door to Eddie's waiting car.

Eddie and Carl were in the front seat so I jumped into the back with Shirley. "Hey, Shirl," I said smiling at her.

"Hey, Steph," she smiled back. Then she held out her hand in a high five pose. "Good job with Morelli."

I high fived her and relaxed into the seat. "You really hit him, Steph?" Carl asked as he turned in his seat. He and Eddie are a year into their police training, but not cops yet so I shook my head yes. "Good. I'd planned on stomping his pretty face in, but you handled it yourself just as well."

He handed Eddie twenty bucks then. "What's that for?" I asked poking him in the shoulder.

"Bet him you'd kick Morelli's ass when he came back to town," Eddie said laughing.

"Idiots. You'll bet on anything," Shirley told them. "You should get help."

"We will, maybe, in a couple years," Carl agreed. "Next year we turn twenty-one so we're going to Atlantic City instead of Point Pleasant. You ladies can join us if you're willing to be our good luck charms."

"I'll pass. You'd bet me to the highest bidder, Carl Costanza," Shirley whined. She wasn't wrong.

I smiled at her and nodded. "We'll go to the beach while you idiots go gamble your savings away."

"Sounds like a deal to me," she agreed.

"No way. You can't just take off to the beach with Steph. She attracts strange attention," Eddie grumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she complained to him. "You don't trust me if men try to hit on us?"

He winced when she smacked the back of his head. Yeah, I think Eddie and Shirley would make a great couple. "Nah, it's not that baby. You just didn't see the fucking Don Juan she rolled home with last year."

I started snorting then. "Eddie's jealous."

"We're going to get our bikini's on and swing our asses down the beach like proper Jersey girls just for that Eddie Gazzara," Shirley told him in her patented whine.

"I'll be right behind you," Carl said with an eyebrow wiggle. This time Shirley smacked him in the head. I was starting to think it wouldn't be so bad to hang out with her more often.

An hour later we were pulling up in front of a midsized house located right on the beach. "My parents were lucky to get this house for the week. The owner's had a cancellation just a few weeks ago so we don't have to walk to the beach this year."

"Cool," I told her looking around. I had the strangest feeling come over me, like this was part of my destiny or something. I looked around again, recognizing the house in front of me. No way.

She unlocked the keys from a pin pad locked key box and opened the house. "Daddy is coming Sunday night, so as long as we take out the trash and clean up behind ourselves he won't care that I had extra people," Shirley told us. "Steph, take Mom and Dad's room. He'll know if we've had sex in there," she whispered to me.

"Sure," I whispered back making a face at her. I didn't know if the idea of her and Eddie getting it on or the idea of my aunt and uncle knowing about any of having sex was worse, frankly it was all too weird to think about. The idea that they'd be sleeping in a bed I'd completely defiled made me feel kind of sick. "End of the hall, right?" She nodded back. I didn't feel like telling her I'd spent the night in that particular bed a year ago. Hopefully a year was too long for Uncle Phil's sex radar to pick up my scent, yeah that thought came with a shudder.

Eddie and Carl unloaded the cooler, grocery bags, and cases of drinks into the kitchen while Shirley and I headed upstairs with the four duffle bags. I tossed Carl's on the floor next to mine as I assumed the third bedroom was for Mary Lou and Lenny and I wasn't sure where he was going to sleep.

I looked around the sparkling, clean bedroom. It was very unlike the last time I saw it. Then it had looked lived in, like the man staying there belonged in the room. I always knew it was a rental, but somehow in my mind that was still where I pictured him living.

The plush ivory carpet, the ivory and red floral comforter, and the dark wood furniture were all the same as before, but it felt different now, empty without him. I walked over to the bed and pulled back the blankets. I ran my hand over the dark red pillowcase, wondering if these were the same sheets he'd slept in. Before I knew it, I was lying in the bed with my face buried in the pillow.

I started to remember everything about Rick. How his smooth, dark skin felt against my own, the delicious aroma of his scent, the way his silky hair fell over his eyes while he hovered over me, the way it felt when he came deep inside me, and the way it felt to sleep in his arms. I'd never felt that safe and at peace before. I closed my eyes and let out a silent prayer that he'd think of me too, remembering the same things.

"Stephanie, we're going to start the grill, come out back," Eddie yelled up the stairs. I sighed before I rolled out of the bed and joined the others outside.

Eddie and Carl looked at home on the deck with the burgers on the grill and beers in their hands. Shirley was lying in one of the lounge chairs with a radio going quietly next to her. I smiled as I walked past them and leaned against the railing to look down at the beach.

Off to the left of the deck were the stairs made from railroad ties that led down to the sand. I stared out at the water still wondering what Rick was doing at that moment. What if he was here at the beach again? He probably went home to Florida or wherever he was actually from. Who knows if the story he told me was even real, maybe Rick wasn't even his name. I sighed to myself. I'm becoming obsessed over a guy I'm never going to see again. I needed to face facts, when he told me maybe we'd meet again someday it was just a pretty thought. Shit like that doesn't happen in real life. We never exchanged last names or addresses or anything, we couldn't find one another if we tried. I sighed again, chance meetings with the same man didn't happen more than once.

"That's a lot of sighing," Carl said as he leaned against the railing next to me. I shrugged at him. "This about Morelli?"

"Nope. Honestly I feel like I finally got my closure," I told him with a little smile.

He smiled back. "Closure with the hood of a Buick, remind me to never fuck you over," he laughed.

I couldn't help laughing back. "I never did thank you for standing up for me in the aftermath of Hurricane Joe."

He put his hand over mine. "You don't have to thank me. It's what friends do. I may not always show it, I can be a shithead, but if you ever need help I'll be one of the first ones in line to give it to you or make sure you're alright or not arrested." I knew he would so I just shook my head. "I never forgot the night you saved my ass at the Rosolli's house. Your fire and bravery could never be matched by another woman. You shouldn't let anyone take that from you again."

"Thanks, Carl."

He nodded slightly. "Morelli's an asshole. He knew he was never good enough for you. He told me that more than once. I don't know why he couldn't just stay away from you like he promised. I kind of think he was trying to mark his territory before he left town."

"What?"

"He marked you as his and then let every person in town know about it. I think it was his way of saying he loved you."

I snorted at that. "That's fucking crazy."

"He's a man, we're all fucking crazy," he said with a shrug.

"Well, it's over, done. Morelli has nothing on me and never will again."

He smiled before he leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Good to know."

I looked back over my shoulder and watched Carl walk away, his ass was definitely in the top ten of Trenton. Eddie caught my line of vision and frowned. I stuck my tongue out at him and looked back out at the water.

I hadn't known it until I said it out loud, but I did have my closure with Morelli. Rick told me that he could make me forget about him, but I needed the closure first. It's funny that all I needed was to tell him off, to take control back of my life, to get my closure. I thought closure was some sort of fictional thing that was dangled in front of me but I'd never reach. It felt good, freeing really.

I was sick of having my heart tied up in the past. I stuck my hand into my denim shorts and wrapped my fingers around the tiny seashell that I'd been carrying around for the last year. I kept it to remember Rick and the hope that someday I'd find true love again. I closed my eyes and made the wish I'd made on it every day for a year. _Come back to me someday. _

"Steph, burgers are good to go," Eddie told me with a tug to my ponytail. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I followed him back to the picnic table where they had chips and dip and all the toppings I could want for my burger. Yum.

After dinner the guys started a fire on the beach. Mary Lou and Lenny showed up just after we'd sat down on the beach blankets with marshmallows and sticks. I had stuffed my face with at least a dozen marshmallows then switched over to a bottle of wine as I watched the other two couples at the fire, all snuggly and stealing kisses and whispering to one another between the group conversation. I had never felt more alone.

Carl must have read my mind, because he handed me a bottle of tequila he'd been sipping from. I made a gag face while I nodded toward Mary Lou and Shirley. Carl just winked and nodded back at the bottle. Everything was less annoying with a few drinks in you it turns out. So when the other two girls started talking about the ring and wedding colors I flopped onto my back and stared up at the stars. I was only slightly dizzy by that point, so I just closed my eyes and listened to them.

"I can't believe you're marrying the man first man you ever kissed, how romantic is that?" Shirley was saying in her whiny voice.

Mary Lou giggled and kissed Lenny again. "It is romantic. Remember that night?" she asked him.

"I saw fireworks it was so good," he said.

That was totally lame. "It was the Fourth of July," I grumbled.

"Party pooper," she said as she hit me in the face with a marshmallow. "I know let's play a game. Everyone tell about their first kiss. Shirley you're next, then we'll go in a circle." Her eyes narrowed at me and I knew what she was doing. She'd never gotten the story on my first kiss and she wanted it, now.

"Well," Shirley started. "I was fourteen and Bucky Siedler walked me home from school and kissed me under the Willow Tree on the corner by Mr. Mascowitz's house. It was wet and sloppy, and definitely no fireworks."

I shuddered as I thought about Bucky's lips anywhere near me. Mary Lou was laughing her ass off. Clearly she'd been hitting the wine pretty hard. "Eddie's turn," she chirped.

Eddie's eyes met mine in a panicked looked before he looked back at Shirley. Shit. "What? Was it that bad?" she asked him.

"Uh, no, it wasn't bad," he mumbled as he chugged down his beer.

"Were there fireworks?" Mary Lou asked.

"Was there tongue?" Carl added with a grin.

"Yes," Eddie said looking at the fire.

"To which?" Mary Lou insisted.

"Both."

As I watched Eddie from across the flames I began to wonder if I'd made a mistake all those years ago. Just because he didn't stack up to some stranger that I'd kissed a million years ago didn't mean that it wasn't a really good kiss. He was my best friend, he was cute, and he'd do anything for me. Wasn't that the stuff real relationships were made of? Had I thrown Eddie away for some pipe dream about having tingles when a guy touched me? Then again, the tingles were real enough. I had the proof, twice.

Mary Lou kept badgering him while I was lost in thought until he growled. "Fine. Stephanie and I kissed the night of the cotillion and it was fucking amazing, perfect. There were fireworks, hell explosions, going on inside me, especially with the things she could do with her tongue," Eddie practically yelled at her.

Mary Lou's mouth dropped open as she looked back and forth between us. "Shit," she whispered. "I didn't know."

Shirley looked like she was going to be sick. Then she grabbed the bottle of booze sitting next to Lenny and started chugging from it like a pro, dang. "It was just that one kiss when we were fourteen, Shirley. We've just been friends since," I told her. "Please don't let this ruin what you have with Eddie."

"Was he your first kiss too?" she asked me, like all the answers to her future depended on my answer.

"No, he wasn't." I turned and looked back at the water, remembering that night. I hadn't thought about it in at least a good five years.

"Was it Morelli?" Eddie finally asked. I wonder how long he'd been wondering that.

"No, it wasn't Morelli either. He was my third kiss, you were my second." He nodded back like he was relieved that it wasn't Joe. "It was just a boy that I met here at the beach the summer before seventh grade."

"You're real popular here," Eddie grumbled before drinking another beer down. I glared at him, idiot sounded jealous again.

Mary Lou started giggling then. "You should have seen these guys we went home with. We were in the arcade and Steph starts eyeballing this thug."

"They weren't thugs," I complained.

"The one she was making eyes at was stealing the money out of the games." Everyone laughed at Mary Lou's story. "Anyway, she up and takes off down the beach with him without a second thought, so I had to follow with the other four guys, who were kind of scary looking."

"She was scared because they were _colored_," I added to embarrass her, but it didn't derail her story at all.

"So they walked us down the beach to a fire and talked us into playing truth or dare out here, which resulted in Steph and that guy going behind some rocks for an awfully long time."

"Truth or Dare?" Carl asked laughing. "And that worked for him? Huh?"

"Don't get any ideas," I told him. "And yes, it worked for him. We walked out to the rocks and he taught me how to kiss."

"Were there fireworks?" Mary Lou asked.

"And tongue?" Carl added.

"How about tingles?" Eddie asked then.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the little boy with his dopey smile and big brown eyes. The way he took control of me, showing me what to do, coaxing me to enjoy what my body was doing. He was beyond his years for sure. I smiled then. "Yes, there were definitely fireworks, and tingles that were like fucking electricity surging between us, and the things he did with his tongue could be legend, they are in my mind anyway," I told them with a sassy smile. I wonder if he's still a wizard. I should have gotten a name from him so I could look him up and find out.

"He's probably in prison," Mary Lou told me. "He had that look about him."

I snorted, I guess I thought out loud again. "You don't know that. He was sweet to me."

"Because he was trying to get in your pants," she complained.

"No, I was wearing a skirt."

This time she snorted. "How far did he get that night? You came back without your panties."

I laughed at her. "Do you want to talk about how you got fingered by…"

"Don't you dare, Stephanie Plum, we pinky swore that to secrecy," she screamed.

All the other people at the fire were forgotten at that moment. "Then forget about RC and let it go."

"Fine." She actually pouted.

"His name was RC?" Eddie said with a laugh. "Like the cola?"

"Nickname," I grumbled.

"Who fingered you?" Lenny asked Mary Lou.

"I hate you some days," she glared at me.

"I know." I smiled then. "Lenny, I wouldn't worry about it, lady fingers had nothing on you."

"Steph," Mary Lou cried covering her face.

"Lady fingers?" Carl asked. "Dougie Kruper? No shit?"

"We weren't together yet and Steph and I went to a party and I ate the brownies, the next thing I know my pants are gone," she cried to Lenny in a horrified voice. He just started laughing.

We all collapsed into laughter then, even poor Mary Lou. "Those were good brownies," I told her.

"Mooner should open a bakery," Eddie agreed.

"You're not in love with Steph are you?" Shirley finally asked.

He looked over at me and frowned. "No, we're not in love."

I shook my head no at her too. She finally relaxed and smiled a little. "Cool, Carl your turn," she said.

"Fourteen with Terri Grizolli, she was shitfaced and pissed about Joe Morelli ditching her at a party so he could go bang some stupid freshman slut. I was payback," he grinned straight at me so I got the feeling I knew exactly which party he was talking about. "Got a lot more than a kiss if you know what I mean."

Eddie and Lenny were right there with high fives while Mary Lou looked at Lenny with disgust. "For the record I did not have sex with Joe Morelli when we left that party," I told them making Shirley laugh until she was snorting.

"You and Joe Morelli have one of the most dysfunctional, love-hate friendships I've ever seen," she told me. I nodded my agreement.

"Remind me of that the next time he talks me into forgiving him," I told her. We all laughed again.

We ended up lying on the blankets, barely talking, most of us not sober enough to follow a conversation anyway. Lenny finally lifted Mary Lou's tiny, passed out frame in his arms and carried her into the house with a nod goodnight at us. I looked over at Carl who was passed out on the blanket beside me and laughed as I slapped his face. He didn't budge.

Shirley was still awake, but barely, her legs didn't work anymore. Eddie rolled his eyes at her with a tiny smile. "Let's put you to bed, Shirley," he told her.

"Okay, baby, I'm going to give you some good lovin' tonight," she slurred.

"Sure, that sounds great," he told her. He tried to lift her, but she started to crumple at his feet so he ended up just tossing her over his shoulder. "I'll be right back to help with Carl," he told me before disappearing with Shirley.

True to his words he reappeared five minutes later. "She's out already."

"Awe, no good lovin' tonight," I teased.

"Funny." I thought it was. "So what are we doing with Carl?"

"Couch, we can't get him up the stairs," I decided.

Eddie looked at the larger man for a minute. "Okay, you take his feet."

So I grabbed his legs and Eddie grabbed his shoulders. I think we hit his ass on every one of the railroad ties on the way up the stairs, but we finally managed to drag him into the living room, where we left him on the floor, but I covered him up with a blanket.

"I'm going to go down to put out the fire," Eddie told me. I followed him back down to the beach with a garbage bag. I collected the trash while he grabbed the unfinished bottles and tossed them into the cooler for easier transport. "You think Shirley is pissed that I never told her that we kissed?"

"Nah, she seemed alright after we told her it was just that one time," I assured him.

"Sure and the half bottle of Kahlua didn't hurt." I smiled at that, she really was a Mazer girl. "How are you still standing?"

I grinned then. "I quit drinking a couple hours ago. I didn't trust Carl to carry me to bed."

"Yeah, I think he was planning to make a move." I shrugged at him. "Would you have been alright with that?"

"Carl and me?" I asked as I thought about it. "I don't think it'd be more than a one night thing and I'm not a one night kind of girl."

"I'm glad you figured that out," he told me as he moved closer. "You're worth more than that."

"I wish other men saw me that way."

"If they don't they're fools." He was standing really close now, so close our chests were touching. "I can't believe anyone would walk away from you."

I don't know what made me do it, maybe it was the beach air or the booze or my lonely heart, but I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around him. We looked into each other's faces and stood there holding one another.

I don't know who moved first but we started to kiss, really kiss. It wasn't a dirty, groping hands kind of kiss. We still just held one another while our mouths explored each other gently. It wasn't full of heat or tingles, but it was sweet and tender and kind of melted something inside of me. I felt like I just wanted to keep taking from him until the loneliness was gone. Then I remembered where I was.

I pushed away from him, putting a few inches between us. "We're drunk," I finally whispered.

"No, I'm not. I love you, Steph," he whispered back. I shook my head no. "Just listen to me. If I don't say this to you at least once then I'll always regret it. Yes, Steph, I love you. I have loved you since you were ten years old and you took Benny's ball and tossed it through Mrs. Markowitz's window for teasing me about my glasses."

"Eddie," I said trying to interrupt.

"No, Steph, listen. I loved you the night of our first date and the first time I kissed you. I loved you so much that it hurt me to watch Joe Morelli screw up your life again and again. I loved you more than anything last year when we came here. I wanted nothing more than to murder that Rick guy you came home with that morning because I knew that he was able to touch you in a way I'd never be able to."

He pulled me back against him then and kissed me again. It was still a good kiss, good enough I didn't break it off right away. He moved me to the blankets that were still lying beside the fire and lowered me onto them. When he settled himself over the top of me I slipped my hands under his tee shirt and touched his warm back, then reality set back in. "Eddie, stop," I whispered to him.

His lips still against my neck. "Why Steph?"

"What about Shirley?" I asked.

"I like her a lot," he answered. "But it's still new. We're not in love…"

"Yet," I finished for him. "But you could be, will be, won't you?"

He rolled over next to me then, closing his eyes. "I don't know. I guess it's going that way. I guess I've been holding out hope that you'd come around."

I moved into him, snuggling into the crook of his arm. I knew he had to move on. I needed to give him his closure. "I can't love you the way you need to be loved, Eddie. My head is so messed up and my heart is full of someone else. I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on."

He hugged me against him and kissed the top of my head. "You will, Steph, someday you'll figure out where you belong."

"I know I will, but I think you've already figured out where you belong and she's up in that house right now," I told him quietly.

"Why does this hurt so much?" he asked then. I shrugged back at him. "You know I'll always love you. You don't forget your first love."

"I'll always love you too, Eddie," I told him back. It was true, but he deserved his Burg dream girl and I was never going to be that. "Maybe don't tell anyone about this kiss though. Shirley would kill me."

He kissed my nose then. "Promise me that when you're over this guy and ready to move on that you'll find a nice guy to take care of you, not some asshole like Morelli?"

I laughed then. "I promise, Eddie."

"Good." I leaned in then and kissed his lips lightly. He really was everything good and wonderful. I wished to God that I could love him back like he deserved, but I knew it would never happen. "We should go back to the house."

"You ready to move on?"

He smiled at me then. "Yeah, I'm ready," he nodded. "How about you?"

I knew it was my own fault that I was alone. I was holding out for something that I'd never get. So what if there was only one true love for each of us out there and I'd let mine walk away? Did that mean I had to be alone? Just because I couldn't let him go didn't mean that I couldn't spend time with someone else did it? I sighed to myself again. I couldn't do that to someone else, especially Eddie, it would be like giving only half of myself to someone new. I needed closure before I could fully move on.

I put my fingers around the seashell in my pocket and nodded back at him. "Not yet."

We hauled everything up to the deck and went in to our bedrooms. Eddie to start his life with Shirley and me to snuggle down in the memories of my lost love. I felt a big fat tear fall down my cheek and coat the red pillowcase under my face.

**** Thanks for the positive feedback, it helps when the story gets tougher to write. Please share your thoughts. Thanks so much for reading.****


	9. Chapter 9--Summer Bride

***Author's notes...Just wanted to thank everyone for the kind reviews and words of encouragement. This ended up being a sort of short chapter that's bridging to the next part of Steph's life. I promise there will be more exciting revelations before she finds her HEA, so hang in there with me***

Trenton-July 4th

It was hotter than hell today. The church was packed with a couple hundred sweaty people overdressed for the weather, but not the occasion. A double Burg wedding was enough to drive everyone out of their air conditioners, you didn't want to be the one person that missed something. I think they figured with me in attendance there was a good shot _something_ would happen, they were just waiting for it. I smiled politely to a few of my Grandma Mazer's friends and finger waved to Eddie's parents, even though his dad's eyes stayed on me a little too long.

I sighed to myself, despite the weather, I was personally stuck in a dark blue satin floor length dress with short fluttery sleeves and a neckline that was supposed to be demurely round. Of course, in the process of being altered mine somehow ended up indecently low cut and tighter than the rest of the bridesmaids. The bride, my best friend, Mary Lou had laughed it off and told me she knew I'd be the sexiest bridesmaid there. Flattery got her nowhere, but I wore it anyway, since she is my best friend.

With the other girls in red dresses and the bride in white we were seriously a July fourth sight, right down to our patriotic colored flowers and the little flags the guys were wearing on their suits instead of boutonnieres. I guess it was supposed to be romantic, since they had first kissed on this day eight years ago, but to me it seemed sort of silly. Then again I wasn't in all that romantic of a mood lately, maybe ever.

I walked over to the stained glass window and looked out at the parking lot. The cars were sort of distorted through the old glass, but I could see people still parking and making their way into the church. I sighed again. I don't think I want to get married in a church. I'd like to get married on the beach, maybe at Point Pleasant, with the water washing over my groom's and my feet. I snorted to myself, maybe I did have a romantic side, it was just mixed in with the stupid side. The way my life had been going I'd never be getting married, not that marriage was a goal or anything, it was just more I didn't like being alone.

"Hey, Steph," Eddie whispered in my ear. "You look incredibly, busty." His face split into a huge grin as he looked at my chest.

"Shut it," I warned.

"I saw the other girls' dresses, none fit like that."

I leveled my Burg glare at him. "Keep looking at my chest and I'll tell Shirley what a pervert you are."

He laughed then. "She knows and she loves it."

"Gross." He put an arm around me and smiled like he had a secret as we started back toward the other women.

"I'm going to propose tonight during the fireworks," he told me quietly.

I stopped in my tracks and looked up at him. "No way!"

He nodded yes back at me. "I wanted you to know first."

"Wow, um, is this really what you want?"

He wrapped his finger around one of my curls and smiled at me. "Yeah, I love her, Steph. She's smart and funny and she cares for me so much," he told me. "She's almost my best friend."

I couldn't help it, I hugged him then and pressed a little peck to his lips. He held me back maybe just a little too long. "She will be and we'll officially be family, you'll be my cousin."

He smiled back at me then. "You know that I'll always be here for you." I nodded back to him. He smiled and kissed my forehead as I snuggled into him for another hug.

"I'm really happy for you, Eddie."

"Thanks, Steph," he told me with a little smile.

I felt like my last little piece of home was slipping through my fingers. With Mary Lou married and Eddie moving on, getting married to someone else, what did Trenton have to offer me besides more loneliness. I held onto him a little tighter, I was kind of afraid to let go. I wanted to be selfish, to tell him that I didn't want him to marry Shirley and have a life without me, but I couldn't do it. I loved him too much to do that. He deserved his happiness. "I love you."

"I know. Me too," he whispered back as he nuzzled my hair.

Of course, that was the moment Angie and Bella Morelli happened to walk into the church. Mrs. Morelli crossed herself and shook her head at me while Bella glared and called me the devil woman. She was sputtering something about having relations in the back of the church. I rolled my eyes at Eddie. He just laughed at the crazy old bat. "You shouldn't have run her Joey over with the Buick. She'll be giving you the eye for the rest of her life."

"She's pure evil. I don't even know how she can enter the church," I told him. "And besides Morelli got what he deserved."

"You know he's moving back home next month?" Eddie asked.

"What?"

"I heard he's choosing to serve his last four years in the reserves so he'll be home unless he gets called up to duty," he explained. I know I made a face. "He's completed a criminal justice program somewhere in Virginia. I heard he got a job with the TPD with recommendations from his CO and instructors."

Now I know I made a face. "Are you kidding me? He's going to be a cop? He'll be a terrible cop."

Eddie shrugged. "I'm the one that is going to have to work with him."

"Yeah, maybe you could shoot him for me."

He started laughing then. I laughed back as I pulled him over to Mary Lou for a quick hello. He smiled and waved goodbye before going to sit down.

I watched the other women's smiling faces, the excitement was palpable in the air. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Excitement wasn't it. It was more a bittersweet feeling. I was so happy for my two best friends, so happy they found love and a future, but so confused myself that I didn't know where I belonged anymore.

I knew this would be the last summer I'd come home. Next summer I'd find somewhere else to stay, maybe find a job at the shore again, then the following summer I'd graduate and find something permanent, maybe out of state. I don't know. I just knew I couldn't come back here to no Mary Lou or Eddie and Joe Morelli lurking around waiting to suck me back into his orbit. No, I was done with Trenton. "Showtime ladies," one of the usher's said as he stuck his head into the backroom of the church.

I did a final check on Mary Lou's hair and adjusted her veil as the other bridesmaids started on their way up the aisle. Mr. Molnar tried his best to ignore us, standing a few feet away waiting to walk her down the aisle.

I smiled at her. "You look perfect. The most beautiful bride ever." I wasn't lying, she was wearing a big puffy white dress with a long train, it was short sleeved, covered in floral lace, and had a large bow at the small of her back. She looked like a little bride Barbie doll with her hair pinned up into ringlets. She was the epitome of a Burg bride.

"Geez, Steph, I'm kind of freaking out here," she whispered to me.

"Why? You want to get married right?"

She nodded back to me. "Yeah, yeah, sure. I love Lenny, but in an hour I'm not going to Mary Lou Molnar anymore."

I didn't know what to say. I'd thought the same thing at least a dozen times in the last week. She was never going to be the same girl again. She was going to be someone's wife. That was too scary. "I know, but you love Lenny. You know that you belong together. You've been telling me that for the last three years."

"I know, but I'm scared," she whispered again.

"I'm scared too. I'm afraid I'll lose you."

"You'll never lose me. I love you."

"I love you too." I wiped at her tears. I had to put my big girl panties on and believe her that we'd always be friends, she needed me right now. "You have nothing to be scared of either. Lenny is it for you. He's your someone and this is your someday, so we're going to get you married and you're going to have your fireworks tonight, just like the first time you kissed, right?"

"Right," she whispered again.

"So I'm going to walk down the aisle now and you better be following me or you're in trouble for making me wear this dress."

She nodded back. "Thank you, Steph."

I swiped more tears from her face. "No problem. Now, we're going to do this?"

"Yep. Let's do it."

"Good. Let's go find your man."

She grinned at me then and I knew she'd be just fine. I moved to the entrance to the church and looked up the big aisle. Lenny was standing at the front looking very handsome in his black tux. His brother and best man was standing next to him and actually winked at me when I glanced in his direction. Oh boy.

The mass was almost an hour long and I'm not going to lie, I was swaying on my feet a little. Okay, so I'd gotten bored, Catholic wedding services were about as exciting as reading the dictionary. I didn't trip and fall or start the place on fire and I was there at all the right times to adjust the train on her gown and hold her flowers. I didn't even miss my cue to go up and sign the marriage certificate. Afterward I stood at her side in the receiving line and greeted all her guests without an incident. Nope, I did my maid of honor duties and did them well.

After posing for photos we all went to the park where they had a huge tent set up for the wedding. The best part of being the maid of honor was that I was the first person to follow the bride and groom through the buffet line. I stuffed my face with food and downed three glasses of Champaign before the best man got up to do his speech.

I looked up at him, holding my fourth drink in a death grip. "I'd like to toast my new sister in law. To Mary Lou, thank you so much for putting this poor bastard out of his misery and marrying him already. For eight years I've been hearing about how you were the only woman for him. That first night you made out with him he locked himself in the bathroom for an hour when we got home, if you know what I mean, and it didn't get any better for the next five years. I was the happiest man on Earth when you finally gave into dating him, since my brother quit using up all the hot water, if you know what I mean."

"Jesus," Mary Lou whispered.

"Christ," I whispered back. This was a fucking train wreck. I didn't know what I was doing, but I stood up suddenly and interrupted the speech. "So it's time for my maid of honor speech. Wow, I don't know how I could top that performance," I joked getting a laugh from the crowd. I wasn't sure what I was doing, I hadn't planning on giving a speech, but I couldn't let that idiot keep going. "Mary Lou and I have been friends since we were babies. We were inseparable for years. Always did everything together, until eight years ago tonight. That was the night Lenny and Mary Lou started their life together. Sure there were a lot of twists and turns in getting to where their paths joined permanently, but it was always in the stars for them. I truly believe that there is one true love out there for everyone and when you find that person you know it. Mary Lou and Lenny knew it that night. They had their first, sweet, childhood kiss that night. It wasn't just the fireworks exploding in the sky that night, they were also exploding in their hearts. I still see it in their eyes every time they look at one another, or touch, or kiss, they still get those fireworks, that magic that only exists between soul mates. So to Mary Lou and Lenny, I toast you and your once in a lifetime love."

Everyone started clapping then. Mary Lou was in tears as she stood and hugged me. She wiped the tears that had fallen down my own face, even though I hadn't noticed. "You need to find him Steph. Don't give up on your soul mate," she whispered to me. I nodded back to her. I knew she was right. I wasn't going to give up until I found him.

At the end of the night I stood at the edge of the crowd watching the fireworks exploding over the Delaware River. Mary Lou was wrapped in the arms of her new husband, the smiles on their faces were as bright as the explosives overhead. To my right I saw Eddie sink to one knee in front of Shirley. Her shocked face turned into a huge grin before she fell to her knees and kissed him until they both fell on the grass. I couldn't contain my laughter, I was so happy for my friends.

For the first time in my life I knew what growing up was. It was moving on in my own direction, just like Mary Lou and Eddie have. I'd find my direction eventually and wouldn't let anyone stand in my way.


	10. Chapter 10--Summer Away

****Author's note…so this is the last chapter in the college part of the story. Hope you're still hanging in there with me. Thanks again for the great feedback and reviews, you make me smile.****

Newark-August 12

I stretched out in my soft bed and smiled when I smelled coffee brewing from downstairs. I looked out the window at the blue sky and the sun shining and smiled again, it was a beautiful day and I was off of work. I felt like Sleeping Beauty, like I could toss open the windows and little birds would fly in and sing to me. Okay, yes, I was happy, probably happier than I can remember being.

So maybe I hadn't seen my friends this summer and maybe I was still single, but I found me and I found this special little spot in the world, even if it was just for a few months. I smiled even as I made the bed in my little bedroom. I just had a feeling today was going to be special, so I pulled on a pair of shorts with the oversized Nike tee shirt I liked to wear to bed and followed the delicious smells downstairs.

Ezmeralda Mendez was at the stove making pancakes when I walked into the cheery, yellow kitchen. "Ah, Estefania, you smell the food?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"It smells wonderful," I said smiling back at the elderly woman.

"Sit, sit, nina." I obeyed by sitting in my chair at the little two seat table.

I had moved in with Ezmeralda at the end of my school term. Her husband had passed away over the winter so she needed someone to help her with the summer chores, gardening, yard work, some painting, attic and garage cleaning, and general maintenance around the house. I was looking for a second job when I found her ad. When we met it was like we both knew this was where I was supposed to be. Instead of cash she offered me a room and meals for the work I would do.

I gladly accepted her offer. I'd taken an internship at EE Martin's corporate headquarters here in Newark and had nowhere to live, which was why I was looking for a second job, to afford a rental for the three months I'd be in town. It was still a good commute to work, but I liked the little neighborhood she lived in. It kind of reminded me of The Burg, except that I was completely accepted here by all the neighbors even though English was a second language to most of the Cuban residents.

It was a nice little street with single family homes and neat well-kept yards. Everyone attended the same Catholic Church located just around the corner. At first it was weird attending a Spanish mass, but it turned out it was no different than the masses at home, so I was able to follow along and even learned the responses in Spanish. After mass the neighbors would take turns hosting a lunch picnic which they always included me in. The people were amazing, I met so many new friends, and the food, I never tasted such rich, wonderful flavors as the ones in the foreign dishes they served.

She slid the plate in front of me and smiled as she watched me take my first bite. Ezmeralda loved to cook and I loved to eat, so really it was a win-win situation for us both. She reached over and fingered the tee shirt I was wearing and made a tsk sound with her tongue. "What?" I asked restraining my eye roll.

"You sleep in this man's shirt," she shook her head. "You chase a ghost."

"I'm not chasing a ghost. He's very real." Okay so I did sleep in his tee shirt and I had been spending my free time going over the Rutgers University student directories and kind of stalking him down, but I needed to find him again. So what if I had to go through like sixty thousand names and look up all the Ricks, Richards, Richs, and Dicks in the book. I felt like I was so close to finding him this time. I just knew that my path led to Newark for a reason. This was my road to true love. "I'm going to find him."

"How do you find him with no name?" she said shaking her head again. "I know nice boys."

"I'm sure you do, but this boy was my one," I told her before shoving more pancake into my mouth.

"He should not have left you, nina. You are good girl," she told me. I nodded my agreement. "You're walking Rosa's dog this morning?" I nodded yes. Rosa Santos lived across the street, she had broken her ankle last month so I'd volunteered to walk her dog for her. She was a sweet, older lady, one of Ezmeralda's best friends, but she hardly spoke any English. "You ask her about her grandson, he is coming home this weekend. He is a good boy too."

I smiled at her and shook my head. "I'm sure he is, but I'm not looking for a set up. It's bad enough my mother tried to set me up with dates for the wedding." Eddie and Shirley were getting married in three weeks, it'd be the first time I was home since Easter, but I had to go, I was a bridesmaid, again. My mother had begun to get excited that I'd never be the bride and suddenly she had six men looking for wives, according to their mothers, lined up for me to date. Luckily, I was standing up with Carl so he offered to take me as his date. My mother wasn't going to give up though, Carl was a policeman with the TPD. I could do worse for myself than to marry a nice young man like him. Yes, I recounted that with a huge eye roll.

"I speak to Rosa," she told me like she had her mind made up. I sighed deeply this time, which only earned me a laugh in return.

I knew that Ezmeralda trying to set me up was her way of trying to get me to forget my fool's errand, but I still felt him out there, even more so here in Newark. I wasn't ready to give up yet, I wasn't sure I ever would be.

My mother on the other hand was very ready for me to give up, on all my dreams. She thought it was ridiculous that I was actually planning to get my degree not a husband. No one else's daughter came home without a ring on their finger three summers in a row. No one else's daughter planned to get a job and support herself. No one else's daughter ran off to live in a bad neighborhood with a bunch of people she didn't fit in with, which I'm sure was a racial thing, to mom if you weren't from The Burg you didn't belong, but she didn't understand that I did fit in. I did belong. This was more of a home after two months than The Burg was after an entire lifetime. These people didn't look at me like I was the defective white girl that people did at home. I took a deep breath, I wasn't going to let my mother bring down my mood, not today.

"I'm going to weed the garden today and Maria promised to show me how to can the tomatoes we picked yesterday," I told her to change the subject.

"Si, you're a good girl." I cleaned up the dishes before heading outside to walk Bandido, the little springer spaniel that I'd made friends with.

We walked our block, turned at the church and came back up the next block, making sure not to stray from our path into gang territory, even with the pepper spray in my pocket I didn't feel entirely safe when the gangs were out on the street, but they stayed off our blocks for the most part, making this just as safe as walking in Trenton. The residents here seemed to look the other way at the gangs' antics if they played by the rules, number one was to stay off our blocks and number two was the church was off limits.

When I walked up to Rosa's house I noticed a bright blue car in the driveway. On closer inspection I saw the budget rental sticker, hmm, must be the good boy they wanted me to meet.

I decided that the best way to avoid something awkward would be to just open the door, let Bandido in and make a run for it, but I should have known better than that. As soon as Bandido smelled someone new near the house he started barking up a storm. The door opened and a good looking guy about my age looked out at me. He was around six feet tall, with that warm caramel colored skin that seemed more edible on him than on the other people in this neighborhood, his dark hair was shaved down nearly to his scalp, and he wore sunglasses with his baggy shorts and a tee shirt that said _This shirt gets me laid_. "Hey, you must be Stephanie," he said with a smile. He had a nice smile, I'll give him that, but clearly he was trouble. Nice boy, my ass, he was a player with a capital P.

"Yep, just bringing this noisy boy home," I said walking the dog over to the door. As I handed the leash to him he managed to let his fingers graze mine. When I looked back up he grinned again. He was totally hitting on me. "Um, well, nice to meet you. I should get going."

He laughed then, a warm sound that went straight to my doodah, yikes. He smiled then like he knew exactly what I was thinking. "You sure you have to run off?" I nodded again. This man was dangerous, like in the ruin my panties and good intentions in one move kind of dangerous.

"Yep, nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around again."

"I would bet on that, Beautiful," he said with a huge grin and a laugh that followed me across the street.

I decided to pull my hair up into a ponytail and get the weeding done before the sun got too hot. I rushed around the side of the house to the backyard and waved to Maria. She was hanging her clothes out on the line like she did every morning. She'd probably stop over to help with the weeding when she was done. She had four daughters who had all gotten summer jobs away from home or decided to take summer classes at school, even the youngest who just turned sixteen was a camp counselor this year, so she was insanely bored being home alone.

I guess we'd made friends rather easily. She was smart and funny and a wonderful listener. She taught me how to make a few simple dishes and fed me lots of dessert. I'll probably go to hell for saying this, but she was the mother I always wanted. She never judged me or yelled at me, she just showed me patience and understanding. I couldn't imagine what her kids were running from when they left home.

A few minutes later she knelt across from me, pulling weeds from the flower bed. "Off work today?" she asked.

"Yep. I thought I'd get this over with before it gets too hot." She nodded back at me.

"You met my nephew this morning?" I laughed at that, she clearly knew exactly what kind of nice boy he was. "He's not that bad, just has a wild streak. He's not unlike my brother, his father, God rest his soul, he was quite a womanizer when he was young."

"I think I've had enough of womanizing men to last me the rest of my life. It's one of the reasons I'm not home in Trenton this summer." She smiled back then. I'd already told her enough about the Joe thing that she didn't ask for more detail than that.

We worked quietly for a long time, but she didn't seem like her usual self today. She seemed almost sad. "Is everything alright?"

She nodded back slowly. "It's my son's birthday today."

"Oh. I didn't know you had a son," I said surprised that he hadn't come up before.

"I did. I had two sons once," she said sadly. "My oldest passed away years ago. Got involved with the gangs."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

She nodded. "It's my younger son's birthday. He's twenty-two today. I wanted to call him to tell him happy birthday, but when I called the number I had, they told me that he'd been out of the country for the last two months. They couldn't even tell me where he was."

I was stunned that he thought so little of this woman that he wouldn't tell her he was leaving. "Out of the country?"

"He's in the military, there are places he goes that are classified." I nodded back still feeling sorry for this woman. I didn't know how I could live knowing that someone I loved was out there in danger, and not knowing where he was or when he'd be home, if he'd be home. God, that was awful. "He's a good boy. He's an officer now. I flew down for his military graduation last year. He made top grades, top of his class."

"That's good," I answered. She nodded back still pulling the weeds. "You must miss him."

She looked at me then, the unshed tears in her eyes. "I do. I would give anything for him to be brought back to me whole again." The way she said it, it was like she knew it would never happen, like there was so much more to this mother's story.

I crawled across the space and hugged her. "He'll be alright. I'll say a prayer for him every night. He's a hero, right?"

She nodded and cried a little harder. "He's always been a hero. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that."

"Tell me about him."

She laughed then. "I'd like you to meet him, someday. You'd like him. He is very handsome." I laughed, of course his mother would think that. "Truly, he has the face of an angel, but he is such a serious boy. He never smiles. I'm afraid his life is only his job, but he is so much more than a soldier. Stephanie, he is so good and smart and caring." I nodded to her. "I'm afraid he'll never let anyone see that part of him again."

"He will. He'll meet some woman someday and show up on your doorstep happier than you've ever seen him."

She laughed then. "You are such a dreamer, sweetheart. I hope you find that boy that has made your heart so full." She brushed dirt off my tee shirt and shook her head. "My baby needs to find someone like you." She just kept staring at me, that odd look on her face like she was lost in thought.

"What?" I finally asked.

"Just silly reminders. I bought a tee shirt like this for my son's birthday a few years ago."

I looked down at the now dirty _Just Do It_ tee shirt and smiled. It was a popular saying a few years ago. "This belonged to him. The boy I'm looking for."

She smiled at me then. "Tell me about him."

"He was very handsome and very charming. Sweet and caring and loving. He told the lamest jokes, but did it just to make me smile. He's brave too, he rescued me from some idiot at a club that was trying to drug me." She was smiling then. "And he was so romantic. The morning we spent together on the beach was perfect. And the way he…" I stopped talking as the blush colored my cheeks. I couldn't tell her about _that_.

"So it was love at first sight?"

"I think it was. I looked into those melty chocolate eyes and was a goner."

"I felt the same way when I met my Miguel," she told me with a grin. "He was quite the lady's man when he was young."

I laughed then. Her husband was a really handsome man, even for being fifty. "I bet he was."

"It is too bad my son is not in the country. I bet he could make you forget all about this other man."

I laughed then. "I've tried to forget. There's no getting rid of him though."

She smiled knowingly and went back to the weeds.

"What?" I asked when the smile didn't lessen.

"There is a something my mama once told me. She said when the heart finds love it will never let go. When it is out of reach, it will move us forward. When it is lost, it will always find its way home. And when it is gone, nothing will fill its place." She nodded as she thought about it. "If he is in your heart, he will find his way back home to you."

"So will your son, Mrs. Manoso, because he's obviously part of your heart."

She laid her hand over mine as we both thought about the men we wished would come home to us. "I will say a prayer for your young man too, Stephanie."


	11. Chapter 11---The Rebound

****Author's note…this is the start of the next part of Stephanie's life, as a young adult. These stories don't follow the yearly updates that the previous sets have done, these will follow the moments that propelled her life into a new direction, giving us Stephanie Plum as we know her. I'm thinking it will be four stories spanning five years, but that may change. Don't worry, I plan a happy ending for our girl, she just needs to get there first. As ugly as they are, all these paths lead her to her destiny, his heart just needs to bring him home first.****

Newark-May 14 _(Twenty-one months later) _

I woke up at noon, poured myself a big bowl of frosted flakes and realized I had absolutely no milk. I should have realized then that this was setting the stage for the rest of my day.

I rolled my eyes at the bowl and tossed it onto the counter. I'd get some milk after my shower. My tiny little one room apartment had a small bathroom in the corner, and when I say small, I mean small. There was room for a toilet, pedestal sink, and a tiled shower stall. That was it, but what else did I need. It was just me here.

I'd been living in Newark for almost a year now. After graduation I'd taken a job at EE Martin, where I had interned the summer before. I was now their lingerie buyer. Sounds luxurious, doesn't it? It wasn't. I spent most of my time on spread sheets, going over actual and projected sales for the specific stores to try to get an accurate number for what I was ordering. The other part of the time I spent going over prices and proposals from lingerie suppliers and haggling to get the best price. Like I said, not luxurious, but it paid the bills, kept me in top dollar shoes, and best of all, kept me out of Trenton.

Not that I didn't go home for visits. My family still expected me Sunday nights for dinner, it was a whole big deal with Grandma and Grandpa Mazer in attendance so I tried to go a few times a month. Of course, that started an entire thing about my safety and taking the train in Newark at night, which of course wouldn't be a problem if I had a husband to bring me to dinner in a nice car. Yes, I inserted an eye roll there.

I turned most of my Sunday visits home into entire day trips, meeting up with Mary Lou to hit the mall and Eddie for lunch if he wasn't working. They were both busy and getting busier, but we always tried to make time for one another, like an unspoken pact to never lose touch or something. Of course things were different now, Mary Lou just found out that she was pregnant with her and Lenny's first baby and Eddie, who had been married a year and a half, was hired on full-time at the TPD and worked a lot of weird shifts.

As for me, I was content in my new life. I had a good job, new friends at work that would hit happy hour with me every Thursday night, hell, I've even had a few dates. They never went anywhere, I wasn't ready for that yet, but it was nice to spend time with someone. Even though I had given up on my search for Rick after nothing I tried panned out, my heart was still hanging on. I wanted to believe that he really was part of me, that he was working his way back to me, but the more time that passed the harder it was to believe. Still every night when I said my prayers I sent one out to him, my family, my friends, and Maria's son, just like I had promised.

Even though I hadn't found Rick I had started to find the real Stephanie. I learned I could take care of myself even though my mother told me I couldn't. So what if I couldn't cook, I could microwave a meal and dial pizza better than anyone. People at work appreciated what I did, it's what put me in charge of the department. I learned not to be selfish, spending my Saturday's at the Boys and Girls Club located near the neighborhood I had lived last summer. I wanted to help kids find an alternative to joining the gangs that had messed up so many of my friends lives. I also always found time after volunteering to visit Ezmeralda and help out with her yard work, usually spending the night so I could go to mass with her before taking the train to Trenton.

I was home here, in my tiny apartment. It was in a so-so neighborhood, located above a bar and grill. The owner renovated the two walkup studio apartments a month before he put them up for rent. I'd taken one almost immediately as did my new neighbor and friend, Bitsy Brown, who I planned to rob of milk shortly.

We'd become a weird little family, Bitsy, me, and Connor O'Brien the man that owned and ran the bar downstairs. He'd inherited it from his grandfather and made it his own. Bitsy and I both helped out cleaning or bartending and waitressing for tips and food when we had free time. Connor liked to do woodworking in his free time so he built me bookcases and a beautiful headboard for my bed in return for the help I gave him with his accounting.

Was my life perfect, no, but it was pretty damn good.

It was Saturday so I didn't have to work. I felt like doing my happy dance when I realized I could forgo wearing my pantyhose today. I, instead, relaxed into some flare cut jeans and a slim fit tee shirt with a pair of sneakers. I twisted my hair up into a messy bun and painted on some mascara. I may as well look good, as well as comfortable. I had a big day. I was going to take a group from the Boys and Girls Club roller skating and then would stop for dinner with Ezmeralda. Yeah, life was pretty good.

I lazed around a little bit before taking my cereal bowl and heading next door to Bitsy's apartment. I pounded on the door a few time before I stuck my head in, "Bits, it's Steph, I need milk," I shouted.

"I'll be out in a few, just got out of the shower," she shouted back from her little bathroom. Her apartment was identical to mine except it was flip flopped, so our bathrooms and kitchens both rested against the shared wall.

I pulled the milk out of the fridge and brought it to the pub table with me. Bitzy came out of the bathroom and smiled at me. She was a couple years older than me. She was tall and beautiful, with black flawless skin and shiny long black hair. I thought she could have been a model if she wanted to be, but I guess she was happy with the direction her life had taken. She was an elementary school teacher at a Catholic school a few miles from here.

She said that her faith had made her the woman she was today. She lost her mother when she was five and her little brother was just three. Her father remarried five years later to a woman that he had met at a grief counselling seminar. Her new step-mother was a fair skinned, red haired Irish woman that lost her husband only two years before she remarried. She had two sons from her first marriage, they had their father's Latino looks and were full of anger over the death and new marriage. She had told me she was teased for being part of a rainbow family by children at school, the bullying had gotten so bad that her new brothers and cousin by the marriage had gotten into a few fights to protect her.

When she was a teenager her older brother was killed in a shooting so her parents decided to pack up the family and move to a better neighborhood to protect the other kids. She said the death nearly tore her family apart, but she and her younger brothers grew closer, and helped her mother heal over time.

I had never faced a death to someone close to me, but this girl had lost two people so close to her heart and here she was, still living her life by serving God in teaching his words to children. I tried to remember her story when I was feeling like my life had no meaning. She told me that everyone was put here on Earth to bring something to someone else. I just needed to find my meaning, keep my faith and all that.

I was just halfway into my bowl when Bitsy joined me in the kitchen. She pulled out her own bowl and filled it with Fruit Loops before pouring the milk. When I smirked at the children's cereal she just shrugged. "My brother got me hooked and I can't quit," she told me with a smile.

"Next time your brother is in town I'd like to meet him," I told her with a smile.

She nodded back to me. "Robert, yes, you'd like him."

"What about the other?"

"He's a pervert, but I'm sure he'd like you," she told me with a grin.

I snorted at her. "I can handle perverts. Believe me."

She agreed with a head shake. "You have to, just being a single female in Newark leaves you wide open for their crap." She pulled a photo out of her pile of mail and slid it across the table to me. "My idiot brothers."

I looked at the photo of the two men. Robert was clearly the one on the left side, his dark skin and smile looked so much like his sister's that it made me smile. The one on the other side looked very mischievous and slightly familiar. "This one does look like trouble," I told her making her laugh.

Then my eyes caught the man in the background. I know my fingers went to his face, not believing what I was seeing. "Rick," I said in a small voice.

Bitsy grabbed the photo, looking at the man, and then at my face. "Shit, Stephanie, is that Rick? The man you've been looking for all these years?" I couldn't speak, I was too shocked, and so I just nodded to her. "That's my cousin, the one I've been telling you about."

"You know him?" I asked still shocked enough I didn't think it was real. I found him. I found my Rick.

"Yeah, I know him."

"Where is he?" I had to see him or call him or something. I don't know what.

"Um, my brothers see him once and a while, but it's hard to reach him," she said babbling almost nervously.

"Can I talk to your brothers?" I asked, hopeful that they could help me.

"Steph," she said taking my hand. "Um, Rick, he's married."

It felt like my entire world stopped spinning. "What?"

"Apparently he picked some girl up at a club, got her pregnant, and he married her," she answered.

Nope, no it felt like someone punched me in the gut, with a wrecking ball. "Pregnant? He has a baby?"

"Yeah, a couple months old, but who knows if it's even his? She probably did it on purpose to trap him. You know how girls like that can be, especially for the money." I knew she kept talking, but it wasn't all sinking in. "He didn't even ask for a paternity test, just married her."

"He must have wanted to marry her. He must trust her," I answered through the tightness in my throat. "He must love her."

I felt the tears threatening to spill even as I got up and ran back to my own apartment. All this time I had been waiting for him, looking for him, believing that we had something special and it was all my imagination. I was just another girl that he picked up at a club and slept with. It must just be what he did. What if I had gotten pregnant? I wouldn't even have been able to even contact him. At least this woman must have had a name or a number or something. God, I was such a fool.

Bitsy crawled onto the bed next to me, rubbing my back slowly. "I never imagined that he was the man you were talking about, Steph. He's not the man you described to me. He's not what you remembered him to be," she said. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to know how I had imagined everything about him. Everything that I had thought was real was just, fake, like him.

"Please don't tell me anything else. I don't want to know about him. I don't want to have a place or a name to look for. I just can't hear it."

"Oh, Steph," she said sniffling her own tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Please never mention this or me to your family. I don't want your brothers or, him, to know about this," I whimpered to her. "God, that's why your brother looked familiar. I probably saw him at the beach house that morning. God, they can't know what a joke I am."

"You're not a joke. You fell in love with a man that can't love. There is nothing funny about that," she told me quietly. "His life, it's just, it's complicated, Steph."

"No, please, I can't hear anymore. I don't want to know about him. I can't hear that everything he told me was a lie," I told her as I swiped at my tears. "I have to get going. I have roller skating with the kids today."

"Stephanie," she said taking my hand. "I know this hurts, but it has to be part of God's plan."

"Well, just once I'd like it if he had my best interests at heart when he made his plans, because this sucks. I think God turned his back on me." I grabbed my jacket and purse and headed for the door. "Lock up when you leave."

I felt her eyes on my back, but I just couldn't sit there listening to her pity talk. I had all the pity I could handle going on in my own head. I didn't know why I was so fucking stupid.

I felt like a zombie as I went through the rest of my day. The kids were having a blast, but I didn't bother putting on my skates. I just sat and watched with the other old people. After I took them back to the center I decided to walk to Ezmeralda's house. It was cold and raining and I had to walk a few blocks through gang territory, but I needed the fresh air and I didn't feel like waiting for the bus.

I stopped at a bodega and bought some Tastykakes and enough chocolate bars to fill my pockets. As I walked, every single road I had taken, decision that I had made, came into question. I had been living my life with the purpose of finding this man that didn't want me. I felt the tears starting again, but they mixed with the rain that was falling from the sky in heavy sheets.

I stumbled off the curb to cross the street only to be hit hard and pushed to the ground. I looked up dazed. There was a man staring back down at me. "Are you alright? You almost stepped in front of that bus," he asked in a loud voice.

I looked down at the smashed Butterscotch Krimpet in my hand and started crying again. "Hey, it's alright. I'll get you a new cake," he told me as he pulled me to my feet.

"It's not the cake," I told him with a little sob. "Maybe you should have let that bus hit me. I'm pathetic."

"Pathetic, huh?" I nodded back. "Good to meet you pathetic. I'm Dickie." I looked at the professional looking man standing there covered in dirt and smashed Tastykakes and couldn't stop laughing when he said his name was Dickie, what grown man goes by the name Dickie? "So where were you headed?"

"A friend's for dinner, but I don't think I can go like this," I answered looking down at myself. I was clearly a mess. I was wet, dirty, and had been crying. I knew what that looked like. It wasn't good.

He fingered one of my curls and smiled. "I think you look beautiful."

I snorted at him. This guy had to be kidding me. "Yeah, well, I should probably catch the bus home and get out of these wet clothes."

He nodded as he looked me up and down. "I have a car right there. It's warm and dry and you won't have to wait a half hour for another bus," he offered. It was a really nice car, like really nice, too nice for this neighborhood.

"Sorry, I don't take rides from strangers."

He grinned then, clearly charming. "Dickie Orr, DA's office, graduated last year from Newark Law. I'm a Capricorn and enjoy entertaining wet women in front of my fireplace." He finished this by holding out his hand which actually had a business card in it. Sure shit, he was a lawyer and that was his real name.

I shook my head not believing I was giving into this conversation. "Stephanie Plum, Lingerie Buyer for EE Martin, on my way from volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club. I'm a Libra and happen to be in desperate need of being entertained in front of a fire."

It didn't take long before I was loaded into his car. I hoped my wet clothes didn't ruin the new leather, but damn the smell of car leather was a turn on. We chit chatted on the way to his place.

He had an apartment downtown with a great view of the city. I stood looking out the window while he started the gas fireplace and got us some wine to drink. Part of me knew I was making a bad decision, but another part just wanted to feel something other than the pain that had enveloped me since the moment I realized the truth.

"You should get out of those wet clothes. I have some sweats in the other room," he told me as he took my coat from my shoulders.

I turned and looked up at him. He wasn't handsome, but he wasn't a bad looking guy and he did pull off classy very well. I leaned up into him and kissed him then. It wasn't a bad kiss as far as kisses go, there were no fireworks or tingles, but we all know where that led me the last time. When I stepped back from the kiss I stared into his eyes, making a decision that I'd probably regret. I pulled my tee shirt over my head and shimmied my jeans down my hips until I could kick them off. "I don't think I need the sweats," I whispered to him as I stepped into his body. "Take your clothes off."

His eyes darkened as he looked over my lacy bra and panty set. He shed his own clothes and lifted me in his arms. I closed my eyes as he laid me on a blanket in front of the fire and moved his mouth over my trembling body. As much as I tried not to, I kept seeing another man's face hovering over me instead of Dickie's. It was another man's touch I felt when his hands pulled away my underclothes. It was another man I felt inside of me as he fucked me there on the floor.

I opened my eyes when he rolled off me and wiped at the tears that had puddled in the corners of my eyes. I should have felt bad that I had used this man to ease the pain caused by another, but I couldn't. All I felt was the emptiness of knowing I'd never have the intimacy I'd once found with Rick.

******So, I know this was horrible, please don't hate me too much. Also, thank you for all the reviews and follows, wow, you all make me too happy. Have a happy and safe new year.******


	12. Chapter 12--The Mistake

****Author's notes...so thank you so much for keeping me going with the reviews. These next two chapters seemed really hard to get through. Hope you like what I do with the men in her life here. Ok, so here we go...****

Trenton-September 14th _(16 months later)_

My mother was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Nothing was right in her eyes. If one thing didn't go how she planned her entire life would be ruined, she'd be the joke of The Burg, and I'm sure she'd never forgive me, though she hadn't said that last part, at least not to me.

As far as I was concerned the faster this day was over, the better. I never thought I'd be standing at the back of this church letting her run my life for me, but here I was, the center of the largest Burg wedding of the year. Not only was most of The Burg invited, but it felt like half of Newark was here too. This church had more members of state politics in it than the capital right now.

As I looked at my friends in their bridesmaids' dresses it started to sink in, I was getting married. I was going to be Stephanie Orr. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself as I thought about how we got here.

Obviously Dickie didn't disappear into the night like every other man I ever slept with. Nope, he was very attentive in fact. We had our first date a week after the night we met. I couldn't believe how many common interests we had and he was completely fascinated with my volunteer work and my family, for some reason he loved the idea that I was from a very large family.

He took me out to nice places, he bought me nice gifts, he would lend me his very nice car, he introduced me to his even nicer friends, and treated me like I was a princess. I wasn't in love with Dickie, but I was in love with being taken care of.

In the year and a half that we were together he moved from his job at the DA's office to a private firm in Newark. He had a lot of important friends and associates that he felt it was important to introduce me to. He wanted to be more than just a lawyer, he wanted to run for senate in a few years. He told me that I was the perfect woman to have at his side, because I was beautiful, smart, and charming and he was the luckiest man alive because I belonged to him.

He proposed on Valentine's Day. He gave me a giant box of chocolates with the ring tucked inside. I didn't take more than a few minutes to think about it before I said yes. I still wasn't in love with Dickie, but I cared for him. He still treated me like a princess and gave me anything I could need. I knew I'd never find more than what he would give me. The true love I had dreamed of was just that, a dream.

"Mom, you should go sit down or greet your guests or something, you're making me nervous," I told her.

"What way is that to speak to your mother in the house of God?" she grumbled.

"Seriously, if you don't stop running around this room I'm going to throw up."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Don't you dare do anything to mess this up, Stephanie."

"Geez, I won't, I'll walk down the aisle and recite my words and walk back out. How hard can it be?" I grumbled back at her.

"Don't worry Mrs. Plum, we'll get her down the aisle," Mary Lou assured her, obviously trying to stop this from exploding into World War 3. I smiled at Mary Lou, best maid of honor ever.

"Alright, but this is all on you Mary Lou Stankovic." With that she turned and left the room. I took a deep breath and let it out.

"We're going to wait in the vestibule too, Steph. Give you some room, unless you need anything?" Shirley asked.

"No, that would be great. I just need to breathe. Maybe you should have Val put her feet up for a little while," I suggested looking at my sister, she was five months pregnant, just big enough that she had to pee every half hour.

"That actually sounds good. Plus I should check on Angie, make sure I don't need to change her diaper or anything," Val told me.

When they left the room Mary Lou made a huge raspberry noise and sighed. "Holy crap, your mother was driving me nuts."

"That makes two of us," I told her as I pulled the veil back off and tossed it onto the table.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I looked at her and shrugged. "It's too late to change my mind now."

"No it's not. We can be out of here before anyone knows it, there's a window right there," she pointed to make her point.

"He's good to me, Lou."

"I know, honey, but this isn't you," she told me softly. "This wasn't your dream. Are you sure it's what you want?"

I shrugged back at her. "Dreams aren't real."

She sighed as she walked to the door and waved her hand. Eddie appeared a minute later, closing and locking the door behind him. "What is this?" I asked as I hit them both with my Burg glare.

"Are you sure he's good to you? Does he make you happy?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you love him?" Eddie finally asked.

"Yeah, he's good to me. You saw the house and the car he bought me, what don't I have to be happy about?" I said pacing the room.

"You don't love him though," Eddie said.

"I like him. It'll turn into love someday."

Eddie shook his head. "You're in love with somebody else."

"Someone that doesn't want me," I shouted back. "He never wanted me."

"So you're alright settling?" Mary Lou asked me. "It's not right, Steph."

"It's better than being alone."

"I hope you're still saying that in a year," Eddie said sadly.

"You putting bets on how long it'll last?" I yelled at him.

"Of course not. You know we love you and we worry?"

"I know," I told him. "And thank you, but this is what I want."

"You change your mind my car is out back," he told me with a smile.

"What would your wife say if I ran away with you?"

"She already gave me her blessing," he grinned.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Thank you, Eddie, but I'm good, alright?"

"Alright. You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thank you. Now go make sure your wife is surviving out there with mom and Val."

"I will. I love you, you know?"

I watched him walk away and wondered what would have happened if I wouldn't have thrown him away on something, no someone, that only existed in my mind. Would we be in love? Be married now? Have babies? I closed my eyes and took another breath. No, we were both where we needed to be. "I love you too, Eddie."

"Good luck, Steph." He closed the door and I heard his footsteps walking away.

I looked over at Mary Lou, she still looked concerned. "I'm going to be fine."

"I know," she said with a half-hearted smile. "I hope you find all the happiness you deserve."

"I will." I looked in the mirror and looked at the stranger staring back at me. My hair was straightened, highlighted a light golden brown, and fell around my shoulders loosely. The dress was glaringly white, with a full skirt and a halter style top. It was white satin with tiny rhinestones adorning the skirt, they sparkled when I moved. I looked like a Burg princess, like someone else. "I could use sugar and caffeine, maybe a cigarette."

"You haven't smoked in five years," Mary Lou laughed.

"Six, but I feel like I could use one."

"I'll be right back." I nodded at her and went back to staring at the stranger in the mirror.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, everything was perfect, I was perfect, but no one was happy for me. Were they right? Was I going to regret that I did this? I sighed to myself, if I didn't do it and I ended up alone for the rest of my life I would regret it every day. No, Dickie was offering me a good life and I'd be a fool to give that up to be alone.

I heard the door close and lock, then the sound of something being dragged across the floor. I turned to see what Mary Lou was up to now, but it wasn't her that was dragging a chair to the door and jamming it under the doorknob.

"Morelli? What the hell are you doing?" I bitched at him.

Now I can honestly say I hadn't seen Joe Morelli since the day I ran him over with my dad's Buick, that wasn't my best day, but I still didn't regret it. I wasn't sure if this was payback or what, but he seemed pretty intense.

He was in jeans and a tee shirt with a flannel over the top, not a wedding guest from the look of it, not that I'd know, I wasn't sure who my mom invited, he could have made the list for all I knew. His face was just as handsome as I remembered, his dark hair curling at the nap of his neck, his dark eyes burning holes in me, his body radiating that power that went straight to my doodah. "I'm here for you." Oh boy.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm going to get you out of here before you make a huge mistake."

"I already made my huge mistake, Morelli, on the floor of the Tasty Pastry, remember that?"

"For fuck's sake, that's history, Steph." He moved toward me, backing me into the wall, leaning in until his face was a few inches from mine. "You need to listen to me, Steph. Don't do this."

"Why?"

"Orr isn't the guy you think he is," he warned.

"Neither were you."

He growled then. "I'm a cop, Steph, a vice cop. I can't give you details, but this guy is trouble and you need to get out now."

"Are you just trying to ruin my life again? Trying to make me a laughing stock for running out on my own wedding?"

"Christ," he bitched. "I owe you for saving my life. If you hadn't convinced me I was worth more than the Morelli legacy I would have never left here and gotten my life together. I'm trying to pay that back to you."

I snorted then. "Right." I pushed away from him and started toward the door.

"Stephanie." I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't. "Just trust me."

"I can't trust you, Joe. I tried it once and it didn't work out too well."

"I've never lied to you."

I rolled my eyes. "No, you just used me, hurt me, and humiliated me."

"But I never lied and I'm not lying now. You marry this guy, it'll just be trouble," he warned again.

"I have to marry someone."

He laughed that annoying laugh that only he has. "Sorry, Cupcake, I'm not offering."

"Gross."

He laughed again, then I was off my feet and plastered against his chest as his lips crushed mine. I hadn't been kissed like that in, well, since the last time Joe kissed me, so it couldn't be considered my fault that I responded.

By the time I figured out I needed to get away from him, I was sitting on the back of one of the leather arm chairs with my dress up around my waist. Joe was firmly planted between my legs, with his lips on mine and his fingers under my panties and I was clinging to him shamelessly as I cried out in pleasure. I may have moaned his name. "Gross, huh, Cupcake?" he asked with a husky laugh.

I pushed him away and slid myself off the chair. I was absolutely going to hell. I practically had sex with another man at my own wedding, in the church. "You need to leave."

"Come with me."

"I am not running away from my wedding with you." I shook my head. "The fucking governor his here, Joe. My mother has been planning this for seven months. Dickie will look like an idiot in front of all his political contacts. God, the grapevine would never leave me alone if I ran away from the church with you." I was pacing and swinging my arms at him as I worked myself up into a state.

"So you're going to sell yourself out? Let him use you as arm candy so he can win a senate seat?" he yelled back at me.

"You don't know anything, Morelli."

"I know you need more than money and fancy gifts to make you happy." I glared at him then. How dare he call me shallow, he had no idea how to have a relationship that lasted longer than one condom use. "Come on, let's get out of here, Steph."

"Why? You don't want me. You just don't want anyone else to have me. Is that it Morelli? Can't stand to see someone else have what you can't have?"

"Jesus Christ, Steph. I'm telling you he's trouble. There's shit going on with those political contacts that I can't discuss, but you need to walk away."

"No."

"That's it, just no?"

"Yeah, no."

"What the hell was that then?" he pointed at the chair. "You're obviously not in love with the douchebag or you wouldn't have been ready to fuck me in your wedding dress."

"You're such a fucking pig, Morelli."

"Don't say I didn't warn you when shit hits the fan, Cupcake," he growled at me as he shoved the chair away from the door.

"Next time you see me do me a favor and keep your hands to yourself," I shouted back at him.

"The only place my hands will be on you is in your dreams, sweetheart." With that he threw the door open and walked away.

Mary Lou looked in at me and frowned. "Shut the door," I yelled as I stomped to the window to look outside.

"Change your mind?" he yelled from the sidewalk.

"You could never change my mind," I yelled back.

He lifted his fingers to his nose and inhaled, then winked at me. "I doubt that, Cupcake."

"Asshole," I screamed back and slammed the window down.

"What the heck was that?" she asked.

I looked at Mary Lou and growled loudly, tossing a glass at the wall. "I hate Joe Morelli so much."

She nodded back, "Sure, that's what it looked like." I glared at her again. "Let's fix your lipstick." I followed her to the mirror and waited for her to reapply the lipstick and smooth back my hair. She looked down at the dress and frowned, but didn't say anything as she began putting the layers of slip back into place.

When she was done she stepped back and looked me over. "Well? Do I pass inspection?"

She nodded. "That passion pink lipstick looks better on you than Morelli." I groaned at her. "Did you have sex with him?"

"No, not exactly," I mumbled making her laugh.

"I hope he at least got you off, looks like The Dick could learn a few things from Joe," she said with an evil grin. Boy could he.

"I'm doing the right thing. Dickie is a good guy," I said more to me than to her.

"I know we ganged up on you before, but it's only because we want to make sure you're happy." She motioned for me to sit down so she could try to reattach the veil to my hair. "It feels like you gave up when you found out that Rick was married, but you never found out the true story, Steph."

"He's married, end of story."

"I doubt that," she told me. "There's no way he didn't feel the connection that you felt."

"He obviously wasn't looking for me, Lou. It wasn't me he knocked up and married, was it? Just let it go. I have."

"Really? Then what is this?" she asked. I turned to look at the little seashell she was holding. "It was in your make-up bag." I shrugged then. "You still love him?"

"Always will," I answered. "It doesn't mean that I should suffer a miserable, lonely life because I lost him, does it? He moved on and I need to do the same thing."

"Hard to do without closure."

"He's married, how much more closure do I need?"

She was quiet as she stepped back to look at me again. "Only you know that." I nodded my agreement. "So we're going to do this?"

"Yep."

"Alright, then." She pointed at the door. "Your dad's waiting for you."

"Thanks."

She hugged me to her and kissed my cheek. "I hope he gives you everything you want and loves you more than anything, Steph. You deserve nothing less." I hoped so too.

As I stood at the back of the church watching the other three women make their way up the aisle I looked at Dickie standing there in his tux. Sure he wasn't Rick or even Joe, there were no tingles or fireworks, but he was a good guy. My friends just didn't know him the way I did. We'd have a good life together. This wasn't some huge mistake.

"Do you want to go to the bar? I could use a drink. My car's just outside," Daddy whispered in my ear.

I smiled at him. "Nope."

"You're sure he's the right one?" I shrugged at my dad. "You're going to go through with this?"

"Yeah."

He nodded back to me like he accepted my decision. "I love you, Pumpkin."

"I love you too, Daddy," I whispered back as we started the walk up the aisle toward my new life. I smiled at Dickie and he smiled back as he looked at me appreciatively. It may not have been love, but it wasn't nothing.


	13. Chapter 13--The Rescue

****Author's note…Wow, so this one about killed me to write and rewrite and rewrite, you get the idea. I'm still not sure I love it, but it's what I felt needed to happen. So please leave me some feedback, let me know what you think. And thank you to all of you for your positive feedback on the last few chapters, it definitely helps when you're stuck like I was. So, okay, let's get rid of Dickie, ****_for now._********

Trenton—February 14th _(Five months later)_

I stood in my bedroom, looking around one last time before I pulled an arm full of expensive suits out of the closet and hauled them down the stairs and out the front door. I added them to the pile that'd already accumulated on the lawn before turning to go back into the house.

I'd never been so angry in all my life and I'd almost killed a man with a Buick once, so that's saying something. I looked up at the wedding portraits hanging on the wall in the front hall and growled loudly. I yanked them off the wall and hurled them out the door into the pile. I wanted no reminders of that fucking day.

I tromped down the hall to the workout room and glared at the equipment. I wished I could set fire to all of it, but there was no way I could drag it outside alone, maybe I should have called Mary Lou over. I picked up one of the twenty pound free weights and hurled it at the control panel on the treadmill. That son of a bitch bought all of this to make sure that I stayed looking the way he wanted. I was expected to work out every morning so I wouldn't get too fat. He couldn't have an embarrassment on his arm. Fucking pig. The elliptical machine was the next to go. I'd never work out again, this girl was done exercising. I didn't care if I hit two hundred pounds. No man was going to convince me to torture myself for him again, ever.

I walked through the hall and the living room, sending vases and floral arrangements flying into the walls. All the time I spent making this a home for us, for him, and he probably never noticed any of it anyway. I never needed any of this. Why did I convince myself that I did? I wasn't Valerie or my mother. I'd be damned if I ever stuck any time or effort into stupid shit like décor again, even the name was stupid.

My next stop was the kitchen, the site of all the dinner debacles. He married me knowing I couldn't cook a meal, but he decided he needed a wife that could cook. So I took fucking cooking classes and spent weeks in my mother's kitchen being taught to sauté and cook and boil. Was it ever enough for that prick? No. He spit it at me, threw it at me, and told me that it wasn't how _his _mother made it. Did I fight it, no, I just promised to get better. He actually made me feel bad, like I wasn't good enough for him. With that happy memory I broke everything made of glass in my path, no baking dish survived, the metal pots and pans were tossed out the front door into my growing pile. Fucking cooking, never fucking again.

From there I went out through the garage and hit the button on the opener. I grabbed his stupid, fucking golf clubs. The ones he supposedly used every weekend when he disappeared for hours, but the damn things were obviously never used, not scuffed, dirty, hell, not even a finger print on the metal of the putters. He was probably off fucking Joyce then too.

I tossed the golf clubs onto the pile, before going back for the gas can he kept next to the lawn mower. I covered everything, including the brand new dining room table set that I had special ordered and waited two months for. The table his stupid, man-whore ass was lying across while Joyce was riding him like the Kentucky Fucking Derby.

I threw three matches on top of the pile and sat back on the grass and watched it all burn.

We were married five months ago against the advice of all the people I trusted most, but I thought I was doing what was right for me. I was never in love with Dickie, but he was a good man and he treated me well. I didn't think that I'd ever find anything more, couldn't hope for anything more, that respect and admiration were enough to build a life around, but it didn't take long for my husband to turn into a different man.

No, it didn't take long to see the changes at all. We'd gotten home from our honeymoon and officially moved into our new home, still in Trenton, but nowhere near The Burg, two weeks after the wedding. Then he'd gone back to work and I started decorating and furnishing our place. That was when this all started to slowly decline.

I kept my job, even though he didn't think I should. The volunteer work, that he was so impressed with when we were dating, he made me quit, saying it wasn't safe for me to be in those neighborhoods anymore. The things that we always had in common he was no longer interested in. The things we did together he always found an excuse to do with one of the partners from work, or a friend, or a client that he was meeting, really anyone but me.

He introduced me to woman upon woman, telling me that they all loved and respected him. They envied where I was. It was a subtle hint for me to be better, to do better, or he'd replace me. It made me insecure and timid every time one of them were near him. I tried to do my best to hang onto him. I did everything he wanted, but it didn't matter.

He seemed to get angry at me for no reason and then give me a silent treatment that would last days, sometimes weeks. Then he'd show up with flowers or jewelry and give me very attentive sex, promising not to yell at me again. Then the next day he'd be back to the silence or the anger, refusing to look at me, much less touch me for weeks at a time, unless it was in anger.

God, the last time we'd had sex it was just before Christmas, two months ago. I shivered at the thought of that night, it wasn't something I wanted to think about. No, I thought it was time to forget the past, try to make things better, to try to work through the problems we've been having, and put my best effort into this marriage. So I came home from work early today, to make him a special dinner and put on some special lingerie that I'd gotten as a sample from a designer. It had been a year since he'd proposed to me and I wanted to bring back the magic of that night, but what did I find? I found him fucking Joyce Barnhardt.

Joyce Barnhardt! I think I could have handled him having an affair with anyone else. Why did it have to be her? I was so angry that I didn't even know what I was doing at first. I grabbed the first thing within my reach, it ended up being my umbrella, and swung it at her head, knocking her off his cock. Even with a bloody nose, she just laughed at me, told me I was stupid, told me she knew I could never hang onto a man. "Poor pathetic Stephanie couldn't even keep her husband satisfied for six months," she said with a gleeful laugh. I hit her a few more times in the back and the arms, but she just smiled and held her hands up in surrender. "Stop freaking out, I'm leaving, I'm leaving. My work here is done," she told me with a little finger wave. God, I hated her.

Dickie never tried to defend her or make excuses for himself, he just took the time that I was busy with Joyce to slip his pants back on. That son of a bitch smiled at me when I turned around. I still didn't have control of myself. I started hitting him then, beating him with the umbrella while I screamed in anger. He was screaming too, but somehow I backed him to the door. I threw him his car keys, which he took. He said that he had to take Joyce home, but that he'd be back and I'd better be out of _his_ house. Fuck him. I'd go when I was done redecorating this shithole.

I watched my marriage die in the flames on our front lawn and felt nothing but regret. I sat there thinking about the paths that led me here and regretted every single one that I'd taken since I left that first boy that I'd kissed twelve years ago. Nothing had gone right with a guy since that moment, maybe he'd cursed me that night. I laughed at that ridiculous thought. I was such a fucking disaster and no one was to blame but me. Poor pathetic Stephanie really couldn't hold onto a man.

Then I heard his tires as he screeched to a stop in front of the house. "Jesus Christ, Stephanie. What the fuck are you doing?" he screamed as he came running toward me.

I rolled my eyes and got up off the grass. "Just getting rid of some of the trash."

"Those are my golf clubs," he screamed as he kicked a few of the copper bottom pots away from the flames.

"You never used them anyway. Was that just an excuse to go nail Joyce?"

"You're so fucking stupid. Do you think Joyce was the only one?"

The laugh that came from my mouth sounded maniacal. "How'd you convince them to sleep with you?" I asked in an innocent voice. "Your dick isn't even long enough to hit the right spots."

"You God damned bitch," he screamed then. The next thing I knew he grabbed my arm and swung me up against the side of the house. Then his forearm came down across my throat. "You stupid bitch, you will never get any of my money." I tried to yell back at him that I didn't want his fucking money, but nothing came out, not even air. I was starting to see spots. "You're nothing but a worthless piece of shit. You know that? I should have known better than to marry someone like you. Out whoring yourself in the slums of Newark when I met you like the trash you are," he screamed at me. "You were never good for anything, Stephanie. You were a terrible wife. You were a terrible lover. The only thing you were good at was being too blind to see what was happening under your own nose." I tried to kick at him, but I was just too dizzy.

I fell to my knees when he was pulled away from me. I watched as Dickie was pushed against the side of the house and searched for weapons before his hands were cuffed behind his back. Then he was spun around so his back was pressed against the house and his throat was trapped beneath a large forearm. "Is this how you make yourself feel like a man, Orr? Picking on women half your size?" Joe Morelli growled into his face as he pressed his arm into Dickie's throat a little harder. "I want you to understand that if you ever touch her again I will fucking kill you. Do you understand?" Dickie made some sort of sick noise, not able to speak out of his lips, which were turning purple. Morelli stepped back then, letting Dickie breathe.

Dickie turned to look at me. The anger I saw there was something I'd never forget. "Stupid whore. You fucking the cops? Joyce told me you had _relationships_ with half the police force," he hissed at me.

Morelli grabbed him then and rammed his face into the brick wall of the house. "I changed my mind, don't look at her or talk to her either. You hurt her again and I won't be the only one you'll have to deal with, but then again there won't be much left of you when I'm done." I hadn't seen this Joe before. I'd seen him angry and yelling, but not like this, he was calm and cool, but the hatred radiating off him sent a clear message that he'd kill Dickie and wouldn't think twice about doing it.

He grabbed Dickie and tossed him toward his partner, who had been quietly watching the show. The other cop nodded to me, then dragged Dickie toward their car as he started to read him his rights.

Morelli looked down at me and frowned, the look on his face softening. "Are you injured?" I shook my head no. He held his hand out for me and pulled me to my feet. "The fire is your doing?"

"Yeah. He pissed me off."

He looked at the stuff and back at me. "Is that a dining room table?"

I shrugged. "He fucked Joyce Barnhardt on it."

He nodded back then. "Fire's the only way to kill the cooties?"

"Definitely," I agreed.

He put a hand to the small of my back and led me toward the house, but I didn't want to go in. Instead I sat on the porch step. "Has he hurt you before?"

"He's never hit me," I assured him.

He pulled up the sleeves of my sweater and turned over my arms, displaying the bruises shaped like finger prints and frowned. "He grabs me sometimes, when I make him mad. I spilled his coffee on some legal documents yesterday."

"Christ." It was hard to tell what Joe was thinking, he wore a pretty good blank cop face. "Has he pushed you, kicked you, choked you, sexually assaulted you in any way?"

My mind instantly went to the night two months ago when we'd been having sex and he'd flipped me over, held me down, and forced himself into my backside. I'd never felt anything so painful before. It hurt to walk or sit or move, for a good week, hell, I was bleeding for three days. I probably should have gone to the doctor, but I was too ashamed to admit that it'd happened. As I sat there thinking about it, it was the first time I'd admitted to myself that my husband raped me.

I looked up into Joe's eyes and started to cry. The anger that had given me all my strength finally started to ebb and the pain he'd been causing me over and over set in. I felt myself falling apart. I couldn't stop sobbing.

Somehow I ended up on Morelli's lap, his arms around me, rubbing my back and telling me it'd be alright until my sobbing turned to sniffles. "I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid."

I sniffled again. "Aren't you going to tell me you told me so? Everyone told me so."

"No."

"I shouldn't even be upset, should I? You warned me not to do this. I deserve everything that happened," I said thinking about the day of my wedding.

"You don't deserve this, Steph. No one deserves this."

"But…"

"No. This is not your fault." He patted my back. "This is all on him."

"God, now what? I've got nothing. I fucking homeless. I can't even face my mother after this." I started to feel the tears again. "Joyce is right, isn't she? Pathetic Stephanie that can't keep a man interested longer than five minutes."

"Come on, you'll find a place live and tell your mother that he was an abusive asshole that didn't deserve you. And since when did Joyce know anything? You kept me interested for years."

Yeah, until he had me. I rolled my eyes. That thought wasn't comforting, maybe I just totally sucked at sex. "My life is so screwed."

"No, it's not. Don't let what this shithead did ruin your life," he told me softly. "You'll find so much better than this next time."

"There will never be a next time," I grumbled looking back at Dickie sitting at the curb.

"Sure there will, just don't short change yourself next time. Make sure you have everything you want."

I started to cry again, there would never be another shot. I'd ruined things with the only man that would ever want to spend his life with me. "I'll tell you I told you so when you're walking down the aisle again," he told me with a little kiss to my hair. "You're going to be alright, Steph. I promise."

"No, I think I'm done with men, maybe forever." I swiped at my tears as I tried to pull myself back together.

He laughed a little and shook his head. "Maybe that's not the worst idea, at least until you're healed." I nodded back at him. "Listen, Steph, I've seen a lot of this at work and, um, you know I grew up with it. He's going to come back. He's going to promise that he'll never do it again, but he will and next time it'll be worse." I sat there thinking about what he said. "Don't get into a pattern you're not able to break. Get out now before he does start beating you and your kids."

Was that really the road I was on? Had I been so blind to what was happening around me that I became one of those women? I closed my eyes and tried to fight the truth, but it was right there in front of me. I knew what Joe said was the truth. The thing was I didn't know if it was scarier to be alone or to be trapped like I had been. "Stephanie, this isn't you. Do you remember the girl that saved Carl at that party? The girl that took the hit for my car accident? The girl that ran me over with the Buick, unfairly may I add?"

"Unfairly?" I yelled at him.

"Ha, there she is," he grinned. "Don't let her go, Steph. That's the girl you are, not what this asshole tried to turn you into."

I nodded back to him. When the hell did Joe Morelli get intelligent? He was right though, sitting here with him was the first time I felt like myself in a long time. "Alright."

"You're leaving him?"

"Yeah. I'm done, Joe, I swear it," I promised.

"Good. You're stronger than this. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are tough and resilient, Stephanie, you'll be fine if you stay away from Orr." He hugged me against his chest a little tighter as he whispered, "And quit straightening your hair, be yourself." I wrapped my arms around him and held on, soaking up the strength that he was giving me. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out what to do next.

"Steph, shit," Eddie said as he came walking up behind us with Carl on his heels. "We came as fast as we could."

"We heard you respond to the call. How'd you get here so fast? Weren't you off duty?" Carl asked Joe.

Morelli lifted me to my feet and looked at them. "We were on our way back to the station, only a few miles away." He looked over at Carl and Eddie's personal cars. "You're both off duty?"

"We were just headed out for the day too," Carl told us. "Had to make sure you were safe."

"Christ. We heard the domestic disturbance call to your address and I almost had a heart attack," Eddie said wrapping me in a fierce hug. "Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine," I answered. "Joe got here at the right time."

Eddie nodded and looked over at Morelli. I felt the tension between them in the air. "Glad you're alright, Steph," Carl said disturbing the stare down. "I'll go check on The Dick." He slapped Joe's back and nodded his approval before walking back down to the police car.

Eddie looked at me then back at Joe, then he stuck his hand out and Joe shook it, breaking the tension. "I was just doing my job, Gazzara."

"No, it wasn't your job. You don't take these kinds of calls. Thank you."

He looked back at me and winked. "Take care of yourself, Cupcake. Eddie, get her to a clinic, full check. I'm sure she'd rather have you take her."

I watched Joe and Big Dog load Dickie into the back of Joe's car and leave for the station. "He did this for me, didn't he?" I asked Eddie.

"Vice doesn't take domestic calls, Steph," he answered. "I'd say he felt the same way as me when he heard your address."

"Yeah, and how's that?"

"Like no one messes with my girl and gets away with it," he answered. I rolled my eyes at him. I doubt that was even close to what Joe Morelli thought of this whole situation. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm done," I answered. "He's been fucking around behind my back, nailed Joyce Barnhardt on our table."

He looked at the charred remains of the table set, "Makes sense now."

"I should get my stuff and find a place to live." I walked back into the house and looked around. "I don't need much from here."

Eddie made a phone call and came back a few minutes later. "Mary Lou's on her way with some boxes and totes." I nodded at him. "Where are you going to go?"

"Newark, maybe, it's closer to work."

"It's far away from me though," he answered. "You ever think about coming home to The Burg?"

"No."

"Think about it. You'd be closer to Mary Lou and Shirley, and Carl and I can keep an eye on you, make sure Dickie doesn't try anything stupid on our watch," he told me. I shrugged at him. "We'll keep you safe, Steph."

My mind instantly went to the way Joe easily restrained Dickie and threatened him, maybe I was safer here than anywhere else. Then again, clearly I was in a state if the thought of Joe Morelli being a phone call away made me feel safe, but I didn't feel like I belonged in Newark anymore anyway. I hadn't spoken to my friends there much in the last year and there were the memories of that hopeful, young girl I once was all over the place. She was gone now, maybe forever. I couldn't go back.

We started to sort through my things when Mary Lou showed up. We packed my clothes, shoes, jewelry, and bathroom stuff. I grabbed the few things that meant anything to me, gifts from my parents and grandparents, some photo albums from my pre-Dickie life and my movies and CDs. We filled the backs of the two cars and drove to my Grandma and Grandpa Mazer's house. I figured Dickie wouldn't look for me there. They'd let me spend the night while I check the classifieds and found a nice, cheap apartment far enough from The Burg that my mother wouldn't just pop in, but close enough that I would still be on Eddie's patrol route.

After that, Eddie took me to St. Francis to have my bruises checked out, at least that's what he told me. Turns out when Morelli told him to have the full check done, it meant a full check. All my bruises were photographed and recorded. I was given a pelvic and rectal exam, to check for damage and diseases.

When the tests came back positive for chlamydia I thought I was going to die. Here I was, only with three men in my entire lifetime and I had a STD, from my husband of all people. The one person that I was supposed to be able to trust with my body gave me a disease. That thought alone made me sick. As I laid with my head in the toilet throwing up the remains of my lunch I thought about what a fool I was. I knew then if I ever decided to let another man touch me it wouldn't be without a condom, no matter how much I trusted him it would never be enough.

Eddie waited patiently through it all, never commenting on anything, just collecting evidence. When I finally asked him about it, he told me it was standard practice on assault victims. I didn't know that they were pressing domestic violence charges against him for choking me this afternoon, but it was witnessed by two police officers so I didn't need to report it personally. The rest was vivid in my mind, but the proof had long since healed, only leaving scars that wouldn't hold up in court.

"Getting arrested is going to ruin his career," I said as I stared out the window.

"That's the least of his problems, Steph." Eddie reached over and took my hand. "He is an adult. He made his decisions and he has to live with the consequences now."

I waved the prescription at him and snorted. "Just like me?"

"It could be worse, at least it's something that the pills will clear up in a couple weeks, you know?" Eddie told me, I guess he was right in that.

"The HIV test isn't back yet and if it's clean they want me to come back in six months for another just to be safe."

He nodded. "I wish I could kill that asshole."

I looked at Eddie, I'd never heard him speak that way before. "Joe told him he'd kill him if he touched me again."

"Good. I always hated Morelli for what he did to you, but he stepped up today. He acted like a man for once." I shrugged at him.

"The day of the wedding Morelli came to the church. He tried to get me to leave with him," I said quietly. Eddie looked over at me with a surprised look. "Is Dickie really into something illegal?"

Eddie let out a whoosh of air, "Shit, did Morelli tell you that?" I nodded. "I don't work in his department, Steph. I have no details and I had no idea that Dickie was involved in anything, but I know that they're working on something. Something big."

"So it wasn't a lie?" I whispered. I didn't know how to process that the one man that I trusted since I met him had betrayed me so badly, while the one that I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw had tried to save me, twice.

"Listen, Steph, he probably shouldn't have mentioned this to you at all. Don't say anything to anyone about the investigation or Dickie. Joe could lose his badge for something like that." I think my mouth fell open at what Eddie said. When we pulled up, he walked me to my grandparents' door and hugged me. "Dickie's already out of jail. If he comes anywhere near you, call the department."

"I will, promise."

"Call me if you need me, alright?"

I nodded back. "I will. Thanks, Eddie. Tell Shirley I'm sorry I ruined Valentine's Day."

"The night's still young," he grinned. "I'll check on you tomorrow?"

"Okay." I watched him walk back to his car. Just knowing that he, Carl, and Joe rushed to save me today made me feel better, like maybe this was where I belonged, at least for now.

Inside Grandma Mazer was waiting up for me. We talked about the day while she baked me some cookies and brought me a glass of milk. She was nothing but understanding when I explained things to her. I was so thankful to have her to lean on. I knew I'd have to face my mother the next morning and that wouldn't go as smoothly. She'd blame me for this no matter what.

I finally went up to bed, using the excuse of exhaustion to leave the conversation early. As I sat there in my grandparents' spare bedroom the day kept replaying through my mind. I flopped down into my thinking position. I didn't know how things had gone so wrong, gotten so out of control so quickly and I didn't know how to stop it. Hell, I didn't know if I should shoot Joyce Barnhardt for fucking my husband to ruin my life or thank her for fucking my husband and opening my eyes to his bullshit. How fucked up is that? Probably no more fucked up than my mind replaying Joe's rescue on repeat. That particular thought seemed way too dangerous, he was too dangerous.

I sat back up. I had to formulate my plans. I pulled out my jewelry box knowing I could pawn most of the stuff that Dickie had given me to buy what I needed, put a security deposit down on a new place, maybe even buy myself a new pair of shoes. When I started to go through my things, sorting them into piles to keep and get rid of, I found a tiny seashell tucked under a box of earrings my dad had given me.

I took it out and held it in the palm of my hand. My mind went to Rick as it warmed against my skin. I wondered if he was still married, did he ever think of me? I knew I could call Bitsy O'Brien and she'd be able to tell me whatever I wanted to know about her cousin, but I wasn't ready to hear it, maybe I never would be. Bits had married Connor a few months ago, but I'd skipped the wedding since I didn't want to run into her _family,_ I was a coward where he was concerned.

Still, somehow I had survived losing him. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me and I was still here. This thing with Dickie was nothing compared to that heartache. I smiled at the little seashell as I wrapped my fingers around it. It would always be a reminder that I was strong enough to keep going, that he was still out there somewhere, and maybe, someday, I'd be strong enough to find him again, even if it was just to see his face from a distance. To know he was okay.

So I pulled off my wedding and engagement rings and tossed them into my pawn pile and tucked that little seashell safely back into my jewelry box. I'd be okay too.


	14. Chapter 14--The Right Path

****Author's note…I just wanted to give a big, big thank you to everyone for their support and the great responses for the last few chapters. So again, let me know what you think, questions asked by some of my reviewers definitely helped me fix or address things left open, so Thank You again.****

Trenton—May 22 _(Four years later)_

I went through my morning routine like I was on auto-pilot. I'd done the shower, diffused my hair so the curls didn't go to frizz, applied make-up lightly, pulled on a black shift style dress with a matching black jacket, found a pair of modest three inch heeled FMP's to add to the outfit, and put a little cameo broach on the lapel as my only adornment.

As I stared at myself in the mirror I knew I looked normal, good really, but I still didn't feel anything. I was numb. I was twenty-eight years old and I had finally suffered the loss of someone close to me. My Grandpa Mazer had a massive heart attack and passed away three days ago.

I had expected the ritual Burg viewing and funeral, but he had set up everything before his death, probably just to screw with my grandma one last time. He hated that she liked to go to viewings with her friends, said it wasn't right to turn someone's death into a social hour.

So today there would be a two hour visitation at the church before the funeral, followed by the burial at the cemetery. At least he hadn't asked for a cremation. Grandma probably would have lost it if he'd done that.

I left the bedroom and walked through the living room on the way to the kitchen. I'd found this apartment a few days after I'd walked out on my lying, cheating, rat-bastard of an ex-husband. It wasn't fancy, it was definitely a no-frills building. I was on the second floor of the three story building, facing the parking lot, not the best view, but I could look down at my baby from the living room window. She was a pretty Mazda Miata I'd purchased last year when I'd finally gotten myself out of divorce debt. Maybe it was a silly thing, but it made me feel good to drive it, like I'd finally gotten my life together, mostly.

Sure my apartment wasn't pretty, it was decorated in crap that'd been donated by family members when I moved in, the true blessing of a large Italian family was that they were always willing to buy themselves something newer or nicer so someone in need could have the hand me downs. The rest I picked up on the cheap with the money I'd gotten from pawning my jewelry. Other than that, it was a nice apartment, if you did count that it hadn't been renovated since the seventies, the proof of that was in the avocado green kitchen appliances and the orange and brown bathroom, but it was all mine.

Sure my job wasn't my dream job either, but I'd been doing it for six years now and I was vital enough to the day to day running that it felt good to do it, even if I did have to get up early, take the train to Newark, wear pantyhose, and slowly let the little part of myself that wanted to run on the beach instead of sit in an office die. No, it wasn't the dream, but it paid the bills.

Sure the bulk of my social life consisted of dinners with my parents, shopping with Mary Lou, lunch with Eddie, and weekends watching TV, but it didn't suck. Sometimes I'd stop after work to visit my old friend Ezmeralda, she'd moved into a retirement home now, but she was just as sharp as ever so we'd play chess or cards to pass the time. I'd gotten back into going to Thursday happy hours with the girls from work. I had game days with my dad to watch the Rangers and coffee with my Grandma Mazer to catch up on gossip on Sundays. I wasn't lonely.

No, my life wasn't glamorous, but it was all mine, and I was living it the way I wanted, mostly.

I grabbed a couple of Pop tarts out of the cupboard and used a paper towel as a plate. I tapped the glass on my hamster's home and dropped a crusty piece of my breakfast into him. Rex scampered out, grabbed the food and ran back into his can. Silly little thing. He came to live with me last year, I figured I needed a roommate to talk to once and a while, and Rex was a great listener. Okay, so Rex was the only man in my life and has been since my divorce.

The divorce had been ugly, long, and drawn out. It'd also cost me a lot of money to be able to afford an attorney, considering The Dick was a lawyer and worked with a bunch of lawyers I need someone good, so I wouldn't get totally screwed over. In the end I hadn't wanted his house or car or money I just wanted my freedom and to not have to pay half of his debt. I'd gotten half that wish, I was free of him now. I was Stephanie Plum again.

Of course, The Burg latched onto the story and hadn't let it die for at least a couple of years, still every time someone would file for divorce they'd all start discussing if it was going to be as bad as that _Plum_ _mess_. Since then I managed to go about my life quietly, the only whispers about me now were that I was going to die an old maid, but honestly that seemed preferable to dying a hollow, used up, shell of a woman, that some man had beaten into a mold she didn't fit. No, I'd made peace with living a solitary existence. I'd never be The Burg wife that men seemed to want and none of them could see the woman I really was under my Burgy exterior.

So there were no dates or boyfriends or social orgasms, but I could take myself out and I had Rex to come home to and my shower massager did a better job at getting me off than Dickie ever did anyway. I mean so what if certain men's faces and bodies and memories of what their hands and mouths could do to me crept into my mind during those showers, it didn't mean I was lonely. I was just human.

My phone rang interrupting my thoughts. "Hello."

"Stephanie, it's your mother," she said. "You're late. You were supposed to be here at ten thirty to help me get the food together."

"Sorry, Mom, I'm on my way now."

"Alright, drive safely. I heard sirens before," she warned before hanging up.

My mother had become obsessed with me after the divorce. She was convinced that I couldn't take care of myself. She thought I was going to die in a car wreck, or get murdered on the train in Newark, or some pervert was going to be inside my apartment waiting to kill me since I lived alone. If that didn't get me, then my eating habits would. She would cook for me and harass me to come to dinner, then send all the leftover food home for me to reheat, since she thought the junk food and takeout that I ate were going to give me cancer or a heart attack or something. If that wasn't enough, she had taken it upon herself to try to find me a replacement husband, someone to take care of me since she wouldn't always be around to do it. I humored her, easier than fighting it, plus the leftovers were really good.

I grabbed a Coke out of the fridge and my purse from the counter before heading over to my parent's house to start the day. If I was late she'd start to worry and call Eddie to find out if I was dead in an accident somewhere, or send daddy to look for me. I figured I'd behave, she was under enough stress this week.

I pulled up outside the duplex I'd grown up in and watched as my mother opened the front door, waiting on me like usual. I waved to her as I got out and locked up my car. She was dressed in a black dress and sensible shoes, her hair done with a perfectly curled flip on the ends, like something out of the sixties.

We loaded all the food trays and bowls into the cars and hauled them over to my grandparents' house. Everyone would stop over later to visit and my mother couldn't let anyone be hungry. It was a weird way to cope with the death of your father, but it seemed to be what she needed to do.

Mom and Dad left to go meet with the funeral director before the church was open to the public for the viewing. So I sat with Grandma Mazer. I'd always been closer to her than the other grandkids were, not that she didn't love us equally, but we seemed to understand one another in a way that the rest couldn't comprehend, even my mother.

"Val and the girls flew in this morning, her husband had to work though," I told her. She nodded back as she popped the top on a can of Coke and took a gulp. "Shirley and Eddie are making sure that the funeral home got all the flowers and deliveries brought over to the church." She nodded again. "And mom got all the food ready and they're going over to make sure the Church is ready for us." She still just nodded and took another drink.

"This house is too quiet," she said. "I've lived here for over fifty years and his voice was always echoing off the walls, barking orders, and telling me his opinion on what I didn't do right." I knew he was an opinionated guy and loud, but I had no idea she had felt that way. "I loved him, Stephanie, but that man was as much a horse's patoot as your ex-husband was."

"What? Grandpa never boned Joyce on the kitchen table, did he?" I asked her.

She laughed then. "Orr did you a favor when he did that. What if you were still married to him now, forced to be something that you're not, nothing quite good enough, always a letdown?" she asked.

"Is that how you felt?"

"Until I stopped giving a shit," she said taking my hand. "I loved him. I loved him with all my heart, but I don't think he loved what I truly was. I think he loved the wife and mother I had to be."

I felt the tears sting my eyes before they started to fall. "Did you ever love another man?"

"No, it was always your grandfather," she answered. "We married so young, I didn't have time to get out of this city and find where I belonged in the world."

I nodded back to her. "Do you think I made a mistake moving back here?"

She swiped at her own tears. "Only you know if this is home."

"I fell in love once," I told her quietly. "The summer after high school I met a guy at the beach and I fell for him."

She smiled then. "Don't tell me that was Dickie? You never loved that man."

I laughed back, of course she knew that. "No, it wasn't Dickie. It was one of those perfect weekends, the perfect romance, and then he had to leave and I never saw him again."

She eyed me then. "Did he have a nice package?" She surprised a laugh out of me that I couldn't contain. "Your grandfather, God rest his soul, never had a nice package. I always wondered if that would make a difference down there, you know, make it work without assistance."

Oh, God, what? Why? Still she sat there grieving and waiting for my answer. "Yeah, he had an excellent package and he knew how to work it, down there."

She laughed gleefully. "That's my girl," she patted my hand. "That's what I'm going to find."

The little smile I gave her was for encouragement, it was sad that she'd gone her whole life without feeling that special spark or knowing a fantastic lover. At least when I looked back at my life I'd always have that weekend to reflect upon. I wouldn't regret that.

"Why did he leave?"

I shrugged again. "It was complicated."

She looked me up and down and patted my hand again. "You're wasting the best years of your life because of Dickie Orr. Get back out there and find someone to love you. Find your excellent package again."

"I wish I could. He ended up married to someone else. That's why I settled for what Dickie offered. I won't settle again."

"You should never settle for anything less than the real thing again, but don't give up on men altogether, have some fun while you're looking. A lot of women my age have found love more than once. Maybe that guy was the one, maybe he was just one of the ones. You have to live your life before it's too late, at least give your heart a chance."

"You have the rest of your life to live however you want too. You can be the person you always wanted to be now," I told her.

She smiled and kissed my cheek. "So do you, don't forget that, baby girl."

"I won't." I took our empty soda cans to the trashcan and smiled at her. "You ready to go?"

"Yep," she said standing up. She looked around the house again. "I don't think I can live here anymore without him."

"I know," I told as I took her hand. "I know exactly what you mean." It was the reason I hadn't been back to the beach, it was the reason I hadn't moved back to Newark, and it was the reason I lived alone now. Too many memories, too many ghosts, and I was still too haunted by them.

The day was long and hard. It seemed everyone from The Burg came out for the funeral. My family was all there, all the way out to the last extended branch. As were the Burg gossips and funeral crowd, my grandma's friends, my parents' friends, my grandpa's coworkers from the steel mill, even my friends showed up including friends from high school, the girls from The Tasty Pastry I see each day, a few friends from EE Martin, even Carl, his new partner Big Dog, Robin Russell, and Joe Morelli were on hand to represent the TPD.

Of course, Joe came in right before the funeral started and sat with his mom and Grandma Bella so I hadn't had a chance to speak to him. If he was speaking to me. After the great rescue from The Dick he disappeared from my life again. When I did run into him he seemed angry and short with me, never letting me thank him for what he did, even if the charges against Dickie had to be dropped in the end, I still appreciated it, but it seemed Joe was done with me.

Finally the last time I spoke to him a couple years ago, at Eddie's promotion party, he told me that I should stay away from him, I was nothing but trouble and he'd had enough. I wasn't sure what that was about and Eddie only said to let him cool off. So I'd let him cool off and avoided him the best I could, but it was The Burg so we did see one another, you couldn't avoid it. Still the looks he gave me made it clear that I was the last person he wanted to see and the way he made sure to feel up or kiss the women he was with sent me a clear message, I was not wanted.

So was it still wrong that when I saw him I got a little excited, like my breath would catch and my heart would speed up? He was really hot, the hottest guy in Trenton easily, and the way the man wore his jeans should be a sin, because I committed a lot of sins thinking about it. Even now in the church my mind went to the last time he kissed me, in the bride's room. I'm such a hopeless slut, at least in my head, and it made me hate Joe Morelli a little more every time he walked in all sexy and shunned me. I didn't do anything to deserve that.

Mary Lou put an arm around me and led me to the pew we would share with Lenny and Eddie and Shirley's family. I felt weird, the only person without a person to lean on, to hold me, but as I looked at Grandma Mazer a few pews in front of us I knew that wasn't true. She was as alone as me now, which made me cry for her or maybe for us, I don't know.

As I listened to the hymn move through the church I thought about my grandparents and their life together. I looked at my family, mom and her siblings, my cousins and their kids, my sister and her kids, me, so many people that just wouldn't have existed in this world if they hadn't been together. I thought of God holding each of our lives in his hands, leading us where we needed to be. I knew he led them together so the rest of us would be here. It was kind of overwhelming to think about how many people Grandpa Mazer had a hand in helping God create.

As I listened to the priest give the eulogy I really heard the words he was speaking. He said that there were only two things we couldn't control in our lives, the things that God chose for us, and those were the things that they recorded on our headstone, the date we were born and the date we died. He said the more important part was the dash in between those two numbers. It was how we chose to live all the days between those two dates that make us the person we are.

He spoke of living a spiritual life, following the path that God created for us. He spoke of how God forgives us for our mistakes and helps us find our way through the toughest challenges, the loss of a loved one, illness, or other struggles, like my grandma now faced. He spoke of God's gifts to us, how the things we treasured like love, children, a job we enjoy, the things my grandpa treasured, were only a start as the true treasure was life everlasting.

I wondered if God would forgive me for entering a marriage that I knew wasn't going to work, if he would forgive me for divorcing without getting a Decree of Invalidity, maybe this was one of those paths I should take to have Dickie stop damning my soul.

After communion we came back to the pew and knelt on the worn, padded kneelers we'd been using since we were toddlers. I smiled at my friends. I took both Mary Lou's and Eddie's hands in mine. I knew that we'd been sent to each other, the three of us, to look after one another, to be family even if there wasn't a blood tie.

I closed my eyes and said a little prayer of thanks for them both. While I was there I went through the prayers that I hadn't said since I was in that little church in Newark over five years ago. I asked God to bless my parents, Val, Angie, and Mary Alice, to give strength to Grandma Mazer in her time of pain, to take Grandpa Mazer in his arms and give him his reward in heaven, to watch over Mary Lou and Eddie and their families, to protect Carl, Eddie, and Joe while they were out fighting crime on the streets, to bless Rick and his family, to help me find my way down the right path, and to give me a sign that I was going the right way. Then, just before I stood up I sent an extra little prayer, asking him to watch over Maria's son and bring him home where he belonged, just like I always did.

As I sat back in the pew I felt a weight being lifted from my chest and I was overcome by a sudden sense of calm that I'd never felt the like of before. I felt like God had heard me, hand taken me in the palm of his hand, and was leading me toward my path. I'm not saying I found God, or was going to be more spiritual, but I felt like I wasn't alone anymore, like he was with me.

We all piled into the cars and drove the cemetery after the funeral. I always had problems at burials, they were the final goodbye. The lowering of the casket was about as final as you could make it. I always knew the person was already gone, moved onto heaven or wherever, but it still felt like cutting the last tie to the loved ones left behind.

I took the spot next to Grandma Mazer, she wrapped her thin hand around mine as the priest moved to the casket and said a few more prayers. My cousins and sister all stepped forward, laying a rose on top of the casket. My father handed me my flower and I just stared at it, the tears clouding my vision. I stepped forward and laid the flower down gently, "Good bye, Grandpa. I'll take care of her. I promise," I said quietly as I put my hand against the cool metal of the casket.

Grandma Mazer stepped up next to me and put an arm around me as she tossed her rose onto the pile with the grandkids' offering. We took a few steps back, still standing apart from the rest of the group and hugged one another. We stood there holding each other as we watched the casket being lowered, crying silent tears for the man we both loved so differently.

When it was all over we still stood there, watching, waiting for something to happen. Everyone had gone back to their cars, most of the crowd had left, leaving us in silence. As I walked Grandma back to my parent's car I saw Joe Morelli leaning against his car watching me. It didn't escape Grandma's notice either. "It's time to move on, Baby Girl. Sometimes what we need is right in front of our faces," she said as she patted my cheek.

I settled her into the car and turned to look back at Joe, but his car was pulling away, leaving dust from the stones he was parked on. I rolled my eyes, Joe Morelli clearly didn't want anything to do with me. I needed to forget all about his sexy little ass and move on.

I slowly walked back to my own car, the only one left at the burial site. I thought I felt something watching me, so I turned toward a group of large oak trees, straining to see into the shadows. As I started to walk that direction I felt the strangest sensation, like tingles going up and down my body. "Hello? Is someone there?" I asked as I inched forward slowly.

All I could see in this light was the retreating back of a large man. "Hello?" I called again, but he disappeared around a corner, out of sight. I went back to my car with the strangest feeling. I couldn't put it out of my head the rest of the night.

When I got home I found a vase of lilies in front of my door with a note that just read, _Stephanie, I wished I could comfort you and dry your tears today. It wasn't time, but it will be, someday._

I held the card in my hand and wondered where they had come from. Were they from Joe? Was this my sign? Was I ready to move on now?

I took the card to my bedroom and lifted the lid on my jewelry box, sliding the card underneath some boxes. I saw the little seashell sitting there and smiled at it and shook my head, there was no way that card was from Rick was there? That was too crazy, even in my deluded state I couldn't believe that.

I shut everything inside the box and crawled out onto my fire escape and looked up at the sky. As I looked up at the stars I didn't feel so alone. It was an odd sensation, but I could have sworn that I had the same tingle of awareness that I'd felt at the cemetery. I knew it was a sign someone was out there for me, this was just the path I had to take to find him.

****Okay, so that ended up a lot more spiritual that I ever thought it would be, but I thought it worked. I'm not sure if I'm going to do one more chapter before my conclusion to this story or not. It may be a few days before I update. I have to find my own path to the end here. Thanks for reading along with me here.****


	15. The Truth--Part 1

****Author's notes…This is kind of a weird way to do this, but I couldn't think of a better way to bring Ranger into Stephanie's life. So in the scheme of things this chapter would take place a few months ****after**** Eleven on Top. I choose to pick the story up at this point, because I really felt like it fit the best with what I wanted for my story's ending. This chapter took me forever to write and edit and it got crazy long and a little out of control. So I've split it into three parts, but it is one continued day/story. It may not be what everyone hoped for, but I promise the missing years will be revisited in the next part of the story. WARNINGS for smut and spoilers for the books up to Eleven on Top from here on out. Now, let's get our Ranger on.****

Trenton-November 27 (_4 years later) _

I finished blow drying my hair and stared at myself in the mirror. My curls had gone to frizz and nothing I tried was helping. I finally just put it in a ponytail and made a face at myself as I grabbed my mascara. I leaned toward the mirror and somehow managed to slip on some water, as I slipped, the mascara wand poked me in the eye then slid across my cheek. I jumped up and down holding my eye and managed to slip again, this time I hit my knee on the counter making me stumble until I stubbed my big toe on the open bathroom door.

I managed to right myself and get a washcloth to clean off my face and tend to my eye without incident so I thought I was in the clear, but when I went to get dressed it all started again. I hopped into my black jeans and bent to pull on my socks, which caused the ass to split on my pants so I pulled them back off and put on the black cargo pants. The bra I put on made it two minutes, then the underwire popped out and stabbed me in the armpit, so instead of starting over I yanked the wire out and decided to just go lopsided for the day. The too short RangeMan tee shirt was next, it seemed to have shrunk in the wash or something. It was skin tight and about two inches shorter than the last time I'd worn it. I dug through my things, but the rest were dirty or not in my apartment. Unbelievable.

I decided to skip breakfast since the way things were going my toaster would burn the house down or something. Instead I just dropped a grape into Rex. He gave me a one eyed look, grabbed his grape and went to hide. I think he sensed my bad luck too.

I went outside to my RangeMan jeep and tried to start it, but nothing happened. I turned the key a few more times and nothing. Shit. This was definitely going to be one of those days nothing went right. I picked up my cell phone and called my boss, Ranger. "Yo," he answered like usual.

"I'm calling in sick," I grumbled.

"Babe. Are you sick?" he asked.

I could never lie to Ranger, at least not very well. "No," I muttered. "But my hair is frizzy, I stabbed my eye with mascara, I hurt my knee, stubbed my toe, split my pants, shrunk my shirt, my bra is broken, my boobs are lopsided, and my car won't start."

He was quiet for a moment, then I heard him laugh. It wasn't something I heard often and honestly it was usually music to my ears, but just then it annoyed me. "Stop laughing at me. I think God is trying to tell me not to come to work today."

"Babe." Ranger liked to answer me with that one singular word, it meant a lot of different things, but I think right now it meant I'd amused him again.

"Ranger." Two could play at that game.

"I'll be there in ten." He disconnected without a goodbye. I sat in the driver's seat of the jeep to wait, it was getting a bit too cold to just stand outside for ten minutes.

Like clockwork Ranger pulled into the apartment lot ten minutes later. He slid out of the Porsche Turbo 911 and I felt my panties get a bit damp. It wasn't my fault. Ranger was six feet of lean, hard muscle, and moved with the grace of a panther. He was wearing his usual black cargo pants and a black tee shirt that looked painted on under an unzipped leather coat. I could barely tear my eyes away from the outline of his perfectly sculpted abs to look up into his face, but when I did it wasn't a disappointment. Ranger's dark eyes were focused on me, staring a hole through me really, and his lips were tipped up in an amused smile.

He took the keys from my hand and tried the jeep. "Battery is dead. I'll have the guys pick it up later."

"You're going to give me a ride?" I asked. He eyes got a little darker as he looked me over, focusing on the tiny tee shirt visible under my unzipped jacket. "I told you it shrunk."

"I like it, but we should probably get you a new one for your shift. The guys won't be able to work," he told me with a grin.

"What about you? Could you work?" I was probably baiting him a little bit, but I didn't know if I cared anymore. The more time we spent together the more sexually frustrated I became and just then I was frustrated enough I felt like I'd burst.

The next thing I knew I was flattened against the side of the Turbo, and his lips came down hard on mine, melting me into a little puddle of lust as I kissed him back. When he stepped back he kept hold of my hips to keep me steady. His fingers drifted back and forth over the exposed skin of my stomach. "No, definitely not. I'd drag you up to my apartment and keep you to myself, all day." I swallowed hard. All day in Ranger's bed was exactly where I wanted to be. His face became a mixture of amusement and heat. I wasn't sure if he was going to tease me or fuck me, but before I could find out I ran around the car and jumped into the passenger seat. It was probably best to avoid finding out, in public.

Ranger climbed behind the wheel and started toward work. The thing about driving with Ranger is that he always found his driving zone, which suited me just fine. I was overheated and felt like a woman on a ledge. One word or look from him and I'd fall. Okay, so maybe I'd be more likely to climb over the seat and mount him right here in the car than fall, but you get what I mean. He chose that moment to look over at me like he knew what I was thinking. He probably did, he had a weird ESP thing going with me, I swear it. My body was reacting to the instensity of his gaze, my heart was racing and my panties were totally ruined. I turned and looked out the window. I needed to get out of that car soon, but all I kept thinking was when we got to work we'd only be two floors away from his bed.

Ranger owned a seven story building downtown Trenton. It housed his security company, RangeMan, as well as his private apartment on the seventh floor. I'd lived there for a while not that long ago, platonically, while I was hiding from some bad guys. Now I worked in the building, had a key to his apartment where I kept food and clothes, and showered there when needed, and oddly enough the need came up more than you'd think. The one thing I wasn't doing in his apartment was having sex, not that I didn't think about it, all day.

I'd met Ranger a couple years ago when he agreed to teach me to be a bounty hunter. That was after I'd lost my job at EE Martin and had been one step away from being homeless. We developed an odd relationship along the way. He'd been my teacher, my boss, my hero, my lover, but mostly my friend. Since I quit the bounty hunting and taken the job working for him fulltime we'd been spending a lot more time together. Especially, in the last month.

We'd get together for dinner in his apartment after work and just hang out talking, well I did most of the talking, and Ranger listened, unless it was about work. Sometimes he'd take me out for dinner, once he even took me to a movie, but the times I liked the best were when he'd sneak into my apartment and crawl in bed with me. He'd snuggle against my back and just hold me. There was something so comforting about sleeping with his arms around me, it made me feel safe and treasured like nothing else ever had.

Okay, so waking up with him half naked and hard in certain places may have been the best times, but other than kissing or touching me we hadn't taken that next step. I wasn't sure why. He wanted me, and I knew it. I wanted him, and he knew it. There was so much sexual energy between us you could probably light up Trenton with it.

Yet there was something that kept him from making that move again. I secretly wondered if it was me. I guess I'd never gotten over wondering if I was good enough in bed to keep someone interested, at least someone like Ranger. We had slept together once like six months ago and from the memories I knew he was amazing, okay he was magic, but I didn't know how he felt about my performance.

I sighed to myself, maybe it was all for the best anyway. Even if my doodah was in a constant state of arousal, it'd mean something else now, our relationship had grown a lot since then. I didn't know if I was ready for the feelings that came along with that. I also didn't think I could handle him walking out on me afterward like he had the last time. My heart was too involved now.

Also, it may not have been my sexual performance that kept him away. It may have been that I'd been seeing Joe Morelli on and off for the last year. Joe left no doubt in my mind that he enjoyed sex with me, in fact I think that's what he was in the relationship for. The rest of the relationship was a rollercoaster. We'd been engaged, sort of. We lived together a few times for various reasons. We broke up and got back together more times than I can count. He said he loved me, but I said I liked him. I wanted to be able to say it back to him, but it was like a part of me was broken or something. I just couldn't say it.

I kept thinking to myself that the next time I said it I really wanted to mean it, in a forever way. I guess I hadn't known if Joe was my forever guy. I wanted him to be, but in my heart I was still holding out for something, more. Not that it was an issue anymore anyway, Joe and I had decided to take a break, perhaps a permanent one, while he was out of town on an undercover job, but he'd be back and I had a hard time staying away from him for some reason. I guess I always did have that problem, maybe I always would. Then again, he wasn't my only weakness anymore.

I slid a glance over to Ranger. He was back in his driving zone. A couple months ago I had been kidnapped by Stiva, another nutcase stalker, which was my main reason to get out of the bounty hunting game, too many crazies. In the hours I was missing a lot of things happened. I knew that Ranger would find me, not Joe or the police or anyone else. I _knew_ Ranger would save me. I wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the way he had become the one person I could trust, with everything, including my life. When he did find me I wanted to wrap myself around him and tell him I loved him, but he was only in a mood to catch the asshole who'd taken me so I kept those thoughts to myself.

I didn't question whether or not Ranger loved me. He told me often enough. He just said it wasn't the type of love that came with marriage, he wasn't family material. That wasn't exactly saying he couldn't have a relationship with me, but it was saying it wasn't going to come with a Burg life. I'd gone over that possibility in my mind, like over and over again. I'd never wanted a Burg life, but now that the possibility of something else was in front of me I was scared to take it. I wondered if I'd ever get over my commitment issues and just admit that I loved the man and wanted to be with him. I doubted that would happen anytime soon. His commitment issues were worse than mine.

"I smell smoke," he said reaching over to tug my ponytail. I looked up and realized we were inside the underground parking area of his building. I looked up at the security cameras and wondered who was on monitor duty today. I finger waved at them and looked back at Ranger.

"It's nothing." He looked at me like he didn't believe me, but he didn't push.

"Can you stop in my office later? I'd like to go over some private searches I'd like you to run."

I smiled at him then. "Sure boss. Anything you want."

"Anything?" he asked with a wolf grin. Oh boy.

We loaded into the elevator and he took us to the seventh floor instead of the fifth where we both worked, him from a luxury office and me from a cubicle, but hey, I didn't own the place.

"That _anything_ was work related you know?" I questioned as he unlocked the door for me. I followed him into his apartment. It was the usual calm, relaxed atmosphere that I came to expect. "Oh, food." Ella, Ranger's housekeeper, was one of the best cooks in the world. It was one of the reasons I loved eating dinner with him, I said one of the reasons, the other happened to be closing in behind me, pressing against my back. God, he smelled good.

"I'm hungry, Babe, but not for breakfast," he told me quietly just before his lips touched the side of my neck. I practically purred at the contact.

I spun in his arms and met his lips. He kissed like he did everything else, with perfect precision. His lips were firm and warm as he guided me to open for his tongue. I buried my hands into his silky hair and plunged my own tongue back against his, kissing him until I felt dizzy. Before I knew it I was stripped down to my panties and he was lifting me onto his breakfast bar counter. No words were spoken as he kissed down my body until he got to my aching center. He pulled my ruined panties off and shoved them into his pocket with a grin. His fingers circled my wet opening, again and again until I leaned back on my elbows and lifted my hips to him. "Ranger," I moaned. "Quit teasing me."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, just quit teasing." I let out a cry of delight when his fingers plunged inside me. My hips instantly started to pump against his thrusting fingers like they had a mind of their own. "Oh. God. Ranger." He used his other hand to pinch my nipple roughly, rolling it between his thumb and finger. "Ranger!" I flooded his fingers with my juices as I came against his hand.

He laughed as he continued to move against me, not giving me time to recover before the next orgasm tore through me. "You're so sexy, Babe," he said in a growl as he watched his hand enter my body. "This is what I was hungry for. I like my pie with a little cream on it." Then he grabbed my thighs and spread my legs as he dropped his head between them. He began to devour me, using his tongue to enter me as his fingers stroked my clit. Just as I was beginning to lose my mind over the sensation he switched, sucking my clit into his mouth as his fingers plunged back inside me.

"Oh, fuck. Ranger," I screamed as he took me over the edge again, and again. He finally slowed bringing me to orgasm one last time before he kissed his way back up to my mouth. "Fuck me. I want to feel you inside of me."

"I have a meeting in ten minutes. We don't have time for more," he whispered against my lips before he kissed me again.

I pushed against him until I was able to get into a sitting position. "I want to taste you too," I told him as I grabbed his belt and slipped it open.

"Babe," he groaned. "You don't have to do that."

"It's not fair that you're going to taste like me all day and I won't taste you on my tongue," I whispered back against his lips before I ran my tongue over them to prove my point. He made a little growl sound and I knew I'd won.

He lifted me off the counter and carried me to the living room. He dropped onto the couch and slowly slid me down his body until I was kneeling on the floor between his legs. I looked up at him and saw the raw passion in his eyes, something I hadn't seen on his face ever before. It was like it sparked something inside of me. I bent and took him into my mouth, swallowing him down until I couldn't take anymore. I worked him in and out at a fast pace, sucking as hard as I could, gripping his balls and tugging gently. I glanced up his body at his face. His head was thrown back, his eyes cast down watching me, and his hands were buried in my hair. When we locked eyes it was like some sort of weird electricity that sparked between us, making me take him more deeply. His body tightened and his cock thickened, "Steph, I'm gonna come," he told me in a harsh groan. I pushed down his body, letting him thrust himself deeper for the last few strokes. I sucked with all my might until he started to spurt into my throat. ""Uhhh, Stephanie," he groaned.

I looked up at him and smiled as I wiped my mouth on my forearm. He laughed huskily as he pulled me onto his lap. "I really don't want to leave for that meeting."

"I have to get to work anyway. Lots of searches to run and all that." Even as I said it I snuggled into his body and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him lightly.

"You can take the rest of the day off and stay in my bed until I come home," he offered.

I laughed this time. "I'd settle for dinner tonight, after work."

He kissed me back, deep and hard, with lots of tongue as he stood with me still in his arms. He dropped me back onto the couch and flashed me his wolf grin. "Bring your appetite, Babe. You're going to need it to keep up with me." Then he was gone.

I laid on his couch, naked, for a few minutes before going to the kitchen to find my clothing. I hauled everything into his bathroom so I could get cleaned up and redressed for work. After redoing my ponytail and trading most of my clothes for new things from his closet like a not broken bra, a tee shirt that fit properly, and underpants that weren't still in his pocket, I felt a lot better.

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and a muffin off the counter before heading down to my desk to start my day. I was beginning to think that I had judged this day unfairly this morning. Any day that started with five Ranger-induced-orgasms couldn't be bad. I smiled to myself as I choked down the bran muffin. We were totally going to have sex tonight and I was doing my secret little happy dance in my head.

"What's got you all smiley and shit?" Lester asked as he plopped down into the extra chair in my cubicle. Lester was one of Ranger's guys. He was tall and cute and loved to flirt with me, and I loved flirting back. Did I mention how cute he was? He was definitely of some sort of mixed ethnicity, he had medium Latino skin and bright green eyes and hair that was a shade too dark to be considered auburn. It was more dark brown with glossy deep red tints. I thought he should grow it out, it'd be gorgeous.

"It's a secret," I whispered to him.

"What's that?" he whispered back.

"What's got me smiling, it's a secret."

"This happen to have something to do with Ranger being late for his meeting?" I giggled, Ranger was never late for anything.

I smiled back at him. "Nope, I was just going to say that this is the best bran muffin ever."

He looked down at the muffin in my hand and narrowed his eyes at it. Then he shook his head. "Nope. Not the muffin." I raised both my eyebrows at him. "What? I'm not an idiot. He totally smelled like sex in the elevator and you're all bubbly sunshine over here. It's sick, is what it is, Beautiful."

"Shh, keep it down."

"So is this serious or what?" he asked me.

"I don't know. We're having _dinner_ later tonight," I said waggling my eyebrows at him. I wasn't about to admit to Lester that I was so head over heels in love with Ranger that I was practically doing cartwheels, but I think he knew it anyway.

"Shit," he muttered. "Steph, we have to talk."

"About what?"

His phone started to ring then. "Before dinner, okay?" I nodded back as he pressed talk. "Celia? What's up, baby?" I rolled my eyes. Lester was forever the player. I was surprised he could keep up with the amount of women calling him. "Abuela Rosa?" I looked up at him then, but he wasn't looking at me. "Yeah, no, he's in a meeting. Yeah, we'll be there. Love you too."

He started toward the door, but I bounced out of my chair and followed him. "Is something wrong with your grandma, Les?"

"They just brought her into the hospital. Looks like it may have been a stroke," he said looking confused for a minute.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Get Bobby, no get Ranger," he said as he started to walk again.

"Lester, sit down. I'll get them, fast, alright?"

"Okay, thanks, Beautiful."

I looked at him for just a split moment before I took off running for the conference room, while I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Bobby. "Bomber, what's up?"

"Get to five. Lester just got a call, his Abuela Rosa is in route to the hospital with a possible stroke and he looks like he's starting to lose it. I'm getting Ranger."

"Shit, thanks, Steph. Tell Ranger we'll meet him downstairs." He hung up without a goodbye, but I was too panicked to be pissed at him.

I knocked on the door and pushed it open. "Stephanie, did you need something?" Ranger asked as he looked up from some documents. One of his lawyers sat next to him and nodded to me.

"Yeah, I need to speak to you. It's personal, an emergency."

"Excuse me," he said nodding to the other man. He shut the door behind himself and looked at me.

I swallowed hard. "Celia just called Lester. He said that his Abuela Rosa is on her way to the hospital and she may have had a stroke. Les didn't look too good when I left him."

"Fuck." It was said in a quiet, calm voice, but I saw the worry in his eyes. "Does Bobby know?"

"Yeah I just called him before I got to you. He said he'd meet you downstairs," I answered. "Was that your sister?" He nodded. "Your grandma too?"

He just looked at me and nodded again. "My mother's mother. Lester and Bobby are my cousins."

I just blinked at him for a few seconds as that bit of information seeped into my mind. How did I not know that after all this time? I looked up at Ranger as he took my hand and squeezed it. So many things started to unscramble in my mind all at once. He stepped away to tell the lawyer that the meeting was over.

I grabbed his hand when he moved back toward me. I had so many things I needed to ask him. "Steph, I have to get going."

He started to move toward the stairs, but I held onto his hand, not letting him get away from me. I followed him at a pace my legs could barely keep up with. "I'm coming with you," I told him as we entered the garage.

"Babe, there will probably be a lot of people there," he started.

"And so will you, Lester, and Bobby," I told him. "I want to be there." He looked at me like he was trying to figure out a good way to refuse me. I opened the passenger door to his Turbo and glared at him, daring him to argue. Lester and Bobby stepped out of the stairs at that moment. Lester looked startled to see me. "If you don't take me with you, CarlosManoso, I'll go with Lester. I bet _his _family would be glad to meet _his_ girlfriend."

"Stephanie," he answered in a voice that issued me a warning.

"I'd be glad to bring you home to the family, Steph. I have a feeling they'd all love you," Lester told me with a grin. "Plus, Abuela has been bugging me to find a nice girl."

Ranger finally just growled and hit the roof of his Turbo, "Get in the car."


	16. The Truth--Part 2

I got in his car and so did he. We didn't speak as we drove to Newark. He seemed to be in his zone, but every once and a while he'd look over at me so I knew he wasn't as relaxed as he pretended to be, but he was a great pretender. That was one thing I learned today. The other things I learned today I'd have to deal with soon enough, but right now the focus had to be on Rosa Santos, she was what mattered, and even if Ranger didn't want me with him I wanted to be there for the other people I cared about.

We entered the old neighborhood I'd lived in ten years ago. Everything was different, but still the same. The gang area had spread, but the nice little houses remained, although some were in more disrepair than I remembered and others looked like they'd been painted different colors. The church was still there, with a new sign and cross. I guess time changes all things on the surface.

I looked back at Ranger and tried to see the differences in his surface appearance. His hair was still the same silky, dark color it'd always been, but it was cut differently now, so it fell down on his forehead a little. His dark eyes were still the same shade of brown, but they were different too, like they were empty of something that had been there when we'd first met. His face had more angles and lines, like he'd lost that last bit of childhood. The expressions he used and the way he held himself were different too, he hardly ever relaxed anymore. He was probably an inch or two taller than I'd remembered, and he was, well, so well built it was clear he'd worked for years to get the tone and definition that his muscles now had. I felt like an idiot for not seeing it before, it was right there in front of my face for two fucking years, it had just been altered on the surface.

He pulled into a parking stall just a few spaces from the hospital door. I wasn't sure how he always got good parking spots, but apparently it worked in other cities too. He looked over at me and took my hand again. "You really want to do this?"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," I told him as I squeezed his hand. "Ranger?" He nodded to me. "What should I call you when we're with your family?"

He stared into my eyes for a few minutes, I don't know what he was looking for, but finally he just said. "You can call me whatever you want."

"Do they call you Carlos?"

His fingers tightened around mine. "My mom calls me Ricky, the others will probably call me Ric." I nodded back to him as I accepted the truth. "Babe? Why do you want to do this?"

The truth tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Because I love you."

His eyes softened as he looked back at me. I never knew saying those words out loud could feel so freeing, but suddenly I felt a lot lighter. No matter what happened at least I said it to him once. What I wasn't expecting was for him to lean across the console and kiss my forehead. "I love you too, Steph."

We met up with the guys in the lobby of the hospital and took the elevator up to the fourth floor. She was in getting some tests so we were pointed in the direction of the family waiting room at the far end of the corridor. As we got closer Ranger's arm came around my waist, pulling me against him like he was trying to keep me from escaping or something. I leaned into him, inhaling the scent of his shower gel and the leather coat he was wearing over his work uniform. He still smelled better than anything else in the world and I really wanted to savor it.

Lester took off ahead of us toward a woman holding an infant against her chest. She grinned when she saw him and ran into his arms. She embraced Bobby next, grinning as he kissed the baby. Then she turned toward us, her eyes settling on me with surprise. Then her entire face lit up as recognition set in for both of us. I stepped away from Ranger and I ran over for my own hug. "Stephanie! Oh my gosh," she cried hugging me back with her free hand.

I stepped back and started to giggle at the look on the baby's face. "Holy Crap, Bits, he looks just like Connor, but he has your hair. He's so cute. May I?" She grinned and handed the baby over to me. "Hello, Jose," I said looking at the sweet, little baby. The emailed baby announcement photo didn't do this kid justice, he was going to be a lady killer just his uncles.

Ranger just stood back looking at the three of us like we were some sort of aliens or something. "Ricardo," she said as she looked him up and down. "You look well."

"Elizabeth, you look amazing as usual," he said stiffly.

"Of course I do. I haven't seen you in forever. It'd be nice if you stopped for a holiday sometime," she complained as she moved to give him a hug.

"I've been busy." He embraced her, but his eyes never left me.

"I can see that. I can't believe Stephanie is your girlfriend. This is the best news ever." She was nearly bouncing with excitement. "Robert, why didn't you tell me?"

Bobby's eyes got a little bigger as he looked at his sister. "I didn't know."

Lester laughed then. "And I just love surprises."

Ranger sighed then, but didn't correct her. "How do you know one another?" he finally asked.

I smiled at him. "Right after I graduated from college I got an apartment above Connor's bar. Bitsy was my next door neighbor for two years."

"Neighbors? We were best friends," she said. "We sat around naked, painting our toenails, and talking about boys."

Lester groaned. "Damn it, Bits, come on. I was twelve. I was an idiot, alright?"

"He thought that's what a slumber party was," she said dryly making me laugh.

Ranger laughed along with us. He clearly accepted the explanation. He stepped toward me again, slipping his arm back around my waist as he looked at the baby. He held a finger out and the little guy wrapped his hand around it. I looked up into his face and he smiled at me, the kind of smile that didn't melt my panties, but something further north, right in the middle of my chest. Crap, I didn't need those kind of feelings, not now.

That was the moment that Ranger's mother stepped out of the waiting room. She started to say something, but when her eyes landed on Ranger, then traveled to me, and the way we were snuggled together with the baby. She blinked and started to cry. "Madre de dios," she said as she clasped her hands over her mouth and tears poured down her cheeks.

I handed the baby back to Bitsy and smacked Ranger across the arm, which probably hurt my hand more than his bicep. "Go hug her for God's sake," I bitched at him.

He gave me a stunned look as I pushed against his back. Finally he stepped toward his mom and wrapped his arms around her. "Mama," he said.

She sobbed harder, holding him against her with her tiny arms locked around his middle. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

"I'm here." It was all he said. I wondered what he was thinking. Ranger didn't show emotions, sure I'd never seen him with his family before, but from what I'd seen so far it wasn't much different from the way he dealt with all the people in his life, except me. I really didn't want to examine that much closer though.

I stepped up next to him, touching his back lightly. He turned and met my gaze. "We're not going anywhere until we know Rosa is alright. Are we?" I said resting my other hand on her arm.

"No, we're not going anywhere," he answered me. The look he settled on me would have scared me at one point in time, but that was over now. I knew he didn't like people speaking for him, but he didn't get to intimidate me anymore. If there was one thing that I did know it was that I wasn't going to let him hurt his mother anymore, especially today.

She patted his cheek and kissed him before she took my hand and pulled me into a tight hug. "Stephanie, you look so beautiful," she cried at me. "It's been too long, sweetheart."

I hugged her back just as tightly. "I know. I'm sorry I haven't called lately. Life seemed to get away from me," I told her. "I'm so sorry to hear about Rosa. We came as soon as Lester got the call."

She stepped back and looked at us again. "How did this happen?"

"What?" Ranger asked looking at us like he wanted to know the same thing.

"Why did I not know about you and Stephanie?" she asked in a tone only a mother uses. "How long have you been together?"

"We weren't at a meeting the family stage."

She hauled off and slapped him upside the head. "Idiota. She's a good girl. This better be more than a notch on your belt, Ricardo Carlos Manoso, or so God help me I'll never make you dessert again."

I snorted a laugh at him. I couldn't help it, it was too funny. No one yelled at Ranger and no one threatened him, especially with dessert deprivation. That was something my mother did. He just lifted an eyebrow at me. "We've been working together for the last couple years," I told her, trying to get him out of trouble. "We're good friends." She looked at the RangeMan uniform I was wearing and frowned. "He's always been very good to me."

"Good friends," she said with a head shake like she didn't believe me. She patted his cheek again. "She told me I'd see you happy someday. I just never imagined she'd be the one to make it so."

Ranger looked at me then, his mouth in a tight line. I could tell he was trying to put together the pieces of his own puzzle. "Excuse us." He took my arm and dragged me down the hall, without acknowledging the looks his family members gave him. "Explain." It was short, clipped, and angry sounding.

I shrugged at him. "I took a job the summer before my senior year of college interning at EE Martin and needed a second job to pay rent, so long story short, I took a job working for Ezmeralda Mendez. Somehow I ended up living next door to your parents for three months."

"You lived with Ezmeralda?" he asked as he moved closer until he was only a few inches away from me, invading my space, and trying to intimidate me with the raw power he radiated.

"Yep, that was the summer your grandma broke her ankle so I walked her dog and Maria helped me with the gardening. Weird how we've been attached all this time and it's never come up before, isn't it?" I asked meeting his eyes with my own hard look.

"Do you have something else to say to me?" He moved closer, now only leaving a sliver of space between us.

"Nope. You?" I practically dared him to admit the truth.

His fingers came up to stroke my cheek before settling on the back of my neck. "How long have you known she was my mother?"

"About an hour. I figured it out when I heard Rosa Santos was your abuela," I whimpered back at him. Why did just his hand on me make me feel all weak and breathless?

"I think we need to talk."

I knew he was right, but it wasn't something I could do with a crowd. There was just too much to say and I still had a lot of things to think about. As much as I wanted the truth from him, I didn't want to admit my own idiocy. "No, not here. This is about your family." His eyes didn't leave mine, but he didn't argue either. "So we're going to go back over there and you are going to take care of your mother and wait for news on your grandmother." He still just stared back into my face making me feel completely uncomfortable. "They need you to be the man I know is in there and if you don't step up, I'll shoot you myself."

He looked down at the gun on my hip and grinned. He always did like it when I was armed. "Is there anything else I should know about? You aren't best friends with my sisters are you?"

"Nope, I don't think so, but your grandma and Ezmeralda tried to set me up with Lester once."

His eyes settled on Lester who stood down the hall. "How'd that go for him?"

"He didn't get further than hello," I said. "I was hung up on someone else at the time."

"Yeah, I bet you were," he answered in a very un-Ranger-like sarcastic tone.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's that mean?"

"Nothing." He put his arms around me and took a breath. "Let's go. I'd hate for you to have to shoot me."

I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his chest. Okay, so I just wanted a moment to enjoy his closeness. I was still waiting for this all to blow up in my face and who knew when I'd get the chance to hold him again. "For the record, I'd probably just aim for your foot or something. I'm not ready to kill you, yet."

His finger lifted my chin so he was looking into my face then he flashed me one of his smiles. "Good to know," he whispered. Then he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me lightly. As confused as I was I couldn't seem to shut off the attraction and love I felt for him. His lips trailed kisses up my cheek and ear and hair, until he just held me against him again. I wondered what he was thinking, but I was too scared to ask. "I don't know if I know how to do this," he said quietly.

I tightened my arms around him. "We'll figure it out," I answered. "We should go find out if they have word on your grandma yet."

When we turned back toward the waiting room there were seven pairs of eyes resting on us. "Shit. Keep that gun on you, you may need it to get out of here alive."

I smiled at him and pressed another kiss to his lips. He took my hand as we walked back toward his family. "Last chance, Babe, you're about to enter the Manoso sisters' inquisition," he warned.

"They can't be worse than the men in your family," I told him as I pointed at Lester who was making kissy faces at us.

"Yeah, but you _can_ shoot him."

I smiled at him as we walked back toward the waiting room. The three women who'd joined the others in the hall turned out to be Ranger's sisters. Celia was a year older than Ranger, Lydia was two years younger, and Clara was the youngest, she was six years younger than Ranger. I learned the second youngest, Olivia, was living in Texas with her husband.

"So are you actually dating my brother?" Lydia asked as she looked me up and down.

"Um," I started, but Ranger's arm clamped onto the back of my neck making me look up at him.

"Stephanie and I have been involved for a while now," he answered. I snorted a little, I guess that wasn't a lie.

"So how did you actually meet?" Maria asked then.

I looked up at Ranger and he shrugged at me. I guess that explanation was up to me. "I started bounty hunting a couple years ago. I was sent to _Ranger_ for some help and he agreed to train me."

Clara clapped then. "You're actually a bounty hunter? I thought Lester was just bullshitting me again."

"Language," Maria yelled at her.

"I'm not anymore. I work at RangeMan now," I answered.

"Okay, so did you really blow up his Porsche?" Clara asked, I think she was really trying to catch Les in a lie.

"I didn't blow it up. Someone planted a bomb on it."

Lester started laughing then. "That bomb was a good one too, it was strong enough to knock over a garbage truck, which fell on the Porsche and flattened it like a pancake." Ranger smacked him upside the head much like his mother had done to him, but I saw the little smile on the corner of his lips.

"So did you start sleeping with my brother before or after he gave you a Porsche?" Lydia asked, obviously she didn't like me much, but the tone she used kicked in my Burg girl attitude.

"Long before," I answered as I settled my Burg glare on her. I didn't like being called shallow. I swore to myself that money and things would never make a difference in a relationship again. I did that once and I knew how well that had worked out. Honestly, I knew Ranger had money, or I assumed by the looks of his things, but I could care less. I wanted him, not his money or cars. Let's just says his Porsches are not his best asset.

Maria crossed herself then and said something in Spanish. Ranger said something back. Then Lester said, "Hot damn."

Maria took my hand and started toward the door. "We'll go to the chapel and say a prayer for mama." I nodded back, glad to be away from the sisters.

"You love him?" Maria asked when the elevator doors shut. I nodded yes to her. "He doesn't make it easy."

I shrugged back. "It's easy to love him. I think the hard part is being loved back."

"I see it when he looks at you."

I closed my eyes then. "I prayed for him every day for years, every time I went to mass, and every time I thought of him."

She patted my back. "Me too."

"I never thought we'd be together again and now that we are I don't know what to do."

"Again?" she whispered to me until her own puzzle filled in. "So my Ricky was the young man you were looking for all that time?" I nodded back, feeling the tears sting my eyes. "Oh, darling. God, works in strange ways, but he's heard both our prayers. Don't let him go again."

I nodded back, but I knew there were so many things we had to talk about yet. So much that I didn't understand. So much that I didn't want to tell him. As much as I loved him I didn't know if we could get passed this, or if he even wanted to. If he did wouldn't he have said something to me.?

We went into the chapel and knelt in front of the little alter and I prayed for Rosa's health and the strength of her family to help her and each other. I prayed for my family and friends like always. Then I prayed for myself. I felt like I was at a fork in the road and didn't know which path to choose. I just wanted things to be clear for once.

Bobby popped in a half hour later to tell us that the doctor was ready to speak with Maria so we headed back upstairs. Maria went into Rosa's room with the grandkids while we waited outside. "How you holding up?" he whispered in my ear.

"I'm fine," I answered. "I feel like an idiot."

He kissed my hair. "He's the idiot. He should have said something." I looked up at Bobby then. So they did know then. "I've been one of his best friends since we were eight, Steph. We've all been through a lot of shit." I nodded back to him. I knew more than he thought I did. "He's going to fight you on this and you're going to have to decide if he's worth it." I nodded again. "Be tough, alright?"

"Be tough?" I asked confused. Fight me on what? The truth or the forever elusive someday?

"Yeah. Kick him in the balls if it'll make him listen." I smiled at him then, that I could do.

Celia peeked out into the hall at us. I grimaced. She was the one sister that hadn't questioned me earlier. She smiled at us and walked over. "Grandma's going to be alright," she told us. Bobby smiled and excused himself to go in to see her. "So you're really with my brother?"

"Not in a traditional sense."

She smiled then and nodded. "I wouldn't think so. He's not a traditional guy." That earned a snort from me. "But he hired you to work in his building?"

"Yep. I work for him."'

She smiled. "I'm an interior decorator. He hired me to do his building."

I was only slightly surprised. She was tall and beautiful with perfect, silky black hair and was stylishly dressed in a Calvin Klein dress. She seemed the type of woman that I'd imagine would be great at decorating. "I love the colors and mood you brought into the building."

She nodded. "Thank you. What did you think of his apartment?"

"Oh, it's so inviting and relaxing. I think every time I walk in there a sense of calm envelopes me."

She smiled even more brightly then. "His bedroom was the hardest to do, there was so much space and he told me he didn't need more than a rack for his clothes and a mattress on the floor."

I snorted then. "Thank God he hired you then. The layout is perfect and I had serious closet envy the first time I was in there." The next thing I knew she grabbed me and hugged me. "What?"

"He also told me he'd never let a woman into his space so it didn't matter what I did with the damn closet," she said mocking his tone with the last few words. "I knew he'd need room for two someday." I blushed as I thought about my clothes in his closet. "And I wasn't wrong, was I?"

"Wrong about what?" Ranger asked as he joined us in the hall.

Celia grinned at him and gave him a big hug. "I like her. Don't mess this up," she told him before disappearing back into the room.

"Babe, my abuela wants to see with her own eyes that you're really here," he told me as he held out his hand. I took it and let him lead me inside. "Her words are slightly slurred and she doesn't have complete movement on her left side, but she'll be alright. They're talking about moving her into a home while they do rehab."

"Oh, you should look at St. Luke's Nursing Home, Ezmeralda lives there and really likes it. Maybe they could be neighbors again," I told him.

"I'll call them," he told me before he pressed a little kiss to my lips.

Rosa said something in Spanish then and Maria answered her. Obviously I had no idea what was being said, but Ranger pulled me against him so my back was pressed to his chest. "She says that she always knew you were a good girl and that I had better put a ring on your finger before we both go to hell." I tried to pull away from him, but he held me in place. "Mama told her that we aren't living in sin."

"Oh boy," I muttered.

He laughed against my ear, then whispered, "They both think we'll make beautiful babies together though."

I felt my insides twist and I thought I might get sick. "Babies?"

His hands just held me tighter as he whispered again, "I know I'd like making them with you."

I think my face turned fire engine red and I may have started to have a heart attack. "Ranger," I hissed, making everyone look at us. He just chuckled. Asshole, he was having fun with this. He was having fun with me again. "Sorry," I told his family. "He just surprised me. He was agreeing that we'd have beautiful babies someday."

Maria clapped her hand over her mouth and started to cry. "Babe," he growled in my ear. Oops. Lester was grinning like a goof over in the corner, obviously having too good a time with this, while everyone else seemed stunned. I immediately regretted what I said. Me and my stupid temper.

"Nothing would make me happier," Maria cried.

"Mama, I said someday," he told her. "Don't get too excited." I pulled away from him. He was even better at this than I was and his words were starting to break something inside me.

"Someday is better than never," she told him.

"And sometimes it's the same thing," I answered before faking a smile back at Ranger. "I'm so glad you're doing better, Rosa. And I'm glad to have gotten to see you again and meet everyone. I'll stop for mass one of these weekends. I have to get going, lots to do today. I'll catch the train home."

I turned and fled the room. Nothing was dragging me back in there. I had heard him promise someday over and over. I'd hung a lot of hope on that word and apparently it was just something he said to end a discussion. I really was an idiot.

I made it to the parking lot before he caught up. "Stephanie," he said as he grabbed my arm. "What was that? I was just playing along with what you started."

I turned to glare at him. "You made it sound like a promise."

"Maybe it was." I just stood there looking at him, waiting for the telltale smirk that should accompany the joke, but it didn't come. He just had that stupid blank face in place.

"Why are you doing this to me again?" I finally asked. I couldn't do it anymore. He pressed his lips together in a tight line and stared me down. "You should stay with your family. I'm just fine taking the train home. I did it for years."

"You're not taking the train. Abuela Rosa is doing alright, besides she told me to come get you."

I frowned at him then. "So this isn't because you want to be with me?"

His fists clenched at his sides like he was trying to stay in control. "Steph, I can't keep up with you anymore."

"Just take me home then," I grumbled before getting in the passenger seat. He started the car and took off toward home without argument.


	17. The Truth--Part 3

The ride was silent until we got to Trenton. Instead of heading toward my apartment he headed toward his. "Why are we going to RangeMan?"

"We're having dinner, remember?" he asked as he pulled into his special parking spot.

"I'm not hungry anymore." I jumped out of his car, but didn't really have anywhere to go. I didn't even have the keys to my jeep, which had been moved to his garage.

His arm came around my middle, hauling me against him. I fought myself, not wanting to look up at him, but I lost in the end. "Then we'll talk."

I didn't want to talk, I didn't want his explanations, and I didn't want him to know how long I'd thought about him. I let him lead me to the elevator and then into his apartment. We took off our shoes and jackets before stepping into the kitchen.

Ella had left something that smelled delicious sitting on the counter in a slow cooker. My stomach growled loudly at the scent. "Change your mind about being hungry?" he asked as he pushed on my back to usher me further into the room.

"Yes." Plus I figured if I put enough food in my mouth I wouldn't have to speak.

We worked silently, I set the table while he put out the food and wine, like we did every other night. I looked over at him. How had we gotten here? To this easy, homey existence. To a place where our lives intertwined so much it was hard to separate them. How did I not see it before?

We sat down next to one another, quietly eating and sipping the wine. All I kept thinking was how much I loved him, my Ranger. I fell in love with him, not the memory of Ric, but him, Ranger. How does a person fall in love with the same man twice in her life and not know who he really was? I was an idiot. "Am I a big fucking joke to you?" I asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Is this entertainment for you? Do you sit around with your _cousins_ and laugh about how stupid I am? Are there betting pools on how long it would take me to figure out that we'd met before?" I felt the anger pouring out of me, but I felt like it was my only defense. If I let him in, he'd only hurt me again and I knew it'd be so much worse than the last time.

"Babe," he answered.

I rolled my eyes then. "How long have you known I was the girl from the beach, Ranger?"

"I've always known who you were. The first time we met you told me your name was Stephanie Plum and you were from Trenton," he answered back in an easy voice like he was trying to stay calm in the face of a bomb.

"What?" I knew that I hadn't given him my last name, he'd only gotten my first name because of Eddie's big mouth.

"Steph," he said reaching out to take my hand. "The night we met in the arcade, you told me your name." I looked back at him, really looked at him and the last fucking puzzle piece popped into place.

"No, no, no," I yelled jumping out of my chair.

"Stephanie," he shouted as he came after me, grabbing me around the waist. "Don't walk out on me."

"Walk out on you? I don't even know who you are, RC, Ric, Ranger, Carlos, are there any other's I should know about?" I screamed at him.

"No, I think you have it covered."

"So did Ric know that I was the girl that kissed RC?" I asked.

"I knew you were the girl I kissed all those years ago. I didn't take you out of the club to sleep with you that night. I just wanted to talk to you, to see what you were like after all those years."

"And?"

"You didn't disappoint."

"Damn it, Rang…, fuck, what should I call you?" I said feeling like I was going to panic.

"Ranger, you trust Ranger."

"I loved Ranger," I muttered. "Two years? Why didn't you say something?"

"You didn't want to know."

"I didn't want to know?" I shrieked back. "Is this the big, dark secret that you said I didn't want to know?" He didn't answer. "I don't understand why you didn't want me to know." He walked away then, going to look out the window.

"Because you're better off without me," he said quietly.

"Better off without you?" I asked, maybe he really was the idiot. "So that's it? You made the decision for me? End of story?" He didn't answer me, he didn't even turn around. I guess that said all. I felt the tears start to fall down my cheeks so I ran for the door and grabbed a set of keys off his tray, he could pick up his car later. I needed to get out of there.

He was suddenly behind me just as I got the door open, his hand reached over my head, slamming it shut. Then he turned me and pushed me back against it. The intensity of his stare almost made me scream in terror, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. This man in any of his forms would never physically hurt me. It was the mental and emotional pain I needed to guard against.

We stood there, just barely not touching, just looking at one another for a long time. I don't know who moved first, but I was suddenly crushed back against the door and our lips met in a hard, demanding kiss.

I yanked his shirt out of his pants and pulled it up so I could get my hands on his skin. I needed to feel it under my fingers. He broke the kiss long enough to pull his shirt over his head, then returned to my lips. I wanted, no needed, to feel more of him. I pulled his belt open and yanked the button and zipper open. His huge, hard cock sprang out at me, landing in my hand like it was where it belonged. I stroked him up and down a few times, before rubbing my thumb across the tip.

He growled and I felt him lose the last bit of control he was trying to keep. He kicked out of his pants and pulled my shirt over my head. My bra was torn off as he backed us toward his bedroom. My pants and underwear were pushed down my hips and I kicked them off much like he did. We stared at each other then, not moving, daring each other to make that first move.

"What are we doing here, Babe?" he asked like he was trying to regain some of the control he'd lost. I yanked the blankets back on his bed and pushed him toward it. I knew he was agreeable or I would never have been able to move him. He moved to the center of the mattress, but just sat there looking at me. Waiting on my next move.

I crawled onto the side of the bed, sitting on my knees next to him, looking at the powerful looking muscles in his arms as he lifted his hand to touch my curls, like it was something he couldn't keep his hands off of. "You're going to fuck me, Ranger," I purred at him as I leaned in and kissed his neck.

"What about Morelli?" he whispered into my ear.

"What about him? I thought this was a private party." The truth was I didn't give a shit about Morelli. I just needed to be possessed by this man one more time and I didn't understand why he was questioning it.

He kept his hands on the mattress and shook his head try to dislodge my invading kisses. "Babe."

"This has nothing to do with Morelli. This has to do with the fact that I've been fighting myself for the last two years. I've been lying to myself for the last six months. I've been in love with you all that time and I need to feel you inside of me."

"Stephanie," he said in a tone like he was going to start to shut me out.

"No, Ranger," I answered. "You're an opportunist, right? I'm here throwing myself at you, begging you to fuck me, no ring attached, and you're not going to back off on me now." He looked startled for just a moment before that blank face of his slammed back down. "I want you."

"You don't know what you're doing," he warned.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, we've been here before, haven't we?" I asked as I pushed him back onto the bed and crawled over the top of him. "We're going to do this Ranger," I warned as I grabbed him by the cock. His eyes turned black as he stared back at me. "And it's going to be good," I whispered as I sunk down onto his length, filling myself with his thickness. I let my fingers follow the bumps and ridges up his perfect abs and chest until I had both my hands on his shoulders, pinning him to the bed. "So, so, good," I moaned as I rocked my hips against his, finding just the right angle to give me a very fast, first orgasm.

He closed his eyes and grabbed my hips. "Fuck," he whispered and I knew I had won. The next thing I knew he had me flipped over onto my back and he took the lead. His mouth moved to mine, devouring me as his hips thrust hard and fast into my body.

I met him thrust for thrust, helping to bring myself release again and again, but still I wanted more. I wanted to feel like he belonged to me. I dug my nails into his back, pulling him closer as I wrapped my legs around his waist and tilted my hips further into his, taking him even more deeply than he'd been before. I bit into his shoulder, sucking his salty skin into my mouth. The taste of his blood on my tongue drove me over the edge again. I screamed out in pleasure when I knew I'd marked him as mine.

He growled at me as his hand tangled into my hair, pulling my head back away from him. His eyes focused on my lips, then he leaned in and pulled my bottom lip into his mouth, biting just hard enough to make it hurt. His mouth trailed down, biting my neck, then my nipple, both hard enough to hurt, but not break the skin. I knew he was playing with me, but the pleasure I took from the pain he was causing mixed with the way his body was still moving inside me made me burst again.

Then he pulled out and flipped me onto my stomach at the same time he captured my wrists in one of his hands, holding me down with his body and restraining me from moving my arms within seconds. I struggled against him, he knew I didn't like this position. He leaned down until his mouth was at my neck. "Trust me," he growled in my ear before he kissed me in that sweet spot that made my body go up in flames. He nudged my legs apart and slipped his free arm under my hips, lifting me toward him. Then he was inside me again.

His lips were still on me, biting and sucking my neck while the hand under my middle found my clit. "Oh my God," I screamed as he tore another orgasm from me. The thing I learned about this man a long time ago was that he was magic and that hadn't changed. His body seemed to know exactly where to move, finding that special spot inside me that no other lover had. He moved against it now, pounding into me with a strength and power I didn't know was possible. Waves and waves of orgasms washed over me until I didn't know when one ended and the next started. My body was his, just taken along on this ride, until I couldn't speak and only whimpers and groans escaped my lips. Then he lifted my hips higher, pounding into me even harder until he thrust into me one last time, burying himself even more deeply as he poured his load inside me.

We collapsed together with him still covering my body. He finally rolled onto his back, but didn't allow me to move away. He slipped and arm under me and pulled me against him until my head was lying on his chest, then he pulled the blankets up around us. Neither of us spoke. I just wrapped my hand around his and closed my eyes. If tonight was going to be it for us I needed to have this time with him. I needed to be held and pretend that he loved me, just for tonight.

We'd woke four more times during the night. While the first time we came together was more like primal fucking the other four times were about something else, we made love. It was all about tasting and touching and treasuring one another. It was slow and easy and exquisitely beautiful. I wondered if he felt the same way I did, if he was trying to hold onto the magic for as long as he could too. But like all good things, I knew this had to come to an end.

His watch alarm went off at five in the morning. I doubted we'd gotten more than three hours sleep total throughout the night, even with an early bedtime. I sat up before he did. "Babe, you can sleep in while I'm at the gym," he said as his hand stroked up and down my back.

"No, I have to get going," I told him.

"Going? You have your shower stuff and work clothes here." I heard something in his tone, but I couldn't bring myself to read into it.

"I have to go, Ranger."

"Why?" he asked as he sat up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Why are you leaving me?"

"It's just better this way?"

"For who?" he asked. "Are you going to run back to Morelli again?"

"Morelli?" I asked surprised. I turned to look at him. "You're the one that sent me back there the last time."

His face hardened. "And you ran without looking back."

"I told you things with Morelli were done," I said to him.

"Sure," he answered like he didn't believe me.

"I'm leaving because I'm not strong enough to watch you walk out on me again." He didn't argue so I stood and looked back at him. His hair was all sleep tousled and there was an indecent amount of his edible skin showing as the sheet pooled low on his hips. At that moment I wanted anything but to have to walk away, but the last ounce of strength I had made me turn my back on him.

"Stephanie, why are you doing this?"

"Because I have nothing left, Ranger. My strength is all used up. My heart's been broken too many times."

He still just sat on the bed watching me as I went to his closet and collected clothing. "You don't have to do this."

I dumped the clothes on the bed before starting to dress. He just watched me. "Has anything really changed, Ranger?" He didn't answer he just watched me pull on my clothes. "I have to go."

I started to walk away, but he was suddenly behind me again. Holding me against his chest, kissing my hair, not letting me go. I needed to make him see what he was doing to me, why I couldn't do it anymore. "Did you know I met a guy on the beach when I was eighteen that changed my entire life?" He didn't answer me, he just held me tighter. "I fell in love with him, completely. No matter what I did I couldn't stop thinking about him. Finally after two years of feeling like I wasn't whole without him I went out looking for him. I moved to Newark, started going through the student directories trying to track down anyone with the name Rick, and then I went to the Rutgers campus trying to find some sort of link to him. I spent another two years, praying that he'd find his way back to me. I never gave up hope and never really moved on. Then out of the fucking blue I was sitting at my best friend's house and she shows me a photo of her brothers and there was my mystery man standing in the background. I felt like my heart was going to fly out of my chest, because it was so full of happiness that I'd found him, but then it was crushed and broken into a million pieces because she told me that he was married and had a baby." I saw his fists clench where they were resting against my stomach, but he still didn't say anything. "I was so fucking depressed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have a reason to go on. I didn't want to be alone so I made the biggest mistake of my life. I met and married Dickie Orr when I was still in love with that boy. Even after Dickie and I divorced I still thought about that him and wondered if he ever thought about me." His body was ridged, but still he didn't speak. "Even as an adult woman all these years later I was afraid to move on and open my heart to someone else. Did you know that I could never tell Morelli that I loved him? Maybe because what I felt for him was only a fraction of what I'd felt for Ric, and what I feel for you."

He didn't react to what I said, but I didn't have anything else. I laid out my entire sad story and he couldn't be bothered to say anything. "I've always loved you, in any of your forms, I couldn't stop myself." I pushed away from him and made it to the front door. I picked up the keys to his Turbo, which I'd dropped on the floor last night. I wanted to look back, but I knew it'd only hurt more. The ball was truly out of my court now. If he wanted me he knew where to find me. "Goodbye Ranger."

As I got into his elevator I wondered if I could move on, was this enough closure or would I never be free of this pain.

*****Oh. My. Gosh. That was a crazy ride. What did you think? Now don't worry there are at least another four chapters to go, but they're going to be a little something different and all part of my finale section. It may take me a little longer to get the next series together, they may be a little longer and a little differently written. Thank you so much for the continued support and helping me put together my first full length story here.*****


	18. The Church--Part 1

****Author's note…First of all let me apologize for the delay in finishing up this story for you. I have been working on it all week, but I wanted to wait to post until all parts of this section were near finished. As you'll find out I decided to do something a little different with the ending. I hope the change in story telling isn't a disappointment to anyone. This will be a four part section, each told on the same day from four different POV's. I thought it would give the story a little more clarity to hear what the other people in Stephanie's life think and feel, how their paths led them to where they are now, and how things worked out. Anyway, here we go, this is what happened when Steph figured out what closure was really about.****

Trenton-March 2 _(16 months later)_

I looked around at the assortment of people gathering in the church. It seemed like everyone was represented from The Burg gossips, the TPD, the girl's from the bonds office, the Plums, the Morellis, even the RangeMan group was here. I smiled as I wondered if the turnout was because people assumed someone was going to be shot today, possibly the groom. I also secretly wondered if part of the reason we were all here today was because of me.

_I remembered the morning last year when Carl called me. He was on duty and clocked Ranger's Porsche Turbo going over a hundred through Trenton's back roads. He pursued only to find that it was Stephanie who was behind the wheel. He'd followed her into her apartment building, but she refused to answer the door. So he called me._

_I had rushed over there and yelled at her until she finally unlocked the door. She stood there in the doorway crying. She was wearing old sweat pants and a Nike tee shirt that looked like it was a decade old. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail so the love bites on her neck were clearly visible. Honestly, as bad as the combination should have looked, Stephanie somehow made it look cute._

_When I entered the apartment I saw a pile of used tissues and an open container of ice cream on the counter next to Rex. I figured she must have been talking to the little guy again. "Carl said you were driving like you were ready for the Daytona 500," I said to break the ice. She just shrugged at me. "Does Ranger know that you took his Porsche on a joyride?" That question earned me her Burg glare. "What?"_

_"If he wants his fucking car he can come get it," she said stomping off toward the kitchen. She grabbed the Ben and Jerry's and dug back in. Shit. I figured I'd found the source of her anger and probably the hickeys. _

_"Should I call Mary Lou?" I asked. I thought I was out of my depth there. Clearly this was a man problem and I was a man. It had the potential to turn on me, easily._

_"No," she grumbled._

_"Lula?"_

_"No."_

_"Shirley?"_

_"Eddie, I'm fine," she bitched. Clearly she was anything but fine. I sighed then, I knew I was on my own. I walked over and sat on her couch, stretching out my legs in front of me. That'd give her a clue that I wasn't leaving until she really was fine. She finally plopped onto the couch next to me. "My life is fucked."_

_"What happened?"_

_"Ranger happened," she said. Her fist clenched around her ice cream spoon in a death grip. Ah, shit. _

_"What did he do?"_

_"He didn't stop me. He didn't follow me," she answered as the tears started again. _

_She had lost me by that point. "Bastard. I could go arrest him," I said making her smile. "What really happened, Steph?"_

_She dropped her head back onto the cushion. "Remember that summer we went to Point Pleasant, you know, when we kissed?"_

_I made a face at her then, of course I remembered that night. "Yeah."_

_"I was stupid to turn you down, Eddie. You're the only decent man I ever met," she told me. "I was all hung up on stupid, Ranger." Ranger? At first I thought she misspoke, but then my brain registered what she'd said. Ranger, Ricardo Manoso, was her missing Ric. Well, holy hell, I didn't see that one coming. I just assumed tall, dark, and handsome really was her type. I'd never dreamed he was the surf punk from the beach. You can consider my mind blown. _

_"Yeah, but you didn't love me like that," I told her as I leaned back and dropped my head on the cushion too._

_"Maybe that's the best way to love. It doesn't hurt so much when someone disappoints you."_

_I reached over then, taking her hand in mine. "Can you tell me what he did?"_

_"It's what he didn't do, Eddie." Right, he didn't follow her and didn't stop her, from something. Jesus. _

_"I'm sure you'll work it out. You're good friends." _

_She snorted then and shook her head. "I don't have anything left. I just feel dead inside." I tightened my fingers around hers and wished I could take the pain away. "There is nothing left for me here. I should just leave town, start over or something."_

_"You can't just leave, Steph. You have people here that love you and need you," I told her. I didn't want her to rush into something she'd regret._

_"If you can find one person that can give me a real reason to stay I'll do it," she answered stubbornly and I knew she meant it. She'd up and leave and I doubted any of us would see her again._

_"Deal," I answered. "But I have until the end of the day."_

_She laughed a hollow sound and shook her head. "You're on, Gazzara." _

_I kissed her head and winked before leaving. I was on my cell phone before I got to the parking lot. My first call to Ranger went unanswered so I made a second call to Joe Morelli. For whatever reason she always trusted Joe and I knew if anyone could talk sense into her it'd be him. Next I called the one person I knew that loved that girl as much as I did. Obviously it worked or we wouldn't be here today. _

I looked over at her and couldn't help but smile as I watched Mary Lou fix a few of Steph's curls before stepping back to look at the finished product. "You look beautiful in that dress," she said. She wasn't wrong, she was more beautiful than I'd ever seen her. Clearly she'd finally found the man that made her happy. There was a glow to her skin and a serene quality about her that made her look almost angelic. She was definitely in love.

It was true that once upon a time I wished she'd look at me the way she does him, but those days were fifteen years in the past, then it struck me, I'd been married for thirteen years? I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. That's what life with Shirley always was, even now I couldn't love her more. I smiled and looked over my shoulder at the man I hoped made Steph just as happy as I was. He nodded back before looking out at the church full of people and returning to his designated spot.

"You look stunning, Steph," I told her as I walked over to greet her.

"I can't believe we're back here again," she said looking at Mary Lou and me. We'd been through so much at the back of this church, our first communions, loved ones funerals, and all of our weddings, everything started right here. Everything that happened in this spot had changed our lives completely. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

Just then Mrs. Morelli walked over and handed her a big bouquet of white lilies tied with a satin ribbon. The she gave her a look that clearly meant don't fuck this up. I couldn't stifle my laugh when Steph pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrow at the woman. Their truce was still strange to me, but I guess they made it work for Joe. Now Grandma Bella was another issue, I'd have to keep her away from Steph.

"It's a little unorthodox, but you never did stick to the rules," I agreed with her.

She laughed at that. "True." She fidgeted and looked back over her shoulder at the groom's spot and frowned. "I hope Joe doesn't try to jump out a window. I should go check on him."

"He'll be fine. You know he wouldn't be here if he planned to run."

She nodded back. "God, Ric would probably kill him if he did, after all the three of us have been through," she said shaking her head. "I'd just hate to see them go back to fighting."

I nodded back. It was definitely a long, strange trip they'd taken to get here, but I knew this was what was in the stars. They were all happy now, the way it should be. "How's Ranger actually doing with this?" I asked as I looked over at him. He seemed to be on edge and looking more uncomfortable than I'd ever seen him.

"He's fine. We talked about it this morning and I made him promise to not shoot anyone. I think he's just more pissed off about Joe winning than anything."

"So I don't need my Taser?" I teased making her laugh.

"No, we're all good. I promise. You should go sit down before Shirley thinks you ran off with me."

I laughed as I thought about how I had offered to do just that at her first wedding. I kissed her cheek and moved through the church toward the pew Shirley was sharing with the Costanzas.

When I sat down Shirley took my hand and squeezed it. Carl looked over our wives' heads and smiled. "How's she holding up?"

"She's great, totally calm and looking more beautiful than ever."

He nodded back. "And the guys?"

I laughed then and got a sharp elbow in the gut from the wife to shut me up. "They both look a little crazy. Morelli looked kind of green and Manoso looked ready to kill someone."

"Fifty says Manoso throws a punch before the cake."

"You're on, he'll behave for Steph's sake," I agreed to the bet.

Then the organist started playing the music. Ten minutes until show time. With this group I was sure it'd be a good one.


	19. The Church--Part 2

Continued…same day, same place

I couldn't believe I was standing at the back of this church waiting to participate in this fucked up, circus of a wedding. I hated suits, sure I wore them to work more days than not anymore, but it didn't make me hate them any less. I didn't even know how I got talked into being here, much less doing, this.

I heard Eddie and Stephanie laughing from the other side of the church and couldn't stop myself from looking over at her. She was such a vision in that satin dress that I had to shove my hands into my pockets to try to cover up the affect she still had on me after all these years. Clearly I was looking at the reason I'd agreed to this entire thing. I'd do anything to make her happy, so if it meant walking her up the aisle and standing there listening to vows that'd probably be broken within weeks, then so be it. At least then I'd have a good reason to murder that fucking Morelli.

I sighed and turned to look out the stained glass window at the parking lot. My fingers wrapped around the tiny seashell that I'd kept for the last fifteen years. It'd always been a tiny little piece of hope that someday I'd get my forever with the woman I loved. Now I carried it as a reminder of the strange twists and turns life had taken to bring us here today.

_I smiled as I thought about the night I first met Stephanie Plum, twenty-one years ago. God that seemed like a couple of lifetimes ago now. I'd just turned thirteen and she was a spunky, little crazy haired twelve year old that was dressed like the Jersey girls twice her age. I'd caught her watching me jack the quarters out of arcade games down at the shore, so I decided to have some fun with her, scare her a little, but she didn't rattle. In fact, engaging in conversation had the opposite effect. She intrigued me. _

_I spent hours pushing her just to see how far she would go. Her spirit, strength, and sense of adventure shocked the hell out of me. I never knew someone who grew up like her could be so, well, so much like Stephanie. The time we spent alone on the rocks, kissing and making out was the hottest thing I'd experienced up until that point. She was so innocent and honest and beautiful. The sight of her coming in my arms was one that played itself through my mind for years, even after I'd slept with other women I never forgot it._

I looked back over at her now, smiling happily with her friends, holding her bouquet of flowers. She was my angel, always had been. Even when my life went to hell, and believe me it had been hell, her face stayed etched in my mind.

_At fourteen I'd watched my own brother kill my cousin. His blood splashing across my face triggered something dark inside me. I kept reliving that moment over and over in my mind, wondering how I could have stopped it. _

_A week later I stole the rubber gloves out of my mother's home hair dye kit and went to get the gun that had taken Jose's life. I figured if I turned it into the police, they could solve the murder. Nothing went according to my plan though. When I got to our room Milo was sitting at our desk with a crazy look in his eyes. So I moved to his bedside table and eyeballed the gun, keeping it within reach while I kept my eyes on him._

_I confronted Milo about the shooting, begged him to tell me why he did it. He just laughed and told me that he'd been fucking Maria Ortiz for a while, but found out that Jose was fucking her too. She'd told Milo that she loved him and was only using Jose for the power he had in the gang. Milo figured the only way to gain more power was to take him out. His own family. His best friend. I stared at the monster in front of me wondering what had happened to the brother I'd grown up with. Who kills for power?_

_The whole while I was listening to his crazy rambling I was covering my hands in the rubber gloves, then I finally picked up his gun. I held it to his head as I told him that Maria was nothing but a whore. She'd seduced me two months before that and I'd been having regular sex with her too. I asked him what excuse she had for that, since I wasn't high enough up in the gang to have any kind of power at all. I told him he'd killed for nothing, for a worthless whore._

_I saw the rage in his eyes. He stared at me like he was planning my death, then he spoke the words that were forever burned into my mind. "I'll kill you, that fucking punk cousin of yours, and your sweet sister too. Maybe I'll make you watch me kill them like I did with Jose, or maybe I'll fuck that little bitch Celia first, teach you a lesson for fucking my bitch, hermano." I knew he wasn't bluffing, that he'd kill again and again for no good reason. He needed to be put down. I needed to protect Lester and Celia from the evil he'd become. _

_Something took over inside me. I became something I had never even imagined existed, much less inside myself. It was like some cold monster was looking out of my eyes. I saw the fear in his eyes as I cocked the trigger. I told him I'd kill him if he didn't fess up, I forced him to pen his confession while I stood there knowing I'd kill him either way. I was waiting for him to fight me when I put the gun into his mouth and forced him to wrap his finger around the trigger. Maybe he was calling my bluff, I don't know, but whatever he was thinking it didn't save him that night. I never bluffed. I pointed the gun upward into his mouth and pulled the trigger with my hand over his own, ending his existence. _

_Everyone assumed I'd witnessed my brother's suicide and had been so upset I'd fled the house, stole a car, and tried to get away. Really I just couldn't bear to look at my mother again. To see the pain I caused in her eyes even if she didn't know I was the one to put it there. _

_After that I was arrested for stealing the car and was locked in juvie for eighteen months. It hardened me to a lot of things, killed what remained of the boy I was. I guess jail had a way of changing a man. I didn't come out of it without scars, but I lived and I learned that I didn't want to go back. That was probably the best anyone could hope for. _

_After juvie I chose to go live with my grandmother in Miami rather than go back to the scene of my crime. I became Ric and lived there uneventfully. I spent my time getting good enough grades that no one questioned my choice to live there. I helped my grandmother around the house and surfed a lot in my free time. There were the beach girls that came and went from my bed, but no one I ever felt close to. I never went on a date. I never had those feelings of love for someone. I never trusted anyone to get close enough to see the person I was under the surface. I was a living shell, surviving on the pills I bought off the burned-out beach bums. _

_Eventually I agreed to return to New Jersey to attend college. I was accepted at Rutgers, lived on campus, and spent holidays with my cousins Lester and Bobby and their family rather than return home. I felt like the only way I could survive was to emotionally distance myself from everyone I'd once cared about. I couldn't survive another loved one's death being on my hands and I could never let anyone I cared about be used against me, threatened because of me, again._

_Everyone, but Lester and Bobby had allowed it. I tried, believe me, I tried like hell, but they never let me go. I knew Les had figured out what I had done, we'd never discussed it, but I felt like he appreciated the fact that I'd avenged his brother. He never knew that what I did was more for him than Jose and I'd never tell him that either, he didn't deserve that guilt on his soul. He was a good guy, my new brother. He and Bobby stuck to my side through it all, college, the army, RangeMan, they shared all the parts of my life I'd allow them into._

_Lester was also cursed with the same ability to remember faces that I was, sure it came in handy, but sometimes you just wanted to forget the past. Though Stephanie Plum's face wasn't one I wanted to forget, ever. So when I saw her again six years later I recognized the eighteen year old version immediately. Sure she'd changed, she'd filled out in all the right places, curvy and tall looked good on her, but her face and that wild curly hair was the same. _

_After all my daydreaming about her while I was in juvie she was like a part of me. I always wondered what she would look like when she grew into the Jersey girl clothing and attitude she tried to fling around years before. Now I had the living proof that she was everything I remembered and more, right in front of my face._

_I'd seen her working the hotdog stand two days before I'd actually spoke to her. I watched her from a distance, followed her home at night to make sure she was safe, and stared up at her bedroom window. I thought about breaking in, I thought just to see her sleeping safely in her bed would make something seem right in this world, but I never went that far. _

_I'd followed her to the club that night and watched her from a table on the far side of the room. At first I assumed that Eddie was her boyfriend. I smiled as I watched them dance. He was the type of guy I'd always imagined she'd end up with. Unfortunately, Lester was there too, he immediately saw what I did. He couldn't believe we'd found the same two girls, at the same beach, all these years later, neither could I. I guess fate was a weird thing._

_I was content to watch, just to see her face, but when that idiot drugged her drink I didn't think twice about going over there. I was so pissed that someone would try to hurt such an innocent soul that I had to fight myself not to do more than punch his worthless face. When she looked up at me with those big blue eyes I thought for sure she knew who I was, but I soon found out that she was too drunk to have a clue. I took her out of the club intending to walk her home, make sure she was safe again, and go back to my pathetic existence, but like all other plans that involve Stephanie Plum, that one failed miserably. _

_When we started to talk I felt at home, comfortable in my skin for the first time in almost five years. It was one of the most selfish things I'd ever done, but I couldn't let her go. I wanted her even if it was just for one night. So I made a move on her, drunk or not I wanted her._

_Something just happened when I kissed her that night, there was a magic in the air. It felt like electricity sparking between us. I'd never felt anything like that with anyone else, it was incredible. So I took her up to that beach house and planned to show her every kind of pleasure I could think of. I wanted that night etched into her memory the way it would be mine. I wanted her to compare every other man that would ever touch her to the memory of me. Selfish? Yes, but I didn't give a shit._

_What I didn't expect was that it was me that would be shown pleasure beyond compare, the way she touched me, made love to me with her mouth, it showed me more love than I'd been given in years. It was something I hadn't missed until that moment, but when I realized it was missing something broke inside of me. I became that scared little boy again. I poured my deepest, ugliest secrets out to her just because it felt like her soul was trying to pull mine back into the light. Something about her essence was so good and pure it was like she couldn't help but try to save me, with just her loving touch. _

_I had closed off my feelings years before, tried to kill that part of myself, but I felt everything that night, all the emotions I'd tucked away for five years were hitting me full force. The fear, the anguish, the anger, it hit me so strongly I was shaking in her arms. I was so sure she'd run away, but she moved over me, comforting me with her kisses. It was like something inside me snapped, I'd taken her that first time so hard and deep, driven by something so primal and fierce I couldn't have stopped myself if she'd begged me to. _

_After she held me in her arms and told me that there was something, some place out there for me. She gave me hope for the first time in years. She made me believe there was a reason to fight for a life. I needed to feel her, hold her, see her in my arms more than anything, so I begged her to spend the night with me, to sleep with me, because she was the proof there was good in the world. _

_It was a new thing for me, sleeping with another person. I'd never trusted someone enough to let my guard down before, or since, to sleep with them. You were weak and vulnerable in your sleep and those were two things I refused to be. It was probably a throw back to my time in jail, there we had to sleep with one eye open at all times, or sleep in shifts if you trusted someone enough to have your back. So after juvie I always locked my doors and slept with a weapon within reach, usually a knife under my pillow, now it was a gun on my bedside table unless I was secured in my own building. The funny thing was, sharing my bed with Stephanie relaxed me, dropped me into a deep sleep, and made me feel safe. As I think about it now I recognize the feeling, comfort, she gave me comfort._

_The next morning I made love for the first time. It wasn't just sex with her like the other women before and since. With her it was magic. I became a man obsessed, needing to taste every inch of her, touch her body until her eyes glazed over and rolled back in her head, and show her the amazing things her body could do when we came together._

_It was like neither of us could end it, over and over we made love late into the morning. When we finally came up for air I knew it was time to set her free. As I watched the sadness fill her eyes at the thought of not seeing me again I almost said fuck it, giving into my selfish need to keep her, but I knew if she stayed with me that sadness would become permanent. I had nothing to give her, I was one wrong step away from going back to jail, and the darkness of my secret would darken her beautiful soul the same as it had mine. No, she had been better off without me._

_After we parted I felt like part of my heart, the dead thing I hadn't used in years, was missing. So I took the little seashell she'd given me that morning and put it in my pocket and I've kept it ever since. It was always a reminder that I was capable of love and maybe one day I'd find it again._

I looked back over at her just as she looked at me. It was always like that with us. She probably knew I was thinking about her. She gave me a smile that lit up her face and pointed toward the groom's area then put her finger to her lips, telling me not to say anything to anyone. I watched her slip behind the wall to where Morelli was waiting. I felt myself sigh. I wanted to go in there, make sure he wasn't putting his hands all over her, but I couldn't overstep that line. She wouldn't appreciate that. I looked back outside wondering what I had been thinking when I told her she'd be better off with that dickhead. I guess it's just one more thing I'd always regret. I had accumulated many.

_After that second split with Stephanie I tried to live by the words she spoke to me. I'd gotten myself clean, no drugs, no cigarettes, no booze, no women, no sugar, no caffeine, and still with my pure body I couldn't get my soul clean. She'd told me I had a place out there where I'd be appreciated. I finally found that in the Army._

_Seven months after I left Steph, during spring break, Lester, Bobby and I had been playing N64 Golden Eye 007. Lester had joked that he could do that, for a living. I'd laughed at him, but the more I thought about it the more I was convinced he wasn't full of shit. I could do missions, gather information, and capture or kill the enemy. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that it was what I was meant to do. So I did some research and figured out the path I needed to take. My cousins followed me down to the recruiting office and we all signed up the next day. _

_By my twentieth birthday I was at Fort Benning where I'd finished basic training and went onto infantry school. I was right in saying I knew that was where I belonged. I excelled and moved through the ranks, finally getting accepted into Ranger's school, my ultimate goal. Sixty-one days of intense work and I'd graduated, top of the class. The guys I'd joined up with and spent so much time with nicknamed me Ranger, since I was the only one of us to go into Special Forces as a NCO._

_I knew then that Ric was gone. I became Ranger, the tracking, fighting, killing machine that the United States government used and pretended to appreciate. Shortly after that I'd gotten my first mission, seek and destroy all targets. Two months into the mission I took out two guards at a camp we needed to infiltrate. They were the first human kills that weren't faceless soldiers. I watched these men's faces just like I had my brother. I buried the feelings that tried to resurface inside myself, repeating my personal mantra until I believed it. I was trained for this. I could do this. I was Ranger._

_After that first one, the kills became easier, but late at night when I should have been sleeping I rethought the missions, retraced my steps, and pictured their faces in my mind as I killed them. I didn't regret the kills or mourn the men, no, I thought about how I could have done it more efficiently. _

_I think I was starting to go crazy. Part of me knew I should have felt guilt about the deaths, they were just men like me, serving their country, but another part knew it wasn't my place to judge if the enemy deserved to die or not. I had a job and it was to do what I was ordered to do. _

_At the time the only part of me that felt sane was the part filled with thoughts of Stephanie, now I know it was probably all part of my coping mechanism, but I thought of her constantly. I wondered if she knew I was a trained, paid killer if she'd forgive me as easily as she had with my brother's death. Would she take me in her arms and wash away the death with her kisses? Would she take me inside her body, giving me absolution from my sins? Would she embrace me in her love and give me the reason I needed to come back home to her? I became an obsessed man. I believed I'd have her again, she would always be mine, and I would never be anyone else's. _

_We pulled out of the enemy territory ten months after deployment, then were sent straight back to the states for debriefing and given a few days leave before being sent back to the base. I went home to Miami. It should have been a good time, but I felt like I couldn't be around normal people anymore. I watched the other people my age, dancing, having fun, hanging out with their friends, kissing their girls. That was the first time I mourned the loss of my childhood. I would never have friends like that, be able to just relax and have fun, take the girl I loved out dancing and hold her like a normal man could. So I got a drink from the bar and I stared at the dance floor. I knew then I was never going to get my Stephanie back. That one drink turned itself into a couple dozen before I knew it. _

_That night I'd lost control of myself, drinking until I couldn't see straight. I thought I saw what I wanted most, a brunette with long curly hair standing on other side of the bar. My angel had somehow ended up in Miami and was waiting for me. I made quick time of getting her out of the bar, into the back seat of a car, and fucking her innocence away. _

_I left Miami and tried to forget that I sullied Steph's memory by using that other woman, but I was never going to forget it, ever. She'd gotten my name from some of the other guys that were in the bar that night and contacted me two months later, pregnant, and sure it was mine. _

_I'd flown home a few months later to marry her. I'd give the baby my name and have the bills covered under my insurance as long as she agreed that we'd divorce as soon as the child was born. I didn't want her in my life. There was never any love between us, we never shared a home or a bed. It was just that one night and the baby that brought us a year of marriage. In all honesty, part of me hated her for getting pregnant, for bringing a child into this fucked up life I was living. I knew it was crazy, but I couldn't turn off that feeling even though I knew it was more my fault than hers. _

_My daughter, Julie, was born when I was overseas. Rachel and I divorced just like we planned, but I was still able to see Julie, twice, while I was on leave. A year after my second visit Rachel asked me to give up legal rights to her. She met a man that wanted to adopt my baby. I figured it was better for her at the time. She was only two and a half, she'd never remember me anyway. I was never around, hell, the mission I just came home from got so fucked I ended up captured and tortured by a Columbian drug cartel for three days before back-up was sent in to get us. I wasn't even sure I'd live to the end of my contract. What kind of father would I ever be? So I did what I thought was right for her, I signed the paper and gave her away._

_After they were out of my life I didn't have anything left. My baby was gone, the hope of having Stephanie in my life again was gone, and my hope of salvation was gone. So I dedicated myself to the job, it was all I had left. I moved into an elite team, handpicked for our special skills and probably the fact that we were all a little crazy. We did a lot of the off the record, black ops missions that no one else was trusted with. They knew that we would do what we set out to do, no matter what. _

_As the years passed I started to hear a voice in my head, it didn't take long to figure out it was my conscious. I looked at what I'd become, what I was doing, and knew I had to get out. I had lost track of myself and the plans I had when I joined the army in the first place. I knew it was time to move on with my plans before I completely lost my mind, if I wasn't already there. _

_I now had the military credentials and respect that I needed to get a private contract with one of the government agencies in DC. So I left the army at age twenty-seven and put my name out there with the alphabet agencies. I figured it wouldn't take long to get a bite._

_It was strange going back to civilian life. I didn't assimilate very quickly, but I never again gave into the need to lose myself in the bottom of the bottle. No matter how hard it was I fought myself, but it was hard and oddly lonely without the guys around. It was like I suddenly didn't fit anywhere again. I had left my friends behind in the army and had no one I could turn to now. I tried going back to Miami, but the reminders that Julie was only a few miles away and I couldn't see her hurt too much. I regretted my decision to give her away, but now there was nothing I could do about it. So I decided to try to reach out to the family I had left. _

_My cousins, who had left the army at the same time as me, were back in Newark. They were the only human connection I had left, so I moved back to New Jersey. As much as I wanted another chance with my family it all came too quickly. My sister and mother tried to pull me back into their fold immediately. They'd pop over unannounced or invite me over for dinners or Sunday mass. I just couldn't do it. I felt like the walls were closing in around me. I needed to distance myself again. _

_That was when things started to go my way. I got a call from Washington and jumped at the chance to sign the job contract. They needed someone undercover in Trenton to infiltrate an area known as Stark Street, someone the gangs and drug dealers would talk to. I was to try to collect information on some dirty cops and politicians that were involved with drug running, maybe weapons too._

_It was up to me to set up a believable street persona. That wasn't the hard part. I had grown up on the streets of Newark, had been involved with gangs at a young age, and I knew ghetto speak as well as I knew military lingo, funny for a guy that was going to major in English at Rutgers. The hard part was figuring out how I was going to get respect and acknowledgement from gangs, drug dealers, and pimps without breaking too many laws myself. _

_I started to look around for a job, but nothing really fit me or the person I needed to be seen as. I finally stumbled upon bounty hunting. It was really what I'd done for the military for six years. Track, secure, and bring in the enemy, dead or alive. That had possibilities. _

_I searched bail bonds companies in the Trenton area and one thing immediately caught my eye, the name Vincent Plum. The next thing I knew I was standing in the sleazy, asshole's office taking a job. He'd given it freely after his secretary, Connie, threatened him with something. I told her I owed her one, then I asked if she knew someone named Stephanie Plum. She told me that she was the cousin of Vinnie of all things. _

_I smiled to myself as I walked out of the building that day. I liked being close to Stephanie, but I wasn't ready to reach out yet or to even find out what had happened to her. I felt like I needed to try to distance myself from the obsession of her that had taken over my mind for too long. Someday, I'd be ready to see her again. Someday when I was a man she could be proud to know._

_So I got an apartment, made a few contacts, and set up my new life in Trenton. The bounty hunting came easily for me, it was definitely something I was good at. Ranger, the new bounty hunter of thugs on Stark Street became someone to be feared. It wasn't even hard to tie the two jobs together. _

_The respect and fear came easily since as a bounty hunter I had the law on my side, well that and I learned to work in the gray areas, not quite legal, but not quite illegal either. I beat the shit out of my skips, even shot a few idiots, not fatally or anything, but mostly I didn't show fear and didn't take shit from anyone. The cold, blank face I was trained to keep in front of my enemies became my trademark. It didn't take long before people moved out of my way, crossed the street to avoid me, and tried to befriend me as a protector. People were too scared not to talk to me if I asked the questions the FBI was looking for, but I was never suspected as being anything but a mercenary bounty hunter. On top of that the numbers in my bank account were soaring, the bounty hunting was much more lucrative than I would have thought it was._

_As I dug into the information I had on the case I accidently found out what had happened to Stephanie Plum. _ _She was mentioned as the wife of attorney Dickie Orr, with ties to a Newark law firm. It looked like Orr was trying to make the move into politics by getting some backing that required him to do some illegal work, covering up some illegally acquired properties, boats, bank accounts and the likes. There was enough on this guy to have picked him up and put the squeeze on him. From the look of him he probably would have sold out everyone involved to save himself, but suddenly most of the evidence went missing._

_By backtracking the dates that the information disappeared and looking into Orr's records one thing stuck out. Orr was picked up for domestic abuse for allegedly strangling his wife, Stephanie Orr, in front of two police officers. The abuse case had been thrown out of court, but I still had the case file in front of me. The photos of her bruises and the medical exam showing evidence of anal rape made me sick. I wanted nothing more than to go murder that son of a bitch. _

_Apparently I wasn't the only one that felt this way. Orr filed a complaint about the arresting officer, Joseph Morelli, who also happened to be the lead detective on the drug ring case, for beating him up and threatening to kill him if he went near Stephanie again. He also stated that Morelli had been illegally following and investigating him to try to pin some sort of crime on him so Orr would be out of the way when Morelli stole his wife. After that Orr filed a case against the TPD, stating that the officers his wife was having affairs with misused department resources as a personal means to harass him for the benefit of his wife in the divorce. I had a hard time believing any of that. What didn't add up was why all the evidence went missing at that point, allowing Orr to walk free. Where would it go? Why would the cops just let him go?_

_I ran into Joe Morelli at the police station a handful of times while bringing skips back into custody. I never got a bad vibe off of him, he mostly came off as a hard ass cop. So I did a little digging into his personal life. Getting Connie to talk about Joe Morelli had been one of the easiest things I'd ever done. She had plenty of gossip on him from the abusive dad, interfering mother, and worthless brother to how he had nailed half the women in Trenton before he'd gone into the Navy. I asked her if there was any one woman his name was tied to, with that she simply said, "Sure. Stephanie Plum." _

_Apparently it was well known that he slept with her the night before he left town to join the Navy and when he returned she ran him over with her dad's Buick in a pure rage that he'd never called her. She said she didn't know what was going on between them now, but there were rumors that she was having affairs with a handful of police officers, including Morelli, while she was married to Orr. Connie wasn't convinced that was true, she said Stephanie didn't seem the type._

_I instantly remembered the story Steph had told me all those years ago about being used by some asshole. It's how we met at that club, she was looking for someone to fuck away his memory. It started to fester in my mind that she'd only used me that night to forget the man she really loved, this Joe Morelli. I knew it was one night, almost ten fucking years before, but it'd meant so much to me. I guess I always hoped it had meant the same to her. That she never forgot me, that she really did love me like she did in my dreams. It made me feel like an idiot._

_It'd been hard to put aside my personal feelings for Morelli after that, but after looking into him further I realized there was nothing dirty about him. After the fuck up with Orr he lost his detective title and was tossed back onto Stark Street as a vice cop. It really looked like his only crime was beating the shit out of Orr to save the girl. He'd chosen her over his job. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, even now, Morelli was a good guy and a good cop. I'd never treated him as anything different, he saved her when I wasn't there to do it. _

_There was nothing new on Orr either. He went on to have a mediocre law career and expensive coke habit. Seemed he was making some rather shady friends in the law community, but I didn't see anything relating to this case. He'd gotten lucky. If he wouldn't have gotten arrested that day, his name wouldn't have been all over the news alerting his "bosses" that the cops had eyes on him, and it wouldn't have been long before he was busted and given the group up. My best guess was that whichever cop the bosses had in their pocket had gotten rid of Orr's file and lost everything Morelli had collected. Orr was lucky to not have gotten whacked in the process._

_It took the better part of that year before I found the right guy to pinch, who in turn led me to the Grizolli family, turns out they were a known drug family and looking to take out the people that were moving in on their turf so they gave me the Ramos family, who turned out to be running guns through the city and were also looking for the people moving in on their turf. I ended up being a go between, neither family trusted the other or the feds enough to meet face to face. I wasn't involved with the final arrest, but it brought down three police officers, a state senator, a Burg housewife, a half dozen members of The Slayers gang, a bank executive, two guys from the Coast Guard, and shut down a brothel off Hamilton that they were running the items out of. It seemed the FBI was willing to overlook the Grizolli and Ramos families' activities for the information they supplied me with. In return, I was paid well by both families to safely trade information back and forth. The government didn't know about the extra cash and I wasn't above taking it, hell, to refuse would have put a target on my back as far as both families were concerned._

_Just after that things started to click into place for me. I had a few money making ideas that I was sure I'd profit from pretty well. I called one of my_ _comrades from the Rangers to work with me. He'd recently gotten out, was looking for work, and I trusted the man with my life. Tank and I set up a business plan. With my street reputation I figured I'd be able to get people to pay me to get rid of the scum of the city, not only bounty hunting, but clearing out tenants and getting rid of unwanted drug dealers or gang activities in buildings or neighborhoods, for a price. And it worked. We also started to get into private security, offering body guard services and secure chauffeuring for those willing to pay. We were not only taking local bounties, but we started working on a national level for some serious cash. The federal bounty hunting turned into more jobs for the CIA, Stephanie liked to call those jobs my super-secret spy stuff, she wasn't that off with her theory. They knew our background and weren't afraid to use us for their black ops missions too, soon the jobs became international and the payout was substantial enough that we were able to bank millions. _

_A year after Tank joined me we brought in Bobby and Lester to help us set up our Trenton office. We were going to get into security systems and monitoring on top of the other services. It all seemed to go too well. I couldn't believe how quickly it took off, even more I couldn't believe the amount of guys that I'd worked with in the army that wanted a part of my company. Soon we were operating out of Miami and Atlanta too, with Boston following not long after._

_I was in a groove and the money was raining on me between the government jobs and a great investment portfolio. I bought a large seven story building in Trenton that I renovated to house the company and apartments for the guys and me, I had four partners out of the three other branches of RangeMan, and a trio of cars that stepped out of my dreams. Life was treating me well._

I felt a hand on my arm and turned to find Edna Mazer smiling at me. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" she asked.

"I'm alright," I told her. "He wouldn't be my first choice of a husband for her, but she says she loves him."

Edna nodded back at me. "He's a good man, Ric. He'll take care of her." I politely smiled at her assessment. If he didn't I would shoot him, maybe in the leg this time. "Where is Stephanie?"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked over at the door. She was still in there. "With Morelli."

She laughed then. "I hope Angie don't catch them. Those two always did drive their mothers crazy."

"Well, it's our secret," I told her.

She nodded and patted my cheek. "I always liked you best. You're a good boy."

"Thanks," I told her. She winked and walked off into the church. I thought back to the first time I'd seen Edna Mazer.

_It was almost a year after I moved to Trenton. I'd just finished up the drug case and went to pick up my FTA files only to find out Vinnie closed the office so he could go to a funeral for his cousins' grandfather. I did a little research and read Harold Mazer was survived by a grand-daughter named Stephanie Plum of Trenton. I knew I should let it go, especially after realizing she never loved me in return, but I couldn't do it. I had to see her just once, just to reassure myself that she was all I remembered. _

_I snuck into the cemetery and quietly watched her from a distance. She was so beautiful in a black dress and jacket that looked tailor made for her tall, curvy frame. Her face was streaked with tears as she held her Grandma Mazer in her arms, both of them crying quietly as the casket was lowered into the ground. I wanted to go to her then, but that would be weird. How could I explain that? _

_So I just watched her until there was no one left in the cemetery, even Joe Morelli, who I noticed didn't bother to speak to her much less comfort her, left her there alone. That was the first time I wondered if what was between them was more rumor than truth. I started to get my hopes up that I'd been wrong about her, especially when she touched her neck and looked at me, like she could sense me or something. I wanted so badly to go over there and tell her everything, but I couldn't, not yet. So I walked away. _

_After I couldn't get her tear streaked face out of my mind, so I sent flowers to her house that night. I didn't add my name, but I figured if she remembered me she'd know who sent them. She'd know I was still working on that someday and just as soon as I was the man she could be proud to love I'd go to her._

_Turns out fate really was a funny thing. I sure didn't plan to have her dropped back into my life two years later. That was the day Connie called me, reminding me that I owed her for getting me the job in the first place. She laughed a little when she told me she wanted me to train her new BEA. I couldn't believe what happened next. Stephanie walked into that diner and told me she wanted to catch a FTA cop named Joe Morelli. I thought it was a joke at first, but I soon realized two things. She wasn't joking and she had no idea who I really was. _

_I assumed she was really trying to help Morelli, not haul him to jail, with their history, but when I asked her why she wanted to do this job she didn't lie, I could tell. She really was next to starving and becoming homeless. She needed the money, bad, and it seemed busting Morelli was just the icing on the cake. It made me hopeful that I'd been wrong about her and Morelli._

_I decided to play along until she figured out how she knew me. I figured it wouldn't take long. Then she called me one night shortly after we 'met' and told me she needed my help, throwing out there that she was naked. I figured that was it, she'd been playing me too and it was time to go over there and fuck the hell out of her. _

_Turns out when I got there she really was locked up naked in her shower and she wasn't trying to seduce me at all, in fact, she didn't even hit on me. It took everything I had to keep my eyes slightly averted as I checked her out, then everything I had times two, just to walk away from her. It really pissed me off that Morelli would play with her that way. _

_After the shower thing I wasn't sure what to do. I thought I was stupid for putting too much into my feelings for her when she clearly had no recollection of me at all. So I tried to keep myself busy with work, expanding on my buildings and the large team I'd hired to work the security centers in each city. As hard as I tried, I still couldn't shut Stephanie out, and after a while I wasn't sure I wanted to._

_Eventually I gave in and decided to train her, but she didn't want to work out, her gun scared her after she killed a man, and she didn't like to follow the rules. She never made it easy on me that's for sure. She seemed to get herself too involved in her cases, leading to more danger than she could handle. Of course I followed her and saved her ass every chance I got. I just wanted her to really see me, beyond the Ranger image._

_When she started dating that asshole Morelli I had enough. I knew if I didn't play by the rules I could have her back. So I started to flirt with her, tease her, and give her gifts, anything really to keep me on her mind. I wanted her and I knew I'd have her again. I'd just have to be patient. _

_I decided I wasn't going to push things too far, but after she blew up my Porsche I was so relieved she was safe I couldn't fight myself anymore, I couldn't keep my hands off her. I kissed her that day, and for the first time in twelve years I felt the magic tingle through my body as we touched. I knew she felt it too, but she seemed almost scared of it._

_After that I took every chance I had to kiss her, touch her, especially the back of her neck where I knew she felt it every time we were near one another. I'd break into her apartment and watch her sleep, I'd sit in my car outside her building to make sure she was safe, I'd slip tracking devices into her belongings just so I knew where she was. I loved her so much I didn't know what to do with it._

_The thing was I knew she was drawn to me as much as I was her. She wanted me, but fought it so hard. I finally figured out how to give her an excuse to sleep with me and she took it. That stupid deal got me back into her bed, but it was too soon. I wasn't ready for what happened afterward. I wanted to confess every sin on my soul to her. I wanted to tell her I was RC. I was Ric. I was the man that followed her and loved her for years, but that would only make me sound as crazy as the other stalkers she'd picked up. _

_The thing was, I was crazy. As much as I always loved the Stephanie I'd carried around in my head all those years I loved this one so much more. I wanted to give her the life she deserved, but I knew I couldn't, not yet anyway. I still had a dangerous job, I was working dangerous missions that didn't help the stain on my soul, and I didn't know how to be in a relationship. I'd never had one. All I knew was someday I'd find a way to make my job legitimate, I'd mend things with God and my family, and I'd make her love me in return. _

_I know now I should have told her everything that night, asked her to love me anyway, but I didn't. I took the coward's way out, I sent her back to Morelli and ran. I knew I didn't deserve the beauty she could bring into my life. As much as I tried to redeem myself I was still the boy that killed my own brother in cold blood. I was the man that took a job killing for a living. I was the man that gave away my baby. I was the man that walked out on her when she all but begged me to stay. I was a man not worthy of her._

_Even after that I couldn't stay away from her and somehow she forgave me. We grew closer, became true friends. I know that's when I really started to fall in love with her. I'd never known there were so many levels to my feelings before, but the more time I spent with her the more I loved her. _

_By the time she came to work with me I was ready to start letting her into my life. Everything I had was open to her, my building, my friends, my apartment, and my life. I just wanted her to open her eyes and see what was in front of her, but when it happened I wasn't prepared for it at all._

_I learned that day she had always been as in love with me as I was with her. Somehow, fate had brought her to my family, not once, but twice, but somehow she'd never found me until in her eyes it was too late. She'd found out about Rachel and Julie and closed her heart off to me. At least until she'd met me again. She told me that she was in love with me, the man she knew now. _

_I told her I didn't know how to do it, have a relationship with anyone. I begged her not to walk out on me. I made love to her with every bit of feeling I had for her. In the end it wasn't enough. _

_She walked me through everything she'd gone through over the years, everything that had been my fault for walking out on her all those years ago, and I couldn't say anything in return. I was frozen there in my spot, silently screaming out for her to understand how much I loved her and needed her, but I couldn't find my voice. _

_I stood there watching her dress, hearing her tell me she loved me, watching her walk out my door. When I heard the elevator doors close I finally broke. I screamed her name, but it was too late. She was gone. I'd lost her._

I looked back at the groom's area and watched Stephanie walk out smiling, holding her hand over her slightly rounded stomach. I could tell she was sending love to her baby by the look in her eyes. She loved to talk to her little girl already, at least she was convinced it was a girl. Morelli pulled her back to him and kissed her forehead, saying something I couldn't hear, she nodded and smiled at him. He rubbed her stomach then and grinned back. Then I read her lips, "I love you, Joe." I assumed he said the same back before he allowed her to leave the room.

I watched her walk back toward the bride's room, stopping to speak with my mother and daughter, Julie, who were waiting in the doorway. Stephanie and Mama hugged and smiled while they chatted. Then Stephanie took Julie's hand and put it on her stomach making my little girl giggle and smile at her before they ended up hugging too.

Julie was eleven now, she was beautiful and smart. Steph said she saw a lot of me in the girl, I didn't see it, she was too beautiful to be like me. Seeing the three of them together like that tightened something inside my chest. I was lucky to not have completely lost any of them with my selfishness.

I clenched my fist around the second seashell I carried in the other pocket. The one that had belonged to Stephanie until last year. The day I almost lost her forever.

_Lester busted into my apartment an hour after Stephanie left me. I wasn't in the mood for talking, but he was. _

_"Gazzara just called. The TPD clocked Steph going one twenty-six through downtown an hour ago in your Porsche. He said you aren't picking up your phone, but your girl is at her apartment and she isn't doing too well," he informed me. I just shrugged back at him. What could I do now? At least she was safe at home. The guys could get the car later, hell she could keep it if she wanted. I didn't care anymore. I'd lost the one thing that I'd cared about. "What the fuck did you do man?"_

_I shrugged again. "I didn't do anything."_

_"Yeah, right." _

_"No, I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. She told me that she loved me and I fucked up. I just let her walk out on me. I let her go and didn't do anything," I yelled at him finally._

_"Fuck," he bitched back before sitting down on the couch next to me. "You need to go over there."_

_"It's too late." I knew she'd never forgive me. _

_"Bullshit. After twenty fucking years, the two of you have a real shot. I'm not letting you give up now," he told me._

_"What are you going to do about it?" I answered, daring him to pick a fight. I wanted nothing more than to punch someone, maybe break his arm. I don't know._

_"I called Tia Maria and Celia. They're coming here, so if you don't want to deal with them, go over to Stephanie's apartment. Now." He smiled at me then like he thought he was smart._

_My fist flew through the air and connected with his jaw before he saw it coming. "Asshole," I said._

_He just laughed and rubbed his chin. "Indeed. Now go get the girl or I will." I knew he wasn't kidding in that moment. He'd make a run at her. He'd always been attracted to her, I knew that, but I knew he'd never try anything since she was mine, but, fuck, she wasn't mine anymore._

_I stood and shoved my feet into my shoes and grabbed a hoodie before leaving my apartment. I had to do this. Even if she wouldn't talk to me I had to at least try or I'd never be able to forgive myself. _

_I drove my truck over to her apartment and parked next to my Porsche. I noted the black marks on the pavement that led to my tires, she'd definitely been pissed._

_I didn't waste time, I ran up the stairs to her door, and slipped the locks like I always did. I walked in and looked up to find her standing in front of me, holding her gun. "What do you want, Ranger?" she asked in a cool voice._

_"You," I answered honestly._

_She rolled her eyes, but didn't lower her gun. "Did something change in the last ninety minutes or are you just here to hurt me again?"_

_I felt myself go still. I had to get everything out, it was now or never. "I'm sorry," I started. _

_She laughed at me, harshly. "Go to hell."_

_"Put the gun down. You're not going to shoot me." _

_She managed to raise an eyebrow at me then. "Are you sure? You spent the last two years lying to me. You used me. You made me love you then you tossed me aside only to pull me back in and make me love you even more. I don't have anything left to lose, Ranger. You were all I wanted, but I wasn't enough for you." She was shouting at me then, but she lowered her gun._

_"I didn't lie to you. I never hid who I was from you. Did you ever stop to think what this was like for me? I spent the better part of twenty years in love with you. You were the only woman I ever loved. I dreamed of being reunited with you for years and then there you were standing across from me in that diner and had no idea who I was. It made me feel like a fucking fool," I told her. She didn't look impressed with my admission. "For two fucking years I worked side by side with you. I let you into parts of my life no one else was allowed to go, and still you couldn't open your eyes enough to see the truth. I told you time and time again that you had to be more aware of your surroundings, Stephanie. It's not my fault you didn't know who I was. You didn't WANT to see the truth."_

_"How do you figure that one?" she sneered._

_"How the hell did you make love to me that night and not realize who I was? Couldn't you feel the magic between us? Because I always felt whatever this thing is between us."_

_"How could you send me away afterward then?"_

_"Because I thought you never loved me," I shouted._

_"What?" she asked with total disbelief on her face._

_"It was always about Morelli. That first night we were together on the beach you were just using me to forget him. That night six months ago, I was only good enough because he was momentarily out of the picture. As soon as you had the chance you ran back to him. Last night, what was that about? Was that your closure? Were you just closing the book on Ric and Ranger so you could move on and finally marry Morelli, have your babies, and your stupid little Burg life?" _

_She lifted the gun again. "I changed my mind. I do want to shoot you," she growled at me._

_"Why? Because you don't like the truth?" I growled back._

_"No, because you're so fucking stupid and obviously nothing I say is going to make you believe me," she answered. She switched off the safety on the gun and aimed it at me. "I should do it."_

_"Do it then," I told her as I spread my arms out and stepped toward her. "Without you I have nothing left to live for anyway." I saw her hands start to tremble, her arms were going to give. I moved the rest of the way and took the gun in my hand, pried it from her fingers, and stuck it into my waistband. "I love you, Stephanie Plum. I never lied about that. You're the only woman I ever loved and you'll be the only woman that I'll ever love. I think I knew that when I was thirteen, and when I was nineteen, and certainly today."_

_"I love you too," she told me. I closed the distance and pressed my lips to hers. I felt her tears on my face as we kissed. "I never, ever forgot RC or Ric, I swear it. I don't know why I didn't see who you were before. Maybe you were right, I didn't want to see it. I was scared to fall in love again, but I couldn't stop myself. I love you so much I can't stop myself."_

_"I know, Babe, me too," I told her before our lips touched again. _

_Just when I started to get lost in the kiss she pushed away from me. "I can't do this again." She wiped at the tears on her cheeks and leaned back against her kitchen counter. I really looked at her then, she was wearing the tee shirt I'd given her all those years ago. She still had the fucking tee shirt. _

_"You really did love me, didn't you?" I asked then. I ran my finger over the tee shirt. She shook her head yes. I knew then that I was wrong about her and Morelli, sure she may love him, but that didn't lessen any of the feelings she had for me. "Christ, Steph, please forgive me."_

_She took my hand then and dropped the seashell into my palm. "This is our closure, Ranger," she told me then. "We've both made mistakes and it's time to move on." I folded my hand around the shell and looked into her eyes. "I don't know how to do this either, but we'll figure it out together, for real this time. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose that."_

_"Neither do I," I told her. "I need you, Steph." She moved into me then, wrapping her arms around my chest. I was just about to hug her back when I heard the front door open. I didn't take the time to see who it was, I saw the arm and the extended gun and pulled her gun from my pants and pulled the trigger._

_So many things happened at once. I watched as my bullet struck Joe Morelli in the shoulder and his finger squeezed down firing back at me. I saw the bullet coming toward me, but Stephanie jumped on me, slamming me backward with her weight. Then I heard her scream. I looked down and saw the bullet lodged into the right side of her lower back. _

_"Stephanie, no," I screamed as I lowered us to the ground. I pulled up her tee shirt and looked for the exit wound, but found nothing. "Shit." I stuck my hand in my pocket, but realized I hadn't grabbed my phone. "Morelli, Morelli?" I shouted at the other man. "Call 911, she's been shot."_

_He made the call while I put pressure on her wound. She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Are you hurt?" she asked._

_"No, Babe, I'm alright. You took a bullet for me though. We called the ambulance so you just have to hang on for us, alright?"_

_"Joe, where's Joe?" she said looking past me._

_He moved to her side. "I'm here, Cupcake. I'm so sorry. I just reacted to the shot."_

_"Are you hurt?" she asked him._

_"Just a flesh wound. I'll be fine." _

_She nodded and closed her eyes. "Don't leave me again," she whispered. _

_"I won't," he answered at the same time I said. "Never."_

_"Good," she answered. "I love you."_

_Again we both said, "I love you too." She passed out after that leaving Morelli and me to think about what had just happened._

_"Why'd you come in with your gun out?" I finally asked._

_"Domestic disturbance call about a fight here," he said glaring back at me. He turned her head and looked at the hickeys that were visible on her skin before turning her wrist over to show me the finger print shaped bruises on her wrists. "If I find out you hurt her I'll kill you."_

_I held her other hand in mine and looked at her. "I'd never hurt her like that." He nodded back as he got up to answer the door to the response team. _

_They loaded her and Morelli into the ambulance together leaving me in the parking lot as they left for the hospital. I drove myself over and sat in the waiting room while they did surgery to remove the bullet from her back. That was the longest five hours of my life. I'd almost lost her that day._

She waved to me then so I knew it was show time. I plastered a smile on my face as I walked over to her. She leaned into me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I hugged her back, taking time to inhale the scent of her hair. She finally leaned back and looked up at me with a smile. I kissed her lips lightly in return. "I love you," she whispered to me.

I dabbed at the tears in her eyes. "I love you too, Babe. Forever." She nodded back to me. Then I took her hand and settled it on my arm. "Can you handle the clowns?" I asked nodding toward Anthony and Mooch Morelli who were standing at the altar with Joe.

"Yep. I have pepper spray in my bra," she grinned.

"Always armed, that's my girl." She laughed then and it sounded like music to my ears.

We started our slow assent up the aisle. I caught the smiles from the guys as we walked by. I wanted to flip them off, but I controlled myself for Steph. Then my mother started taking photos, it seemed she couldn't get enough. Up until eight months ago I don't think I'd gotten a photo taken, at least with my knowledge, since I was thirteen. Julie smiled and gave me a version of Stephanie's finger wave. I winked back at her. I was definitely a lucky man.

_As I sat in Stephanie's hospital room waiting for her to wake up my mama walked in. She just looked at me and started to cry. I thought I'd disappointed her again. Here I was ready to take a step toward having a normal life and within minutes it had all fallen apart. "Baby," she finally said as she moved toward me and ran her fingers through my hair. "She'll be alright now. I said prayers for her." I nodded and looked back at Stephanie. "I'm not going to let you do it again," she told me. I looked up at her but didn't ask the question. "You're not going to close everyone out again."_

_"Mama. Look at her," I answered. "The moment I told her I loved her she almost died. She doesn't deserve the misery a life with me brings."_

_Then she slapped me across the back of the head. "You are not leaving that girl, not again. I sat with her before I even knew you were her lover and fell in love with her. She was meant to be part of our family, Ricardo, as were you. This was meant to be. God would never have brought us all together again and again if it wasn't meant to be."_

_It was a pretty thought. "It's not that simple," I argued._

_"Why? Why not?"_

_"You don't understand."_

_"I understand that this is my fault. I didn't know what to do when you were young. I thought when you went to live with Abuela Manoso it'd help, it'd clear your head of some of the pain, but I was wrong. I was wrong to have let you go without a fight," she told me. "I should have brought you home and told you I loved you no matter what. You are my baby, Ricardo. I never stopped loving you, not for one moment."_

_"Mama, stop," I begged her. _

_"No, I need to say this. Celia was in the hall that night. She heard everything your brother said before he died," she said. I was stunned at her words. I didn't know what to say. "You reacted to what he said. You did what you did that night to save them."_

_"I didn't have to do it," I answered her in my Ranger voice, cold, unfeeling, blank face in place. "I killed your son in cold blood that night. I could have just gone to the police and told them everything, but I didn't. I killed him because I'm a monster."_

_"You're not a monster, baby," she told me as she tried to put her hands on me again, but I shrugged her off. "You're a man. A man that made a decision to protect his family against a monster." I stared back at her in disbelief. "Milo was my son too and I'll always love him, just like I'll always love you. What I feel in here is unconditional." She placed her hand over her heart with the last words._

_I didn't know what to do with what she'd just told me. I just sat there quiet again, unable to speak. "Ric, talk to your mom," Stephanie mumbled at me from the bed._

_"Babe," I answered going to her side. _

_"We both know your secret and we love you anyway. Don't shut us out anymore," she whispered like her throat was dry. _

_I sat there thinking over all my sins, every one of them, and wondered how they could love me. How did I deserve their love when my soul was so damaged? Then mama touched my arm and said, "The only unforgivable sin is to believe God cannot forgive." Then she kissed my head and walked out leaving me by Stephanie's bed._

_"I want my someday," she whispered before she fell back to sleep. All I could think was so did I. _

I tore my eyes off my little girl and looked back toward the front of the church. Morelli stood next to the priest, smiling at Stephanie, it sure wasn't directed at me. She squeezed my hand as she stepped up next to Joe. He took her hand as she kissed his cheek, they shared a smile again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could do this. I wouldn't freak out. I looked back at the bride and smiled. This marriage had better not fail because of Joe Morelli. I'd break my promise to Steph and have to shoot him, again.


	20. The Church--Part 3

Continued…same day, same place

I stood in the groom's room waiting. I felt like I'd been sequestered from the rest of the people in the building. Anthony and Mooch were my groomsmen, but were doubling as ushers too, so they were out with the crowd. My mother stopped to see me, but that was hardly welcomed. All she did was question my choice of bride. She wasn't exactly Burg wife material in her eyes, but I didn't care about that anymore. I knew that she was everything I wanted.

I peeked outside to see how things were going. Okay, so I was getting a little anxious. Eddie looked over at me and smiled. I nodded back to him before taking a quick look out at the church. It was almost full already. Christ, this was going to be the wedding of the year. I hoped it went off without a hitch.

I took a look back at Eddie, but he was talking to Mary Lou and Stephanie so I went back into my little room to wait like a good boy. I really wanted to see someone, maybe Stephanie, she was the only one that could make me feel better anyway.

There was little chance of that happening though. Stephanie was forbidden from seeing me or talking to me before the wedding since Grandma Bella had a vision that she came to me before the wedding somehow caused my marriage to fail and my babies to be illegitimate or some shit. My mother wasn't taking any chances, so Stephanie was to be under lock and key, away from me.

I looked out the window and saw one of the goons, Woody I think, standing outside the window. That son of a bitch had a guard on the window so I couldn't run. Not that I was going to run, but I didn't like Manoso making that decision for me. He's been nothing but a pain in my ass since the night I shot Stephanie, which was his fault in the first place. Since we announced our engagement though, he'd gotten out of hand. I don't think I'd ever had so many different threats thrown in my face in that short amount of time from the same person before. That's saying a lot, I'm a Morelli and a cop.

It kind of made me rethink things. Was I doing the right thing? I'd never be free of that psycho if I went through with this wedding, but could I walk away from her? I loved her. I don't think I'd ever loved someone the way I did her, she was special and everything I'd ever dreamed of. Plus there was the baby. I couldn't just walk away from my baby, even if she was going to demand that he be an involved uncle to the kid. Christ.

I turned when I heard the knock on the door. "It's just me, don't shoot." Stephanie humor.

Just looking at her made me nervous. She smiled at me though, like she was trying to reassure me that I was doing the right thing. She grabbed one of the chairs and dragged it across the floor and shoved it under the doorknob so no one could get in. She definitely had my attention.

Remembering when I'd confronted her in the bride's room before she married Orr made me grin. She turned then and gave me her best sex kitten look. Fuck. "Cupcake, what are you doing?"

"Taking your mind off the ceremony," she said as she stalked toward me.

"Manoso know you're in here?" I asked. I figured he was keeping tabs on her and it'd kill him if he knew she was in here with me. I laughed when she nodded yes. "Good." I went to her then and lifted her onto the back of one of the leather club chairs. She giggled at my playfulness, but I had to show her I could play as well as she could. "You look like Cinderella in that dress. It brings out your eyes," I told her as I laid on the Morelli charm. I wasn't teasing though, she looked like a fucking princess in that gown. It wasn't fair how beautiful she was, it pained me to look at her sometimes.

"Thank you. You look very handsome in that tux. This cut manages to not make you look like an extra on The Sopranos," she told me as she reached up and smoothed the shoulders of my jacket. She was being quite the tease today so I grabbed her dress and lifted the skirt up her legs. "Don't you dare wrinkle my dress, Joe," she yelled at me.

"Come on, I've been looking up your dress since I was eight. It's tradition. Besides I want to know what you have under here." I smoothed my hand down her calf and grabbed her foot. "No glass slippers. I'm kind of disappointed."

I really wasn't disappointed at all. She was wearing high black heels that made her legs look sexier than hell. "I plan to wear nothing else when I get my husband home tonight," she muttered her thoughts out loud.

I didn't want to picture that right now, but there it was in my head. I knew I shouldn't be thinking it, especially now, in this church, but some things you can't un-think or un-see, and her in nothing but those damn FMPs was one of them. "God," I groaned and reached down to adjust myself.

She thought it was amusing, I could tell. She put her hands on my shoulders and said, "Now help me off this chair, will you?"

I knew she'd have to go soon so I closed the distance between us while I had the chance and wrapped my arms around her. I just wanted to hold her for a minute. "I always dreamed that I'd be here with you someday," I whispered to her.

"And you are," she whispered back. "I'm so glad that you asked me again."

"I'm glad that it only took three times for you to say yes." I would have kept asking her until she gave in, she just didn't know that. I loved her so much that I couldn't imagine being up there with anyone else. I turned my head and kissed her forehead before lifting her to the floor. "So what did you really come in here for, if it wasn't to tease me to death?"

She just grinned and held a finger up. She walked over to her giant bag she called a purse and pulled out her phone. The next thing I know she starts playing some music. I smiled when I heard what she had chosen, Journey's Open Arms. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms back around her. She laid her head on my chest as we swayed to the music. "I never pegged you for the sentimental type, Steph," I told her. It was true, Steph wasn't the type of woman that wanted anniversary dates and gifts or flowers to mark dumb milestones, but here she was playing the first song I ever held her during.

"Mm, well, even though I hated you the night of that cotillion I probably loved you already then. I'd never forget the first song we danced to," she said. Neither have I. As I held her there, my nose in her hair, inhaling that scent that brought back so many good memories, I knew I would love this woman for the rest of my life. I was so glad that I hadn't lost her completely with all the stupid shit I had done in the past. I felt tears threaten to slip from my eyes so I changed my thought pattern.

"That was also the first time we…"

She clamped her hand over my mouth. "Don't ruin a nice moment," she grumbled.

I laughed then and told her, "I'll behave myself." She laid her head on my shoulder and I held her just a little tighter as we continued to dance. I was definitely a lucky man to have not lost her after everything that happened between us.

_There are women that walk into a man's life and completely turn it upside down. For me that woman had always been Stephanie. Since we were little kids I was drawn to her, not that I didn't love all girls, but she was something different. There was a spark or fire in her that no one else had. _

_I remembered the first time I touched her. I wanted to do what the adults did. I wanted her to feel good and I wanted her to love me. So I took her into my dad's garage and talked her into playing train with me. I knelt on the ground and looked up her skirt. I pulled her panties down and touched her there. She seemed to like what I was doing so I went further, I put my finger inside of her. It was on odd feeling, hot, tight, wet, but not at all unpleasant. I did it for a while, but she didn't seem to react the way I'd imagined. When I was done she ran home and I sat there with her wetness on my fingers and I'll admit, that was the first time I tasted my Cupcake._

_I know it's odd behavior for an eight year old, but you have to understand I never really had a normal childhood. My dad was a drunk that beat on my mother, a lot. I didn't want to treat my wife like that. I wanted to be cooler and slick like my Uncle Manny was with women. So I was at a family dinner a few months before the garage incident and dropped my fork. I slipped under the table to pick it up and saw Uncle Manny with his fingers between his lady friend's legs. I sat there on the floor watching as she spread her legs. He pulled her panties to the side and moved his fingers up and down her slit. The woman's leg and foot muscles were tightening and moving as he worked his fingers over her. I couldn't look away, it was fascinating. Then his finger disappeared inside her body, then a second finger joined the first. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I saw her body shudder and juices poured out over his hand. Manny wiped his hand on his slacks and I scooted out from under the table. He caught my eyes from across the table and winked at me as he moved his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean. _

_That was when Joe Morelli, Lothario was born. As I got older I tried about anything and everything a girl would let me. I'm not proud of the fact that I'd slept with half the girls in our school by the time I'd graduated, and some of their mothers, but it is what it is. In all that time there was only one girl that ever meant anything to me and that was probably because she could see me, beyond the bad boy good looks the others flocked toward. _

_Stephanie. She was feisty and smart and so fucking passionate I don't even have words. The first time I kissed her she was nothing more than a kid, but the erotic way she moved had me almost fucking her against a wall at her damn cotillion dance. That didn't change as we got older either. Every time we were near one another there were fireworks, the heat she radiated with her body drove me crazy. I knew if I ever gave into my desire to have her I'd never want anyone else. I wasn't wrong._

_She saved me from myself one night, or at least from going to jail, again. She told me that she knew I was so much more than what I was walking around pretending to be. She knew I could make something of myself and not succumb to the Morelli curse. She made me believe it. I decided to get out of town, make something of myself, and come back and marry her. She deserved a good man and I wanted to be that._

_I stopped at The Tasty Pastry on my way out of town to tell her that I loved her all those years. I wanted to know if I could see her on leave and write to her, if she'd be my girl, but I fucked that up too. I went in there and lost all my words. I fucked her on the floor, took her virginity away like the piece of shit I was. I couldn't face her after that, she'd deserved more than I gave her, than I could give her. I figured I'd make it up to her when I was something, someday._

_I don't know why I did it, but I left graffiti all over town, letting everyone know that I had sex with her. At the time I thought it would put my name on her again. The other guys would stay away and she'd be available when I got home. I know it was stupid, but I was stupid, and in love._

_I never did call her or write her or come home on leave. I was stationed state side in the Navy and enrolled in some classes at a local college. Three years later I decided it was time to go home and face my mother and talk to Stephanie, but before I had a chance to talk to her she saw me and she wasn't happy. In fact, she tried to kill me. She hit me with her dad's Buick and broke my leg. The only good thing to come from the entire thing was that I got to look up her skirt when she got out to yell at me, that and I got to see the Plum temper in full force. Christ, she was sexy when she was mad._

_Anyway, I graduated with a criminal justice degree. I decided to be a cop. Was hired on by the TPD and moved home to make a life for myself in The Burg. By that time Stephanie had moved to Newark. It wasn't long before I heard she'd met some asshole and was planning to get married to him. I still held out hope that she'd find her way back into my bed, not that marriage stopped a lot of woman that wanted me, but I figured it would stop Stephanie._

_I was given my first big case as a detective. A drug and gun smuggling ring had popped up in Trenton and they believed it had ties to some local politicians of all things. I found the weak link immediately. A young lawyer on the take. I knew if I could get enough on this asshole I'd be able to take down the entire ring, he'd squeal like a pig if I pinched him. Problem was it turned out to be Steph's future husband, Dickie Orr. The guy even had a stupid name._

_I was going to stay out of it, let her go on living the life she'd chosen, but at the last minute I found myself at the church, in the bride's room begging her to run off with me. It didn't come out like I'd intended. I wanted her away from Orr. There was no doubt in my mind that he'd be a target if the people he was working with found out he'd left a trail and she was going to be collateral damage. I also wanted her to know that I still cared for her and wanted a chance, but I didn't get that far. Like every other time I wanted to do something right with her my dick went and screwed it up. I almost fucked her there in the church and she still refused to walk away from Orr. She pissed me off, she always did when her temper was going, it set my own temper off and I talked out of my ass. I don't even know how many times over the years we had gotten in fights because of our own tempers and prides._

_She married Orr, but I didn't stop investigating. I was determined to take him down. About five months after the wedding I'd been following Orr and saw him pick up Joyce Barnhardt. He drove her back to his house. I knew then that he was fucking her. Of all the women in Trenton I wondered why he'd choose Joyce when he had Stephanie at home in his bed. He really was an idiot._

_A couple hours later I happened to have the radio on and heard the domestic disturbance call come in to their address. I didn't know what was happening, but I knew it involved Steph. I answered the call and sped my ass over there. I got there in time to see that son of a bitch slam her into the side of the house and put his arm into her throat._

_I was partnering with Big Dog at the time. He warned me to call back up, but I was just seeing red. He was not allowed to put his hands on her. I roughed him up a little, but not at all as much as I wanted to and I may have threatened to kill the asshole, but only if had he gone near her again. _

_Big Dog hauled him to the curb while I sat with Stephanie. For the first time I saw what he'd done to the girl I'd grown up with. She was beaten down and abused, not just physically. I stayed with her talking to her, trying to get her to see what he had done so she wouldn't go back. It made me sick to think of her living like my mother had. I finally handed her over to Eddie when he arrived. I wasn't thinking clearly anymore. I wanted to promise to take her away and make it all better, but I knew I couldn't do that. She had to do that on her own, but maybe someday I'd be able to make her those promises._

_It turned out arresting Orr had been the wrong thing to do for the case. Everything was blown to hell and somehow his associates made all my evidence disappear. I was knocked back down to Stark Street and striped of my detective title while they had someone investigate me. I knew my personal life was dissected by a fuck fed and it pissed me off. Somehow that woman had managed to ruin the one thing I had going for me without even trying._

_After that I decided to stay away from her. I didn't know how long the investigation would last and the last thing me or the department needed was my name being tied to hers even more than it was. Besides, she was a walking disaster. Everything seemed to fall apart in her hands and I didn't want the distraction. I needed to get my fucking job back on track and nothing was going to stop me._

_Nothing did until I was arrested for murdering an unarmed man while off duty, that one set the career back a bit. That was four years after the Orr debacle and I'd managed to only see Stephanie Plum a handful of times, from a distance, over the years. So I made a decision to skip out on bail and look for the guys that set me up and killed my informant. It was the only way to clear my name, plus I wasn't about to go to jail. You know what happens to vice cops in general lock up, not pretty._

_The next thing I know I have fucking Stephanie Plum on my ass, she's decided she wants to be a bounty hunter and needs the ten grand that bringing me in will get her. Somehow we ended up needing to trust one another, not easy for either of us, but I guess that was the beginning. After she helped clear my name and I was free to go back to my life I couldn't seem to get her out of my head no matter how hard I tried. It took me almost three months to finally admit that I was in love with her. It didn't take long to get her back into my bed after that._

_We had our ups and downs and blow ups and break ups, but I never stopped loving her and now I know she never stopped loving me either. Things didn't work out like I thought they would, but having her here with me was right. We belonged like this. I'd never stop loving her. _

As the song ended she stepped back. "You're going to be alright? This is really what you want?"

"Yeah. This is exactly what I want. We'll be happy together. I promise," I told her. "As long as I live through the news of the baby. Did you remind Manoso that we agreed not to shoot at each other?"

"He won't shoot you. I don't even know how it's still a secret. She's starting to show you know?" I shrugged then, maybe it was her way of saying he already knew. "Anyway, it's almost show time. I should get out there or Ric will come in here looking for me."

"I wouldn't want that." Ric, the pain in the ass body guard from hell. I didn't know how she could stand it, but it was her decision not mine. It'd only cause a fight if I brought it up again.

"Oh stop, you'll practically be brothers soon," she grinned before running off toward the door. Christ, the only thing worse than imagining being brotherly toward Manoso would be being sisterly toward Steph.

I grabbed her in the doorway and pulled her back against me. I smacked a big kiss on her forehead. I knew Manoso would be watching and I knew it'd piss him off so I let my lips linger. "I hope he loves being an uncle as much as I love this baby," I told her as I put my hand on her growing baby bump. It wasn't a lie, I loved my little Cupcake already.

I was lost in thoughts of what her curly haired little girl would look like when she said, "I love you, Joe."

I told her the same as I watched her walk back toward the bride's room. My eyes settled on Manoso standing in the corner watching her cross the room. I closed the door and stood there against it. I wondered if we'd ever be able to move beyond the truce we called a year ago.

_I walked into the interrogation room and faced Ranger Manoso. We eyeballed one another for a minute before I finally spoke, I knew he'd wait me out no matter how long it took._

_"I just saw Steph," I said waiting for his reaction._

_"Is she awake?" he asked, blank face still in place. There was no way to read the asshole's emotions when he did that and he knew it, but I could do a blank look just as well._

_"Yeah. We had a good talk," I told him. "She told me some things about you." Ah, there it was, the little flick of anger in his eyes. "She said you've been involved since you were thirteen." Still nothing, something would make him crack. I'd find it eventually. "Why did the two of you keep your past a secret? Ashamed to have been with her?" Another flick of anger, we were starting to get somewhere. "I don't blame you. I fucked her good and hard before I left for the military too. She can give quite the sendoff can't she?" _

_He was out of seat and had me pinned with my face pressed into the wall and my arms twisted behind my back before I registered he'd moved. "Don't say another word, Morelli," he growled in my ear. "I didn't use her as some sort of game before I left for the army. I left for the army because I wanted to make something of myself, for her. You'd never understand that would you?"_

_The way he said it was like he knew exactly why I'd gone into the service in the first place. "Of course I understand," I growled back. "I've always loved her."_

_He let go of me then, allowing me to face him. "How do we do this?" he asked._

_"You really love her?" I asked. Just once I wanted to hear him admit what I'd known for the last two years._

_"I've always loved her," he said echoing me. _

_I nodded back. He was right. "How do you want to do this then?"_

_"I don't want Stephanie hurt," he said surprising me._

_I laughed. "She said we couldn't shoot at each other again."_

_He smiled back at me. "That's a hard promise to keep." _

_"We let her choose. No pressure, no arguing, no fighting. She decides who she wants to be with and we pretend we're happy for her no matter what?" I asked._

_He nodded back to me. "I'll be there for her no matter what she decides. I'll never stop loving her even if she's yours."_

_I knew it was a warning that he'd always be there if I fucked up, so I figured I'd return the favor. "I've always been her friend and I don't ever intend to stop. If she decides she wants to be with you and you hurt her, I'll fuck you up and take her away faster than you can blink."_

_He smiled then and held out his hand to me. I looked at it and finally shook. We had officially called a truce and declared our intentions to one another. I stood there looking at the other man and I hoped she knew what she was doing when she chose._

_I turned to leave the room and he spoke again. "I won't tell her you've been undercover boning Agent Burrows if you swear to god that shit stops if she takes you back."_

_I stopped in my tracks. I had no idea he knew that Jeanne Ellen was an undercover agent or that we'd been working, closely, for the last two months. How the hell did he know everything? Then the rest of the pieces started to fall into place. "You?" I asked without wording the question._

_"She was my partner when we were going through the material on your Orr case," he answered. _

_I felt my face begin to fall. Every argument I had against the man began to fucking fade before my eyes. He wasn't a street thug, he wasn't a mercenary, he wasn't even a bad guy. He was a fucking fed, the fucking fed, the one that solved my case. Fuck. _

_He just stood there with that stupid blank look on his face, waiting for the information to seep all the way in. "That was nice work, on that case," I allowed even though I was still pissed he'd never mentioned it to me. _

_"I saw all the files Morelli, everything," he said in a low voice. "I solved the case, but you did the right thing. You saved our girl."_

_I was stunned by what he said, but as I looked at him I finally understood why he never fought me for Stephanie. He had some sort of respect for what I had done all those years ago and damn it if that didn't make me respect him back. He really did love her. Fuck. "You're free to go, there won't be any charges against us. Apparently you have some friends in high places, Manoso."_

_He nodded to me. "Same goes for you Morelli, don't hurt her," he warned before he walked out the door. I knew where he was headed. I'd give them some time before I went back over. I think I needed to sit for a moment._

Anthony opened the door and looked in at me. "Time to go, Bro. Last chance to back out of this," he warned.

"I'm not going anywhere," I grumbled.

"She's the one?" he asked.

I was surprised by his question. He wasn't the most romantic man on the planet. "Yeah, she's the one. I love her."

"Good," he answered holding his hand up for a fist bump.

We walked up the side aisle and took our places at the front of the church and watched as Mooch walked Mom down the aisle and seated her in the front pew in front of me. The bridesmaids were next followed by Stephanie and Manoso. I couldn't help smiling at her, she looked so happy it made me happy.

He handed her over to me with a warning look in his eyes, but I just nodded to him. I got it. I wouldn't hurt her and he'd just have to trust me the way I did with him.


	21. The Church--Part 4

Continued…same day, same place

I looked out the window of the bride's room and smiled. It was a beautiful day for March. I was glad we had an early spring this year, it was a good sign for new beginnings and all that. That's what this was for all of us. A new beginning. A new family. A new life.

My friend Bitsy came over to the window and looked outside with me. She looked so beautiful in the pale blue satin bridesmaid dress she was wearing. It stood out again her dark skin and silky, long black hair. After all these years she still looked like she could be a model. The strapless gown hugged her perfect chest and followed a fitted line down her trim body, all the way to the floor. I felt kind of frumpy next to her, but what was I going to do? I was four months pregnant and I had to get my dress made to accommodate the little one.

"Anthony grabbed my bottom," she told me.

I looked up at her and smiled. She was standing up with Anthony Morelli. He was a married man, but it never stopped him from looking or apparently touching a beautiful woman. "Just threaten to tell his wife, no his Grandma Bella," I told her.

"The witch? Lester told me about her." I rolled my eyes. Lester was sure she really could cast spells after she gave him the eye six months ago. He ended up meeting a girl he really liked and wanted to date, exclusively. He blamed Bella Morelli for it.

"I should go check on everything," I said looking up at the clock. It was only twenty minutes until the ceremony was scheduled to start.

"He'll be fine," she said patting my back in a comforting way. I nodded back to her. I knew he would be fine, but I'd still like to put my eyes on him to be sure.

I slipped across the back of the church toward the front doors and the groom's waiting area. Mary Lou and Valerie were talking quietly and both smiled as I approached. "You look beautiful," Val told me. I was sure she was just humoring me, but I thanked her anyway. She quickly excused herself to go check on the girls. I wondered if I'd be able to use my kids to get me out of things like conversations someday. In Val's case she was probably reporting to my mother or Angie Morelli that I was hanging out in the vestibule. She always did like getting me in trouble.

Once she was gone I asked Mary Lou how I really looked. She smiled at me and adjusted the one wide strap that attached to the dress on my left shoulder, letting the fluttery net fabric flutter over my skin. The bodice of the dress was a simple sweetheart neckline with the soft net fabric ruched in a diagonal pattern over the satin. A wide band synched around me just under my breasts giving me a false high waist line and allowing the dress to fall loosely to the ground where it floated around my feet in the front and pooled into a small train in back. It was pretty and elegant, but it wasn't sexy or hot like I had originally wanted.

Mary Lou reached out and fixed a few of my curls. It was all softly curled and pulled back on the left side with a large clip containing flowers and feathers that matched the dress so it looked like it spilled over my right shoulder in a fall of curls. Mr. Alexander spent almost two hours taming it, but that wasn't necessarily his fault. I had certainly rolled into the salon with a fresh fucked look, and on me that usually meant my hair was crazy.

Mary Lou stepped back and smiled. "You look beautiful in that dress."

"You're not just saying that? I don't look like a whale?" I asked.

She looked at my stomach a laughed. "That is the cutest little bitty baby bump I've ever seen."

"You look stunning, Steph," Eddie said walking over to join us. I couldn't help but smile at him. The three of us together again. Together in this same spot. I shook my head as I thought about all that had happened in this church over the years.

"I can't believe we're back here again." I looked out at the church full of half The Burg and frowned. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

We all stopped talking as Angie Morelli walked toward me. I saw the scowl on her face. She clearly disapproved of me being out here with my friends, but I didn't give a shit what she thought anymore. She didn't say anything either as she handed me a big, hand tied bouquet of white lilies. Then she settled a look on me that gave me her final seal of disapproval. I don't even know why she was so mad at me. Yeesh. Joe's the one that asked, all I did was agree to do it, but she never could be mad at her Joey. So I pressed my lips together and raise an eyebrow at her, it was my best RangeMan disapproving-look imitation.

Eddie started laughing as she walked away in a huff. At least she wasn't giving me the eye like Bella did every time she saw me. I wonder if she'll stop now that we'll be family, by marriage. "It's a little unorthodox, but you never did stick to the rules," Eddie agreed looking out at the church too. I laughed at the understatement.

"True." I suddenly felt nervous. I wondered how Joe was feeling. "I hope Joe doesn't try to jump out a window. I should go check on him."

"He'll be fine. You know he wouldn't be here if he planned to run," Eddie told me like it was already a done deal.

I just didn't know. He had seemed really nervous this morning. I didn't think he'd run, but he was unpredictable when he was overwhelmed. That's why I needed to check on him and make sure he was alright. It would probably officially start World War III if he ran. "God, Ric would probably kill him if he did, after all the three of us have been through. I'd just hate to see them go back to fighting."

Eddie and Mary Lou both nodded back. "How's Ranger actually doing with this?" Eddie asked as he looked over at him.

I looked over at Ric. He was standing at the window, just looking outside like he was thinking. I understood that. We'd gone through a lot together over the last year and a half. I knew he was having problems dealing with the marriage, but he'd get used to it and probably come around to actually liking Joe, eventually. "He's fine. We talked about it this morning and I made him promise to not shoot anyone. I think he's just more pissed off about Joe winning than anything." I hoped I didn't blush too much when I thought about our talk this morning. It had ended rather, naked, but one thing I had learned about Ric was the best way to help him work out his aggression was in bed, or on the floor, or in the shower.

"So I don't need my Taser?" Eddie asked. I laughed then, if he only knew I was actually carrying pepper spray for the occasion, with Joe and Ric I never knew if things were going to get out of control.

"No, we're all good. I promise. You should go sit down before Shirley thinks you ran off with me," I teased. It had become a joke, after all these years. I didn't know how many times I thought about how I should have run away with Eddie, not just from my wedding to Dickie, but from my feelings for Joe or my feelings for Ric. He was right when he told me that I didn't love him that way, not that I didn't love him, but he was right, loving someone that way was a one of a kind thing and well worth waiting for.

I watched Eddie walk away before looking back at my husband. His eyes caught mine from across the room. He probably knew I was thinking about him. It was always that way with us, always had been I guess. I smiled and pointed at the groom's room. I needed to check on Joe. I knew Ric wouldn't like it, he never did when we were alone, but he trusted me, even when it concerned Joe. I pressed my finger to my lips to warn him not to tell Angie Morelli where I'd gone.

I was forbidden from being alone with Joe before the wedding. Bella had some sort of weird vision that she swore meant if we were alone together Joe's baby would be illegitimate. I wasn't sure how I could affect Joe's baby one way or another. It certainly wasn't like he could knock me up, Ric took care of that about two months after our own wedding.

I knocked on the door and yelled, "It's just me, don't shoot." I liked to tease him about shooting me last year, plus it annoyed him. I stuck my head in and saw Joe pacing the room. He looked like he was going to be sick.

I smiled at him. I knew what would cheer him up. I grabbed the chair and pulled it over to the door and wedged it under the knob. Then I turned to him and gave him my best sultry look. "Cupcake, what are you doing?"

"Taking your mind off the church," I answered as I walked toward him.

"Manoso know you're in here?" he grinned. I nodded yes and he laughed. "Good." He lifted me and sat me on the back of one of the leather club chairs. I laughed as I remembered him doing the same thing in the bride's room before I married Dickie. "You look like Cinderella in that dress. It brings out your eyes."

I smiled back at him. While the bridesmaid's all had the light, icy blue my gown was a dark, inky sapphire color. It was hard to decide what to wear, not a lot of best men need a gown. "Thank you. You look very handsome in that tux. This cut manages to not make you look like an extra on The Sopranos."

He laughed then and grabbed my dress, pulling it up above my knees. "Don't you dare wrinkle my dress, Joe."

"Come on, I've been looking up your dress since I was eight. It's tradition. Besides I want to know what you have under here." He grabbed my foot and grinned. "No glass slippers. I'm kind of disappointed." I wasn't, I was wearing black Jimmy Choo FMP's that made my calves look delicious. In fact, I planned to wear nothing else when I finally get my husband home tonight.

"God," he moaned. I guess I must have shared that out loud.

I winked at him and put my hands on his shoulders. "Now help me off this chair, will you?"

He closed the distance between us and hugged me against him. "I always dreamed that I'd be here with you someday," he told me.

"And you are," I whispered back. I had always thought we would too. He was my first love and lover in the physical sense, but I'd realized that emotionally those titles had always belonged to Ric. We both knew we'd always love one another, but as the best friends we had become since the shooting. "I'm so glad that you asked me again."

"I'm glad that it only took three times for you to say yes," he grinned. Then he pressed his lips to my forehead and kissed me gently before he lifted me back to the floor. "So what did you really come in here for?"

I held a finger up and walked over to where I'd left my bag earlier. I pulled out my iPhone and started some music. I figured the song wouldn't be lost on him, Journey's Open Arms. He smiled at me and pulled me close, rocking us back and forth to the music. "I never pegged you for the sentimental type, Steph," he said with laughter in his voice.

"Mm, well, even though I hated you the night of that cotillion I probably loved you already then. I'd never forget the first song we danced to," I told him.

"That was also the first time we…" he started before I clamped my hand over his mouth.

"Don't ruin a nice moment," I warned him.

He laughed. "I'll behave myself." I laid my head on his shoulder and smiled as we continued to dance.

_I woke in the hospital bed for the second time. I squinted my eyes looking around for Ranger, but he wasn't there. I heard movement to my left side so I turned my head and saw Joe standing next to me. He picked up a glass with a straw and held it to my lips so I could slowly take a drink._

_"Hey Cupcake. I've never been so happy to see those pretty eyes of yours," he told me with a little smile. I nodded back to him. I wasn't sure what was happening or how much of my memories were real at that point. "I shot you, accidently."_

_I blinked at him as the memories of the fight with Ranger and Joe coming in with gun drawn flashed through my mind. I looked at him more closely. He was wearing a blue tee shirt and had his right arm in a sling. "You were shot?" I asked in a raspy voice, my throat was really sore._

_"He got me in the shoulder," he said. "I'm fine. I guess it's a good thing he doesn't aim to kill, huh?"_

_I rolled my eyes. I knew Joe was convinced Ranger was some crazy, madman running around hiding all the bodies he's killed, but he should have figured out by now he wasn't. "Is Ranger alright?"_

_"Yeah, not a scratch on him," Joe grumbled. "You jumped on him. Took the bullet in your back."_

_I closed my eyes as I remembered. "Were you aiming to kill?"_

_"If my gun arm hadn't been hit my bullet wouldn't have gone that low," he answered. I nodded back. He was trained to shoot to kill if he was fired upon. "I could have killed you."_

_"But you didn't."_

_He shoved his left hand through his hair like I'd frustrated him again. "Why did you jump in the way?"_

_I stared at him for a moment before answering. "Instinct, probably, but I'd do it again."_

_"Christ, Steph," he grumbled. "Don't ever get in the way of a bullet again."_

_"Don't shoot at Ranger anymore."_

_"He shot at me first," he bitched._

_"You came in with your gun drawn," I yelled back. "You know with his job it was just an instinct."_

_"Just like yours to save him?"_

_"Something like that," I agreed._

_"Fuck," he grumbled. "You're really in love with him, aren't you?"_

_I closed my eyes again. "We first met when we were thirteen. He was the first boy I ever kissed," I told him. "We met again when we were nineteen. He was the first man to ever make love to me." Joe pushed his chair back and started to pace the room. "Then we met again two years ago."_

_"And you fell in love with him," Joe answered. "I don't like him."_

_I laughed. "I know."_

_"I wish you loved anyone but him."_

_"I know," I answered again._

_"So I'm going to have to go down to the station and get him, right?"_

_"The station?"_

_"Questioning. I'll have to go too. We got you shot," he reminded me. _

_"I didn't forget. You'll have to promise to never shoot at one another again," I told him._

_"We'll see," he said with a big grin. "Question, the bruises, he didn't hurt you did he?"_

_I glanced at my wrist. There were finger shaped marks from where he had held down my arms last night. I felt my face starting to heat up. "No, he didn't hurt me. We, uh, just got a little rough," I muttered. Joe made a face like he was going to yell, but then just sighed. "I'm sorry."_

_"Don't be. We called it quits before I went undercover," he grumbled. "I wasn't exactly celibate either." This time I made a face back at him. "That's going to take some getting used to, won't it?" he asked._

_"Definitely," I agreed. He smiled and leaned down to kiss my hair before he got up to walk toward the door. "Joe?" He turned to look back at me. "I always loved you. Since we were little kids, I always loved you."_

_"Me too," he agreed. "You'll always be my Cupcake."_

_I chucked at that. "So we're alright? Friends?"_

_"Yeah. Friends. Always," he agreed before walking out of the hospital room._

As the song ended I stepped back from him. "You're going to be alright? This is really what you want?"

"Yeah. This is exactly what I want. We'll be happy together. I promise," he told me with a smile. "As long as I live through the news of the baby. Did you remind Ranger that we agreed not to shoot at each other?"

"He won't shoot you. I don't even know how it's still a secret. She's starting to show you know?" He shrugged then. "Anyway, it's almost show time. I should get out there or Ric will come in here looking for me."

"I wouldn't want that," he answered sarcastically.

"Oh stop, you'll practically be brothers soon," I grinned before running off toward the door.

He grabbed me just as I got the door open. Then he pulled me back and smacked a kiss on my forehead. "I hope he loves being an uncle as much as I love this baby," he told me.

"You'll be the best uncle in the world," I told him. "I love you, Joe."

"I love you too, Steph. Thanks for being my best woman today." I nodded before walking out of the room. He closed the door behind me. I knew he'd be alright. So I thought I should probably check in on the bride.

Before I got to the bride's room my new mother-in-law and step-daughter caught me. Maria crushed me in a tight hug. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" she asked.

"Good. The morning sickness has passed and I've been feeling her move a little," I said with a smile.

"Can I feel her move?" Julie asked fairly bouncing with excitement.

"I don't know. It's still pretty early, but she might like to kick her big sister," I told her. I took her little hand in mine and placed it over the baby bump.

_I spent nine days in the hospital for observation, probably because they didn't believe I'd take it easy when I went home. It wasn't the first time I'd been in that hospital, they knew me. The surgery was pretty straight forward though, they were able to remove the bullet that was lodged in my hip bone and unable to exit. It did some damage though. They did have to remove part of my small intestine to repair it and they also removed my right ovary which had been damaged. So I was on a special diet until everything healed and the doctor told me I'd have a decreased chance of getting pregnant since I wouldn't be releasing as many eggs anymore. I tried not to think about what either of those things would mean when I got out of there, but I was faced with it soon enough._

_Ric drove me home from the hospital. He'd been with me most of the time I'd been in the hospital, which hadn't been all that pretty. I'd had intestinal surgery, enough said. He didn't seem to mind, he never mentioned anything, he just stayed there, and kept me company. _

_When we got back to my apartment I saw he had already dropped off his stuff and looked to be staying, indefinitely. "Are you moving in with me?" I questioned._

_"Just until you're feeling better or you kick me out," he said with a little grin._

_I nodded back to him. We still hadn't really discussed the future of our relationship. It was more like we were both tiptoeing around figuring out how to make it work. "If I would have known we were going to live together I would have moved in with you. You have nicer sheets," I told him. "And Ella to cook."_

_"I can cook," he argued. "My sheets are better though."_

_I laughed at him before sitting down onto the couch. "You really cook?"_

_"Yeah, nothing fancy or anything, but pancakes, grilled cheese, frozen pizza, mac and cheese," he said listing a bunch of stuff that he would never eat. I know I made a face at him. "What I'm a single guy, Steph, what did you think I ate before Ella came along?"_

_"Salad," I muttered._

_He laughed then. "I did, a lot, but my true gift is grilling. I can grill steak, burgers, chicken, fish, lobster, potatoes, vegetables, you name it." _

_"Where the hell do you grill?" I asked still stunned that he could cook at all._

_"The Batcave. I have a beautiful grill on the patio." I looked up at him and frowned. Was he making fun of me now? I always assumed he had a real house somewhere, the real Batcave, but he'd never even give me a hint as to where it was. _

_"So you really have a house?"_

_"RangeMan has a lot of houses," he said avoiding my answer. I tossed a pillow at him then. "But I do have a house that doesn't belong to the company." He tossed the pillow back at me. "You want to see it?"_

_Was he kidding? "Yes." He stood and held his hand out then. "Now?"_

_"Now," he said. "Unless you've changed your mind." Now he was just confusing me again._

_"About the seeing the house?"_

_"Babe, I told you once this place is forever and I meant it. If you come with me now there's no going back. I won't let you go again."_

_"Good," I answered before stepping against him and kissing his soft lips. His hands found my hair as he pulled me against his body and kissed me more deeply. "I'm not going anywhere, neither are you."_

_"No, I'm not going anywhere without you again," he agreed. "Grab some clothes. We'll stay for a couple nights."_

_I narrowed my eyes at him, but he wasn't giving anything else away. I went and packed an overnight bag and we headed back down to his Porsche. He dialed Lester and told him that he'd be offline for a few days, he was going to the house. That was it, not even a hint of where 'the house' was located. _

_An hour later we were driving into Point Pleasant and heading toward the shore. "You have a beach house?" I asked kind of surprised by the revelation._

_"I have _the_ beach house," he answered. I think at that point he stunned me again. A few minutes later we pulled up to the beach house that we had spent the night together in all those years ago._

_"This is yours?"_

_He wrapped his hand around mine. "It went on the market five years ago so I bought it. I had imagined someday I'd be sitting on the deck and I'd see you on the beach and we'd fall in love all over again," he told me with a little laugh. "Until you walked back into my life, then I always imagined that someday I'd bring you here and it'd be our home, together."_

_I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. He punched the code into the keypad and turned the lock on the door. "The code is the date we met, zero eight two one eight six," he told me as he pushed the door open so I could walk inside. _

_He had warned me that to find the Batcave I'd have to work a little harder, but that wasn't exactly true. All I really would have had to do is remember him, this place, the day we met. He'd given me access to his life if only I'd opened my eyes and saw what was there waiting for me. _

_The house had been redecorated from the last time I'd been there, but structurally it was all the same. "Did Celia decorate here too?" I asked._

_He nodded, "I wouldn't know what to do."_

_"Me either," I agreed._

_He settled me in on the couch and ran the bags upstairs. When he came back down he sat next to me. "So how are we going to do this, Babe?"_

_I looked up at him surprised. He was business Ranger in that moment, ready to knock out a contract and make a deal. "I don't know."_

_"Sure you do. What do you want from me? What will it take for you to give me a chance?"_

_I closed my eyes and leaned back against the couch cushion. "I'm already giving you a chance or we wouldn't be here."_

_"Touché," he agreed. "But in the long term, Steph, what do you want?"_

_I shook my head then. "I want a future with you. I know you always told me that you weren't relationship material, but I can't be with you half way."_

_"So it's all or nothing?" he asked._

_"I guess so. I can't be a booty call. I can't be in your bed waiting for you to toss me aside when you've had enough."_

_His hand closed around mine. "I'd never have enough of you. I doubt one lifetime would be enough," he said softly._

_"Then I need you to be willing to commit to me. I don't mean marriage and babies. I might not even be able to have babies anymore, who knows, so if you want more kids I'm not sure I'm the right woman for you either," I said quickly. It'd been something weighing on my mind the last week, but I hadn't been able to bring it up._

_"You're the only woman I want to be with. I have no problem committing myself to you. One thing I can promise you is fidelity," he answered. "Someday when we're ready we'll try to have children. If we're blessed with them so be it, if not we can always adopt a child." I nodded back to him. "What else Steph?"_

_"No more secrets, from either of us."_

_"Alright, what else?"_

_"No more walking away."_

_"From either of us," he added as he squeezed my hand. "What else?"_

_"Your family," I answered. "You need to repair things with them."_

_"I've been speaking with Mama," he said._

_"And your father and Celia," I told him. "And Julie."_

_I felt him stiffen, his fingers tightening, but he didn't pull away. "I don't know how to do it."_

_"You go to them and tell them that you've made some mistakes, but you love them and you would like another chance to have them in your life. You allow them to know the man that you hide behind your Ranger walls," I told him. "You need to be Ric again."_

_He nodded then. "I'm scared to be Ric again."_

_"I know, but I'll be by your side and we'll do it together," I said trying to reassure him. "I also think you need to go to confession. Ask God's forgiveness. You've never done that have you?"_

_"No," he answered. "I've never done that."_

_"What do you need from me?"_

_"Honesty, fidelity, trust," he answered. "If we're going to do this you're going to need to agree to my safety steps, not fight me on them."_

_"Like the gun?"_

_"That's RangeMan policy. I'm talking about you being in my life. We both work with criminals, there's no telling who will target you because of me, even if you're not in the field," I knew he was right so I agreed. I doubted his stalkers could be worse than mine anyway. "You agree to not take off tracking devices, carry a panic button, take a bodyguard when needed, stay in a safe house when I tell you, and carry some type of weapon at all times, on your body, not your purse."_

_"Yeesh," I grumbled._

_"I can't allow anyone to hurt you or threaten you because of me. This is a deal breaker for me," he said quite seriously. "It's one of the reasons I've stayed away from my family for so long. I can't lose you. I love you too much."_

_"Alright. I won't fight it anymore. I'll let you keep me safe," I said holding out my hand. He shook it with a little smile. "I'm ready to give you the rest too."_

_"You'll come with me to church?" I nodded back. "We'll go as soon as we get home."_

_"I love you, Ric," I told him. He leaned in and kissed my lips softly. _

Just then the baby moved a little, it felt like little fluttering wings inside my stomach. "I felt her," Julie said giggling. "When she comes out can I call you mom too, so she's not confused?"

"If you want to I'd love that," I told her as I pulled her against me and hugged her. She was the most precious thing ever. She was like a little mini-Ranger, he didn't like to think she was anything like him, but she was. She was beautiful and smart and so strong. It didn't take me long to fall in love with her.

_I remembered the first time I'd met Julie. Ric and I had flown down to Miami to check on her. There had been a stalker that decided he wanted to take over Ranger's life. He had plans to kidnap me and Julie, then kill Ric to make the identity theft complete. Luckily he came after me first. He grabbed me in the parking lot outside the mall, but before he got me into his van I was able to pepper spray him and hit my panic button, which Ric made me carry at all times. The guys responded and picked up the stalker within minutes. Afterward Ric needed to see with his own eyes that Julie was safe and the security team he had on her were the best fit. He needed to make sure she was safe, even though the stalker was going to be in jail for a long time. _

_I was glad Ric and Julie were as close as they were now, but he put a lot of work into getting back into her life. He spent a lot of time talking to his ex-wife and her husband until they agreed to allow him more than the occasional, supervised visit with his daughter. Rachel said she always hoped he'd get his life together enough to want to know Julie and was happy with the changes that he'd made to bring her into his life. For five months he'd been going down to Miami every two weeks to spend the weekend with her, but I had never gone before. I didn't like being away from him, but that was his time to build a relationship with his little girl and I didn't want to get in the way._

_I remember being really nervous. If she didn't like me I didn't know what I'd do. She was his child and the most important person in his life, even if he'd only just realized that recently. It turned out I was worrying for nothing. Julie was ten when we met, but we both enjoyed shopping and shoes and ice cream. It was practically love at first sight for us. _

_After spending two days with her at the beachfront condo he had purchased for them to spend the weekends at, he drove her home. When he came back to the house he seemed very serious. "Stephanie, would you like to walk on the beach with me?" he asked. _

_I smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. I immediately thought maybe I had been wrong about Julie liking me. "Sure, is everything alright?" I questioned._

_"Yeah, I just think we need to talk," he answered before he reached out for my hand. I let him lead me out onto the beach, but I was terrified at that point. We need to talk never ends well, that's the break up saying. I was trying to not to cry at that point, but he didn't seem to notice. He finally got to the shore, so the water was just washing up over our feet. _

_Then he stepped closer, moving behind me, pressing himself against my back while wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned into him as we stood there quietly looking out at the Atlantic. Just touching him like that put me in a state. I wasn't sure how his body still did this to me after all these years, but the tingles that went through me left me fairly certain that my panties were completely ruined and he hadn't done more than hug me._

_"The first time I kissed you was on the beach, the first time we made love we walked in this ocean, so I thought this would be a perfect place to tell you that you amaze me. You've changed my life over the last six months," he whispered in my ear. I knew the tears were starting to spill down my cheeks at that point, but I didn't care. "You've given me my family back, my parents, my sisters, my daughter." Then he turned me to face him as he knelt down in the water and pulled a ring from his pocket. "But the only thing that will make my life complete is to make a family with you. Babe, will you marry me?"_

_I was full on bawling by that point, but I managed to wrap my arms around him and squeeze his face into my chest before saying, "Yes."_

_I fell to my knees kissing him deeply. He kissed me back as we knelt there in the surf. "Make love to me?" I asked him._

_"Here?" he asked back with a laugh. I looked around and noticed a few people on the beach in the distance. _

_"Mm, that would have been a fantastically romantic story, but we should probably go up to the house," I told him._

_He lifted me in his arms and carried me back to the house. "You never looked at the ring, Babe."_

_I looked down at the large diamond solitaire on the platinum band. It was beautiful, perfect really, but I wouldn't have cared if it'd come from a quarter machine. "It's beautiful," I told him. "I love it."_

_"Good," he grinned. "I love you."_

_"I love you too, Ric."_

"You'd better go get your husband ready. The girls are going to be lining up," Maria told me.

I looked back at Ric and smiled at him. I gave him one of my little finger waves so he'd know it was time to put on his happy face whether he liked it or not. As soon as he got near me I grabbed him and wrapped my arms around his waist and inhaled his scent. God, how just the scent of him totally turned my insides to jelly I'll never know, but it always did.

His arms slipped around me and I smiled as I felt him smell my hair, maybe I wasn't the only one that craved a scent? I leaned back to look up into his face. I smiled as I thought about how lucky I was. I finally had the family I always wanted with the man I always loved. He lightly kissed my lips in return. "I love you," I told him.

"I love you too, Babe. Forever," he told me as he dabbed at the tears in my eyes. I knew he did, so I nodded back to him. "Can you handle the clowns?" he asked nodding toward Anthony and Mooch Morelli, who I had to stand next to as the Best Woman.

"Yep. I have pepper spray in my bra," I told him with a grin.

"Always armed, that's my girl," he said making me laugh. Of course I was armed, it was RangeMan protocol, just like the panic button being armed was one of Ric's only relationship deal breakers. Turns out it really did keep my safe so I couldn't even argue about it.

I tightened my hand around his arm and we started our way up the aisle. Lester and Tank started smiling and winking at us and I almost laughed, but turned my head in time to see my mother frowning at me. I smiled even brighter when I thought, _No one else's daughter is the best man at her former lover's wedding. _As we got closer to the front of the church Maria snapped some photos of us and Julie did her cute little Burg finger wave. I glanced up at Ric and saw the look of love in his eyes as he winked back at his daughter. I was definitely a lucky woman.

_My own wedding had taken place the last weekend of August, just over six months ago. We didn't have the big Burg wedding my mother had hoped for. We were married on the beach at our house in Point Pleasant with our friends and family around us. Neither of our mothers were thrilled that we weren't getting married in the church, but they got over it, I think. _

_We didn't want formal, so Ric wore a linen suit in a sandy tan color with a button down white shirt that he didn't button up all the way. He looked absolutely edible with his wind tousled hair and dark skin against the colors he'd chosen. I wore a simple knee length, strapless dress of ivory satin covered in ivory floral lace. _

_My bridesmaids, Mary Lou, Lula, Bitsy, and Connie wore simple pale yellow sundresses and carried handpicked daisy bouquets. While the groomsmen, Lester, Tank, Bobby, and Eddie wore tan slacks and white button down shirts similar to Ric's. Even though they were all a little too old, Julie, Angie, and Mary Alice were flower girls with little white sundresses. _

_I stood at the top of the stone stairs that led from the house to the beach. I looked down at my friends and family seated in the little white folding chairs. In the distance I could see Ric standing with Lester at his side. My father slipped am arm around my waist and squeezed me. "You ready, Pumpkin?"_

_"You're not going to ask if I want to go to the bar?" I asked with a tight smile as I thought about his offer at my last wedding._

_"Not this time," he smiled. "I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you down to him if I have to. He's not like the last one. He'll be good to you."_

_"Thanks Daddy," I told him._

_"So we're going to do this?"_

_"Yep," I grinned. "We are going to do this."_

_Dad kissed my cheek as he moved to link my hand through his bent arm. As we made our way down the stairs and entered the aisle between the chairs everyone's eyes were on me, but the only person I cared about was my groom. Our eyes met and held as I walked down the aisle. I'd never felt anything like this before. I was so, happy. I felt the tears start as Dad shook Ric's hand then placed my hand into his. _

_Ric fingers closed over mine and we walked the rest of the way to the make shift altar. We turned to look at one another as the ceremony started. I know our guests were welcomed and everyone listened to the pastor talk about marriage, but it all seemed like a blur. All that was real to me were Ric's hands in mine. It wasn't until we were asked to exchange vows that it really registered that this was it. We were really getting married._

_"Ric, I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you know matter what challenges might carry us apart, because I know we'll always find our way back to one another. I promise to give all of myself to you as your faithful wife for the rest of my days," I said._

_"Stephanie, Babe, I vow to love you and to love this life we have together, to always hold you with tenderness, and have the patience that love demands. I will speak when words are needed and share the silence when they're not. I will treasure the warmth of your love and protect your heart, because it has always been and will always be my home," Ric told me._

_"Holy crap," I whispered to him. "I love you so much." I closed the space between us and kissed him then._

_When we broke apart everyone was laughing, the pastor just smiled and said, "We weren't to that part yet. You need to exchange rings first."_

_"Oops, sorry," I whispered. "Do the rings. I'm ready."_

_The pastor laughed again and shook his head. "Moving along, Stephanie do you have a ring for Ric?" Mary Lou handed me the ring with a wink. _

_I repeated the words as I slipped the ring onto his finger, "With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever._

_Ric took the ring that Lester held out to him and slipped it onto my finger, it slipped around my engagement ring as he said, "With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever."_

_"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Ricardo Carlos Manoso. Stephanie, you can kiss your groom, again." And I did. I wrapped myself around him and pressed my lips to his almost immediately. _

I looked back to the front of the church and smiled back at Joe. I hoped he had the perfect day today, just like I had. I squeezed Ric's hand for support before I stepped up and took my place next to Joe. He took my hand and kissed my cheek. I smiled at him as he smiled back at me. This was it, he was about to become my brother.

I looked down the aisle at Miguel and Celia Manoso. She was a vision on her father's arm. She didn't go simple with her gown at all. She was wearing a full ball gown made with miles of tulle. The white fabric fairly glowed against her mocha latte skin. Her long dark hair was twisted up on her head and she had tucked white lilies in as decoration over her ear. She was probably the most beautiful bride I'd ever seen.

I glanced over at Ric and smiled when I noticed his almost grin in place. As much as he grumbled about being Man of Honor I was glad he gave in to Joe's demand that he be on Celia's side of the church and I be on his. This was where we were meant to be, beside the people we loved. I smiled to myself as I thought about the night it all started.

_After the ceremony, Tank, Eddie, and Bobby grilled out on the patio while Lester played bartender at the table he'd set up on the corner of the deck. Ella had made all the side dishes and appetizers and I had a huge cake from The Tasty Pastry delivered, they said the cake would feed three hundred, while we only had forty or so guests one of them was Lula, my former bounty hunting assistant, and she could eat cake._

_Ric had the guys put together a little dance floor on the beach, not too far from where we had a fire blazing and some tables and chairs set up for our guests. Connie and Lula were in charge of the music, they borrowed a sound system from Connie's cousin who used to do some party DJ work and Lula had a friend in the 'film' industry who had some good 'lights and shit.' Honestly, it looked perfect and sounded perfect. Plus, it got Lula off my case for letting Bitsy plan the shower and Mary Lou plan the bachelorette weekend. _

_"Yo, Ranger get your woman on the dance floor," Lula called over the microphone, which she didn't really need to be heard. "Everybody sit down and watch the bride and groom dance."_

_I laughed as Ric took my hand and smiled. "Only your friends, Babe," he said shaking his head. He was right, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. "What are we dancing to?"_

_"I don't know. I told the girls to pick something," I answered with a wink when he got that 'oh shit' look on his face._

_"Our mothers' will never forgive us if it's a rap song," he grinned. "I'd love to see your mom's face though."_

_"Exactly," I smiled back. _

_We got to the center of the dance floor and waited for Lula to proceed. "Mr. and Mrs. Manoso, we picked this one out just for you," she grinned and started the song. _

_I didn't know what to expect, but the slow song started and Ric smiled as he pulled me into his arms. We wrapped our arms around each other and moved to the music. Turns out they picked a song called A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. The words made me smile. It was exactly how I felt about him. I have loved him forever and always would. _

_By the end of the song I wasn't the only one with tears in my eyes, I think everyone of the women were crying and I swear I saw both Eddie and Tank wipe their faces. "I love you," he whispered in my ear. "That was perfect, Lula surprised me." As if on cue a loud Pitbull song pumped out of the speakers. "There it is," he grinned._

_"I knew she wouldn't let me down," I commented with a smile. _

_"I'm going to go check on the bar," Ric told me before he gave me a kiss that melted my underpants. _

_I watched him walk away with a big grin on my face. "You and Daddy are so mushy," Julie grumbled. "Come dance with us." _

_"Someday you'll be mushy too," I told her._

_She crinkled up her nose and said, "Gross." I laughed and dragged her off to the dance floor. I danced with the girls and Grandma Mazer to the club beats until Lula slowed things down again. _

_"Dance with me?" Joe asked as he walked up behind me._

_I smiled and nodded at him. He pulled me onto the little dance floor and held me in perfect cotillion form while we swayed to the music. "Don't want to get too close, huh?" I teased._

_"While I trust your husband not to shoot me on your wedding day he has a dozen armed men that are staring holes in my back right now," Joe grumbled._

_I couldn't contain my laughter, he was right. My Rangemen were awfully protective of me sometimes. "Did you want to talk about something?" He seemed a little out of sorts._

_"Okay. So I met someone last week, at the little café downtown," he said quietly. I knew the place well. I grinned when I thought about how I'd first met Ranger there. "It was like magic. I got these tingles down my back when our eyes locked. I never felt anything like that before."_

_I giggled again. This was the girl for him, I knew it, tingles never lied. "Did you get her name? Number?" I asked._

_"Sort of," he answered. "We just agreed to meet back there next week at the same time."_

_"That's kind of sweet," I told him, and totally unlike Joe._

_"Problem is, I know her name now and I'm not sure what to do about it." I looked at him and he really did look like he was stressed out._

_"Why? Is she married?" _

_"No, worse," he grumbled. "She's your new sister in law." I think my mouth dropped open in shock. "Celia Manoso. I think I fell in love with Manoso's sister."_

_My shock started to wear off as his words sunk in. Joe just said he had fallen in love. "Holy shit," I muttered. "You love her?"_

_"I don't know. It's ridiculous. I've only known her a day. Who falls in love that quickly?" he shook his head. "It was probably my dick. The boys are lonely."_

_"Joseph Anthony Morelli," I yelled at him. He flinched at my tone. "Those feelings that are real. Don't you dare write that off as being horny. Go over there and talk to her for God's sake." _

_"If I get shot it's your fault," he grumbled before stalking off toward the patio. I smiled to myself before I was nabbed around the waist and twirled into another dance._

_"What has you all smiles?" Lester grinned._

_"This beach is magic," I told him. _

_"You're just all in love and shit," he laughed. "There's no such thing as magic."_

_"It's a good thing you think that or getting the eye yesterday would have scared you," I teased. Bella Morelli had run into Lester and me picking up my dress at the bridal shop. She immediately started in on me, and Lester told her off. Poor guy, he didn't know what the eye could really do._

_"That bitch is bat shit crazy," he grumbled._

_I nodded my agreement. "Joe thinks he's in love with Celia," I whispered to him._

_His smile grew tenfold. "Oh, this is gonna be good. I should see if Carl and Eddie want to put money on this shit."_

_"No, you can't tell," I said. I knew Lester he was going to tell anyway. "You tell and I'll share my story about the first time I saw a penis. It happen right on this very beach. Didn't Ric dare you to strip and go for a swim?" I asked. I saw the realization in his eyes. "I don't think women really understand what shrinkage is. It'd be terrible if I misrepresented you, wouldn't it?"_

_"You're an evil woman Stephanie Manoso, evil," he grumbled._

_I smiled back at him. "Stephanie Manoso," I said. It was the first time someone had called me that._

_He just shook his head. "Fine, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine, cuz."_

_I laughed and kissed his cheek then. I really did love my new family. "Are you getting fresh with my bride?" Ric asked as he moved behind me on the dance floor._

_"I was just remembering the first time I saw a naked man and Lester here was trying to explain to me what shrinkage is," I explained._

_Ric roared with laughter. "It can only shrink so much man."_

_"Fuck you, Ricky Ricardo," Lester bitched back at him._

_The next thing I knew Lester was in a head lock while Ric held him effortlessly. "Would you like to show the rest of the ladies here what shrinkage is, Lester?"_

_"Fuck, no, shit, Ric don't you do it," he shouted back. "I was just teasing."_

_"You know I don't like that name," he said calmly. It was true, it's why he tried to go by RC when he was a kid, getting called Ricky Ricardo drove him crazy._

_"It's just a little teasing, at least I'm not trying to tap your sister like Morelli is," Lester shouted._

_"Lester," I yelled slapping him as Ric dropped him to the ground._

_"What? Come on Ric, don't be too pissed it's better than him trying to tap your wife again? Right?" Lester said rubbing his head. I hit him again. "Damn, Beautiful, did Tia Maria teach you that?"_

_Ric was already stalking off toward Joe and Celia while I ran after him. "Ric, stop," I shouted after him making everyone stop and look at us. "If you pick a fight with Joe I'm going to be mad."_

_He turned and lifted an eyebrow at me. "You'll be mad?"_

_"Yes."_

_He grabbed me around the waist then. "I feel like I need to fight or at least pound something really hard right now."_

_"Mm," I moaned softly as his lips bit my neck._

_"You want to help me out with that?" I know I moaned again as his fingers found my ass and pulled me against his hard length. "Good, because I want to fuck you so hard right now."_

_He swung me up into his arms then, "Ric, our guests," I halfheartedly protested._

_"Lula," he yelled._

_"Yeah, what you need Batman?" she yelled back._

_"Keep that music turned up. I don't want to disturb the party with my wife's screams," he yelled back before turning to go into the house to clapping and catcalls at our backs._

_Turns out we stumbled upon a really good way to control his temper, at least until a few weeks later when we stumbled upon Joe and Celia kissing at Pino's. There were a few punches thrown before I got him out to the car and helped him get himself under control. Since then there has been a weird tension between them that Celia and I just couldn't get them to let go of. _

The ceremony ended with Joe dipping Celia back to kiss her almost as well as I kissed Ric on our wedding day. We followed them out of the church to everyone blowing bubbles at us. It was cute, but Ric didn't seem to enjoy it much. "What were you smiling about up there, Babe?" he whispered to me.

"Just thinking about our wedding day," I whispered back.

"Mm, yeah, I was thinking more about our wedding night," he answered with his wolf grin. "I think we should take the Cayenne for a drive before heading over to the VFW."

I grinned back at him. "I was thinking the exact same thing."

He laughed as we walked out the front door of the church. Celia and Joe were holding one another on the stairs in front of us. "Morelli," Ric said holding out his hand. Joe gave him a cautious look, but shook his hand. "Welcome to the family. Take care of her, she's a special one."

Joe smiled back at him as he squeezed Celia against his side. "We're lucky men," Joe answered.

"That we are," Ric agreed. "And on that note, we'll meet you over at the reception." He said with his best Lester-style eye waggle. "Oh, and Morelli, you better come up with a story about why my niece or nephew is going to be born two month early."

I laughed as Ric pulled me down the stairs. "How long did you know?"

"Babe," he answered with a little laugh of his own. Right, duh, he was still Batman.

After a detour back to our apartment at RangeMan, so my husband could repeated show me how much he remembered our wedding night, we made it to the reception only slightly late. "Stephanie Michelle Plum, what will people say about you coming in late, looking like that?" my mother scolded me as she met us by the door.

"They'll probably say that, Stephanie Manoso is a lucky woman to have a husband that loves her so much that he can't go an hour without touching her," I grinned at my mother. I looked at my husband's fine backside and grinned. "Or maybe that's the other way around."

"Why me? You're turning into a sex fiend just like your grandmother," she grumbled before walking away.

"I should talk to Frank about properly giving her the dick, maybe it'd knock the stick out of her ass," Grandma Mazer commented as she watched Mother walk away. We both laughed. "And no one blames you for sneaking off with Ric, they're mostly just jealous." She winked at me as she took my arm. Ric met us at the door and escorted us, one on each arm to our tables.

Since Joe and Celia opted to have sweetheart table for themselves, we were seated with the Manoso family. Ric leaned back in his chair settling his arms along the backs of Julie's and my chairs.

I looked around at everyone filling the tables and smiled to myself. Somehow we'd become one big family, the Manoso-Plum-Morelli families, the guys from the TPD, the men for RangeMan, the girls from the bond's office, Mary Lou and Lenny, and Eddie and Shirley. All the people the people that cared for me, in their own ways.

_The night of my surgery Eddie walked into my hospital room and smiled at me. "Hey Plum," he greeted. "You said I had until the end of the day to find someone that had a reason for you to stay. You ready?"_

_I rolled my eyes at him, but obviously I couldn't go away so he had a captive audience. "Go for it," I grumbled._

_Mary Lou walked in and came over to my bedside and looked at me. "You know I love you?" I nodded yes. "You're my sister and I'd do anything for you. So if you try to run away from the man that you've been in love with since we met him on the beach twenty years ago I'll kick your ass. That was the night you started your lives together, you just didn't know it yet. He's the one Steph, your one true love, you both knew it the moment you met, and re-met, and re-met again. You always found your way back to each other. He's your soul mate, your first love, your first kiss, the first man to make you feel like a woman. It's every Burg girl's dream to be loved like that, he's your dream, don't give up on him."_

_By the time she was finished speaking we were both crying. "I love him so much," I sobbed._

_"I know you do, sweetie. He loves you too, I can see it when he looks at you," she agreed. "He's your reason to stay." _

_"Write that down so you can say that again when you give my Maid of Honor speech," I whispered to her and she laughed._

_"You got it."_

"You alright, Babe?" Ric whispered in my ear.

"Yep," I said smiling at him. "Just remembering. You know how much I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I think we covered that earlier," he said with a wolf grin. I laughed and slapped his arm before he leaned down and kissed my lips. "I know you love me as much as I love you and our girls." His hand settled on my stomach and we smiled at each other.

He always was my reason to stay. He was my reason for being. He was my life. Turns out Mary Lou was right, he was everything I ever wanted. I guess I always had been a Burg girl at heart.


	22. Someday--An Epilogue

****I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone that read along and reviewed and encouraged me through this story. I'm so excited to have finished my first full length story since college. Also, I apologize for causing panic through the last series of chapters, hopefully you made it through and enjoyed Ric and Steph's love story. So this is it, a little smut, a little parenting, and a little friendship to wrap it all up.** **

_Point Pleasant-July 29 (Two years, 5 months later)_

The sun was barely above the horizon when I woke, but I hardly cared. My husband was pressed against my back. His lips were traveling up my neck while his fingers moved over my body lightly until he stopped to tease my nipples. "Morning, Babe," he whispered in my ear while he rubbed himself against my ass.

"Mm, morning, honey," I mumbled back at him as I snuggled closer and twisted my hips against his erection. "You're up early."

He moved his mouth to my ear and tugged on my lobe before he whispered, "And the kids are still sound asleep." He followed that thought up by moving his hand between my legs, slipping his fingers up and down my slit until I moaned and spread my legs for him.

"I love the way you think," I groaned back at him. Finding time to be together while the kids were distracted had become more of a game than a chore over the last two years, and Ric was a master at the game.

"I know you do," he answered with a laugh, then he flipped me onto my back and settled his lips on mine, kissing me until I was breathless. Then his mouth traveled down my body, licking, kissing, nibbling until I was grabbing his shoulders and pushing him toward where I wanted him. "I like the way you think too, Babe," he told me.

"God, Ric, quit teasing me then," I growled at him, but he didn't listen. His lips teased the insides of my thighs before he blew his hot breath across where I wanted him. "Ric, damn it, put your mouth on me."

He looked up my body at me and grinned, "I love when you're demanding." Then his mouth attacked me, sucking my clit into his mouth as his tongue worked its magic.

"I love when you do that," I moaned back at him. Then his fingers slipped inside me, moving over my g-spot hard and fast. I closed my eyes and smiled, the game wasn't the only thing he was a master at. It didn't take long before I was shuddering and screaming underneath him. "Fuck me now. I need you inside me," I told at him as I clawed at his shoulders again. He looked up at me then like I'd amused him with my demands.

He grabbed my hands as he moved over me, pinning me under him. I lifted my head so I could touch my lips to his, but he just barely responded. I knew what he was doing all too well. I knew he wasn't going to help me at all, so I used my tongue to part his lips and deepen the kiss as I shifted under him to maneuver my hips into the right spot. I slipped my legs around his waist and lifted my body to his, grinding up into him. His fingers tightened around my hands. I could tell he was fighting not to move, but I knew him too well. He'd cave soon.

I moved my lips to his neck, just below his ear. "Don't you want me, Ric?" I whispered to him. "Can't you feel how wet I am? I need you so badly." I punctuated each sentence by sliding myself up and down his length. I wasn't expecting his wet cock to feel as good as it did, I just kept moving against him, pressing him against my clit until I came again.

He made a little moan noise that mixed with my own. "I will never get tired of watching your face when you come," he told me. Then he was back, kissing and touching until I was on the verge of exploding again.

I felt him reach over to the table for a condom. "No don't. I want to feel you come inside me," I said as I grabbed his arm.

His arm retreated and he shifted so he was leaning on his elbows above me. "You're ready for that?" he asked then.

"Mm, I want to make another baby with you," I whispered to him.

He lowered himself and kissed me again. I was lost in the kiss so much I didn't feel him position himself, he was just suddenly inside of me. We stayed pressed together with me wrapped around him, every part of us touching, as we made love. It was slow and tender as we kissed and touched until we both finally reached climax together. "Steph," he whispered as he lowered his forehead to mine. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I whispered back.

"We're going to have another baby."

"Mm, I want a boy this time," I told him. "One that looks just like you."

He laughed then and rolled onto his side, pulling me along with him. "Let's hope it's a boy then. I'd make an ugly woman."

I didn't want to point out that his daughters looked more like him than he realized. They had that beautiful dark skin and shiny dark hair. Julie even had his chocolate eyes. A boy though, that'd make our family complete. "I should shower before the girls get up." I gave him a little kiss before I moved to climb from the bed.

"If you let me join you I'll make breakfast today," he told me as he reached out and caught my arm.

"Sounds like a deal to me." It wasn't that I hated cooking anymore, it was more I enjoyed the company in the shower. When we emerged from the steaming bathroom forty-five minutes later I wasn't disappointed, Ric is amazing in the shower.

We quietly snuck down the hall and unlatched the baby gate at the top of the stairs so we could head down to the kitchen. As soon as we made it to the living room I heard the girls. Ric looked over at me and smiled. "That shower must have taken longer than I thought it had."

Julie was leaning against the counter drinking a glass of orange juice. "Morning, sleep well?" she asked her dad. "I fed the girls since you were _sleeping_."

"Thank you, sweetheart," Ric told her as he patted her head. Julie just rolled her eyes before she turned to grab a bagel for herself. Julie was thirteen now and had all the attitude of a Jersey girl even though she spent most of her year in Miami. However, for the summer she was all ours.

I walked over to the table to check on the other girls. I settled a kiss on Ezzy's dark brown curls as I smiled at my niece Mary Alice. She was spending two weeks with us at the shore while her sister, Angie, was away at Math camp and Val and Albert took the little kids to his mother's house. We figured it'd be nice for Julie to have someone her age to hang out with and they were practically best friends anyway. "Hey, Aunt Steph," she smiled over her bowl of cereal.

"Good morning. What do you have planned for the day?" I asked.

"We'll probably stay around the house to see Uncle Joe and Aunt Celia, but we thought we might walk down to the boardwalk later?" she told me. I smiled back at her. They reminded me so much of Mary Lou and myself at that age.

"Cool," I answered. "And how is my big girl?" I asked four year old Elena. She was sitting in her booster chair and smiled at me when I settled my hand on her back.

She held up her spoon full of oatmeal and offered me a bite. I closed my mouth over the spoon. "That's good," I told her. "Julie makes good oatmeal?"

She nodded her head yes. "Good," she said with another smile before she shoved the spoonful in her mouth.

Ric moved behind her and planted a kiss on the top of her little head. Before walking around the table to sit next to Ezmeralda who was in her highchair with a matching bowl of oatmeal. "Me good too," she told him.

He smiled at her. "Your food is good too," he told her looking at the bowl. "Eat it up and we'll go outside to play in the pool."

"I done," she told him before she pushed her bowl away.

I couldn't help laughing at him. "You'll never learn," I teased. "She'll never eat if she thinks she has something better to do."

"I'm sorry, Mama," he told me with a little smile. "Ezzy, you have to eat or Daddy will be in big trouble with Mama."

"No, I done," she told him.

"Done," Elena said joining the fun.

"Have fun getting them to eat, Daddy," I told him with a little wink before I walked over to Julie to grab a bagel of my own.

We stood side by side watching as he tried to reason with them, he didn't have a chance of making a successful negotiation. "You're not going to help him?" Julie asked.

"Nah, I'm home with them all week. On Saturday and Sunday it's his turn," I told her. She smiled at me before turning back to watch the show.

Ezmeralda sat in her high chair frowning at him. Her dark hair curled and stuck up at crazy angles off her little head. Her blue eyes narrowed at him as he spoke making me laugh. She was twenty-two months old now and was as stubborn as her parents, so when she said she was done eating nothing was going to change her mind, no matter what Daddy did to try to convince her.

He changed tactics and smiled at Elena. She had just turned four a couple months ago, but was definitely the follower of the two. If Ezzy was done eating so was Elena. "Hey, baby, will you eat your nummies for Dada?" he asked her. She used her pale little hand to scoop out a spoonful of the oatmeal and Ric smiled like he won, until she flung the food at him. He made a face, but just said, "Elena, don't throw your food. No, no."

She smiled at him. "Dada, good," she said pointing to the food on his shirt.

Julie started laughing then before she walked over to the table. "Dada, you look like you need a bib."

"Smart ass," he grumbled at her.

"Ass. Ass. Ass," Ezzy said pointing at Julie. I turned my back so they wouldn't see me laughing when Elena joined in.

"You shouldn't say bad words, Uncle Ric," Mary Alice told him. "Grandma Mazer says you shouldn't swear in front of the kids until they're old enough to know what you're calling them."

"The two smart asses in this room are definitely old enough to know what I called them, Mary Alice," he grumbled back at her. I saw her and Julie share a smile after he said that.

By that point Elena had picked up her bowl and dumped it over her own head. The oatmeal clung her long, dark brown hair. "Awe, crap," Ric muttered as he stood to grab the bowl from Elena. Ezzy didn't want to be outdone though so she took two handfuls of the oatmeal and tossed them at her daddy. He looked up at me then, "Babe."

I grabbed two washcloths and walked back over to the table. I took the bowls and cups away from the girls and started with Ezzy, wiping her hands and face free of the oatmeal before turning to Ric. I smiled at him. "Daddy, you're full of nummies," I told him with a smile as I took the clean wash cloth to his hands and shirt. When I was done I kissed his lips lighting before moving onto Elena.

"You need a bath," I told her. "You put your nummies in your hair again."

"Uh oh," she told me.

"Mm hmm, uh oh, now you have to be a good girl while I wash your hair." I unbuckled her from the booster seat and picked her up. "You may as well bring Ezzy up too. I'll just do their baths together."

I started the tub and stripped off Elena's dirty pajamas before settling her into the tub. Ric came in with Ezzy and I started the process over again, finally slipping her into her little bath chair. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into the hamper with the girls' clothes, then he climbed up onto the counter and watched me bathe the babies.

He seemed fascinated by the process of washing their hair and little bodies with the baby soap. "Are you alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he answered. "I just realized I haven't told you how amazing I think you are."

I was kneeling on the floor next to the tub, wet up to my shoulders on both arms, and I was pretty sure I had oatmeal on my forehead. I laughed when I looked up at him. My half-naked, super hero, sex god of a husband was looking at me like I was Wonder Woman, for giving the kids a bath. "You're crazy," I told him.

He stood and knelt down next to me so he could kiss me. "I still don't know how I got lucky enough to have all of this, especially you. You are amazing, Steph. You don't even see what a good mother you are, do you?" he asked. "I've never seen anyone love like you do those three girls, not to mention the way you take care of me."

I looked back at our babies in the tub and felt the tears start to pool in my eyes. We were so lucky to have our family. We thought we might have problems getting pregnant so we discussed adoption for a few months before we were even married. We knew we wanted to share our love with a child and there were so many waiting for parents.

So just after we got married we filed an application for international adoption. Since Ric still had a termination of parental rights on his record, even though he now had visitation of Julie, we knew it'd be easier to try overseas. We never thought things would move as quickly as they did, but before we knew it we were on a plane going to Bulgaria to meet the little girl they had pared us up with. She was two at the time and had some serious developmental delays, but she was so beautiful and sweet I knew right away I was meant to love her.

Two months after we signed the papers to officially start the adoption of Elena I found out I was pregnant with our biological daughter. We decided we were doubly blessed to have them both and it turns out we were right.

Ezmeralda Rosa Manoso, named after my dear old friend that passed away just before our wedding and Abuela Rosa, was born on September eighteenth and we received the final approval to pick up Elena Edna Manoso, who already had the first name while her the middle name came from her Grandma Mazer, on December 3 of the same year.

Part of the adoption agreement stated that one of the parents needed to be home with the child for the first six months. It wasn't even a question that I would be the one to stay home with the kids. I wanted to be home with them. I felt like the time I had with them was precious and wanted every moment of it.

We turned Ric's office at Haywood into a nursery for the babies and stayed there during the week while he was working. On weekends we'd go to the beach house together. In my spare time I still ran some searches for RangeMan and did a lot of consulting on his accounts, even went along to some meetings once and a while, but for the most part I was a mommy.

"I'm the one that feels lucky. I never thought I'd have any of this and then I found you and Julie, and you've given me Elena and Ezzy. I feel more love for the four of you then I ever knew was possible," I told him.

He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. It was one of those long, passionate kisses that makes me forget just what I was doing. "You know other kids don't have parents that have sex all over the house?" Julie asked from the doorway.

"We aren't having sex. My pants are on," Ric grumbled at her.

I smacked him in the arm. "We were just talking about how lucky we are to have you and your sisters," I told her.

She looked at the babies in the tub and smiled. "They are pretty cute," she agreed.

"We want to have another baby," I told her.

She smiled at us then. "Really?"

"Yeah, what do you think?" Ric asked her.

She shrugged then. "Do you want me to babysit so you can work on it?"

"Smart a.." he started before I clamped my hand over his mouth.

She laughed then. "I'd love to have another baby sister," she told us. "And I was serious. I'll feed them in the morning tomorrow so you can _sleep in_ again."

Then she turned and walked away. "Christ," Ric muttered. "How long is she here?"

"Another month," I told him with a little laugh. Since Ezzy was born instead of going down to Miami every other weekend we started going once a month, plus she spends two months in the summer in New Jersey with us.

"Why does she know about this stuff?" he sighed.

"Stuff? You mean sex?" I laughed. He just gave me a look. "She's thirteen, Ric."

"That's too young to be knowing about people having sex."

I laughed at him and leaned in to kiss him again. "I was younger than that the first time you made me come out on the beach," I whispered.

He groaned then, "Fuck."

Ezzy heard him and got excited, "Dada, duck, duck." I looked over at her, she was waving her rubber duckie at him.

"Thanks baby," he told her as he took the duck. "Don't grow up on me, alright?"

"Okay," she agreed. I laughed as I watched him sail the ducks around the tub with the girls. Turns out my badass, bounty hunter husband was a big softy when it came to his kids.

By the time we got the girls dried off, diapered, and changed into their clothes they were both tired again. We put them in their cribs and turned on music for them before heading back to our room to change into dry clothing.

I stripped out of my clothes and started flipping through the clothes in the closet. I felt Ric move behind me. "The kids are sound asleep," he whispered in my ear.

I laughed then, "Julie and Mary Alice aren't."

He pulled my panties down my legs and backed me into the wall. He leaned into me, kissing my lips softly. "They're convinced we're fucking anyway." And with that he lifted me off the ground and pinned me to the wall with his hips.

I grabbed his shoulders for support while I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Oh my god," I cried out as he filled me with his length.

"Quiet, Babe, you'll wake them," he growled in my ear as he thrust up into me making it nearly impossible to be quiet and by the time he brought me to orgasm my eyes were rolled back in my head, my body was clenching around him, and I know I was screaming his name. He followed not long after that with a low moan that was muffled by the kiss he was planting on me.

He carried me into the bedroom and dropped me onto the bed. "Holy crap," I sighed. He was definitely good in the closet too. "You're insatiable, you know that right?"

He grinned at me then, "You love it." I just laughed, I did. "Besides it's going to take a lot of work to get you pregnant again and I don't give up, ever."

I smiled at him then, "Mm, I think we'll have to work on it a lot more like that." He knew I loved it when he surprised me like that.

"Later, right now you have to get dressed before your company gets here." He was right of course, but I decided to relax there for a minute and watch the naked splendor that he was before moving.

88888888888888

I was just finishing up lunch when I heard the bell on the front door. I wiped my hands on the towel that was draped over my shoulder and ran to the door. Joe smiled when I opened the door and lifted me off the ground in a big bear hug. "Cupcake."

"Joe, you're not making her carry everything are you?" I asked looking around him for Celia.

She was bent over so only her denim clad butt was sticking out of the car. "Nah, Joey crapped his pants twenty minutes ago. She's changing him out there so he don't stink up your house," he explained. "I practically had my head hanging out the window it was so bad."

"Great," I said with a little laugh. Joe's parenting skills were nothing if not interesting.

"Well come in then. I'm just finishing up in the kitchen. Ric's out on the deck if you want to go out back," I told him.

He nodded and followed me into the kitchen. "I can't believe you're cooking."

"It's just cut fruit and a salad," I said with a little laugh. "Ric has the rest on the grill."

"Hey, Steph," Celia called coming in with Joey. "Go give Aunt Steph a hug."

The little guy looked at me and pouted. "Uh oh, you're not going to give me kisses Joey?" I asked, he still just pouted. "Then I'm not going to share the chocolate cookies."

"Cookie," he answered and held his arms out for a hug. I scooped him up and planted a big kiss on his cheek before walking him over to my cookie jar. I pulled out a cookie and handed it to him. "The girls are outside. Do you want to play trucks?" He nodded yes so I went to the fridge, grabbed two beers and handed Joe the beers and the baby.

"Go play nice," I told him.

"We haven't fought in years," he grinned back at me as he turned to go outside.

Once the guys were outside Celia climbed up on the barstool and sighed. "I am ready for this baby to get out of me now."

"I know summer pregnancies are the worst," I agreed. "But you only have a couple weeks to go and you look great."

"I look like a whale, especially next to you," she grumbled.

"We're trying to get pregnant again," I grinned at her.

"Holy crap, really? Did you tell Mama?"

I laughed then. Maria would be over with food and special tea and would be trying to do my housework while I kept my feet up. "Nope, just you and Julie."

She smiled knowingly. "Mama read somewhere that you should have sex upside down for a better chance. I don't even know how that would work," she told me.

I laughed. "I'm sure your brother would have ideas."

"Oh, that's not right," she laughed back.

I just smiled at her. "You want to plant your ass out in the sun and let them wait on us?"

"Definitely."

I helped Celia get settled into the lounge chair on the lower deck while I sat at the umbrella table next to her so I could see the kids. Julie and Mary Alice were supervising the babies for us while we finished cooking, but now that I was outside they were ready to bolt. I didn't blame them.

"Hey Mom?" Julie hollered at me. "We're going to go down the beach. We met some boys last night at the arcade and they invited us over to play volleyball this afternoon."

"Which way and how far?" I asked back.

She rolled her eyes and pointed toward town and said, "Only eight houses. You can see the net."

"Fine, but stay together," I told her. We watched them run off down the beach.

"No guard?" Celia questioned.

"Are you kidding? Zero's on her, but he won't be seen if he doesn't want to be." She laughed then.

"Joey, quit kissing the girls," Celia yelled. I looked over and he was holding Elena's face while he planted a big kiss on her.

"Oh my god," I laughed. "He's just like his dad. Remind me to keep the girls in pants."

"I heard that, Steph," Joe yelled at me.

"Am I wrong?" I yelled back.

"Nope." I looked at Celia and rolled my eyes.

"What am I going to do with two of them?" she questioned rubbing her stomach.

"Buy extra insurance," I told her. "I want a little boy next time, just like Ric."

"Oh boy," she laughed. "You realize that's asking for trouble."

"She loves me," Ric said kissing my head as he slid the plate of turkey burgers in front of me.

"That's true," I grinned back at him.

Joe came back to the table with Joey on his shoulders and a niece under each arm. "Where do you want the rugrats?"

"Laps," I told him. I grabbed Elena, while Ric grabbed Joey and sat him on Celia's lap before going up to the house for the salads and buns.

Joe sat next to me with Ezmeralda on his lap. "Little Cupcake you going to be my buddy today?" he asked her.

"Okay," she told him. She was pretty much happy anywhere with anyone.

Elena snuggled into me, hiding her face in my chest. "Peanut, do you want some fruit?" I asked her. She nodded yes. "It's good food."

"Good," she told me.

"That's Mama's girl. Can you say food?" I asked gently. She was diagnosed with a pervasive developmental disorder, it wasn't autism, but it was on the same spectrum. She had more words then she used, but she needed encouraging to use them.

She looked at my salad and pointed. "Mama food."

"Oh, good girl," I told her with a half dozen kisses to her head.

Ric dished her fruit up and slipped the plate in front of her while he picked out just the watermelon for Ezzy, she was our picky eater. "Where did Julie go?"

"Down the beach, she met some boys at the arcade last night."

His eyes settled on me. "Why didn't anyone report boys?"

"They're just boys," I laughed.

"Teenage boys?" I nodded back at him. "They're not just boys, they're animals."

"Zero's on her," I told him.

"Zero's in the bathroom," he grumbled. "Seems he got sick from the smoothie the girls gave him this morning."

Joe stood then and handed me Ezzy. He pulled his gun and checked the clip. "You dressed?" he asked Ric.

"I don't need more than my bare hands for this," he told Joe.

"Sit down, you can't go after her. They're just flirting and playing volleyball. What could happen?" They both looked at me then like I was stupid. "What?"

"You met me at the arcade here," Ric said.

"And look how well that turned out for us," I grinned back at him.

"What about the night of your cotillion dance? That's what teenage boys do," Joe told me.

"It wasn't that bad, Joe. Kids kiss," I told him. "And stuff."

"I'll break his hands," Ric growled.

"Stop. You can't stop her from growing up. If my dad had beat all the boys that touched me neither of you would be here right now. So sit down and let her learn her lessons the same way the rest of us did," I told them.

"Steph's right. I was her age when Marty Sanchez felt me up for the first time. It's just a little groping. It won't hurt her any," Celia agreed. The looks on both their faces were priceless. Joe was about to say something, but she cut him off. "He taught me that thing you like, when I put my tongue…"

"God, stop," Ric yelled at her. Then his eyes moved to the beach where the girls were coming back with two boys their own age. They were just normal looking kids, but the way Ric looked at them they may as well have been terrorists. They shed their shirts and ran out into the water in their swimsuits. "Shit."

"Shit. Shit. Shit," Ezzy cooed back at him.

"Dada, shit," Elena smiled up at him, waiting for praise for using her words.

Ric looked at me like he didn't know what to do. "Sit down and eat. You can see them from here, hell, they're shooting distance now," I told him. "Girls, daddy said a bad word. Don't say that one."

Ezzy held her arms out to Ric. He lifted her onto his lap and she kissed him. "Dada, I dove you," she told him while she put her hands on his face.

"I love you too, baby," he smiled at her. "You promise not to date boys, right?"

"Okay," she smiled at him.

He looked up at me and winked. "I'm sorry I got crazy," he whispered.

"I love you anyway," I whispered back. We leaned across the space between us and kissed.

"Dada mushy," Elena told us, echoing Julie before she leaned in and kissed him too.

Ric smiled at me then, "Another girl wouldn't be the worst, Babe." I just smiled back at him, another girl wouldn't be the worst.


End file.
